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Old 12-13-2015, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,981 posts, read 3,470,444 times
Reputation: 10514

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Basically, if you hate it that bad, pay down your current debts with your current salary then relocate for less. What people are saying is the money is more important than their personal happiness. That's fine, but people just need to acknowledge and accept that answer if it is reality.
Except, people are told that in order to live their dream, they must save for retirement.

Then there are folks like me, who through no fault of their own, are "stuck" in a place. I'm now on an adventure to find a place which I can call my forever home, but I would not have the opportunity to do this if a car accident hadn't wrecked my back & the settlement from that will allow me to visit & research places. So, it's a lose-win situation.

To be honest, I'd rather have the back than the money.
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:14 AM
 
12,054 posts, read 5,151,765 times
Reputation: 18981
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Basically, if you hate it that bad, pay down your current debts with your current salary then relocate for less. What people are saying is the money is more important than their personal happiness. That's fine, but people just need to acknowledge and accept that answer if it is reality.
That's exactly what I'm currently doing.
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,650 posts, read 17,615,071 times
Reputation: 27728
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
Except, people are told that in order to live their dream, they must save for retirement.

Then there are folks like me, who through no fault of their own, are "stuck" in a place. I'm now on an adventure to find a place which I can call my forever home, but I would not have the opportunity to do this if a car accident hadn't wrecked my back & the settlement from that will allow me to visit & research places. So, it's a lose-win situation.

To be honest, I'd rather have the back than the money.
I think there's a happy medium between squirreling away everything for retirement, and charging headlong into the excess of the here and now.

Oftentimes as one gets older life adds in additional complications. I have a cousin in FL who is in his mid-40s, but has been struggling to make ends meet for years. I talked to him Sunday, and he's traveling between NC (where he's originally from and is working through the work) and going back to FL on weekends. He's putting up with it because the kids are in school in FL and he doesn't want to move them, but what quality of life do they have?

He thinks he's stuck, but he's not really as stuck as he thinks he is.
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Old 12-16-2015, 01:11 PM
 
2,421 posts, read 3,727,958 times
Reputation: 3455
southeastern Regrets I never understood why "moving" was put right up there with the big three in life's greatest stresses. (Death of a loved one, divorce, and moving) But now I understand the validity in the statement. We moved a few years ago from a place I thought I was not that crazy for (FL.) to Nevada. We have been here nearly 3 years now, and still it does not feel like home.

The first year was miserable, as the house was in need of total renovation. Dealing with the construction and the unreliable and sometimes dishonest tradespeople brought me to tears a few times. This went on for almost a year. It was better after it was all done, but still not the same. It takes time just to find your way around. We missed our favorite eating places, our $7 pizza day (good pizza), or $7.00 Fish Sandwich plate from a seafood shack, our fabulous Jewish Deli that had the greatest corned beef on rye sandwiches.

Been here 3 years and still have not found any jewel of eating haunts to compare. There is more crime here and a much bigger assortment of income levels within the city. The area I left was more upscale, and the area prettier. We miss the hard rain beating down on the roof, which makes you feel real cozy snuggled up inside. So in essence I do believe it is similar to the "big three stresses" mentioned above, as it is giving up the familiar. It is giving up what we have grown accustomed to. (good and bad)

I do believe when you move, you tend to remember only the good about the place you left behind. Probably feel the same about losing your mate or god forbid your child. We become attached to the familiarity of our surroundings, just like people. So for most, there is a period of adjustment of probably at least three years.

I hope you don't take offence in what I say, as I only mean to help, but I feel from your tone that there is more at play here. I feel like you may be clinically depressed, and if that were true, then you would find it much more difficult to adjust. When you are depressed, everything seems insurmountable and you feel stuck in life, unable to make decisions and take control of your life. If I were right, and you got some "happy pills" from your doc, then things may once again become clear and you will be able to deal with your move better, or perhaps give you the conviction to move back.

Last edited by modhatter; 12-16-2015 at 01:30 PM..
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Old 12-17-2015, 05:22 PM
 
15 posts, read 17,921 times
Reputation: 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by modhatter View Post
southeastern Regrets I never understood why "moving" was put right up there with the big three in life's greatest stresses. (Death of a loved one, divorce, and moving) But now I understand the validity in the statement. We moved a few years ago from a place I thought I was not that crazy for (FL.) to Nevada. We have been here nearly 3 years now, and still it does not feel like home.

The first year was miserable, as the house was in need of total renovation. Dealing with the construction and the unreliable and sometimes dishonest tradespeople brought me to tears a few times. This went on for almost a year. It was better after it was all done, but still not the same. It takes time just to find your way around. We missed our favorite eating places, our $7 pizza day (good pizza), or $7.00 Fish Sandwich plate from a seafood shack, our fabulous Jewish Deli that had the greatest corned beef on rye sandwiches.

Been here 3 years and still have not found any jewel of eating haunts to compare. There is more crime here and a much bigger assortment of income levels within the city. The area I left was more upscale, and the area prettier. We miss the hard rain beating down on the roof, which makes you feel real cozy snuggled up inside. So in essence I do believe it is similar to the "big three stresses" mentioned above, as it is giving up the familiar. It is giving up what we have grown accustomed to. (good and bad)

I do believe when you move, you tend to remember only the good about the place you left behind. Probably feel the same about losing your mate or god forbid your child. We become attached to the familiarity of our surroundings, just like people. So for most, there is a period of adjustment of probably at least three years.

I hope you don't take offence in what I say, as I only mean to help, but I feel from your tone that there is more at play here. I feel like you may be clinically depressed, and if that were true, then you would find it much more difficult to adjust. When you are depressed, everything seems insurmountable and you feel stuck in life, unable to make decisions and take control of your life. If I were right, and you got some "happy pills" from your doc, then things may once again become clear and you will be able to deal with your move better, or perhaps give you the conviction to move back.



Hi, Actually I am not offended. I have been to the doc and have happy pills, which do help. However, I still wake up everyday at 3:00am and can not go back to sleep. I have broken down and really regret the move from PA to SC. It is funny that I do not feel bad about the house (which we lived in for 23 years), just the area. The silliest things set me off. Not sure if the pills help, perhaps for a short time, but the old feelings come back. I read some of the suggestions and comments on this blog and wish over and over again, I had done things differently. Help.
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Old 12-18-2015, 04:36 AM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
703 posts, read 797,784 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Southeast regret View Post
Hi, Actually I am not offended. I have been to the doc and have happy pills, which do help. However, I still wake up everyday at 3:00am and can not go back to sleep. I have broken down and really regret the move from PA to SC. It is funny that I do not feel bad about the house (which we lived in for 23 years), just the area. The silliest things set me off. Not sure if the pills help, perhaps for a short time, but the old feelings come back. I read some of the suggestions and comments on this blog and wish over and over again, I had done things differently. Help.
I'm sorry. We made a move and it has worked out well for us. I realize now if we had not ended up here(which was not even on our radar) we would have ended up where we thought was our dream destination and it would have been a mistake. Fortunately, with our current move, we are close enough to the "dream destination" to travel there and we do. I think there are only two choices for you "bloom where you are planted" or move back to PA. Best wishes to you.


Marie
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,686 posts, read 3,256,586 times
Reputation: 12012
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southeast regret View Post
Hi, Actually I am not offended. I have been to the doc and have happy pills, which do help. However, I still wake up everyday at 3:00am and can not go back to sleep. I have broken down and really regret the move from PA to SC. It is funny that I do not feel bad about the house (which we lived in for 23 years), just the area. The silliest things set me off. Not sure if the pills help, perhaps for a short time, but the old feelings come back. I read some of the suggestions and comments on this blog and wish over and over again, I had done things differently. Help.

Hi Southeast regret, I am so sorry you are experiencing this difficult time with your move.

My question for you may have already been addressed, but I'll plunge on with it. Is there something deep-seated that you are not happy with? I am not talking about your new home/area. I am talking about something that may have been festering for a while even before you moved. Problems/disagreement with hubby? Kids? Money problems?

None of these are any of my business of course and I am not expecting an answer.

But please think about it. Maybe something you have been hoping would change by moving to another state?

I take "happy pills" too, but they don't wipe out things that were extremely hurtful to me.
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:56 AM
 
14 posts, read 46,217 times
Reputation: 54
Southeast Regrets, we retired and moved from NJ to NC 13 yrs ago, the last couple of yrs we too have talked about moving elsewhere. Everyone here has given great advice, all positive opinions. In my opinion you know what you want to do, go for it.
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Old 12-18-2015, 07:45 AM
 
13,325 posts, read 25,586,246 times
Reputation: 20530
I gently remind people that anti-depressant medication is not "happy pills" but similar to insulin putting diabetic people back in a normal range. There is so much stigma about depression that I just cannot let casual flippant references to life-saving medications go. If your serotonin is off, you get depression. If medication adjusts that, you're lucky, and can have the wherewithal to address whatever real issues are externally happening. No such thing as "happy pills." Sorry if I sound like a scold, but lives can be at stake around medication.
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Old 12-18-2015, 12:54 PM
 
Location: So. OR
10 posts, read 11,598 times
Reputation: 17
Good one Bright...

While anti depressants can be life savers in the short run, they are not the long term answer. A person needs to correct the root problem, which (IMO) is nutritional and/or spiritual.
Reading through Se Regrets posts, I was thinking along the lines of Health--diet, minerals, vitamins, and possibly gut issues.
Low Vit D levels will easily cause depression and other physical health issues.
Low or lack of minerals, esp. magnesium will cause allll kinds of problems with physical health and
the mind. Lack of B vitamins, ditto. Use some good(for you) enzymes and probiotics.

Be sure and get outside for a little while everyday. Go for walks if you are able.
Get thee to a church, if you are of that persuasion. If not so much into going to a formal church, then try listening to, or reading Joel Osteen. Although some criticize his style or what they see as weak scriptural teaching, you can't say he isn't inspirational and uplifting. I sometimes need a little dose of Joel :-)

Se regret and/or anyone, why not get working on your physical/spiritual health even(especially) while you are stuck somewhere or in some situation where you're not happy. That'll help make things a little better, and the thinking clearer no matter where you live, or move to.

Just my 2.5 cents.
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