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Old 01-02-2016, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,256 posts, read 4,143,320 times
Reputation: 15687

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Quote:
Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
My story of regret is multi-faceted, but since my "home" (Long Island) is gone (as I knew it) anyway, I don't pine for it, per se, but rather, oddly enough, the foliage and hills (found on the North Shore of the island). I am in Fl now, and I know how to take the good with the bad, for me, the biggest problem is the neighbor lottery I hit (a' la Shirley Jackson).

And while I'll move again (for many reasons), my next choice will ensure that I have a private home, where I'm not on top of my neighbors. I totally, completely ignored this issue as I drooled over the dream I thought I wanted: to see the ocean from my home.

As well as the stupidest thing I've ever done: buy a duplex so my son, dtl and grandchild could escape Buffalo winters and move to Florida to live together with me in bliss (not).

My New Year's resolution is stop thinking up ways I can help others.

I feel as sorry as you do about my move. *sigh* Here's hoping we solve our problems in 2016. Maybe you shouldn't think about how hard it will be to live there for 2016, but rather, how 2016, all 365 days, can be spent thinking about how to make your life better....in whatever way occurs to you.

BTW, have you looked into meetup.com? Just a thought.

My wife wanted to buy a duplex so her son and his family could live next to us. I thought it was a bad idea and for a number of reasons it never happened. We now have our own single family home and I'm much happier that's the way we went.
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Old 01-03-2016, 07:26 PM
 
15,199 posts, read 31,153,980 times
Reputation: 18364
I am retired but my husband still works. I was born and raised in Florida, and this is where we live and will retire. We love it here. We have lived in different cities, and are now living in one that is just ideal for us. I don't see how anyplace could be better than what we have. It just ticks all our boxes.

A move is a big decision, and should be given a lot of consideration. Try to spend a lot of time in the area you are thinking of moving to. We once thought we might like living in Asheville, NC and even retire there, but after spending some time in a second home there off and an over a couple of years we realized there is no place like Florida for us. And we despise the cold! Just glad we were able to break even when selling that house.
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Old 11-30-2016, 01:59 AM
 
77 posts, read 72,364 times
Reputation: 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
We retired to Arizona, but moved back to Alaska within 15 months. We didn't want to do the snow bird thing initially, but Arizona was just too hot in the summer and the wife missed her kids and grandchildren. So now we are snow birds, with Alaska being our primary residence.
I've been to most of the places being discussed on this thread. I'm taking notes, btw. No one is more honest than someone that regrets a bad decision. So, thank you for sharing.

My tale of woe that has lead to my own "personal stagnation and inertia" involves my Mom's decision to be a snowbird. She is determined to continue to move each year between the upper Midwest and the Arizona Valley. It takes 5 aging children to make it possible. During the 25 years she has made this her mission, she has been widowed, again, and lost a huge sum to thieves, and what seemed like a breeze before those events happened is becoming impossible without our help. Her two crummy homes are wrecks and both need major repairs. Even if they were in perfect condition, both are expensive when you consider everything.

The decisions that must be made for her to continue her flight from the cold are all consuming for us, and are beginning to cost each of us time and money and impact our health. We have had to put our own retirement plans on hold. Mom is stuck. She can't afford to stay in one place, unless she sells both properties and rents, somewhere cheap, near some or one of us. Her far flung northern cottage is not habitable in the winter, and the other is a resort trailer, for which she would get nothing. She doesn't want to sell either and refuses to talk about making any changes. It's tearing our family apart. No one wants to make this choice for her. It has divided our family and we are having trouble just having a simple conversation, anymore.

So, for those that desire to be snowbirds,, be careful what you wish for. You may get it...and then some.

Last edited by alikelysuspect; 11-30-2016 at 02:10 AM..
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Old 11-30-2016, 04:34 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,218,356 times
Reputation: 6866
Quote:
Originally Posted by alikelysuspect View Post
<snip>
The decisions that must be made for her to continue her flight from the cold are all consuming for us, and are beginning to cost each of us time and money and impact our health. We have had to put our own retirement plans on hold. Mom is stuck. She can't afford to stay in one place, unless she sells both properties and rents, somewhere cheap, near some or one of us. Her far flung northern cottage is not habitable in the winter, and the other is a resort trailer, for which she would get nothing. She doesn't want to sell either and refuses to talk about making any changes. It's tearing our family apart. No one wants to make this choice for her. It has divided our family and we are having trouble just having a simple conversation, anymore.

So, for those that desire to be snowbirds,, be careful what you wish for. You may get it...and then some.
This sounds horrible. How old is your mother?
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Old 11-30-2016, 06:19 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,581 posts, read 17,574,904 times
Reputation: 27672
She may very well wind up in the resort trailer. Is it mortgage free with no lot rent?
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Old 11-30-2016, 06:26 AM
 
77 posts, read 72,364 times
Reputation: 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
This sounds horrible. How old is your mother?
She is in her early 90's and in quite good health with some chronic maladies, has no dementia, and her mind is relatively good for daily decisions. However, she is no longer independent because of vision and hearing impairment. We are in our 60's with one much younger at 55 and are all aging fast. I think Mom has lost the ability to recognize what is happening to us and still thinks we are young. I think most of my siblings are in denial of her eroding judgement and also their own health. I believe that it is an expectation among those of Mom's generation that were raised on the Prairie that children are there to help support you. We are trying our best to meet that expectation. This predicament is entirely related to housing decisions that Mom made long ago, and now it's up to us to make it possible for her to continue to live that lifestyle. So we "soldier on" out of duty and denial.

My point in posting is to benefit those among us that are trying to arrive at the perfect scenario for our "next adventure". We need to consider what will happen, in that ideal place, if a decision MUST be made due to illness, death of a spouse, or other life events. What is your back up plan? Will you be able to afford to move or be in a place that can allow the space for someone to live with you? Can it be a full time residence, if you have to make a choice to stay, and will you be able to tolerate it all year round? What will it take for you to keep on living your life? There is more at stake to your decision than just the weather, or if you can find a replacement for your favorite restaurant.

Last edited by alikelysuspect; 11-30-2016 at 07:33 AM..
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Old 11-30-2016, 06:37 AM
 
Location: Haiku
4,089 posts, read 2,576,815 times
Reputation: 6035
We were snowbirding for a few years and it is difficult to make work. Both houses suffer from lack of attention half the year and doctors/dentists become more complicated. We gave up on it.

As to OP question - we moved from the city we lived in for 30+ years (Seattle) to 2000 miles away (Hawaii) when we retired. It was, and is, a bit of a challenge but I really wanted to do something very new and different. We are having fun. No regrets.
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Old 11-30-2016, 08:48 AM
 
77 posts, read 72,364 times
Reputation: 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
She may very well wind up in the resort trailer. Is it mortgage free with no lot rent?
Thank you for your thoughts. It's free and clear with 6K per year rent for the lot, plus utilities and other expenses but is 30 years old, now. Those trailers go through so much during the heat of the summer in AZ that they, and everything inside of them, turns to junk. Plumbing, electrical all take a beating. Everything is rotten. You may be right and our next Serious Conversation may be about this option. But, it will necessitate one of us making a major life change and moving with her, permanently 2000 miles. Unfortunately, that other Likely Suspect is in the poorest health, is in the greatest denial and needs a caregiver, herself. Although she would be willing, it may be a dilemma waiting to happen. When problems occur which are more frequent, it's a long way away from the rest of us. I'm not too sure if she or my Mom would survive a crisis. But, it's a talking point for us to discuss.

Last edited by alikelysuspect; 11-30-2016 at 09:11 AM..
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Old 11-30-2016, 09:35 AM
 
223 posts, read 190,778 times
Reputation: 515
alikelysuspect - I truly appreciate your candor. You've given us much to ponder.
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Old 11-30-2016, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,669 posts, read 3,246,905 times
Reputation: 11951
Quote:
Originally Posted by alikelysuspect View Post
She is in her early 90's and in quite good health with some chronic maladies, has no dementia, and her mind is relatively good for daily decisions. However, she is no longer independent because of vision and hearing impairment. We are in our 60's with one much younger at 55 and are all aging fast. I think Mom has lost the ability to recognize what is happening to us and still thinks we are young. I think most of my siblings are in denial of her eroding judgement and also their own health. I believe that it is an expectation among those of Mom's generation that were raised on the Prairie that children are there to help support you. We are trying our best to meet that expectation. This predicament is entirely related to housing decisions that Mom made long ago, and now it's up to us to make it possible for her to continue to live that lifestyle. So we "soldier on" out of duty and denial.

My point in posting is to benefit those among us that are trying to arrive at the perfect scenario for our "next adventure". We need to consider what will happen, in that ideal place, if a decision MUST be made due to illness, death of a spouse, or other life events. What is your back up plan? Will you be able to afford to move or be in a place that can allow the space for someone to live with you? Can it be a full time residence, if you have to make a choice to stay, and will you be able to tolerate it all year round? What will it take for you to keep on living your life? There is more at stake to your decision than just the weather, or if you can find a replacement for your favorite restaurant.
Wow, that is a conundrum, for sure.

I mean no disrespect here, especially since my background with family is so completely different from you. But...... you say she is in her 90s with no dementia. Yet you mention she still sees you and your siblings as young when in fact you are not. Do you think maybe she has at least a touch of dementia? From my own experience, I've noticed that older people like to manipulate, usually using guilt as their tool of choice.

Also, you are well into an age of being responsible for your own health and happiness. In my very humble opinion, you need to make it clear to her that she no longer has so much power over you guys.

Please... I do not mean to disrespect. This is just my point of view.
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