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Old 11-30-2016, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
8,867 posts, read 7,748,239 times
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So far, our RV adventure is going fine. We're back where we ended our work life, for DR.s appointments and cancer check for my wife. Being back here just under a week has already reminded us how great it has been to get away. 3 days with 30-40 mph winds=No Bueno. Hopefully we'll be on our way to AZ next week. We really enjoyed our 2 months so far. We got to see most of our family, and visited a bunch of museums, and jjust enjoyed some relaxation.
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Old 11-30-2016, 10:04 AM
 
77 posts, read 72,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
Wow, that is a conundrum, for sure.

I mean no disrespect here, especially since my background with family is so completely different from you. But...... you say she is in her 90s with no dementia. Yet you mention she still sees you and your siblings as young when in fact you are not. Do you think maybe she has at least a touch of dementia? From my own experience, I've noticed that older people like to manipulate, usually using guilt as their tool of choice.

Also, you are well into an age of being responsible for your own health and happiness. In my very humble opinion, you need to make it clear to her that she no longer has so much power over you guys.

Please... I do not mean to disrespect. This is just my point of view.
I understand your mindset, so no disrespect taken. She has been tested for dementia and meets all the criteria for not having it. Also, Alzheimer's has been ruled out by specialists, which is a disease that runs in families. None of my relatives have had neither dementia nor Alzheimers. Mom is well spoken and seems lucid, always, which beats spending time with an elder person who is bedridden and totally out of it. She enjoys a good joke and loves Judge Judy and the Morrey Show (I suspect it's because she can hear both of them when they talk, lol.)

But, one's sensibilities erode with age, no matter what--because of lots of reasons, but also because you are not receiving the same stimulation you did with good hearing and sight. It affects the human brain and one's judgement. There is evidence that the elderly just don't evaluate situations the same as they once did because they don't have the same "information" they once were able to extract from a situation through their senses. What seemed like good, sound reasoning even a few years ago, is not the same. That's why the elderly are always vulnerable and thieves and scammers know this. Because of this reality, we ALL have to be careful in our choices that will affect us down the road. Housing is a huge element in this decision. If we can anticipate what our needs will be, it may serve us well in the long run.

What I really appreciate about the resorts in AZ are the closeness and kindness of the people that live around each other. They try very hard to get along. Most are from the Prairies of the U.S. and Canada, and have, what I call "the Prairie Mentality", which my Mom once described to me. "If you are on the Prairie and the wind blows your roof off, you better get along with your neighbors because, if not, your children may die". She was very, very serious because it is one of the hardscrabble realities of having been rural homesteaders. They know how to get along with neighbors and give them A LOT of latitude. There is no doubt about it, there are some nice folks living in AZ resorts--but then they leave to go back to where they came from! (Canada requires their citizens to stay not more than 180 days in the U.S.) Suddenly, the place is empty except for the few that choose to, or have to brave the long, hot, arduous summer in the Valley. Some, more fortunate, go to the mountains, where they have a second home there or they rent. Then one really feels vulnerable. Being one of very few residents means that safety becomes a greater concern.

Last edited by alikelysuspect; 11-30-2016 at 10:47 AM..
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Old 11-30-2016, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,330 posts, read 4,193,442 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alikelysuspect View Post
I've been to most of the places being discussed on this thread. I'm taking notes, btw. No one is more honest than someone that regrets a bad decision. So, thank you for sharing.

My tale of woe that has lead to my own "personal stagnation and inertia" involves my Mom's decision to be a snowbird. She is determined to continue to move each year between the upper Midwest and the Arizona Valley. It takes 5 aging children to make it possible. During the 25 years she has made this her mission, she has been widowed, again, and lost a huge sum to thieves, and what seemed like a breeze before those events happened is becoming impossible without our help. Her two crummy homes are wrecks and both need major repairs. Even if they were in perfect condition, both are expensive when you consider everything.

The decisions that must be made for her to continue her flight from the cold are all consuming for us, and are beginning to cost each of us time and money and impact our health. We have had to put our own retirement plans on hold. Mom is stuck. She can't afford to stay in one place, unless she sells both properties and rents, somewhere cheap, near some or one of us. Her far flung northern cottage is not habitable in the winter, and the other is a resort trailer, for which she would get nothing. She doesn't want to sell either and refuses to talk about making any changes. It's tearing our family apart. No one wants to make this choice for her. It has divided our family and we are having trouble just having a simple conversation, anymore.

So, for those that desire to be snowbirds,, be careful what you wish for. You may get it...and then some.

It sounds like your mother's situation is among the most extreme. Snowbirding is actually very easy for us. And we do it to and from Alaska. It's a simple matter of throwing a suitcase or two into the truck and driving for six days.
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Old 11-30-2016, 10:52 AM
 
77 posts, read 72,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
It sounds like your mother's situation is among the most extreme. Snowbirding is actually very easy for us. And we do it to and from Alaska. It's a simple matter of throwing a suitcase or two into the truck and driving for six days.
Just curious if you have thought if that will work for you when you are 90. Is Alaska the "fall back" location if you have to choose one as home base? I had a cousin, not quite 60, who had a heart attack in the winter in Alaska after checking the mail, and no one found her for a week. She was dead. True story. Sorry. Think about it.
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Old 11-30-2016, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,330 posts, read 4,193,442 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alikelysuspect View Post
Just curious if you have thought if that will work for you when you are 90. Is Alaska the "fall back" location if you have to choose one as home base? I had a cousin, not quite 60, who had a heart attack in the winter in Alaska after checking the mail, and no one found her for a week. She was dead. True story. Sorry. Think about it.

Nothing to think about. I'm not rearranging my life based on what happened to one person. We'll do it as long as possible and reassess.
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Old 12-01-2016, 04:42 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,703 posts, read 40,093,605 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
It sounds like your mother's situation is among the most extreme. Snowbirding is actually very easy for us. And we do it to and from Alaska. It's a simple matter of throwing a suitcase or two into the truck and driving for six days.
and EZ for us too... Climb on airplane for a 5 hr trip. No bags required (all homes have plenty of 'Clothes'...)

but... on SWA, (2) 50# coolers of Salmon and berries fly free. Good trading material for BBQ, Brisket, and loads of other 'barter' items.

Have a 'companion pass', so one person flies free, other person pays $80 - $120. Can't buy much 'gas' for that expense.

each 'home' is a 'cabin / apartment' on a rented out view acreage, so free housing and free maint (actually we get PAID to have multiple homes 10%+ cap rates... ~ 1% of property value / month INCOME)

Our mini-motorhome lives near various airports and we 'jet in' as the season / weather / interest leads us. We re-locate Motorhome a few times / yr. It fits in std parking space and is not tall, so very cheap to 'store'. 22 mpg helps with the 'commute'. Soon it will get a 'diesel', so no need to buy fuel, just find a Chinese or Mexican eatery and get some used cooking oil.

Maybe by age 80, we will settle down, but I suspect we will both be 6' under by then (bad genes).

We want to try on a few more 'living locations' first.
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Old 12-01-2016, 09:09 AM
 
77 posts, read 72,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post

each 'home' is a 'cabin / apartment' on a rented out view acreage, so free housing and free maint (actually we get PAID to have multiple homes 10%+ cap rates... ~ 1% of property value / month INCOME)

.
StealthRabbit ( I feel like that name should have been a code name for a counterintelligence operative in the trenches during WWII, lol) I understand all that you said, but what do you mean by the above? How is it free housing and how do you get paid to have multiple homes? Could you please clarify? Thank you!
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Old 12-01-2016, 09:44 AM
 
1,988 posts, read 1,314,414 times
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My gut feeling tells me that after years of living in an area- say its up north like me- you get accustomed to a lot of stuff and conveniences and scenery and just and the way people are. Even if people are kind of crazy. It's home. But in the back of your head, you just hate the snow. So you get this grandiose idea to move somewhere warm.

You get warm, but you lose everything else. Everyone has different ideals, and that doesn't sound like anything, but I think it is. Everything is different, from the supermarket to the land to the churches.

So I think for me, the best bet would be to stay in PA for 9 months, and then January to March, try someplace new every year. Kind of like a long vacation out of the snow.
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Old 12-01-2016, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,700 posts, read 3,268,911 times
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^^^^^^^^^^ I think for me the "perfect" place is right where I am. It took me a while to figure that out. When I was really hot to move, go to another state, in fact I was trying to run away from certain circumstances. I'm older, have been divorced many years, have 2 kids but no relationship with either one. So I day-dreamed about moving, meeting new people, not talking about the past, just starting over and being a new "me".
At some point over the past six months or more, I received the gift of acceptance. It was the best gift I have ever received. I thought about all the things I would be leaving, realized that if I needed a change of scenery for a little while I could drive to one of the prettier (to me) areas of my state (NY). It's probably a good thing I do not have a lot of money. Not having a lot of money made me realize how fortunate I am to have what I do have.
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Old 12-01-2016, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,138 posts, read 9,114,129 times
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Well those posters above who feel snow birding is easy are in the "WE" situation, right? A woman alone with no he with her will have a much different experience.

It's my suggestion to have a family conference with her and all the sibs. Be very specific and tell her she will have to make a choice because this traveling back and forth is not good for anyone's health at this point. Then let her decide which house she wants (if either) and sell the other one. This situation is bringing you all down.
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