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Old 11-24-2015, 06:28 PM
 
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Southeastern Regrets. I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this position. I both retired AND left our home town a few months ago. Though things are better, they are not how I imagined them to be. We are still too isolated, and unlike you, we have no family here. I understand about missing what was. I hope as time passes on that you will become more accustomed to your new place. If not, I hope you will be able to make a change. I know for us that life is too short to be miserable. We are considering our options at this point. My thoughts are with you. *Hugs*
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Old 11-24-2015, 06:38 PM
 
Location: University City, Philadelphia
22,592 posts, read 12,328,149 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
That is hard part of why we regret. We moved here to be close to our two daughters and five grandchildren. Why do we feel this way? we vacation her trough the years, but both of us miss home. we came from Philadelphia area, lived there all our lives, same town. We thought this was a no brainer, but the heart wants to move back.
... and Philly wants you back!
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Old 11-24-2015, 09:14 PM
 
3,089 posts, read 1,716,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
I see a lot of suggestions in this forum and wish we had taken our time more than we did, but on paper, it was a no brainer. Two daughters, five grandchildren, warm weather, lower cost of living. But, it is not home. We acted too quickly and now will regret in leisure.
is it possible the life you had imagined living close to your daughters and grands. is turning out to be not what you thought?

can you find ways to ground yourself where you are? seek out friends, discover new interests, meet new people, join a gym, take a class, do something new. find yourself! home is where you are happy. find it where you have moved. make the best of the situation. take a new perspective.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:02 AM
 
11,963 posts, read 5,102,113 times
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Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
I can't offer an opinion on where to move but I can give suggestion on how to research your retirement destination so you lessen the chance for a mistake.

1. Know what it is you want to do in retirement (how you are going to fill up a 35 - 40 hour former work week with other activities) and then look for a place to live where you can do those things easily and with the variety and quality you are accustomed to having. Don't compromise because of cheap and pretty. That glow will only last for a few months and then you'll be asking yourself, is that all there is to retirement? Examples: If you like to go to plays and ethnic restaurants, don't move near the ocean or to the mountains just because it's pretty there or it's cheap, if you have to drive 30 miles to do the things you like to do. If you enjoy bowling, don't move to some place where the taxes are cheap, the trees are pretty and the sun always shines but there's no bowling alley for 50 miles. If you go to the movies a lot, will you be happy living in a place that doesn't have a multi-plex even if your property tax is cheap? If you are a trout fisherman and the place is loaded with ponds and rivers, make sure there's trout in them. If you belong to any clubs now, see if the new location has the same kind of clubs.


2. Do a "city compare" (plug in the words on Google to find the first site listed) and compare where you live now to the town you are considering to see if things are better or worse or there is more or less than where you live now. The scores will mean nothing to you but in a side by side comparison of air quality, for example, you'll find out if the air is much worse or much better than where you live now and you know what it feels like where you live now. You'll compare the utility rate scores to see if they are much higher or much lower than where you live now. You can compare crime rates (violent and non-violent), grocery cost scores, water quality, religion, snow and rainfall, days of sunshine per year, voting (Democrat/Republican) percentages, males versus females, age averages, race, doctors per capita, income levels, etc. Hover your cursor over the item to see how the site defines them. I'd give you a link but the site competes with City Data and it will be deleted by the moderator.

3. Read the local event stories and events calendars in the local online newspaper on a regular basis before you move. What do people in the town like to do? Does it sound like the things you like to do? Look at the calendar of events page if they have one. Read the local crime stories. And most of all, read the letters to the editor and the town council/planning board meeting stories to find out what's planned for the town and what the town issues are. You know, it would be nice to know before you shop for a new home whether a mall or new school baseball field is being planned for around the corner.

4. When shopping for a home, go back at night and see what it's like after people come home from work and kids are home from school.

5. Go to an online yellow pages website and find out what's (stores, restaurants, supermarkets, houses of worship, movie theaters, doctors, medical facilities, etc.) in the town and adjacent towns. Is there enough of what you like and is it the variety and quality you are accustomed to? You shouldn't have to drive more than one town away for these things you want/do a lot.

6. When you visit before you move, don't just do tourist things and home scouting. Visit the supermarkets and clothing stores. Do they have what you like (products, brands)? If you are religious, attend a service. If you are still going to work, get up in the morning and do the commute to see what it's like. If you like to fish, do it when you visit. If you like to golf, do it when you visit. If you like to read, check out the library. Does it have the latest books in the genre you like to read? When you are in your hotel/motel room, watch the local nightly news show. If you can attend a local event do it and take a look at the people. Do they look/act like your type of people? You know, if you are all duded up in designer fashions with sprayed hair, jewelry and make-up, hoping for wine and cheese, and you get there and there are a lot of plain people in jeans drinking beer and eating hot dogs (or vice versa) you might not be in the town that's right for you.

7. When you visit, buy a street map (usually can get one in the town's local gas station convenience store) and mark it up with your observations of what you saw where. This will be immensely helpful to you once you return home. Mark the same street map when you read the local online newspaper especially when they identify the locations of crimes. If the real estate office in the new location calls, you can check your map to see what you previously observed there or what the online newspaper revealed about the area. Bring a camera when you visit..


8. If you are moving to a town you vacation in every summer, visit in the winter. Does everything in the town close up after 6PM? Are all of the stores/restaurants open year 'round? If you usually vacation in the mountains, for example, what are the mountain roads like in the winter? If you go to a hot town in the winter every year, what's it like there in the summer?

9. Ask questions in the state forums that don't require a "feelings" response but instead give you the information to evaluate. For example, "Do you get a lot of snow?" is a bad question. A former Floridian might think three inches is too much and a former New Englander might think 12 inches is just fine. Instead ask something like, "In what month does it start to snow and in what month does it usually end?" Or, "Per snowfall about how many inches do you get?" This way, you can evaluate if they get a lot of snow or it snows too many months of the year, not get the responder's feelings about it. And don't forget to ask about rainfall.

10. If you are close to your family ask yourself, "If I move to be near my children, am I sure they are staying put?" If you plan to return "home" for frequent visits, where's the airport? How close are you to the Interstates? How long is the drive?

11. Don't be discouraged about retirement based on what you see in retirement destination magazines. They are trying to sell things to upper middle class people by their advertisers. Ask yourself when was the last time you read a retirement magazine that told you how great the hunting was in Town X or how many baseball diamonds there was in town, how the bass fishing is, or where you can see bluegrass and country bands play in the park? If you came from out of space and read retirement magazines you'd think the only things important to all retirees are museums, marinas, the theater, shopping and golf. There are plenty of both kind of places but the magazines only address one kind of retirement. Also, consider that a lot of retirement book authors live in big cities. What you consider to be a great retirement may never have even occured to them to address in their books.
Thank you so much for posting this. It's the best information I've seen anywhere in regards to choosing where to retire.
I'll be taking the plunge in about 5 years and know what state I wish to move to but have not nailed down a town yet. I'm already researching and doing much of you have mentioned here. If my health stays good, I'll probably transfer to a new location from my work and work just part time with minimal hours for a couple of years so that gives me a good resource for meeting new people and making new friends. I'm fortunate that I work for one of the big box stores and they have many locations in many towns in the state I wish to move to. I'm staying away from the retirement magazines for the exact reasons you mention. My ideal retirement is nothing like what they think it should be.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:17 AM
 
18 posts, read 26,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clark Park View Post
... and Philly wants you back!


Thanks. Now if I can just figure out how. A couple of posts have said not to make decisions again and give time. Not sure what to do.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:23 AM
 
18 posts, read 26,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trobesmom View Post
Southeastern Regrets. I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this position. I both retired AND left our home town a few months ago. Though things are better, they are not how I imagined them to be. We are still too isolated, and unlike you, we have no family here. I understand about missing what was. I hope as time passes on that you will become more accustomed to your new place. If not, I hope you will be able to make a change. I know for us that life is too short to be miserable. We are considering our options at this point. My thoughts are with you. *Hugs*


What are your options at this point? Move back or a new location? Did you buy or rent in your new location? You are right, life is too short to be unhappy. I can not believe we made this move and can not believe how it has effected us. We spent three months last winter here and loved it.


We thought of a short road trip back home, maybe that will clear the air of our desire to move back, but we are afraid we will not want to leave and it will make the situation worst.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:26 AM
 
18 posts, read 26,326 times
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Originally Posted by jean_ji View Post
How long were you retired before you moved? Retiring and moving can both be huge stressors and are definitely major life changes.

We moved when we were thirty and it took two years before I didn't feel lost and out of place. I was working full time and making friends and connections was easy with having a young child. Being retired, you have a lot more time to think about missing your old home which can work against you.

As far as moving back, it may be exactly what you need in the end, or maybe not. We snowbird and I realized I romanticize the northern place while we are in FL. Its amazing how I manage to forget the things I don't like. The same thing happens in reverse. I could slant my opinion on either place by what I decide to focus on.

I'm hoping more time will give you a better grasp on your situation. You sound panicked and very emotional, which is not the time to make any decision. I only know what you've posted here, but it doesn't sound like you need to make any decision right now and can sit back and look at it more calmly later on.





Thank you. You are right, feeling this way is not the right time to make another decision. If we move back, that could be another costly mistake, eating up our nest egg.
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Old 11-25-2015, 01:40 PM
 
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We planned very carefully where to move to and spent four years researching. We decided to move to a small 55+ in the general local area, mostly to still be close to our daughter and GK's. We also wanted a small single family home, which we ended up buying. We even lived in an apartment for 7 months, so we should have known what we were getting into.


However, even though we knew people who lived in the neighborhood and knew about the subdivision and the town where it is, it has been somewhat different than we had thought it would be. The people in the 55+, and also in the general area, are so "conservative." Read that as very right wing and proud of it. We are middle of the road type people and have to keep quiet about any way in which we disagree with them in order to maintain relationships. It is a strain not truly being oneself. There are a very few people like us, at least that we have found. We have formed some friendships but no truly close friends. Perhaps it is our age.

The convenience of the area is still a big plus, as is being close to family and our doctors, usual stores and restaurants. The house is very nice but actually too big and more trouble to take care of than I thought it would be.

So my point is that it is very possible to make a mistake, no matter how much you research and even try out an area. What to do after the mistake is realized is a huge decision. Good luck to everyone!
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Old 11-25-2015, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,964,817 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staywarm2 View Post

So my point is that it is very possible to make a mistake, no matter how much you research and even try out an area. What to do after the mistake is realized is a huge decision. Good luck to everyone!
We always assumed we would move out of state by this age or a little older. With changing family circumstances and feeling advancing age come upon us, both in just a few years, we realize we can love that other state and visit often while it's best to stay here. I think most people instinctively know where their "real place" is, whether it's here or there. I know I don't want to make a costly (not only financial, but emotional) mistake in a move. We will move once more most likely, but it will still be around where we are now. It will be a small house or a condo. And we're free to spend time elsewhere when we want, having the best of both worlds.
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Old 11-25-2015, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,964,817 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
Thank you. You are right, feeling this way is not the right time to make another decision. If we move back, that could be another costly mistake, eating up our nest egg.
Look at it this way, maybe where you are now is a testing ground and a stepping stone to where you really and truly want to end up. If you have a high-end house now, maybe the opportunity is to move back to Philly and either rent or buy a much smaller more manageable home for older age. Most likely your daughters will always welcome you for extended visits, and those may be the very best kinds rather than having to live so close.
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