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Old 11-25-2015, 03:23 PM
 
Location: CO
2,455 posts, read 2,624,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
Thanks. Now if I can just figure out how. A couple of posts have said not to make decisions again and give time. Not sure what to do.
You have nothing to lose by giving it time and everything to gain being near your kids and grandkids with the plus of not making an expensive move. Honestly, see how you feel about it next summer. Meanwhile, pretend you're on vacation !
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Old 11-25-2015, 06:09 PM
 
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I felt like you, when I left Philadelphia area to move to Fl, 26 years ago. It took me over 3 yrs, to love it. Now I lost my husband have a boyfriend and looking to move to Bluffton SC But change is scary to me .I have no family, so that is very hard to deal with .But I want a 55 plus community to make friends .I hope this works out for the both of you .Hugs Baily
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Old 11-25-2015, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Dover, DE
1,802 posts, read 3,834,022 times
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I can't say that it was regret, but we did decide that our first retirement move wasn't the right one. Moved to SC (near Charlotte, NC) in 2008. Liked the community and thought that only seeing our daughter a couple times a year would be fine, especially since we were near a major airport. Unfortunately, since Charlotte is a US Air (now American) hub, costs to fly from there were very high unless you took flights with layovers. The last time I tried to fly to Syracuse, through Newark NJ, it took me 13 hours with a flight change from Charlotte through Minneapolis to Albany. And it was a 12 hour+ drive. Then she moved to CT, which made it all worse. Then she got engaged and is getting married next year, with plans for a family. She is an only child, BTW. Decided that we just couldn't do it anymore, so I started looking and found that Delaware is the place we should be. About the only state in the NE that an average retiree can afford to live.

DH misses the old community as they had a lot more amenities than we have here, but then again it had almost 3200 homes and this only only has about 150 so far. But frankly I'm glad to be here and I have been able to do more with DD and help her plan the wedding easier. Plus I have found that we fit in better with the people here and have more and closer friends here than down there, even though it is a smaller community. And DH loves old planes, so the opportunity to volunteer at the Air Mobility Command Museum at the DAFB is a lure for him. I'm sure he will adapt.

I do have to say, though, that we wouldn't have been able to do it if it hadn't been for the fact that our house in SC appreciated a great deal during the 7 years we owned it. On this day before Thanksgiving I am very thankful for that as it allowed us to move closer to our DD and my DH's brother, who has been battling cancer.
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Old 11-26-2015, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,845,678 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rothbear View Post
I can't say that it was regret, but we did decide that our first retirement move wasn't the right one. Moved to SC (near Charlotte, NC) in 2008. Liked the community and thought that only seeing our daughter a couple times a year would be fine, especially since we were near a major airport. Unfortunately, since Charlotte is a US Air (now American) hub, costs to fly from there were very high unless you took flights with layovers. The last time I tried to fly to Syracuse, through Newark NJ, it took me 13 hours with a flight change from Charlotte through Minneapolis to Albany. And it was a 12 hour+ drive. Then she moved to CT, which made it all worse. Then she got engaged and is getting married next year, with plans for a family. She is an only child, BTW. Decided that we just couldn't do it anymore, so I started looking and found that Delaware is the place we should be. About the only state in the NE that an average retiree can afford to live.

DH misses the old community as they had a lot more amenities than we have here, but then again it had almost 3200 homes and this only only has about 150 so far. But frankly I'm glad to be here and I have been able to do more with DD and help her plan the wedding easier. Plus I have found that we fit in better with the people here and have more and closer friends here than down there, even though it is a smaller community. And DH loves old planes, so the opportunity to volunteer at the Air Mobility Command Museum at the DAFB is a lure for him. I'm sure he will adapt.

I do have to say, though, that we wouldn't have been able to do it if it hadn't been for the fact that our house in SC appreciated a great deal during the 7 years we owned it. On this day before Thanksgiving I am very thankful for that as it allowed us to move closer to our DD and my DH's brother, who has been battling cancer.


That as it said is exactly why people need to be flexible as they choose to move in retirement. rothbear don't get this wrong. You have met with me and know me from the posts here as well. You are like us. We are willing to try new things. See new places. Move in and find a not quite right thing and decide before it gets worse take the move again. Not all of us can do that. Not all of us have resources and I get that. I am like you. I am more than willing to move to an area that interests me. See what it is like and if it isn't quite right set my sights on another area. No area is perfect. Some are more perfect than others though.


Good luck on the wedding planning. I am not sure we will get that opportunity but I hear it is stressful and fun all at once. Once it is done there are regrets of things missed and blessings on things that went perfect.
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Old 11-26-2015, 08:26 AM
 
18 posts, read 26,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rothbear View Post
I can't say that it was regret, but we did decide that our first retirement move wasn't the right one. Moved to SC (near Charlotte, NC) in 2008. Liked the community and thought that only seeing our daughter a couple times a year would be fine, especially since we were near a major airport. Unfortunately, since Charlotte is a US Air (now American) hub, costs to fly from there were very high unless you took flights with layovers. The last time I tried to fly to Syracuse, through Newark NJ, it took me 13 hours with a flight change from Charlotte through Minneapolis to Albany. And it was a 12 hour+ drive. Then she moved to CT, which made it all worse. Then she got engaged and is getting married next year, with plans for a family. She is an only child, BTW. Decided that we just couldn't do it anymore, so I started looking and found that Delaware is the place we should be. About the only state in the NE that an average retiree can afford to live.

DH misses the old community as they had a lot more amenities than we have here, but then again it had almost 3200 homes and this only only has about 150 so far. But frankly I'm glad to be here and I have been able to do more with DD and help her plan the wedding easier. Plus I have found that we fit in better with the people here and have more and closer friends here than down there, even though it is a smaller community. And DH loves old planes, so the opportunity to volunteer at the Air Mobility Command Museum at the DAFB is a lure for him. I'm sure he will adapt.

I do have to say, though, that we wouldn't have been able to do it if it hadn't been for the fact that our house in SC appreciated a great deal during the 7 years we owned it. On this day before Thanksgiving I am very thankful for that as it allowed us to move closer to our DD and my DH's brother, who has been battling cancer.


Two moves. Are you happy now?
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Old 11-26-2015, 08:30 AM
 
18 posts, read 26,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bailygirl View Post
I felt like you, when I left Philadelphia area to move to Fl, 26 years ago. It took me over 3 yrs, to love it. Now I lost my husband have a boyfriend and looking to move to Bluffton SC But change is scary to me .I have no family, so that is very hard to deal with .But I want a 55 plus community to make friends .I hope this works out for the both of you .Hugs Baily



3 Years? I do not know if I can wait that long. We are near Bluffton, the area is growing and an amazing rate. Bluffton is now the fastest growing towns in SC. So by the increase in population, my regrets is not everyone's. I am sure you will be fine.
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Old 11-26-2015, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,732,288 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
I think it is the culture. We have been here for many vacations, one daughter has lived here for 17 years, the second for two. When it comes to day to day living, it is not a vacation. I wish we could go home.
We came from Philadelphia area, Bucks county. Lived there all our lives and now miss it so. Of course, being with the grandchildren is great, but it is a surprise on how we feel.


I would never had thought we would become so homesick. We have started thinking of returning, but we most likely will only be able to rent. The last thing we need is another mistake. Just the thought of forced to stay here for the rest of our lives is depressing. I can not figure out how to reverse this. But from some other blogs, this is the hand we dealt our-selves.


I see a lot of suggestions in this forum and wish we had taken our time more than we did, but on paper, it was a no brainer. Two daughters, five grandchildren, warm weather, lower cost of living. But, it is not home. We acted too quickly and now will regret in leisure.
I believe your situation is an illustration of the fact that some people are tied deeply to a location, even though they would be hard-pressed to explain why. Other people, who are more nomadic in nature, have a hard time understanding that. But I have heard enough stories to believe you absolutely. I am a little that way myself, having gotten the wanderlust out of my system while younger (Europe, etc.), I now feel like Southern California is my home, even though I didn't first set foot in the place until age 14.

Although one can always cite things one likes about that place to which one is tied so strongly, there is something which passes all understanding, something deep and inexplicable which goes beyond specific features of climate, etc. It seems to me that is true in your case.
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Old 11-26-2015, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Dover, DE
1,802 posts, read 3,834,022 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
Two moves. Are you happy now?
We are. We like it so much more here than SC. I see that you would want to return to Philly? Have you ever considered Delaware? There are a lot of 55+ communities going up here (not sure if that's what you are looking for), and a lot of retirees moving here as well. We live in Dover and are only a little over an hour from Philly and a bit less than an hour from Rehoboth. Really within a very reasonable drive from a LOT of things. And things are picking up in the area and more stores/restaurants are moving in. If you don't want 55+ there are still a lot of other communities and areas that would work.

Should you want to consider it, let me know and I would be glad to speak with you and show you around.
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Old 11-26-2015, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,404 posts, read 5,922,685 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
That is hard part of why we regret. We moved here to be close to our two daughters and five grandchildren. Why do we feel this way? we vacation her trough the years, but both of us miss home. we came from Philadelphia area, lived there all our lives, same town. We thought this was a no brainer, but the heart wants to move back.
SERegrets: I totally get it. I am from Philly too, born and raised. People not from Philly do not understand what could possibly be so special about the city that we don't want to leave, and if we do leave, we are homesick and want to go back. I myself lived in Southern CA for two years and felt the same way you do -- fish out of water. Now I talked about that in another thread and got totally flamed by people in CA who thought I was saying Philly was better than CA. That is NOT what I was saying! It is just that the cultures are vastly different, and it can be hard for Philly natives to adjust. Interestingly, I just read this in Philly Mag in an interview with Merrill Reese, the Eagles sportcaster who grew up in West Philly:

If I could change one thing about Philadelphia, I would change: "Nothing. The warmth, the passion. It's got a small-town feel. I love it."

So I am one of Philly's biggest homers, but yet I moved to the Gulf coast of FL three years ago. Why? Because I inherited my Mom's condo and it was paid-for, with taxes and a COL much less than Philly's. I was terribly worried about regretting my decision, but financially, there is no going back for me. There are a lot of transplants here, which helps as you don't feel like you're an "outsider", but not many from Southeastern PA or South Jersey. (They're all over on the east coast of FL or up in The Villages.) It's also a pretty right-wing conservative area and....I'm not....so it makes for some awkwardness when the conversations start veering into politics. Things that have eased the pain:

Found the local Eagles bars....there aren't many, but they are full of Philly people and I've met some new friends that way. (And we can all commiserate about how bad they are this year.)

Facebook -- this didn't exist when I lived in CA so I was very disconnected from friends and family. Now I can keep up with everyone, Philly and otherwise. It's so much easier to stay in the loop....and when I see their pics of snow or complaints about cold weather, I feel great as I'm sitting on my lanai looking out at sunshine and palm trees. Speaking of which, the summers have been bearable....I'm pretty close to the water and there's usually a breeze. It just does not feel as humid to me as it does when we get those humid spells up home. That's just me...I know many don't feel the same.

Trips up home: I usually go to a family event once a year and also spend a week at the shore in August, seeing friends and family. And then of course, I don't have a shortage of people wanting to come visit me in the winter months.

So are any of those things possible for you? Just some ideas. That said, it sounds like you've only been in SC a year or less? I don't think that's enough time to assimilate. I only spent two years in CA and I always felt like I didn't give it enough time. The more homesick I got, the more I didn't try to assimilate, and just kept dwelling on all the things I hated, which didn't help. Three years goes by quickly (feels like I just moved here and it was Nov. 2012) so at least try to make a commitment to stick it out that long. You're there, so make the best of it and don't make any rash decisions. Maybe DE would be an option for you, but don't start researching it yet, as that will side-track you from your goal of trying to adapt to SC and not regret your choice.

Sorry for the long post, but hope it helps somewhat.

ETA: Thought you would find this humorous: I met one of my new Philly friends down here as we were swimming near each other in the Gulf. I recognized her Philly accent! As much as I hate my nasally accent, it is always so comforting for me to hear the sound of home, and I can spot that accent a mile away.

Last edited by Avalon08; 11-26-2015 at 10:44 PM.. Reason: Added something
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Old 11-27-2015, 06:27 AM
 
18 posts, read 26,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avalon08 View Post
SERegrets: I totally get it. I am from Philly too, born and raised. People not from Philly do not understand what could possibly be so special about the city that we don't want to leave, and if we do leave, we are homesick and want to go back. I myself lived in Southern CA for two years and felt the same way you do -- fish out of water. Now I talked about that in another thread and got totally flamed by people in CA who thought I was saying Philly was better than CA. That is NOT what I was saying! It is just that the cultures are vastly different, and it can be hard for Philly natives to adjust. Interestingly, I just read this in Philly Mag in an interview with Merrill Reese, the Eagles sportcaster who grew up in West Philly:

If I could change one thing about Philadelphia, I would change: "Nothing. The warmth, the passion. It's got a small-town feel. I love it."

So I am one of Philly's biggest homers, but yet I moved to the Gulf coast of FL three years ago. Why? Because I inherited my Mom's condo and it was paid-for, with taxes and a COL much less than Philly's. I was terribly worried about regretting my decision, but financially, there is no going back for me. There are a lot of transplants here, which helps as you don't feel like you're an "outsider", but not many from Southeastern PA or South Jersey. (They're all over on the east coast of FL or up in The Villages.) It's also a pretty right-wing conservative area and....I'm not....so it makes for some awkwardness when the conversations start veering into politics. Things that have eased the pain:

Found the local Eagles bars....there aren't many, but they are full of Philly people and I've met some new friends that way. (And we can all commiserate about how bad they are this year.)

Facebook -- this didn't exist when I lived in CA so I was very disconnected from friends and family. Now I can keep up with everyone, Philly and otherwise. It's so much easier to stay in the loop....and when I see their pics of snow or complaints about cold weather, I feel great as I'm sitting on my lanai looking out at sunshine and palm trees. Speaking of which, the summers have been bearable....I'm pretty close to the water and there's usually a breeze. It just does not feel as humid to me as it does when we get those humid spells up home. That's just me...I know many don't feel the same.

Trips up home: I usually go to a family event once a year and also spend a week at the shore in August, seeing friends and family. And then of course, I don't have a shortage of people wanting to come visit me in the winter months.

So are any of those things possible for you? Just some ideas. That said, it sounds like you've only been in SC a year or less? I don't think that's enough time to assimilate. I only spent two years in CA and I always felt like I didn't give it enough time. The more homesick I got, the more I didn't try to assimilate, and just kept dwelling on all the things I hated, which didn't help. Three years goes by quickly (feels like I just moved here and it was Nov. 2012) so at least try to make a commitment to stick it out that long. You're there, so make the best of it and don't make any rash decisions. Maybe DE would be an option for you, but don't start researching it yet, as that will side-track you from your goal of trying to adapt to SC and not regret your choice.

Sorry for the long post, but hope it helps somewhat.

ETA: Thought you would find this humorous: I met one of my new Philly friends down here as we were swimming near each other in the Gulf. I recognized her Philly accent! As much as I hate my nasally accent, it is always so comforting for me to hear the sound of home, and I can spot that accent a mile away.



Thanks for your comments. You are right about hating every little thing that goes wrong or is different. We are trying not to do that, but it becomes easy because of our feelings and homesickness. Thanksgiving was bad, both my wife and I commented it was the worst, AND we had our children with us. It is so confusing because we were here last year and for Christmas, which we enjoyed.


Sometimes we thing this is were we are stuck and no chance of going back. I suggested we head home for Christmas , hoping that we will feel better. We are both wishing we could avoid Christmas all together. In fact both son-in-laws parents are coming in. A huge crowd. We are just not up for it.


We keep hoping that January will bring a new sense of hope, new year, new life. We feel so bad that I am concern about both mine and mine wife's health. Waking up at 3:00 each morning, feeling of being trap, regrets, hopelessness. Something has to give. We hope it's SC before it's one of us.


Writing on the web site has helped. But it's still overwelling regret feeling.
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