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Old 10-22-2011, 02:32 PM
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,492,619 times
Reputation: 8778


"you let her sleep in for a couple of hours on weekends"

Though this is said tongue in cheek, such nuance is often not well captured in the written word, obviously, leaving room for misunderstanding.

I, female, am retired. My husband is semi. He works on the average of one day per week, teaching proprietary computer software to selected employees of a corporation. He loves his job and gets reimbursed very nicely for it.

We share household chores. No, he is not good at cleaning, nor organizing stuff around the house, nor washing dishes if I cook. We live rather frugally presently and his present income supports us nicely.

Soon we will be moving to Manhattan in retirement and start spending our retirement money, traveling a lot and entertaining more. He may keep his job, even then, because he enjoys it and likes the company and the guy he reports to a lot.

Sometimes life works out and in others, the best laid plans go astray. You can only do as best you can and leave room open for contingencies if you can.
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Old 10-23-2011, 03:32 PM
28,266 posts, read 39,934,162 times
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Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
It sounds to me like you're still working...of course, I'm not married.

Big age difference between spouses usually have this scenario?
Mrs. Tek is 3 months older than me. I've been retired since December 2009 (more or less) and she will not retire until the end of this year. My retirement was forced due to illness (getting better all the time!) so ours was not due to age difference.
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Old 10-23-2011, 05:20 PM
7,341 posts, read 16,657,901 times
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Our's isn't due to age difference either......I'm 62 and she is 63. I love what I do for us (our apt cleaning, etc.).
Growing up, I had to help my mom with either washing or drying dishes (no dishwashers back then). Because I had a bad habit of tossing my school clothes on the floor of my bedroom when I got home from school (instead of putting them in the clothes hamper) my mom made me iron/hang up my clothes after she done laundry. She left the ironing board up after she was done with it and I got to do this after I done livestock chores. I also helped my mom wash windows in the Spring.
Being that I had to take SS/Early Retirement due to being unemployed and no income coming in for me anymore (had been getting EUC), it feels great to me to do what I do for us.

Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
It sounds to me like you're still working...of course, I'm not married.

Big age difference between spouses usually have this scenario?
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Old 10-24-2011, 08:07 PM
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,357,011 times
Reputation: 1159
I'm impressed by the range of experiences expressed in this little thread!

I'm the younger one, and I retired first, at 60, more than 3 years ago now. I would have preferred to work a couple more years, since I had a high-paying job in software development. But I got downsized, and the recession came. Once I internalized the fact that I wasn't going to find another decent job, I was very glad to be out of that rat race.

My husband, on the other hand, is 5 years older than me, and just this summer got his retirement package. He immediately went and got a contract to teach on stipend. He will do this next spring as well. But academics are weird that way, they could work forever. He has decided that he won't teach any large service courses again, as he's doing this fall--it's just too much work and too much stress. He'll keep his hand in writing the odd paper, teaching the odd session, and working on his book, which goes on forever. He has an office at the university for as long as he wants one.

Until he's finished teaching this fall, I'll keep doing most of the housework and cooking. Normally we share, and we are mostly equally capable, although I can cook a wider range of things, and tend to do the laundry. When he goes back to teaching next spring, he'll be on his own--I'll be in Florida, so he'll have to cook for himself, and clean, and feed the cat. But he does okay with most of that, and always has.
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Old 10-25-2011, 06:21 PM
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I am 8 years younger than my husband and would love to retire now but it would upset him too much. He feels like he has to work forever
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Old 10-25-2011, 06:27 PM
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,357,011 times
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Originally Posted by plantress View Post
I am 8 years younger than my husband and would love to retire now but it would upset him too much. He feels like he has to work forever
As you can see in my posting above, I retired before my older husband. Since I had been a significant wage-earner throughout much of our marriage, and because he's an academic who loves his work, there was no resentment.

Nor should there be. If you can justify your retirement financially, I don't believe you should be beholden to your husband. Just my opinion.
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Old 11-13-2011, 08:46 PM
Location: NJ
2,111 posts, read 7,258,546 times
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Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
I'm retired (SS retired, that is) and my wife is still working a full-time job. I take care of a lot of the cleaning duties in our apt., run errands and do other things (computer stuff). She doesn't have to think about doing laundry, loading/runnning/unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming or changing the bed.......I do that. I get up every morning the same time she does and watch some tv with her before she leaves. When she does leave, I walk out to the car with her, kiss her goodbye, say "I love you" and wave "goodbye" as she pulls away. If it's raining, I'm out there with an unbrella saying "goodbye" to her. She has told me a number of times that she loves working because sometimes she can get bored at home. I liked working, but not nearly like she does. On the weekends, unless we have something planned early in the AM, I will let her sleep in for a few hours. Even though she financially takes care of us more than I do, she loves how I take care of other things since I don't work.

So, if one of you works and the other is retired, does this affect your marriage? Do you ever get bored with being retired and think about going back to work? Does your spouse wish they could be retired?
I think you are super for what you do. I was forced into retirement as a result of no work after being on unemployment. I wish I could work at least part time because we get on each others nerves at times. I'm one to try to keep busy, on the computer, pay the bills, I cook and bake bread also. I organize things around the house to keep things straight and do most of the outside work. I know my wife doesn't like me being home. She works p/t 4 nights a week at a restaurant. When home, my wife has no hobbies like I do but likes to gab on the phone and do her puzzle book. She does do the laundry, ironing, cleaning house but I do most of the cooking and shopping. I'd say the biggest problem with DW is she is somewhat OCD and it can drive me crazy.

As far as financial goes, DW makes less than 1/2 of me on SS because she didn't work but is brought up to 1/2 on my record. The big problem I have is she never wanted to work full time to help me as my field was in a recession way before the national one. If she worked full time like other women, it would have helped pay medical but I've had to pay full medical out of pocket. So she's on partial SS and has some income. I have other relatives, same situation as me where DH had to take early retirement and wife worked full time which helps with medical.
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Old 11-15-2011, 06:40 AM
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,543,843 times
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My in laws are going through this, it's sad to see. My father in law went back to work part time, but some weeks it's more like full time, my mother in law is BORED!!!! almost depressingly bored, but she won't say that. He works as a shuttle driver for the casino, his hours are 2 pm until 12 pm . He is "scheduled" 3 days a week, if they are short drivers it can be 5 days a week. They have one car and live way out in the country, which she hates, they moved there from the city a year ago and she doesn't really have anyone to be with. He is from the area and has guys over to play pool a few days a week. Anyway, she gets lonely, we try to visit a few times a month, but its an hour and a half away and not always easy to find the time to go. He is also VERY social and she is quiet, it's sad to see. She want's to find a part time job, but they only have the one car. I hope they can get another car soon, so she can get the heck out of that house once in a while. That would drive me CRAZY!!
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:55 AM
Location: Ocala, FL
407 posts, read 475,478 times
Reputation: 1299
I'm the one still working. DH is disabled and hasn't worked since 2000. Let me tell you, I resent every minute I'm at work. I have so many hobbies it will take me the rest of my life to complete them. We're members of a travel club, but can't travel due to, guess what, my miserable job. Financially things are finally working out and there's a good chance I can soon retire. I can't wait for the day.

I'm going to sleep in until I get up. If I have to make an appointment for anything it will be on my schedule, not theirs. If I want to lay in the bathtub and read a book all night, I will do it.

Gee, people, there is more to life than slaving away at a job making money for somebody else. Enjoy your life while you can. You can die tomorrow never having had a chance to do anything fun. Don't let the almighty dollar rule your life. Our income will be less than $30,000 a year, but the house is paid for (thank you MIL for leaving us some money) and we don't have credit cards. If the car croaks, I'll worry about it tomorrow, as Miz Scarlet said.

I am a medical transcriptionist by trade. You wouldn't believe how many patients whose histories I type are young (50's) and have cancer or other terminal illnesses and are going to die young having slaved all their lives. I have doctors I type for who are in their 70s, too greedy to enjoy the money they've made and need more more more.

Sit down, get your priorities in order. Get a life!!
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Old 11-19-2011, 02:43 PM
Location: Wildside of Oahu
1,412 posts, read 2,786,303 times
Reputation: 2433
My husband retired for about a year and drove me nuts! I worked at home and he'd come into my office and stare at me. For hours. He did keep the house & cars clean, but never picked up any hobbies or friends. He finally went back to work full time. He's an type A and he really wasn't happy being retired. He really likes his new job, where he can boss other people around instead of me. Plus, I think he has less stress, because he knows he could walk anytime he wanted.
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