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She's shunned treatment of late but will not have that option once she arrives here and moves in. It will be one of the "rules" of the house; that she seek and cooperate with treatment.
Curmudgeon I have read most of the thread and want to say my heart goes out to you and your wife, and I really respect your attitude in all of this.
I think what I have quoted above will be the biggest challenge. What I mean is trying to make rules for a grown woman in her 30's with two kids, when HER decision has been to shun treatment. Do you know why that is? Did it contribute to her ending up homeless?
The daughter's attitude and willingness to strive for independence will be so important. It's a slippery slope my friend trying to foster independence and impose rules about self care, so please be careful.
You have a big heart, and I wish you the best of luck.
I feel like Abu ben Adam - one of various spellings - from the poem by James Henry Leigh Hunt: "Abou ben Adam (may his tribe increase!) awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,..." But I'd like to know what this thing called "dream of peace" is.
Yesterday stepdaughter called and talked to her mother. "Mother" then informed me that in addition to the two boys, her 16-year old, chronic runaway granddaughter would also be joining us, at least through the holidays. We had discussed her earlier (she was not living with her mother and brothers) and I had been adamant that she was not welcome as she would be an extremely troubling influence who would not fit in well with this home or our community. Guess I got out-voted. Being a quasi-gentleman and since we're in mixed company I'll refrain from relating my part of the subsequent conversation.
The challenge has just increased several fold. Anyone have a spare room, for me, not the girl?
Curmudgeon I have read most of the thread and want to say my heart goes out to you and your wife, and I really respect your attitude in all of this.
I think what I have quoted above will be the biggest challenge. What I mean is trying to make rules for a grown woman in her 30's with two kids, when HER decision has been to shun treatment. Do you know why that is? Did it contribute to her ending up homeless?
The daughter's attitude and willingness to strive for independence will be so important. It's a slippery slope my friend trying to foster independence and impose rules about self care, so please be careful.
You have a big heart, and I wish you the best of luck.
Agreed, regarding how far to push treatment. She had been prescribed one drug and didn't take well to it. We'll try to convince her that this is neither unusual nor unfixable. There are plenty of others and when dealing with psychotropics it's often a case of hope-and-poke medicine until the right one is found. The best time for her to do so is while she's here and we can watch the children.
I feel like Abu ben Adam - one of various spellings - from the poem by James Henry Leigh Hunt: "Abou ben Adam (may his tribe increase!) awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,..." But I'd like to know what this thing called "dream of peace" is.
Yesterday stepdaughter called and talked to her mother. "Mother" then informed me that in addition to the two boys, her 16-year old, chronic runaway granddaughter would also be joining us, at least through the holidays. We had discussed her earlier (she was not living with her mother and brothers) and I had been adamant that she was not welcome as she would be an extremely troubling influence who would not fit in well with this home or our community. Guess I got out-voted. Being a quasi-gentleman and since we're in mixed company I'll refrain from relating my part of the subsequent conversation.
The challenge has just increased several fold. Anyone have a spare room, for me, not the girl?
Well . . . Now, that is a helluva development.
Hubby has a man cave you all can hide out in, lol. NC is beautiful in the winter.
Ye gads! I've got a couple of spare bedrooms. Big house, just me. 'Course it's gonna be snowing here soon. Are you handy? Got tons of deferred projects. j/k
Well, take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. I have zero tolerance for anyone's crap these days. Intransigent people who continue to screw up their lives and produce screwed up children pretty much drive me into baseball bat territory. I only had one son, never a problem. Friend of mine always said it was because of he was afraid of me - says I'm a 'take no prisoners type.' I wouldn't have done well in a blended family and certainly not with problem children.
I suggest Legos, you don't have to worry about tripping on them, tho your late night cruises to the Fridge can turn pretty painful.
I DID get in a lot of trouble for "destroying my life's work" when I unexpectedly encountered a Masterpiecewhen coming home from shift work.
This experience will not be "the retirement Nightmare", just a minor hiccup along life's path.
I think of my aunt who tirelessly cares for fully paralyzed and non-speaking, now violent husband that went in for some 'elective' surgery, one week before early retirement. Came out a veg... she had to quit work to care for him... 12 yrs later...and very broke (no settlement from hospital / surgeon).... Life goes on. There are unfortunately many roadblocks on the journey of life. Those on the 'expressway', congrats !
Oh my I had to laugh over the Legos suggestion. My poor feet are forever bruised from those darn things and I think we had about $50,000 tied up in one big box. Sorry for your poor Aunt.
Hubby has a man cave you all can hide out in, lol. NC is beautiful in the winter.
Hold that thought. I lived in NC from 1950-52 and again from 1963-64. Loved it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariadne22
Ye gads! I've got a couple of spare bedrooms. Big house, just me. 'Course it's gonna be snowing here soon. Are you handy? Got tons of deferred projects. j/k
Well, take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. I have zero tolerance for anyone's crap these days. Intransigent people who continue to screw up their lives and produce screwed up children pretty much drive me into baseball bat territory. I only had one son, never a problem. Friend of mine always said it was because of he was afraid of me - says I'm a 'take no prisoners type.' I wouldn't have done well in a blended family and certainly not with problem children.
You have my sympathy.
This ol' soldier is a take-no-prisoners type himself and stepdaughter knows it, as does granddaughter. Perhaps we're just the influence they all need.
We'll hope for the best. Besides, I still have handcuffs left over from my cop days.
After four winters in Minnesota and three on the Korean DMZ I think I can handle a bit of the white stuff.
Thank you again, all of you. And Janrey, I AM the husband and rules are paramount and will be establish right up front. So sorry your mother's experience was/is so unfortunate. That's heart-wrenching. As for the boys ever being disrespectful, not a chance, nor from stepdaughter. She pulled that once on her mother in our home and in two seconds this old soldier and former cop had her backed up against a wall, calmly, quietly yet firmly informing her that NOBODY should ever speak to their mother that way but more importantly, NO ONE talks to my wife that way. It was a lesson that has not been lost on her. Everyone will pull their own weight to the extent reasonable and practicable.
We'll get along and we're looking forward to having children in the home for Christmas. It's been awhile.
Having read this, I figure you will be OK. I think you should encourage the step-daughter to contribute, if not financially, to help around the house until she finds some sort of job - even if she's not capable of carrying her own full weight, she should do *something*, IMHO. Which it appears you already plan to do.
Something you may not have thought about yet is health insurance for the step-daughter and her kids - That may take some time and doing, one possibility is that if she can work at a Starbucks - don't laugh, Starbucks is one of the best "little" jobs out there - even part time people can get into their health plan. The current situation is bad enough, you don't need medical bills on top of it.
Good luck with this unwanted but possibly not too horrible adventure...
Having read this, I figure you will be OK. I think you should encourage the step-daughter to contribute, if not financially, to help around the house until she finds some sort of job - even if she's not capable of carrying her own full weight, she should do *something*, IMHO. Which it appears you already plan to do.
Something you may not have thought about yet is health insurance for the step-daughter and her kids - That may take some time and doing, one possibility is that if she can work at a Starbucks - don't laugh, Starbucks is one of the best "little" jobs out there - even part time people can get into their health plan. The current situation is bad enough, you don't need medical bills on top of it.
Good luck with this unwanted but possibly not too horrible adventure...
Good thoughts. SD is collecting unemployment from CA and will be chipping-in to defray our costs as well as buying food for herself and the children, and preparing it. We eat dinner late and a very healthy diet so meals will be separated.
Since being unemployed, she and the children have been covered by Medicaid and that will just be transferred over to this state.
By paying nominal "rent," they will not be dependents for whom we have some liability and our income will not be factored into whatever aid they may be eligible to receive.
SD is willing and capable of working and will be seeking employment. It shouldn't take too long for her to be able to rent a home for all of them in this low COL area.
I feel like Abu ben Adam - one of various spellings - from the poem by James Henry Leigh Hunt: "Abou ben Adam (may his tribe increase!) awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,..." But I'd like to know what this thing called "dream of peace" is.
Yesterday stepdaughter called and talked to her mother. "Mother" then informed me that in addition to the two boys, her 16-year old, chronic runaway granddaughter would also be joining us, at least through the holidays. We had discussed her earlier (she was not living with her mother and brothers) and I had been adamant that she was not welcome as she would be an extremely troubling influence who would not fit in well with this home or our community. Guess I got out-voted. Being a quasi-gentleman and since we're in mixed company I'll refrain from relating my part of the subsequent conversation.
The challenge has just increased several fold. Anyone have a spare room, for me, not the girl?
Sounds like the kids story about the mitten, all those people trying to fit into it. I forget what happens in the end.
Is the 16-year-old the daughter of your step-daughter, or of another one? Do you think that she will enroll in school, or will that be a struggle?
Do you have room for all these new boarders? You may have to add on! Somehow I can really see you dealing with all this, after all. The question is, who's going to show up next?? Can we come too??
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My tribe increases
when I unexpectedly encountered a Masterpiece when coming home from shift work. 
