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[quote=Robyn55;And - to you women - a fair number of us have stuff dropping down where it shouldn't be (like bladders into vaginas) as we get older. It is very minor league surgery to correct this stuff (and there are docs who specialize in this - they're called urogynecologists). Only reason I know is I thought I had a prolapsed bladder last year. Turned out to be a big pelvic cyst. But the surgery was about the same and no big deal - and I am 100% back to normal now. FWIW - my late mother had a horribly prolapsed bladder for years - and just refused to do anything about it (although I pleaded with her). We have more important things to worry about as we age than feeling like we're about to lay an egg when we're walking around. Sorry for the explicit talk - but a very large % of women - if they get old enough - are going to run into this sooner or later. And most women don't like to talk about it FTF. Robyn[/QUOTE]
Robyn, thanks for bringing this up. A lot of us (like me) don't know a lot, at least I don't and I'd have no idea. I'm not good about going to doctors and very shy face to face (medical, that is). I know. My mom never talked about her health to me at all. Another reason this is an important forum.
But on the points...
My observation is that virtually everyone who posts here is both sensitive to those issues and to varying and mostly second degree has direct experience of the issues.
Those enduring first hand the experience of being "really elderly" aren't likely to be active on internet forums... but a few do seem to show up now and then.
hth
Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. It is more like - I'm 65 - and ok now - and if I do this that or the other thing - I will never wind up in a SNF - an ALF - or needing 24/7 assistance. In more than a few messages - people have said they'd put a gun to their heads first (which I find very disturbing).
It is kind of like people haven't accepted the possibility of their getting to an age a ways down the road where what works at age 65 won't work any more. Robyn
I wish we had some sort of way to break out into a private chat room. There are things I would love to discuss w/ other women on this forum but could never bring myself to post for general consumption, as I know too many people on CD in real life, lol. Questions I have . . .
My best friend was 18 years older than I and I relied on her to help me with these things. She died 5 years ago (still find myself starting to sit down and write her an email - crazy how that works, isn't it - this long - and still have conversations with her in my head). I have looked for support groups online but haven't found any for people over 60 . . . everyone is so YOUNG . . . "My mother won't let me get a tatoo" . .
I really don't mind aging at all. It beats the alternative and is yet another grand adventure. I believe I'm still young at heart but that heart beats in a 65-year old body that I've put through the wringer with very physically punishing occupations for many years before I opted to fly a desk. There are parts of me that don't work as well as they used to and there are aches and pains that weren't there before. Just a few months ago I tore a rotator cuff so unless I wish to subject myself to excruciating pain, I've lost mobility and range of motion in my right arm. Fortunately, I'm left-handed and have adapted. A little arthritis here, some tendonitis there, it's all part of the aging process and while not real pleasant, it is what it is and comes with the territory.
Since my mother and father died at ages 67 and 71, respectively, I didn't have the privilege of watching them through their 70s and 80s, although my MIL died at 87 and my former MIL at 93 (we stayed close) so I did learn some lessons from their experiences. Nothing I've observed has caused me to fear the approaching years. I'll just take them in stride. Hopefully I'll do so without lament.
Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. It is more like - I'm 65 - and ok now - and if I do this that or the other thing - I will never wind up in a SNF - an ALF - or needing 24/7 assistance. In more than a few messages - people have said they'd put a gun to their heads first (which I find very disturbing).
It is kind of like people haven't accepted the possibility of their getting to an age a ways down the road where what works at age 65 won't work any more. Robyn
Mi'Lady Robyn: A gun (as bolded above) is both messy, distressing to the living and highly unnecessary. There are many, much more civilized options to make the big jump.
Does one pursue the very last gasp/breath or choose their own time, on their own terms? Nursing homes/hospitals are not a fun place to spend one's last moments in this life, by all accounts, and dignity is not a common situation.
Does anyone doubt that they will die? Perhaps we, as a culture and individuals, might want to consider the issue a bit more broadly. Just a thought.
I want to share this on the open forum without mentioning the name. Someone repped me for my post #53 above in which I took issue with the statement that younger people do not belong here. In the rep comment the person said that he/she was in the early 50's and was learning a lot in this forum, but was "scared to post here right now". I would like to encourage that person to go ahead and post if he/she thinks he/she has something to say. What a shame that slightly younger people should feel intimidated! That is not right, even if it is partly a function of the natural timidity of the person who repped me. I want to welcome that person and say I am glad this forum is providing good information and discussion for him/her.
Mi'Lady Robyn: A gun (as bolded above) is both messy, distressing to the living and highly unnecessary. There are many, much more civilized options to make the big jump.
Does one pursue the very last gasp/breath or choose their own time, on their own terms? Nursing homes/hospitals are not a fun place to spend one's last moments in this life, by all accounts, and dignity is not a common situation.
Does anyone doubt that they will die? Perhaps we, as a culture and individuals, might want to consider the issue a bit more broadly. Just a thought.
A "death with dignity" thread?
When I was in nursing home admin, I had the privilege of counseling both residents and their families about end of life issues.
You are right; folks don't want to discuss it.
There are alternatives . . .palliative care, hospice . . . for in hospital care, DNR orders . . . and if people plan well, they can die at home . . .
But most folks are not really keen on discussing this topic. I find that sad. I used to stand watch beside folks who were at the last moments of their lives. I felt it was a spiritual rite and I was honored to be there.
Heck, you can't get most people to plan out their funerals - and many won't even write a will.
Heck, you can't get most people to plan out their funerals - and many won't even write a will.
OTOH, in a certain ethnicity, having your casket and burial lot paid off while you still have at least a couple of decades to go is the thing of beauty. It's not keeping up with the Jones anymore, it's outbuying the Jones with the choicest lot and best view in Rose Hills, complete with Carrara marble headstone.
When I was in nursing home admin, I had the privilege of counseling both residents and their families about end of life issues.
You are right; folks don't want to discuss it.
There are alternatives . . .palliative care, hospice . . . for in hospital care, DNR orders . . . and if people plan well, they can die at home . . .
But most folks are not really keen on discussing this topic. I find that sad. I used to stand watch beside folks who were at the last moments of their lives. I felt it was a spiritual rite and I was honored to be there.
Heck, you can't get most people to plan out their funerals - and many won't even write a will.
Too many won't admit to or confront their mortality which is unfortunate as death is inevitable at some point in time. None of us get out of this life alive and to not adequately plan and provide for the end of it is, in my opinion, a huge disservice to family and other loved ones. My wife and I learned both that lesson decades ago when we both worked legislatively on aging/senior issues.
Is it fun to discuss? Of course not. But that should stop no one. I think we all owe it to our survivors to take care of business. And I think we also owe it to the younger people who come to this forum to set the example of having actually gained at least a wee bit of wisdom with age and pass it on.
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