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As an adult survivor of child abuse, they can rot in **** before I spend a penny on them.
I'd cross the street to spit on them laying in the gutters.
Nor will I allow the state to force me to pay thousands of dollars in court and go thru all
that all over again to beg them to let me be.
Any attempt by any state to make me pay will be quickly followed by a move out of state, out of country even if necessary.
My parents abandoned me in my early teens, after years of abuse. My mother is still alive, married to a convicted pedophile who abused my younger sister and went to prison for that offense (among others), and after his release was some years later convicted of molesting three young girls in the community and went to prison for 10 years for that offense. He was released after serving his time, but my mother is still with this man.
If the staute of limitations hadn't run out, she would be convicted for her crimes against her children. The very idea of being forced to pay for her care sickens me, and I would rather go to jail myself than contribute a dime towards her care. We haven't even spoken in more than 30 years. My state has no statues on this fortunately, and neither does the state in which I plan to retire. I would hope that the laws in the state in which she resides do not apply to me or my sisters, even though they both live in her state (California). And if for some reason the law is ever forced upon us, that her past actions would exempt us from the requirement to support her in any way.
The case of abusive parents points up how the law could not enforce aiding them. I cannot imagine any judge decreeing it. It would obviously create so much psychological damage. But a court case (hypothetically) would place the burden of proof on the adult daughter or son, and this could be a long painful drawn out process that is costly.
My mother was always a "difficult" person and we sisters remember her as abusive (leaving us at a very young age inside the house and walking out, telling us she was leaving us for good, etc) and having screaming fits. But that was mixed in with a lot of "responsible" parenting. Her real abuse came as she got quite old, and this was all verbal and mind-manipulation (she was a master of it). Nonetheless, as she aged, one sister and I did everything we could to keep her safe and stocked with provisions. It wasn't even a decision, it was more an inbred duty. We suffered plenty and thankfully she died spontaneously in her own home, just at the point we were about to lose our minds.
In the cases above, I see no justification for aiding those parents. They left their children on their own, and they in turn should be left on their own. Unfortunately cases like this are often at the taxpayer;s expense.
Happened to catch this thread, though a bit old, because I'm presently dealing with the issue of a parent likely going into independent living and my gloomy assumption that she will be in assisted living within a very short time.
This appears to be a Nursing Home/Assisted living issue in many respects where places feel they don't get enough I would assume from Medicaid once the person's money has run out. I had heard something on a radio show that was emphasizing the issue of estate planning because of these very issues/protecting assets etc.
In reality, as more people are living longer and are going into these places, I would assume there will be more aggressive pursuit by institutions, not less. I was amazed to see the number of states that have laws on the record and it isn't YOUR state you live in; it is where the PARENT lives. The parent's state of residence will collect from you, regardless of your residency.
To be fair, one does question where the money is going to come from to support all these seniors. And i believe there are a good many provisions that protect adult children of abusive parents/negligent parents etc from financial ruin but it is a quandry. It definitely brings again the issue of why my mom, my sister and I are going to have a serious sitdown and talk about some things NOW. I'll likely gain my sister's ear once I explain that the state will pursue the "capable" adult children after they have provided for their own means. - to put it in the venacular, "sis, you are much more well-heeled than me........which means they will collect it from you" - like i said, I think I might finally get an ear on doing some sensible planning..................
In reality, as more people are living longer and are going into these places, I would assume there will be more aggressive pursuit by institutions, not less. I was amazed to see the number of states that have laws on the record and it isn't YOUR state youlive in; it is where the PARENT lives. The parent's state of residencewill collect from you, regardless of your residency.........
I had forgotten about this thread which I started until you revived it. As for the statement I placed in bold above, that just doesn't make sense to me. How can a state of you are not a resident legally enforce such a thing? I think we need the lawyers to chime in on this one.
I had forgotten about this thread which I started until you revived it. As for the statement I placed in bold above, that just doesn't make sense to me. How can a state of you are not a resident legally enforce such a thing? I think we need the lawyers to chime in on this one.
I don't get it either. There are several issues here. Are we talking about enforcement by the state under a "destitute parent" statute or a collection matter initiated by a private facility? Two different causes of action.
There is something called a "long arm statute" that allows a state court to assume personal jurisdiction over a nonresident where the state court determines the defendant had sufficient, albeit minimal, contacts with the state (and the cause of action arose in that state.) But this just allows the case to proceed in that state court. I can see where an adult child signing his or her parent into a nursing facility could be considered having sufficient contacts with the state, such that the facility could pursue collections against a nonresident in the state where the facility is located.
However, I think it would be very difficult (if not impossible) for the state government to enforce a "destitute parent" statute (if criminally based) to pursue a claim against a non-resident child. OTOH, could a state initiate a civil action to recover Medicaid funds expended on behalf of the parent? If not prohibited by federal law, perhaps.
Just thinking out loud here. Will conduct some research to see if any court decisions address this issue.
BTW, it seems that facilities are more likely to pursue collections where the child refused to assist the facility in efforts to obtain Medical Assistance for the parent or the child absconded with the parent's assets.
Needless to say, I'm right there with you on the outrage and resentment.
We're going to see more and more of this.
As the Greatest Generation and to an extent, the Silents, pass on, the remaining newer generations are going to present a much less fiscally fit picture.
Danger, Will Robinson!
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