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Old 06-04-2012, 07:15 PM
 
Location: it depends
6,074 posts, read 5,340,136 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
I will just note that no one has has mentioned a move in terms of being closer to or farther away from parents (as opposed to children or grandchildren). Most of us are 50-70 or so. And our parents are the people in our families who will most likely need help now or in the future. Any thoughts? Robyn
I have some perspective on this, on a number of levels. When I got married, we stayed close to the old home town. My widowed mother needed assisted living long before she went to it, and it was a huge PITA to help her maintain her "independence." Most siblings had left the area long before, but were always glad to pitch in with unhelpful advice based on the ignorance caused by distance. When nursing home time came, the time required stopped being time that was taken from my own family. She got to where she didn't always recognize me, but claimed this sibling and that sibling were down at the nurses station or just left for lunch (when actually they were many hundreds of miles away, living their lives.)

Now my sweet widowed mother-in-law has Alzheimers, and wife's little sister sold her own home, trashed her career, and moved in with her to keep her in her home. She's fried, and it is horrible--the mom will be gone in a year or two, and the daughter will have thirty or forty years left after this costly martyrdom. Meanwhile, my wife and I are finally able to spend much of the year in a better place, more than a thousand miles away--and we do. Neither one of us is going to live forever, either, or have what's left of our health forever.

Life is for the living. Day to day care of aging parents is for professionals. Medicaid kicks in when the money runs out. I wouldn't pass up a chance to visit the old folks, but I wouldn't make the mistake of over-involvement again.

My opinion, others may think differently and it is a free country: consider very carefully what you are getting into.
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Old 06-04-2012, 07:20 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,514,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
I will just note that no one has has mentioned a move in terms of being closer to or farther away from parents (as opposed to children or grandchildren). Most of us are 50-70 or so. And our parents are the people in our families who will most likely need help now or in the future. Any thoughts? Robyn
Unfortunately, Robyn, my parents both died over 20 years ago, my wife's father 18 years ago and her mother five years ago before we moved. Children and grandchildren are who are left. Oh yeah, and us.
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Old 06-05-2012, 08:32 AM
 
10,391 posts, read 9,401,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
We figured we had one good move in us and we made it - a lot further from most of our children asnd grandchildren - somewhat closer but not real close to the rest.

We're right where we wanted to be in retirement. To us, that's the principal issue.
I'm very happy for you guys! If I do relocate I'll be doing it all on my own; in the past when I moved from state to state I was with someone and even though it was a lot of work, going solo now is a much larger chore; not to mention the safety factor of driving alone to the new location. And I was nearly 20 years younger the last time I made a long distance move.
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