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Old 02-08-2012, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Central US
202 posts, read 412,007 times
Reputation: 365

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I have heard of people having a hard time when only one spouse retires and the other is still working.

It also can be a big problem when both spouses are thrown together almost 24/7 if they retire at the same time when they are used to being apart during the work week.

Any experiences to share?

Or advise?
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:16 PM
 
7,339 posts, read 16,646,140 times
Reputation: 4567
I'm retired (SS/Early Retirement) due to being unemployed for too long and my wife works full-time. I've been looking for a part-time position for awhile now without any luck. She enjoys work b/c it keeps her mind real occuppied. During the winter months here, it can be just too cool (or even cold) to enjoy some boating. As for me, I really liked my last job, but my surgeries and winter weather made us move. I do a lot of the housework (vaccumming, laundry, dishes, etc) as well as most of the cooking. That is "my part" of taking care of us, since she works full-time.
For a couple where one is retired and one is working full-time, we do just fine!
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:22 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,487,261 times
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Have done both. My wife retired for medical reasons six years before I did and now we're both retired since I pulled the plug in '08. Adjusting to both has been a piece o' cake. We each do the housework and cooking, enjoy one anothers' company, get out of the house on a regular basis, grow many of our own vegetables (also a joint effort) and life is good. YMMV!
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:01 PM
 
3,752 posts, read 9,605,753 times
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I "retired" twice. I found out I needed better preparation to cover the physical, mental, spiritual, creative and social parts of life in retirement. We made some rules after finding we were getting stuck in a rut. New restaurant every month, but some new food when we go to grocery store, new activity or new city each quarter or more, etc. This did help us focus on trying new things.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Mtns of Waynesville,NC & Nokomis, FL
4,241 posts, read 8,085,527 times
Reputation: 5299
We both bailed in June 2000, 'early', (me at 52 spouse at 43), but we had the dough & situ covered.

After 'being in charge' of a world wide large sales & mtking force, it was a change. But, we were soon caught up in building a retirement house several states away, so it was not like I was sitting around watching daytime TV. And, my DW told me that I was no longer 'in charge of anyone', lol!

Almost 12 years later, at 64, I don't miss the grind and the 200+ nights a year on the road a bit.
I must admit there are occasional days, or parts of a day, when I am a bit bored, but a myriad of hobbies, interests, some volunteer work, travel and our just being together alot, has been a wonderful decade plus.

My CEO & I enjoy doing many activities/interests together, but we make sure we have some separate interests and give each other some space & alone time every day.

I have no regrets, and hope I pull another decade or two...I highly rec'd getting away from the meat grinder.
GL, mD
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
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My sister's husband retired early from a gov't job. He is only 62. He had chances to do consulting work but turned it down, to do....absolutely nothing. He sits at his computer all day and watches his stocks; does no housework or house fix-up (they hired a guy to put in about 16 floor tile for $1,000!) and occasionally walks but mostly sits around. We think he is depressed because he's withdrawn, but he won't admit it and refuses to see a doctor. He was pretty smart in his profession but all motivation to do anything at all is gone. If he quit eating junk food he'd probably live another 30 years. That's a long time of just hanging around. My sister keeps working only to avoid having to stay home with him 24/7. What a waste of potential, even the potential to just hang out and be happy.
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Old 02-08-2012, 04:10 PM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
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As a terminally single person who has been working since age 16, I am eager to learn the downsides of not working.
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Old 02-08-2012, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,740,386 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
My sister's husband retired early from a gov't job. He is only 62. He had chances to do consulting work but turned it down, to do....absolutely nothing. He sits at his computer all day and watches his stocks; does no housework or house fix-up (they hired a guy to put in about 16 floor tile for $1,000!) and occasionally walks but mostly sits around. We think he is depressed because he's withdrawn, but he won't admit it and refuses to see a doctor. He was pretty smart in his profession but all motivation to do anything at all is gone. If he quit eating junk food he'd probably live another 30 years. That's a long time of just hanging around. My sister keeps working only to avoid having to stay home with him 24/7. What a waste of potential, even the potential to just hang out and be happy.
This is a very interesting, though sad, family tale. I know one or two similar cases and have heard of others. I think there are more of those cases than many of us posting here realize; it seems to me that most posters in the City-Data Retirement Forum have lots of activities, interests, and hobbies and therefore do not relate to the problems of people like Newenglandgirl's brother-in-law. And of course his problem impacts his wife also.
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Old 02-08-2012, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Port Charlotte, FL
230 posts, read 316,904 times
Reputation: 201
Lucky you, you get to retire.

Due to the last 3 yrs of the economy and a divorce I don't get to retire ever.
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Old 02-08-2012, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
This is a very interesting, though sad, family tale. I know one or two similar cases and have heard of others. I think there are more of those cases than many of us posting here realize; it seems to me that most posters in the City-Data Retirement Forum have lots of activities, interests, and hobbies and therefore do not relate to the problems of people like Newenglandgirl's brother-in-law. And of course his problem impacts his wife also.
Someone once told me that this happens more often with men than with women for some strange reason. Also, anyone chatting like we all do on CD forum are generally more friendly and outgoing and probably generally more active than other retirees (at least we're more curious). I would guess probably rightly that my BIL would never engage in such chat online, or even in person. When one is a loner by nature, even if forced to interact with many people while working, perhaps one returns to being a loner after retirement unless there are mitigating factors. He only has had one or two male friends, and they are busy with their own families, so he's really alone even though married. The only time he stirs is if he and my sister take a day trip together.
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