Does anyone get along worse with their spouse after they retired? (grandparents, divorce)
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My situation evolved over time and is not necessarily unique.
My wife and I retired early at 50. She felt she had to find a new life and divorced me about 7 years ago when we were 53, after my son left for college. I think she began regretting it shortly thereafter. After lots of twists and turns, we are now back together again at 60. Not married, but living together as partners and we are both looking to move away from Chicago and back to the East Coast. Hopefully to a place where we can quietly spend retirement.
I have heard of other couples also getting together after splitting up. My brother separated from his wife but they are still seeing each other almost every day. Just sharing different living quarters. A friend of mine and her husband are basically doing the same thing.
Many of the women in my grandparents' generation did not work outside the home. Those women knew how to run an efficient household, had a system and schedules that worked. Having the DH suddenly home all the time often through a monkey wrench into that well oiled machine, causing some friction
Many of the women in my grandparents' generation did not work outside the home. Those women knew how to run an efficient household, had a system and schedules that worked. Having the DH suddenly home all the time often through a monkey wrench into that well oiled machine, causing some friction
And now that the old man is home, it's a lot harder to "Sit under the Apple Tree with anyone else...."
If my H hadn't died, we probably would have ended up divorced.
I was the energizer bunny. I wanted to go and do everything I could. I wanted a social life, hobbies, whatever. I'll try anything once. He wanted to live like a hermit with his computer and TV. I felt like I was just a convenience to him. There was always food available and clean clothes. I did everything that got done and he just sat around. H had also become very bitter and pessimistic about life. One of the few things he was passionate about was complaining about politics and the state of the nation. He could rant on for hours. But he never DID anything. I would encourage him to volunteer for the people he did support, but no, that would require getting off the couch. He just wanted to complain. I probably told him 10,000 times I wasn't going to waste my energies on things I couldn't change and I was tired of his constant complaining. He was still ranting about Watergate...ancient history.
H was one of those people who couldn't move on. He still ruminated endlessly about every bad thing that came his way. He still talked about stuff that happened in High School! I was positive and he was negative. Somewhere along the way, H lost all his joy and passion for life.
Over time, we had become two very different people. Decades of work and elder care masked the differences because we were always busy. Too busy, unfortunately, to take care of the one thing that mattered most, us.
H was basically a good person and I miss him every day. I'm sorry he is gone. But we probably wouldn't have ended up together. We had become two very different people. I wanted a future and he was lost in the past.
It's possible but he didn't believe in spending a lot of money on doctors either. That's probably why he is dead. He lived through years of seeing my mom in treatment for severe depression. That was probably enough to make him refuse treatment. He would tell you the treatment was worse than the disease. And he wouldn't be totally wrong.
We spent some time together a few weeks before he died. We had a ball and it was almost like the good times. I told him to get to a doctor because he didn't seem well to me. I think he knew he was ill and the visit was a good-bye.
He lived his life the way he wanted to and we'll never know for sure why he did what he did.
Nope. Better. Now we have the time and freedom to devote to one another. Best of all, we still want to.
Here too.Before we both worked and had to handle the affairs of lfe as time allowed and poften separately. Now we do more things together and actaully have more time to enjoy mnay things we rush threu before.
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