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This really came home to us last week. For the first time since we moved to our current home we attended an event at the community center. Now this is not a designated 55+ or retirement community but the reality is that being a rural, lakefront community, many here are retirees, some of whom purchased their homes years ago for weekend and vacation use. They've since reached a certain age and have also retired here. After three years in our home we're still relative newcomers.
Thankfully we also have young families living here, some with children ranging from young to teens and early 20s. That adds a lovely vibrancy and contrast.
Back to feeling too young for the social events. I'll be 66 in a couple of months and my wife will be 64. While those ages are not old by any stretch of the imagination, neither are they really young. At the event, a pig roast, we discovered that most of the attendees were a number of years ahead of us or at least acted that way. There was also a certain perceived insularity about it all - "factions" as it were. If that can occur in an open-ended, available to all community like ours, I can only begin to imagine how "intentional" communities for 55+ and older must operate socially.
Now I'll be the first to admit that neither my wife nor I are "joiners" but this experience brought our distaste for it right to the surface.
I know that many here are looking into age-restricted communities. I am now of the mind that this is an appropriate description of them. I think they could age you beyond your years.
I see your point and would never join an age restricted community. This is the reason I worked for a university - I LOVE the interaction with young people (not children however). Their enthusiasm for life, wonderment,new ideas, stories/encounters, humor! Why, they are like little puppies stumbling around and exploring life. Now that is what I miss being retired.
It's enjoyable to think back fifty or sixty years and remember. When I was a boy I always envied old people because of all their memories of what was for me history. I wish that I'd been around during Prohibition and the Great Depression.
That doesn't mean that I need to stop working. I'm just as good as ever above the neck and below the skin. Besides, you're never too old to make money.
And I still meet plenty of people who are old enough to be my parents.
As you suggest, many, if not most communities tend to morph into the character, age and lifestyles of its members. There are many reasons for that, but, probably the most prominent is probably socio-economics, followed closely by a comfort-zone mindset that tends to seek out others that are 'like us.' An older person might, for example, love having college students and children aroiund, but, would still be unlikely to move into the middle of a student-housing area ... or a neighborhood full of cookie-cutter houses with bikes & trikes in every driveway. Likewise, the younger folks cannot generally afford (and are not much interested in) moving-in alongside a neighborhood of older folks.
Similar to neighborhoods, it also seems like clubs, associations, churches and a host of other organizations tend to gravitate in the same direction. It takes a real effort by older, more established members to attract and include younger people ... without somewhat excluding others their age ... or even themselves. The older folks have to do it, since the younger folks are not generally interested in surrounding themselves with older folks.
I know that many here are looking into age-restricted communities. I am now of the mind that this is an appropriate description of them. I think they could age you beyond your years.
Anyone else?
I agree. We live in one and we get our social kicks from outside the gate. The activities here are geared for the big band/WW2 era. Tea parties, Ladies' Coffee, quilting, Casino night ($5 max) and proud to say we've been to none of these. On their behalf, however, the maintenance was why we moved here. Everything is done for us. And we love our house! The activities, however, are age appropriate for 75+.
I think everyone is different and has different taste form where they want to live to what car they drive.I hear the same aguments for living in a large city verus smaller.
What I am finding, in our 55+ community, is that people gravitate into groups of like-minded people.....just like any larger community.
There are the partyers, the sports fans, the golfers,boaters,the grandchildren devotees, etc etc
The scheduled clubhouse activities, true,seem geared more for the older of the olders but that may well be because a lot of us don't want or need 'scheduled' activities.
After 5 years, we have yet to play Bingo(my particular criteria for having gotten 'old'
Living in an age restricted community and participating in their social events are fine for the stereotypical "senior", where you only need leave your own surroundings for shopping.
When you start to feel like you fit in to such an environment and only want socialization with the same, you're old, mentally and physically.
I know that many here are looking into age-restricted communities. I am now of the mind that this is an appropriate description of them. I think they could age you beyond your years.
Anyone else?
You expressed my greatest concern about moving into a 55+ apartment complex. The one my mom lived in, while a very lovely complex in beautiful surroundings, was chock-full of gossipy, nosy people who formed various cliques. It's hard to ignore that sort of thing, even if your social life exists elsewhere. One guy that lived there spent all his time waiting for cars to park for more than the allowed 10 minutes at the pickup/drop-off area. Seriously, he would sit and time it and then write down the plate number and turn it into management. When my mom first developed memory issues, one bully of a woman would make fun of her for not recalling certain details. Back to high school!
What I am finding, in our 55+ community, is that people gravitate into groups of like-minded people.....just like any larger community.
There are the partyers, the sports fans, the golfers,boaters,the grandchildren devotees, etc etc
The scheduled clubhouse activities, true,seem geared more for the older of the olders but that may well be because a lot of us don't want or need 'scheduled' activities.
After 5 years, we have yet to play Bingo(my particular criteria for having gotten 'old'
I agree. Our community is also like that. We mostly interact with people outside of the condo itself, although I'm sure we will find like-minded people as we go along (only been there a year, and only in winter.) It seems like every few years there's a resurgence or renaissance of more "active" activities, as the older folks slow down and eventually die, and the younger ones want something peppier.
As for Curmudgeon, in your case you may be suffering from cliquishness that comes from a long-established community where there are lots of folks who have been there for decades. Our summer home is a bit like that--families who have been here a hundred years or more make it tough for incomers to socialize. Even though we are one of them, I hate the cliques and gossip, etc.
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