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The way I would have reacted to being alone at 37 with hormones, income, ego, children to raise, etc. playing major roles versus at 67 with none of them playing a major role, could easily change ones (and did my) points of view......LOL
Why do you think you have to entertain each other?
Not that I'm promoting divorce/singleness over marriage but within a year after I separated at 37 and eventually got divorced I couldn't imagine ever living with anyone again (that goes for a roommate, too). On the other hand, I know serial marriers, that is, they don't let any grass grow under their feet before they are on to the next guy and keep repeating the pattern until they think they get it right. (Is it really that hard to bring your car in for service, set up your home computer by yourself or mow the lawn? --- kidding ) To each his own. The way I see it marriage is a series of compromises meaning neither one of you ever do what you really want to do, when you do agree on something it's diluted or at best you only do what you want to do half the time...sort of like Congress.
Scenario:
You and the spouse decide you want to go to the movies:
He wants to see the latest horror movie, you want to see the latest comedy. Do you:
1. Each go to the movies by yourselves and see the movies you really want to see?
2. Compromise and go together to see a different movie that wasn't the first choice for either one of you so in effect neither one of you are seeing what you want to see?
3. One of you always yields to the other to keep the peace besides, their movie choice can't be that awful and it's only 2 hours out of your life if it's not a James Cameron or Peter Jackson movie.
4. You alternate so both of you only see what you want to see half the time.
5. You accept a bribe of dinner out after the movie if you go see the spouse's choice?
6. You both stay home or do something else. One or both of you might even sulk.
I'll bet you married retirees never do Number 1, above.
I think perhaps you never where really marriage material if thsi is important to you i a partnership.Movie choice?
I think perhaps you never where really marriage material if thsi is important to you i a partnership.Movie choice?
I don't think that's what she meant...that a movie choice was so "important". She was just using that as an example of what 'compromise' might be. Doesn't have anything to do with being "marriage material" at all. Perhaps you could think of a different/better example??
I have been alone for about a dozen years and just recently retired and relocated. It has been quite a metamorphosis. I feel more lonely now than I did when I was working. Sometimes I think I could remarry or develope some kind of relationship with a women again. Then I get cowardice about the whole thing.
Other than that, I enjoy my independence immensely. When I desire the touch of a women, I go get a message.
I have been alone for about a dozen years and just recently retired and relocated. It has been quite a metamorphosis. I feel more lonely now than I did when I was working. Sometimes I think I could remarry or develope some kind of relationship with a women again. Then I get cowardice about the whole thing.
Other than that, I enjoy my independence immensely. When I desire the touch of a women, I go get a message.
The answer to this question is, "it depends." Some couples can barely stand each other. Trying to keep the other happy would probably be a big burden. Others love each other and enjoy making the other happy, so its no burden at all. No general rule, it just depends.
Retirement has been a time of going back to who I was before the marriage, children and career. I love being able to indulge in what I enjoy instead of being the people pleaser. Fortunately husband understands this. We had a long talk before we retired and it was understood we were both retired. It is still a strain to be responsible for someone else but......I made that commitment years ago. Meanwhile, I am planning my next road trip.
Do you think it is more difficult to keep you and your spouse happy together (or to keep just your spouse happy) in retirement than it would be to keep just yourself happy in retirement if you are single or if you were single and not married?
If Happily married before retirement starts, what changes? If not happily married perhaps retirement offers the opportunity to reconnect. Is there a school of thought that retirement can get better after your spouse passes?
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