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Old 06-21-2012, 02:27 PM
 
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Do you think it is more difficult to keep you and your spouse happy together (or to keep just your spouse happy) in retirement than it would be to keep just yourself happy in retirement if you are single or if you were single and not married?

Last edited by matisse12; 06-21-2012 at 02:36 PM..
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Old 06-21-2012, 02:50 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
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It all depends on how much company you need or want. And how much of a social network you already have.

I have learned I don't particularly like living alone. It's too easy to be isolated from the world. If it's up to me, I will probably always have a SO or a housemate of some kind.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
It all depends on how much company you need or want. And how much of a social network you already have.

I have learned I don't particularly like living alone. It's too easy to be isolated from the world. If it's up to me, I will probably always have a SO or a housemate of some kind.
I used to think I would remarry or have a live in lady friend, but the older I get the less responsibility/concern I want for anybody but myself.

I want to be able to come, go, and do as I please when I want to.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:20 PM
 
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I was wondering if some or many people feel a burden or responsibility for keeping the spouse that they live with happy in retirement.

Such as feeling a burden or responsibility to often be planning activities - welcome and unwelcome activities - to keep a spouse happy and content in retirement.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Florida
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My husband is now deceased, however, when he retired it was a stressful situation. He had no hobbies, couldn't figure out what to do with his time. This went on for 6 months, then in our best interest he went back to work. It was not my responsibility to plan activities for him, he was an adult and I was not his mommy.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Center City
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I never felt it was a chore to keep my partner happy. Perhaps we both chose wisely, as it is easy to be together and we seem to make one another happy naturally, without it feeling like an effort.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Near a river
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I was wondering if some or many people feel a burden or responsibility for keeping the spouse that they live with happy in retirement.

Such as feeling a burden or responsibility to often be planning activities - welcome and unwelcome activities - to keep a spouse happy and content in retirement.
IMO, the less you do together every week in retirement perhaps the better. Dates keep the relationship alive; being joined at the hip can become old fast. (Of course we know some couples are 'best friends' and elect to do everything together). But to answer your question, it is no one's responsibility but the individual to keep happy in retirement. For a spouse to feel so responsible to the other is a little weird, co-dependent, and stressing day in, day out.
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:07 PM
 
Location: SW MO
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Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
IMO, the less you do together every week in retirement perhaps the better. Dates keep the relationship alive; being joined at the hip can become old fast. (Of course we know some couples are 'best friends' and elect to do everything together). But to answer your question, it is no one's responsibility but the individual to keep happy in retirement. For a spouse to feel so responsible to the other is a little weird, co-dependent, and stressing day in, day out.
Precisely. Fortunately, my wife and I are best friends and have been friends many years longer than we've been married. Also, she's a big girl and while I enjoy making her happy, her happiness is as much her responsibility and visa-versa. Were anything to happenn to her I would most likely remain alone because I enjoyed being single after a former divorce. Relationships are hard work if they're to be successful and I wouldn't likely have the energy nor the desire to cultivate a new one at my age.
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Near a river
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Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Precisely. Fortunately, my wife and I are best friends and have been friends many years longer than we've been married. Also, she's a big girl and while I enjoy making her happy, her happiness is as much her responsibility and visa-versa. Were anything to happenn to her I would most likely remain alone because I enjoyed being single after a former divorce. Relationships are hard work if they're to be successful and I wouldn't likely have the energy nor the desire to cultivate a new one at my age.
Curmudgeons are difficult in general. A miracle any get married!
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Mt Pleasant, SC
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I haven't been alone since my twenties so it's really hard to really know until it happens. I suspect like most things, there's advantages and disadvantages to both.

I can think of a lot of things I'd do alone that I don't do because he wouldn't want to. Living with someone else is full of compromise. After getting used to living together all day, finding our "own space", I've worked on not trying to "entertain" him. Like Dolly's husband, he has little interest in hobbies, and for years wouldn't attempt to figure out what to do with his time. He's now putting more effort into trying to develop his day, on his own, to be more enjoyable.

My 72yr old sister lost the love of her life a decade ago. They had spent their whole life in business together 24/7. Being an eternal optimist, she grieved alone for a year and a half, then picked herself back up. First thing she did was cut her hair short (he would never allow it); it was a "freeing" event for her. Then she remodeled her house the way she wanted. She learned to use a computer, bought a microwave (he didn't allow) Since then she's done some amazing things she would never have done had he lived. It's given her great confidence in herself, but every now and then she talks about the loneliness of living alone and not being able to travel and share adventures with someone you love.

So, she would have said it was easier/better to keep her spouse happy. Me, I tend to think I'd be the opposite. But that loneliness issue is a biggie that I wonder about.. and I'm a person who enjoys having "my space".
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