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Old 07-08-2012, 07:47 PM
 
6,245 posts, read 5,607,972 times
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To set the record straight I've been happily married to the same woman for over 35 years, I would do it again and I am not looking to change anything.

But a close friend lost a spouse a late last summer and my wife asked me what I would do if something happened to her. I didn't have to think about it to answer I would hit the dating scene and probably shock everyone how soon I would get remarried. I told my wife I could very likely make a mistake but after being married as long as we have I can not imagine not being married. I like being married, she made our married life wonderful and I don't want to be single and alone.

Every night when we go to bed we have this little not so much sexual ritual we go through were we always talk; sometimes for 5 minutes sometimes for 30 minutes, but we always have this ritual. I am sitting here thinking if she wasn't here how sad I would be not having the ritual.

I added she should take it as a compliment and it appears she did. Would hearing "I will never get married again" be better?

That said she will most likely outlive me, I am male and older, so most it is something I probably won't have to deal with but I was curious about a woman's perspective. I have a feeling they are less likely to want to get involved again but that is just a guess.

One of the good things about being in your mid 60's is some grandma's start to look pretty hot.

Anyone here get married later on after the death of a spouse?
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Old 07-08-2012, 10:30 PM
 
Location: Rancho Palos Verdes
47 posts, read 38,356 times
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I lost my spouse of 40 years about 18 months ago. I vowed from the day of his death that there would never be another. About nine months later I was asked out by a casual acquaintance, a widower from church. We clicked immediately and had a tremendous amount in common. Unfortunately he had family in town who needed him very much, and I had family far away who needed me and I needed them. We went out until the time came for me to move and here I was becoming more and more fond of him. All of this made the move even more painful. I know now, though, to never say never. I still would prefer to remain single but what will be, will be.
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Old 07-08-2012, 10:58 PM
 
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I was so happy being single that I planned to never marry but a great guy showed up when I was 30, and I caved. We've had 33 great years together, so far. If he goes first, I will NOT be looking for spouse #2, or any romantic entanglement. I'll be too busy pursuing other interests. One great marriage is enough for me, it's more than many people get to experience.

If I should by some fluke meet great guy 2, my plan is pass him by on hopes he'll meet some great gal who needs a man in her life.
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Old 07-09-2012, 04:58 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
8,081 posts, read 14,059,114 times
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Never say never!

I grew up ugly. Just a statement of fact. I was always the wallflower hanging out at the punch bowl. And I was smart too. After all, I had no social life so I might as well study. I was socially awkward, and fat. The triple whammy. I was a lost cause.

Time passed and most of the women who used to look great started looking like grandmas. And I didn't. I aged but I avoided the grandmagaveup look. For the first time in my life, I was 'hot', comparatively speaking. And I've loved every minute of it.

As far as getting married goes, I can't for financial reasons. No matter what, I will remain technically, single. In a way, it makes me sad but I will adapt and adjust as necessary. I like people and companionship. If the choice is mine to make, I will always have a relationship of some kind.
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Old 07-09-2012, 07:03 AM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 5,077,239 times
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I used to think I would remarry but as I get older I value being able to do what I want, when I want, the way I want to do it so I would not remarry.

I would have social/sexual lady friend(s) but I would live alone.
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Old 07-09-2012, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Orlando-ish
705 posts, read 776,560 times
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I love my husband dearly, and we have a wonderful marriage, but if he dies before I do, I will not get married again.

Y'all may flame me for this, but I really think marriage is better for the man than it is for the woman. Marriage requires many, many compromises, and in my experience, and looking at the marriages of family members and friends, it's generally the wife who compromises to the husband's position. Starting with that thing about changing names.
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Old 07-09-2012, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
5,017 posts, read 3,797,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon View Post
I love my husband dearly, and we have a wonderful marriage, but if he dies before I do, I will not get married again.

Y'all may flame me for this, but I really think marriage is better for the man than it is for the woman. Marriage requires many, many compromises, and in my experience, and looking at the marriages of family members and friends, it's generally the wife who compromises to the husband's position. Starting with that thing about changing names.
I won't flame you for what you said. But then I agree with all of it. lol I can't imagine me, at 69, dating or remarrying. Most of the women I know feel the same way. The ONLY reason they 'might' remarry would be for financial/security reasons but some of us love having our independance and being able to do whatever, whenever and however we want. No more 'forced' compromises.
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Old 07-09-2012, 07:49 AM
 
Location: delaware
528 posts, read 365,206 times
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my husband and i had a good, solid marriage for 36 years. we had known each other since we were children and although it's become in some ways a trite expression, we were each others' best friends. when he died, it became clear to to me early on, that living primarily with women friends as my closest companions, was not going to work for me over the long haul.

i met the man who has become my significant other somewhat by chance soon after my husband's death, and we have been together,keeping our own homes but together often in one or the other, for almost ten years. although, early on, we considered marriage and looked at buying a house together, i think, in retrospect, that our current arrangement works best for us. i've gotten used to being in my own home, rarely cooking (love it! ), and making my own schedule. i have friends, acquaintances of my own, with whom i spend time, but the core of my life is with him; and this is what feels "normal" to me. i have never embraced the concept of "sisterhood" with other women although i've always had and have a number of women friends and acquaintances. i'm certainly aware it is the contemporary female view that women no longer "need" men, i think my life would feel somewhat diminished if i did not have a man as the emotional center of my life. because women usually live longer than men, i assume that i will spend some years without this kind of relationship, but i believe it would always be something i'd miss.

catsy girl
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Old 07-09-2012, 08:01 AM
 
Location: New England
12,247 posts, read 8,376,960 times
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Not meaning to sound overly judgmental, but from my personal observation I see that a lot of men get everything domestic taken care of by the woman/wife. Our generation of women was supposed to be emancipated from domestic chore, and some of us were. But the vestiges of the woman "taking care of things" while the men earned the main living largely remained (even though many of us worked and made good money or supplemental money). (Thus financially, in general divorce affected women, in general, more so than it did men who were higher earners.)

My sisters and women friends bore the kids, took care of all the needs of the kids through to high school and beyond, did the majority of the grocery shopping (if not all) and cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. The men typically brought home the bigger paycheck, took out the trash, mowed the lawn, shoveled, and once a year tackled the basement and garage. There was labor involved, but not so much nurturing and caregiving (before anyone jumps on this, I'm talking about generality, and I know there are many exceptions).

Many a man adores his wife's cooking, and depends on it. They also are used to other nice things. Every day for their entire married life my sisters have ironed their husband's shirts, even though they could well afford to send out the shirts. There are dozens of such niceties women provide for men, let alone sex (and even without that, many men apparently still have the comfort zone in marriage). And women of our times typically planned the vacations and other stuff in life. If a summer cottage was involved, guess who did all the packing, cleaning, cooking, etc there.

So when a wife or female partner dies, it's not just her that's gone, it's all those wonderful things she did that made the guy's life comfortable and predictable. When my sister's FIL's wife died (both old world), he publicly carried on like a child wailing and grieving like I've never seen. He was inconsolable. Hrumph. Within six months he was taking up with his housekeeper, and she just continued all the stuff the wife had done.

When a male spouse dies, the woman misses him just as much, but having done all the logistics stuff of life for so long, can generally get along from day to day with the exception perhaps of the heavy stuff, for which she has to hire out. She may be worn out from the years of nurturing the family and catering to others' needs while neglecting her own. She may long for the kind of freedom that lets her decide when and how she will do anything, if anything at all. If she has dutifully and lovingly cared for her spouse while he was terminally ill, she will be griefstricken but have a sense of relief. A new life alone can seem pretty appealing. She will more likely than men not want to remarry (not to mention the possibly adverse financial aspects of remarrying).
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Old 07-09-2012, 08:22 AM
 
1,192 posts, read 967,526 times
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It's nice that many people find compatible spouses and are happy. I gave up a long time ago and much of it is because of my nature. Some of us are just not suited for permanent, monogamous relationships. It's a complicated thing because some people experience longliness - something I never do and never have. So I supose that people have to compromise and give up things in order to have the company they need. I am very orderly, clean, perhaps obsessive-compulsive, so it is very difficult to have people in the house and this becomes worse with age/time living alone for so long. I cannot IMAGINE anyone permanently living in my home! Besides, no one would put up with my strange sleep hours, playing music full blast and dancing around, vegetarianism, etc. Thankfully, I have my "sanchos" so the social/sexual/party-time is there. I suspect that won't go away because there is always someone older than I although some of those sanchos are much younger. Ha ha! Just because we are seniors/retired, doesn't mean life has to be boring. I think it is important to understand what IS necessary in your own life and then proceed accordingly - maybe that translates into happiness.
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