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Old 02-10-2009, 08:09 PM
21 posts, read 49,866 times
Reputation: 16


I am a widow in my early 50's. I am on social security disability and have no children. I moved to Southern Maine 8 years ago for the quality of life. I have asthma and the air quality and being near the sea helps a lot with allergies. Unfortunately my husband was killed a year later in a tragic accident. I have been in limbo as to where to relocate to. I have not made any friends and live with my 2 beagles in a small home. I went to a 'senior' (age 50 and over) luncheon today and felt out of place. Most of the people were much older and I felt uncomfortable, as hard as I tried to make conversation with other. I have lived in Las Vegas (when I got married 20 years ago), and Kingman Arizona. I developed a severe sinus infection in both places and antibiotics could not help me; I discovered I was allergic to desert mold and I didn't get better until my husband and I packed up our bags and moved back east. So I am in a slump. It is hard to decide if I should stay put and concentrate on volunteering (I have been having a difficult time finding the right opportunity). As a volunteer, you want to feel you are doing something good but also want to be appreciated. I have run into several speedbumps in that area but have not given up. I too, have been considering the south as a possible place to make a new start. I have been considering Oneonta, Alabama but I am not sure if the climate will agree with me as it may be too humid. One woman wrote to me and said that 'men tip their hat' at ladies in Alabama. That would be so nice just to see!!!! Maine is beautiful but I think there are a lot of lonely older people here because people just aren't outgoing. I try to be friendly but it doesn't always get reciprocated, but that is just my experience. I have tried online dating here with no good results. I now have 2 beagles, and I am allergic to one of them. Anyway, Maine is great for allergy sufferers, there is a marked difference in the air quality between here and Southern New England, where I am originally from. Hope this post helps everyone.

Old 02-10-2009, 09:57 PM
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,404 posts, read 5,922,685 times
Reputation: 7121
Hi Delicacy and welcome! Sorry to hear about your medical issues and losing your husband...and now finding you're allergic to one of your pets! I thought maybe Arizona would be good for your allergies, but then I read your post further and saw that you've already tried that without success. I don't know that much about air quality in other cities, but hopefully there will be others who may have some ideas for you.
Old 02-11-2009, 05:58 AM
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,050,067 times
Reputation: 2141
I'm allergic to my pets too. One thing that can help is wiping them down every day with a damp cloth sprayed with white vinegar. Keeps the dander down. I'm also allergic to mold - 2 kinds of wet mold and one kind of dry mold so there isn't really anywhere I'm not encountering it. I did 5 years of allergy shots and it helped but they aren't gone. Air quality is one of the musts for any place that I move to. I like breathing too much.

With your sensitivity to bad air, I would be very careful about living in unhealthy environments. It is sad you haven't been able to find amenable people where you are to make friends. I'm very sorry to hear about your tragedy. That is a hard thing have happen. It sounds like you are still trying. Maybe the weight of your sorrow is still too evident and others don't know what to do with it? Just speculating on why its been so hard for you. But then again, it might not be you, it could be them.

I guess your tale is a warning to the rest of us to scope out how the locals seem and whether they might be amenable to our own personalities or not when we are checking out new places to live.
Old 02-15-2009, 03:07 AM
Location: WA
167 posts, read 468,787 times
Reputation: 87
Is E TN humid in the summer months?
Old 02-15-2009, 09:02 PM
Location: Wisconsin
8 posts, read 14,851 times
Reputation: 14
Hello all,

I recently found city-data.com and this forum which I've found fascinating. I never realized there were so many other like-minded women in the same situation I find myself. I am thinking of retiring in a couple of years (if the economy turns around again) and struggle with finding the "perfect place" to spend the rest of my life.

I'm from Wisconsin and find only the winters unbearable but love the other 3 seasons. I live in the southern part of the state but also have a 2nd home in Door County, considered to be the "Cape Cod" of the midwest. If you look at a map of WI, Door County is on the right side of the state and looks like the thumb on a mitten. It is surrounded by water with Green Bay on one side and Lake Michigan on the other.

The small towns and communities that make up Door County are filled with arts, music, lighthouses, many state parks, nature trails and of course lots of water. There are hands on classes for arts, literature, music, etc, plays, nature walks etc. I love the area but hate winter so I plan on hopefully retiring to Sturgeon Bay for most of the year but somewhere warmer during the winters.

I think I may try renting first before buying in a southern state but for now I'm still investigating where I might fit best. I've tried going back and reading so many of the messages and I've been getting so much good information from all of you. It's nice to realize there are so many intelligent, thoughtful, interesting women in the same boat as I am.

I really appreciate listening in on this group. It's so refreshing to realize I may be single...but not alone in my thinking. Thanks to everyone who so freely offer suggestions and insight.
Old 02-16-2009, 12:20 PM
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,390,876 times
Reputation: 16283
Default Welcome, Loriek

This is probably the BEST thread on this board. It takes time to go through al the posts but it's worth it.

I see you're my neighbor - Door County is a place I've always wanted to visit but just never have -hmmm.

Right now, this thread has taken a pause - I think everyone needs to figure out what they can do and when. No doubt many will end up in different locations but that doesn't mean we can't still get together at different spots - kind of a ya-ya-sisterhood.

Spring is almost here - it takes a bit longer for you and I (), but boy do we appreciate it when it finally gets here

Welcome to our board - stay tuned - it will come alive again!!
Old 02-16-2009, 12:30 PM
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,240,303 times
Reputation: 2641
Hi Guys! Back in cyberspace. I have off today, so I can play around with the computer!

Some of you, I know, have discovered ConeyIsBabe's new thread:
Making NEW friends....
It's a good one -- about making friends in older age....(not older in mind, though!).

I have decided instead of trying to get a roommate, that I am putting my house on the market. Anyone interested in an inexpensive (for California) home in the woods outside of Santa Cruz???? It's too rural for me now, and too much land for me to keep up. The roommate idea would still keep me isolated up here, and still getting older and less able to keep up the property.

I did speak to a realtor, and she lives in this area, too, so she knows the market well. She told me that it doesn't look like this area is going to get back on track for at least several years, and several years puts me to 65. I'd rather just flush it out now, rent for awhile, and then I'll have done the deed, and can go where I want without worrying about selling.

The realtor does feel that my property is very desireable -- especially for a young family, which is whom I'd love to have here! This place would be terrific for a young family, with a nature-loving child, and lots of pets. Someone who loves gardening, and doesn't mind being rural.

I can't help but keep thinking of the woman this house was bought from. Her name was Irene, and she had lived here since she and her husband had built it many decades ago. Her husband died, and then, in her 80s, she was outside, on the roof, sweeping it, and fell off. She didn't die, but she did end up in a nursing home. I always felt bad about that because she loved this place, and her pets. Her kids put her in the nursing home, and she died several years later. I can't help but think of her when I look at all the property I have and the work involved. This home needs a loving family, a child(ren) who needs a good school system (ours is the best in the county), young people with lots of energy and appreciate privacy.

I will miss some of it here. But realistically, it makes sense to move. I stayed this year because I thought my daughter might need a place to live over the summer, and for breaks from college. Now that she has a serious boyfriend, it looks like she'll be rooming with him..... I guess mom (me) did her job and raised her into a good, independent adult, and now she is flying with her own wings..... So, it just seems dumb for me to stay here knowing how I struggle keeping this up. If I can get into town, closer to things, then I could stay at my job for another couple of years to build up my retirement pension. But it would also free me up to looking around at other places, and feel that I can move if I wanted to...instead of waiting to see if I could sell this place or not, or if I'd lose money on it. But it's still worrisome to me, because I've been here for quite awhile now, yet at the same time, I realize I can't afford to retire here -- might as well try to get out now, if I can....

So, that is the latest. Glad to see new women here! We do need to stick together!

P.S. Hey, MN2CO, you posted just while I was writing! "Hi, there!"

Last edited by Wisteria; 02-16-2009 at 01:53 PM..
Old 02-16-2009, 01:02 PM
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,390,876 times
Reputation: 16283
Wisteria - Sounds like a good plan for you. It's hard to give up what we love but being realistic is always the best way to go. Houses are alot of work, there's always something that needs fixing. This is how I feel sometimes:
or (Every time I think of what was and now what is)
I'll bet your house will sell - you're close enough to the ocean, yet affordable - a rare thing in CA. Some handyman type would love it.
I've started spring cleaning so I need to stick with it - I'll do anything to make spring get here sooner.
Have a good day off!! What about your dog????????????? Remember, he/she has been your companion, guardian, offering unconditonal love all these years. That's right - I'm trying to instill a little guilt so you don't take the easy way out.
Old 02-16-2009, 01:31 PM
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,607,670 times
Reputation: 1230
Default wisteria...

IMHO your plan is excellent! You're thinking ahead.... something I didn't do

Next month will be 4 years since I purchased my country home with 4 acres. At that time (and now) there was/is a gentleman friend in my life so I felt confident that he would be around for help. But all of a sudden, I'm 70 years old (how did that happen?) and country life doesn't get any easier. My friend loves the country, loves Oregon, says he won't ever move back to FL or CA, so I stay put for the time-being ...... but time doesn't stay-put for me

When I relocate back to a more urban area, it will be alone - a daunting task for all of us, even more of a challenge when you're older!
Old 02-16-2009, 02:28 PM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,547 posts, read 39,934,465 times
Reputation: 23673
Originally Posted by Wisteria View Post
Hi Guys! Back in cyberspace. I have off today, so I can play around with the computer! .. I am putting my house on the market. ...
I did speak to a realtor, and she lives in this area, too, so she knows the market well. ...
The realtor does feel that my property is very desireable -- ...
As always... proceed with caution and make this as good of experience as possible - some steps I recommend (B'cuz realtors are ALWAYS excited to get your listing)
  • Negotiate the commission. 5% is pretty high, but is more normal now than previous 7%. I have negotiated some to 3%
  • Have a performance clause - mandatory update monthly with advertising exposure, number of contacts, number of showings, feedback from 'lookers' / bankers
  • Have an escape clause - I usually make them write in that I can cease agreement for any reason after 30 days
  • Have a short listing with incentives for quick sale (Keeps them interested)
  • Meet with listing agent every 3 months (Helps them remember they are supposed to be marketing your home...)

I can't help but keep thinking of the woman this house was bought from. Her name was Irene, and she had lived here since she and her husband had built it many decades ago. Her husband died, and then, in her 80s, she was outside, on the roof, sweeping it, and fell off.
YIKES, I can relate, as I have bought 3 places from retirees that were in transition -- the places were always so well kept up!!, but the sellers were BEAT (that should have been a clue...) Don't get on the roof... get your daughter's BF to take care of roof stuff for you.
... I realize I can't afford to retire here -- might as well try to get out now, if I can....
This is a very positive step (an one I need to take ). I'm still gonna look into fractional ownership, as the view is SO GREAT, and "Casa Grande" cannot be replaced (National Scenic Area, restricted building). I really don't plan on being around much in the next few years, but there will come a time the 'home' will be nice. Reality I can't afford it. (but my ARM loan is 4.2% for another yr. >$500/month cheaper than rent , taxes.... gotta find a way to cough up $6,000 in April for the first 6 months They have a new program for us 'destitute' home owners, and we can deffer the 2nd half, as a lien against the house (Current interest = 5%)

I think I have to keep this joint till values increase, as it is holding too much equity, and I'm downsizing (Thus I can't recover equity loss by buying another 'cheap' home).

If I can buy a 'bargain 'Senior mobile home park' in an income tax free state (to provide inflation protected income, not to live in) "Casa Grande's" HELOC (3.2%) is gonna get MAXed and I'll eventually have to sell her. (motivation ) Then... (finally) I can find a tiny (Casita) nest and have it paid off, and a group of very happy seniors will be covering my income needs. (I'm a nice landlord , sometimes too nice) I won't own their homes, just collect space rent... no headaches (minimal I hope) .
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