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Old 03-21-2009, 09:06 PM
 
796 posts, read 776,271 times
Reputation: 1964

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Hello Everyone!

I have read quite a lot of the postings and thought I would join in. Reading all the posts it is amazing to me how many women are having trouble finding peace at this time in their life. It just doesn't seem right that at this point in life things are so stressful. You would think it would be easy - just pick a place and go there to live. However, we all have our requirements, likes and dislikes, sometimes health issues, family issues etc and it's makes things sooooooooooooo complicated!

Anyway, I'll give you a little background and try not to bore you. It's just another story to show life doesn't go the way you expect it to. I'm not quite at what is considered retirement age. I just turned 59 yesterday. For many years I took care of my mother and the stress was so much that I became ill and went on disability. My mother eventually became very ill and passed away. Since I was the only one that was around to take care of her (and of course I was determined to do whatever I could for her) I was there for her 24/7. Since I had spent so many years concentrating on her I neglected myself. When she died I was lost. I am divorced, no children and only one sibling in another state. Here I was alone and had even lost contact with any friends I had. During the time I was taking care of her I would have loved to do some traveling but I couldn't leave her and money was a problem.

Fast forward. Now here I am. I have all the time in the world to do things. No one is depending on me. I have no responsibilites and I now have some money I inherited (not a lot but more than I had). The irony of it is now I am not real comfortable driving where before I loved to drive. I'm not quite as brave or I gues you would say adventurous as I used to be. My health is not what it was and I cannot do as much as I used to. Like so many of you I have my own home and can't decide if I should sell and move or stay where I am.

We all have our stories don't we? I'm glad I found this forum. I'm learning a lot. I just wish that everyone would find that "happy place" they are looking for.

 
Old 03-21-2009, 09:34 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,543,532 times
Reputation: 6928
dj10,

Welcome to this thread. I am the lone male, I believe on this thread.

I read this thread and I am astounded by the abilities and the willingness of all these woman to move to an entirely different place. I think that is very hard to do when you are older. Most people retire near where they spend most of their lives. To, me it would difficult to break with the familiarity, family, friends and sense of place. I have been in Denver area for over 30 years and I do not think I would ever move. I am originally a New Yorker and moved here from Texas, as an adult. So, now I am near 60 and I do not think I could move as I did when I was younger. I lived in several states, was in the army, went away to college but now I do not have the energy. I am also disabled on Social Security, and I hate to drive. I do not like to travel anymore. I have my own fully paid house, some money and I seem to get by just fine on social security because I am very frugal. My parents live in the same town and they are in their 80s and I am now facing more problems of taking care of them. I have never been married but all my siblings have relocated also here to the Denver area so I have extended family and we all help each other with our parents. But it is very hard because I am also sick and if I was alone like you were, I could not do it.

Liveocontent

Livecontent
 
Old 03-22-2009, 01:21 AM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA, USA
84 posts, read 191,402 times
Reputation: 52
Wink Get local RE Agent

Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post


On the Net, why can't you just find a local realtor anymore in a given location?
I'm gone when they start wanting my personal information. I find all I need at Realtor.com. Each separate listing shows the agent, a picture, and other stuff that agent is selling in that same location. They had me register, but never asked for my first born!

Cheers!
Marganne
 
Old 03-22-2009, 01:44 AM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA, USA
84 posts, read 191,402 times
Reputation: 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
How I wish I had the pension that some folks are blessed to have, as I'd have more choices. I don't need NYC type of culture, been there, done that! But don't want to be out in the boondocks either. Someone could be making a fortune helping folks like us!!
Has anyone here checked out the Caretaker Gazette? There have been quite a few mighty fine listings in it over the years. Quite a large variety of positions -- some just want someone to take care of their summer house, animals and plants, others are looking for certified butlers, some are temporary, others are permanant.

I've thought about getting in my car or an old RV and driving around the country, stopping in places I might like to live. Sounds good ... One reason I moved into a studio apartment was to make myself declutter and get rid of a lot of stuff. Taking it along just isn't practical. I'd rather have less to drag around, then find replacement stuff where I'm going to live. Find the local Big Lots or get to know the area by going to garage and estate sales.

Cheers!
Marganne
 
Old 03-22-2009, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649
Default DJ10, welcome and where are you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dj10 View Post
Hello Everyone!

I have read quite a lot of the postings and thought I would join in. Reading all the posts it is amazing to me how many women are having trouble finding peace at this time in their life. It just doesn't seem right that at this point in life things are so stressful. You would think it would be easy - just pick a place and go there to live. However, we all have our requirements, likes and dislikes, sometimes health issues, family issues etc and it's makes things sooooooooooooo complicated!

DJ10, I certainly relate to your story! I have the feeling that a lot of us are going to make some life changing decisions this year, or soon after. After all, the clock is ticking! Can I ask where you live now? I'm trying to find out who on this thread is closest to me in NE.

~~NewEnglandGirl (still researching, downsizing, listening, eager)
 
Old 03-22-2009, 09:20 AM
 
796 posts, read 776,271 times
Reputation: 1964
Hello again: I did neglect to say in my previous post where I am from: Pennsylvania. At times I feel like moving somewhere entirely different but I really like the change of seasons here. Spring and Fall are my favorites. Right now things are kind of gray and dull looking but pretty soon everything will be blooming. It's so beautiful with the grass and trees turning green and flowers of all colors. The only time that is least enjoyable is January thru March. Actually, the winters have become milder. I like the cooler weather up until Christmas. January thru March would be a good time to go somewhere warmer.

Once upon a time, my wish was to sell everything and buy a small motorhome and travel the US until I got tired of it. Although I have read about women doing that on their own I'm not that brave anymore.

Like so many others I can't decide how I want to live and where I want to live. I get tired of the responsibility of the house. However, when I think about living in an apartment I'm not so sure I would like that. Being alone is another important factor. I thought about the possiblity of sharing my home but I've become so set in my ways I don't think it will work. I like the idea of a small community of homes. You have your privacy but also have friends close by.

It seems like many of us spend a lot of time going back and forth trying to figure out what would be perfect for us. Maybe that is what we are doing wrong. Perhaps we are trying too hard to find the perfect place that doesn't really exist. Maybe we should just "chill out" and "go with the flow" more (does anybody even use those sayings anymore?? lol). Anyway, it's easy to say but hard to do.
 
Old 03-22-2009, 11:23 AM
 
796 posts, read 776,271 times
Reputation: 1964
This is off topic but I am trying to figure things out on this forum. I can't find a place where you can go to find an explanation of what certain things mean.

What does "reputation" mean that I saw in the upper right hand corner when I log in. When I clicked on it I saw 2 messages (thanks Wisteria and Dancing Earth). Can I reply to these messages? I also have some listings from another forum but rather than a message it just says "quick reputation from non-member".

What is the difference between "quick reply" and "post a reply"?

How do I show the icon that says you will accept friends? This means people can email you privately right?

Thanks for your help.
 
Old 03-22-2009, 11:38 AM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,084,686 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by dj10 View Post
Hello again: I did neglect to say in my previous post where I am from: Pennsylvania. At times I feel like moving somewhere entirely different but I really like the change of seasons here. Spring and Fall are my favorites. Right now things are kind of gray and dull looking but pretty soon everything will be blooming. It's so beautiful with the grass and trees turning green and flowers of all colors. The only time that is least enjoyable is January thru March. Actually, the winters have become milder. I like the cooler weather up until Christmas. January thru March would be a good time to go somewhere warmer.

Once upon a time, my wish was to sell everything and buy a small motorhome and travel the US until I got tired of it. Although I have read about women doing that on their own I'm not that brave anymore.

Like so many others I can't decide how I want to live and where I want to live. I get tired of the responsibility of the house. However, when I think about living in an apartment I'm not so sure I would like that. Being alone is another important factor. I thought about the possiblity of sharing my home but I've become so set in my ways I don't think it will work. I like the idea of a small community of homes. You have your privacy but also have friends close by.

It seems like many of us spend a lot of time going back and forth trying to figure out what would be perfect for us. Maybe that is what we are doing wrong. Perhaps we are trying too hard to find the perfect place that doesn't really exist. Maybe we should just "chill out" and "go with the flow" more (does anybody even use those sayings anymore?? lol). Anyway, it's easy to say but hard to do.
I lived in PA 30 years near Allentown. Spring and fall were my favorite times of year there. The dogwoods--beautiful. Summer was too humid and winter was not warm or cold enough. I grew up in MI and in winter we could be outside doing winter sports. PA is too warm for snow sports but not warm enough to want to be outside. After living in the sunshine of NM I found when I visited PA in the winter that it was gray, brown, and depressing. My brother who lives near Harrisburg suffers from SAD although since getting bird dogs he gets outside more and it has helped. I still think about living in PA but only because family is there. I might have to when I stop working but my sister-in-law says when they retire they want to live in central PA where it's prettier and if I do that I plan on having a pottery studio to play in during the winter or hopefully they'll live a little further north and I can snowshoe or xc ski near my home.

Questioning is a beginning to come to a decision The questioning part is a difficult process. It takes courage to go through that process because it is stressful. Many people won't even question because it demands answers and the possibility of change.

In 2003 I sold my home in NM and moved to WA to live closer to my daughter and to do some things I always wanted to do--AmeriCorps VISTA and go to college. Financially it put me in a hole and I started over last year when I moved back to my old job in NM. Do I regret leaving NM and trying it? Nope. The memories and what it gave me in self confidence are worth more than money and security (which is an illusion anyway as we should have learned by now--illness, stock market, jobs disappear.) As I finished college I realized at my age I didn't want to start at the bottom with the salary and boring tasks that go with it so I called my old job and came back here. This job is giving me the ability to have a home again and continue learning to do what I love (pottery) without the pressure of having to make a living at it. Because my original intend in going to college was to find a new career that had more meaning sometimes I question if I failed since I returned to the same job. I don't feel I failed but I do know it gives me incentive to do what I really want to do which is learn how to throw pottery. Bottom line is that when I worry about my job disappearing in this economy I know from my life experiences I will find a way to continue to be happy.

There are no perfect places--you need to figure out the best for you and then make a decision and create what you need in that place. Thinking the grass is greener elsewhere and not committing to your life is the worst. If it's greener, go there and commit to making it your green place. I've read some Buddihist beliefs and one that sticks with me is that you can be happy wherever you are--it's not about the place. Although in this country we have so much choice you should be in the best place you can be for you. You look and then make a decision--sometimes looking is enough to make you appreciate where you are. It takes huge energy to move and start over. it's lonely for awhile and it's expensive. It strengthens and challenges you but it's not always the answer. If my daughter had stayed in WA I would have stayed and figured out how to deal with the rain. Except for the rain and no good jobs, it has been my favorite place to live.

My last rant is about expecting the government to do it for us. Ha! In as small a group as two people in marriage or living with another person or persons we fail. We (as in the bigger we) can't agree and manage to work together--we all want what we want without compromise (me too) yet somehow we expect the government to get itself together enough to come up with a solution that would work for us? I've looked and keep hoping to find a group that works together in having a home life that doesn't sap all my income but have failed to find anything that works--either it's for the well to do (intentional communities) or ego driven power trips (communal living communities.) If it's going to happen, it has to happen in the grass roots from people (here?) who are committed to being responsible for their life. Thinking someone in the government should be doing it is a sure way of staying where you are at.

You reach out and keep trying and create the life you want. A friend of a friend just went to the doctor because he wasn't feeling good and found out he has leukeumia and unless he gets chemo he has two weeks to live. What would you wish you had done if you got that news! The biggest hinderance is fear. Fear to be rejected when you reach out to others for friendship or fear of failure, fear of losing independence (among many others.) It does seem the longer you go without change the more fear there is. I would guess 99% of those fears are big fat liars. Get your goddess warrior helmet on and refuse to let those weasels defeat you! Start with a small change that you are afraid of--whether it's going to a social function alone or like me after going thru divorce--drivng into Allentown! I was terrified. Just watch out--you might end up on a grand adventure across the world. That's my story for the day. Geez--look what happens when they close the clay studio for the day and I'm avoiding housework!
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,607,366 times
Reputation: 1230
Wink an old yiddish saying.................

"To a worm in a horseradish, the whole world is a horseradish".

Something to think about when inertia sets in and you are unable to make a decision about relocation.
 
Old 03-22-2009, 01:54 PM
 
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,048,324 times
Reputation: 2141
Quote:
Originally Posted by dj10 View Post
This is off topic but I am trying to figure things out on this forum. I can't find a place where you can go to find an explanation of what certain things mean.

What does "reputation" mean that I saw in the upper right hand corner when I log in. When I clicked on it I saw 2 messages (thanks Wisteria and Dancing Earth). Can I reply to these messages? I also have some listings from another forum but rather than a message it just says "quick reputation from non-member".

What is the difference between "quick reply" and "post a reply"?

How do I show the icon that says you will accept friends? This means people can email you privately right?

Thanks for your help.
On the main forum page near the bottom is http://www.city-data.com/forum/about-forum/ forum where they have the faq and will answer all your forum questions. People can leave a little reason why they repped you or just give an anonymous rep. You can have private messages between people but not to the rep messages directly. Check out the about forum to see if your questions are answered.
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