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Old 03-22-2009, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingearth View Post
. There are no perfect places--you need to figure out the best for you and then make a decision and create what you need in that place. Thinking the grass is greener elsewhere and not committing to your life is the worst. If it's greener, go there and commit to making it your green place. I've read some Buddihist beliefs and one that sticks with me is that you can be happy wherever you are--it's not about the place. Although in this country we have so much choice you should be in the best place you can be for you. You look and then make a decision--sometimes looking is enough to make you appreciate where you are. It takes huge energy to move and start over. it's lonely for awhile and it's expensive. It strengthens and challenges you but it's not always the answer. If my daughter had stayed in WA I would have stayed and figured out how to deal with the rain. Except for the rain and no good jobs, it has been my favorite place to live....You reach out and keep trying and create the life you want.
DancingEarth, what you say above has a lot of wisdom, and true. However, what is bothering some of us who must seriously contemplate a move is not the thought that the grass is greener elsewhere (American culture is relatively the same wherever you go--largely materialistic and destructive to the earth, with some blessings mixed in)....or that some place other than "here" will make us younger, more beautiful, more energetic, etc etc. A few of us are grappling with really difficult financial situations which, if they didn't exist, would not be driving us to relocate! I would venture a guess that if money were no problem, we wouldn't want to move! Sounds like we're mostly in nice, even beautiful areas of the country, are somewhat well networked, and know our way around. What single woman, other than the most adventurous among us, would choose to leave what we love unlesss it was for a compelling reason...like running out of money?!! So although you make a lot of sense, and I wish it otherwise, your good words don't apply to me. But I am thinking of everything I can to accept the fact that moving elsewhere may not be in the cards, depending on so many factors including jsut how bad our nat'l economy is going to get. My friends and siblings are not going thru what I am, BTW...

 
Old 03-22-2009, 03:38 PM
 
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,048,324 times
Reputation: 2141
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
DancingEarth, what you say above has a lot of wisdom, and true. However, what is bothering some of us who must seriously contemplate a move is not the thought that the grass is greener elsewhere (American culture is relatively the same wherever you go--largely materialistic and destructive to the earth, with some blessings mixed in)....or that some place other than "here" will make us younger, more beautiful, more energetic, etc etc. A few of us are grappling with really difficult financial situations which, if they didn't exist, would not be driving us to relocate! I would venture a guess that if money were no problem, we wouldn't want to move! Sounds like we're mostly in nice, even beautiful areas of the country, are somewhat well networked, and know our way around. What single woman, other than the most adventurous among us, would choose to leave what we love unlesss it was for a compelling reason...like running out of money?!! So although you make a lot of sense, and I wish it otherwise, your good words don't apply to me. But I am thinking of everything I can to accept the fact that moving elsewhere may not be in the cards, depending on so many factors including jsut how bad our nat'l economy is going to get. My friends and siblings are not going thru what I am, BTW...
I want to move just because I want to live in a place with different attributes to where I am. I can afford to stay here if I want. This is just a place I've live in in for many years because that is where my job is, not because it is a place I particularly want to live. So, I guess I'm closer to DE's thoughts. We have different reasons.
 
Old 03-22-2009, 06:53 PM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,084,450 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
DancingEarth, what you say above has a lot of wisdom, and true. However, what is bothering some of us who must seriously contemplate a move is not the thought that the grass is greener elsewhere (American culture is relatively the same wherever you go--largely materialistic and destructive to the earth, with some blessings mixed in)....or that some place other than "here" will make us younger, more beautiful, more energetic, etc etc. A few of us are grappling with really difficult financial situations which, if they didn't exist, would not be driving us to relocate! I would venture a guess that if money were no problem, we wouldn't want to move! Sounds like we're mostly in nice, even beautiful areas of the country, are somewhat well networked, and know our way around. What single woman, other than the most adventurous among us, would choose to leave what we love unlesss it was for a compelling reason...like running out of money?!! So although you make a lot of sense, and I wish it otherwise, your good words don't apply to me. But I am thinking of everything I can to accept the fact that moving elsewhere may not be in the cards, depending on so many factors including jsut how bad our nat'l economy is going to get. My friends and siblings are not going thru what I am, BTW...
I'm not convinced there is a cheap place to live where you'd want to live and still have the quality of life you deserve to have. I think that's going about it backwards. Fear can be a good motivator to change but not a good one for making choices. Decide what you want and create it. It might have to include some compromises--like house sharing to live in a cool place. Or dig in and find the means to create the little houses. I took a couple of classes on small group communication at the college and the teacher had us answer a list of questions alone and then we had to do it as small groups. Every group rated higher when they did it together than when they did it alone (except my score--which just showed my commitment to the exercise and the effort it takes--I tried a little to convince my teammates to not take matches in our choice of things to survive to get back to the moonbase--they didn't believe me when I said you'd need oxygen to light them.) LOL I was convinced that by working together we can accomplish more. What I don't know is how to manage to get people to work together and let go of the ego so it can be accomplished. I'm sure it takes strong commitment for a common goal.

This thread is a good start with thinking and seeing what it takes and what people want for their lives. Here is a good community of women to create it with but it takes work. I get to the point where I want to DO something. Start creating a list of what to research and volunteer to do one of them. Awhile ago I posted a spreadsheet with cost of living to a few of the areas considered and suggested we start collecting data because it became obvious to me that one was not any better than where I am. Wisteria has made some great suggestions.

I also would bet there are more women in your area with exactly the same concerns. If what you really want is to stay in your area look at what's available there. Live Content had some really good ideas how he is staying where he wants to be. Reach beyond your friends and siblings. When I talk to people in my classes I find many men and women with these concerns. Like someone said--it's a growing concern for many baby boomers--especially women and I find, men who have been artists and not able to put much away. Look at starting a Meetup--find a restaurant/coffee shop that will let you meet there for nothing. Suggest to the community college in your area that they do a workshop on these issues. Call the state agencies to see what support groups are out there. If you belong to a church talk to them about starting a support group looking at these issues. Set goals to learn how you can get to where you want to be. There are other answers besides moving especially if you don't want to.

Now I feel like I need to sing a song of protest or call to action. ahhh...the old idealistic hippie still lives. These are exciting but scary times. May we all find our way.
 
Old 03-22-2009, 08:35 PM
 
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,048,324 times
Reputation: 2141
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingearth View Post
I'm not convinced there is a cheap place to live where you'd want to live and still have the quality of life you deserve to have. I think that's going about it backwards. Fear can be a good motivator to change but not a good one for making choices. Decide what you want and create it. It might have to include some compromises--like house sharing to live in a cool place. Or dig in and find the means to create the little houses. I took a couple of classes on small group communication at the college and the teacher had us answer a list of questions alone and then we had to do it as small groups. Every group rated higher when they did it together than when they did it alone (except my score--which just showed my commitment to the exercise and the effort it takes--I tried a little to convince my teammates to not take matches in our choice of things to survive to get back to the moonbase--they didn't believe me when I said you'd need oxygen to light them.) LOL I was convinced that by working together we can accomplish more. What I don't know is how to manage to get people to work together and let go of the ego so it can be accomplished. I'm sure it takes strong commitment for a common goal.

This thread is a good start with thinking and seeing what it takes and what people want for their lives. Here is a good community of women to create it with but it takes work. I get to the point where I want to DO something. Start creating a list of what to research and volunteer to do one of them. Awhile ago I posted a spreadsheet with cost of living to a few of the areas considered and suggested we start collecting data because it became obvious to me that one was not any better than where I am. Wisteria has made some great suggestions.

I also would bet there are more women in your area with exactly the same concerns. If what you really want is to stay in your area look at what's available there. Live Content had some really good ideas how he is staying where he wants to be. Reach beyond your friends and siblings. When I talk to people in my classes I find many men and women with these concerns. Like someone said--it's a growing concern for many baby boomers--especially women and I find, men who have been artists and not able to put much away. Look at starting a Meetup--find a restaurant/coffee shop that will let you meet there for nothing. Suggest to the community college in your area that they do a workshop on these issues. Call the state agencies to see what support groups are out there. If you belong to a church talk to them about starting a support group looking at these issues. Set goals to learn how you can get to where you want to be. There are other answers besides moving especially if you don't want to.

Now I feel like I need to sing a song of protest or call to action. ahhh...the old idealistic hippie still lives. These are exciting but scary times. May we all find our way.
These are some great ideas, and we certainly are not alone. Even petitioning the politicians about unaffordable property taxes might be a way. I read somewhere that single tax filers are about 48% of all taxpayers - that is a lot of people out there and nothing in the law really recognizes that majority. Everything is geared to the marrieds. If we start making enough noise, they have to address these sorts of issues. Large numbers of single middle-aged women being forced out of their homes because of the taxes is not a thing many politicians would like to be associated with.
 
Old 03-22-2009, 09:26 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,542,042 times
Reputation: 6928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tesaje View Post
These are some great ideas, and we certainly are not alone. Even petitioning the politicians about unaffordable property taxes might be a way. I read somewhere that single tax filers are about 48% of all taxpayers - that is a lot of people out there and nothing in the law really recognizes that majority. Everything is geared to the marrieds. If we start making enough noise, they have to address these sorts of issues. Large numbers of single middle-aged women being forced out of their homes because of the taxes is not a thing many politicians would like to be associated with.
How does single or married have anything to do with property tax??? Being married does not reduce property tax. It may actually increase the tax because if that are two earners then you will qualify and buy a bigger house. There real problem happens when their is a divorce or death, then one person may be responsible for the whole property.

Now, I realize many of you woman on this thread have been married and divorced. Perhaps that is the cause of many of the problems with finances. I know little of this issue because I have never been married and I only can see the problems with people I know.

The real problem is that the society does not value homemaking and child rearing enough. The years that woman spend in this occupations should be treated as such and they should be automatically entitled for compensations, pensions and disability coverage just like any other profession. So, that many home working woman and sometimes men can be independent of their partners.

When I worked my way through Social Security Disability, I found something that shocked me. To qualify for social security disability, the disability has to start within 10 years of your last accredited work. So, that a women who was working and stops to raise children, if she gets disabled after the 10 years period, she does not qualify for disability, even though she had already accumulated the qualified work credits before she stopped working.

The pay for home professions should come out of government funds and a specific deduction from the working spouse. This should all go into a fund where continual payments should go to the home spouse. In addition, certain funds should held in trust that can only be paid to the home spouse without any access to the working spouse. In this case I mean a man because many men want to control all aspects of their wives lives and would have no problem with leaving them destitute.

In addition, child support should be a continual tax on the working spouse (again mostly men) and should be added to a reserve fund to cover the criminals who leave their children without support.

At no time should a woman or working spouse in this society be left to fend for themselves because of divorce, death or any tragedy that can occur.

Livecontent
 
Old 03-23-2009, 02:26 AM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA, USA
84 posts, read 191,387 times
Reputation: 52
Smile Stressing to make a decision

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingearth View Post
Questioning is a beginning to come to a decision The questioning part is a difficult process. It takes courage to go through that process because it is stressful. Many people won't even question because it demands answers and the possibility of change.
This reminds me of what my therapist trys to get me to remember. No decision is final. If I move and it's not comfortable, I can make another decision. That plus when one door closes, another one always opens if we are in the present moment. Yeah, kinda philosophical, but I know it to be true. Think I fear making a mistake and regretting what I choose -- now isn't that DUMB?

Cheers!
Marganne
 
Old 03-23-2009, 03:14 AM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA, USA
84 posts, read 191,387 times
Reputation: 52
Smile Making friends with big time change

Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
DancingEarth, what you say above has a lot of wisdom, and true. However, what is bothering some of us who must seriously contemplate a move is not the thought that the grass is greener elsewhere (American culture is relatively the same wherever you go--largely materialistic and destructive to the earth, with some blessings mixed in)....or that some place other than "here" will make us younger, more beautiful, more energetic, etc etc. A few of us are grappling with really difficult financial situations which, if they didn't exist, would not be driving us to relocate! I would venture a guess that if money were no problem, we wouldn't want to move!
I might very well be better off financially staying here in Sacramento, but I'd still like to see what I might find elsewhere. Wish I had done this earlier in my life, but sometimes that sort of thing is out of my control. The pull to stay here involved knowing where I can live nicely for a low rental price, plus being established with several doctors who specialize in what ails me. Some of the doctors who specialize in these areas won't accept Medicare patients and I don't see that getting any better soon.

Although there are many things I'd like to have where I move to, I'd probably be willing to let go of many of them if I found a group of people I enjoy or a town with some real community spirit. My parents both are dead, I have no siblings or other family to speak of, and no kids. I'd like to find others in a similar situation who are compatible -- make a sort of family of choice to grow old with. It's likely I'd find people like that wherever I move, but having people to make this big change with would be easier. I've lived most of my life without roommates and wonder if I could adapt. I have a need for privacy -- to be able to go somewhere and be alone. That might be a place of my own, or it could be a larger place with a few other people where we have plenty of room to spread out. Other things I'd like to have include no streaks of 100+ degree weather, preferably a more rural area rather then downtown or in the burbs (A lot with some trees on it and a little room between neighbors), have access to a university medical center, be able to garden extensively, perhaps making a little money selling crops, access to the ocean or a lake where I can sail a very small boat, near a university or community college that has lower fees for seniors, the ability to go out and do some light-weight fishing. There are a few other things, but that's enough for now.

Cheers!
Marganne
 
Old 03-23-2009, 03:24 AM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA, USA
84 posts, read 191,387 times
Reputation: 52
Talking 50+ conference in Las Vegas

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingearth View Post
I find many men and women with these concerns. Like someone said--it's a growing concern for many baby boomers--especially women and I find, men who have been artists and not able to put much away. Look at starting a Meetup--find a restaurant/coffee shop that will let you meet there for nothing. Suggest to the community college in your area that they do a workshop on these issues. Call the state agencies to see what support groups are out there. If you belong to a church talk to them about starting a support group looking at these issues. Set goals to learn how you can get to where you want to be. There are other answers besides moving especially if you don't want to.
When I turned 50, I joined AARP. I've spent a lot of time in the AARP web forums and met some very interesting people dealing with the same things we talk about here. I was very happy to see that they are holding a convention in Las Vegas this summer for 50+ people. Haven't checked the details, but I'll bet there will be more than one presentation about this time in our lives. Also be a good place to find others to talk to about this. Haven't made a final decision whether I'll attend.

Cheers!
Marganne
 
Old 03-23-2009, 05:15 AM
 
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,048,324 times
Reputation: 2141
Quote:
Originally Posted by livecontent View Post
How does single or married have anything to do with property tax??? Being married does not reduce property tax. It may actually increase the tax because if that are two earners then you will qualify and buy a bigger house. There real problem happens when their is a divorce or death, then one person may be responsible for the whole property.
You're right. I skipped on over to income tax structure without saying so. The significantly higher income taxes we single filers have to pay would cover some of the property taxes, tho, if it were equitable.
 
Old 03-23-2009, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingearth View Post
I'm not convinced there is a cheap place to live where you'd want to live and still have the quality of life you deserve to have. I think that's going about it backwards. Fear can be a good motivator to change but not a good one for making choices. Decide what you want and create it. It might have to include some compromises.......I get to the point where I want to DO something. Start creating a list of what to research and volunteer to do one of them. Awhile ago I posted a spreadsheet with cost of living to a few of the areas considered and suggested we start collecting data because it became obvious to me that one was not any better than where I am. Wisteria has made some great suggestions.
DancingEarth, I agree with your wisdom...and I hear you...What I think some of us want without perhaps being fully conscious of it is not only a less expensive area, but a way to combine resources so we are not so redundant and wasteful...and to be involved in a positive way with others. For ex, I would probably never go thru the expense and work of creating my own veg garden, but I'd be thrilled to be working a community garden w others in a place that has two growing seasons. When I lived in the Midwest, I helped prepare meals for a Sunday soup kitchen... never would have done this alone, but with others it was such a wonderful experience. I hate cooking for myself, but a few community meals prepared w quality ingredients, shared a few times a month, would be wonderful. Maybe I'm not finding the community situations that would suit me best. But in many ways I don't know what would suit me best....a community of all women? Women and men? Retired/older (55+ --would that get too homogenous??)? Do I really want to be in a community w young families and kids all over the place (may be fun, may be not)...do I want a spiritual aspect, or not? Not having been a hippie/communer, I have no real experience here, just observing what I see several friends involved in. Maybe, deep down, what I want is not necessarily a change of place but a change in how I live, to include others. I know I don't want to trade my small ranch in the burbs for yet another one. I do want community! I saw how when my mother aged, she isolated herself and became so very lonely from age 60 - 90. Thirty years of loneliness....! I know I can't handle that.

So dear folks on this thread, how can I go about finding a community that is not designed for well-heeled boomers, that perhaps is income-based, and shares resources and work in a responsible way?

Appreciating all your posts!
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