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Old 12-10-2009, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
Reputation: 15649

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Quote:
Originally Posted by megonow View Post
you've been posting the same thing for at least a year

this is a hoax
Many of us have been posting for a year or more our plans to relocate!! Some still have jobs and not yet retired, others like me involuntarily retired and going crazy downsizing possessions, weighing the options financially and emotionally, timing the housing market, dealing with family members in need, taking care of our health issues, etc etc. What this forum does is keep a candle lit by those who've done it for those that haven't yet been able to. So if you're impatient with some of us maybe another thread would suit you better?

 
Old 12-11-2009, 05:44 AM
 
Location: zippidy doo dah
895 posts, read 1,331,326 times
Reputation: 1928
Default thank you , new england girl

Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Many of us have been posting for a year or more our plans to relocate!! Some still have jobs and not yet retired, others like me involuntarily retired and going crazy downsizing possessions, weighing the options financially and emotionally, timing the housing market, dealing with family members in need, taking care of our health issues, etc etc. What this forum does is keep a candle lit by those who've done it for those that haven't yet been able to. So if you're impatient with some of us maybe another thread would suit you better?
So appreciate your comments above, NEG. I sent a private message to Teseje telling her that I enjoy her posts and that I'm sorry some people are curt and rude. Many of us "think aloud" to weigh our options and yes, the process can be very lengthy but sharing our thoughts in a safe, empathetic environment is wonderful. I was blessed to be married to someone who loved to hear me "think aloud". I was then blessed I suppose to see the other side of the spectrum - a "cut to the chase" engineer who would burst into the conversation with "yeah, I've heard this before....so what's the point?" - always a conversation and spirit killer.

if someone doesn't appreciate the process, by all means, move on to another forum/thread. Or at the very least, learn to post comments in a manner that doesn't sap everyone's energy. This is a "safe house", a sanctuary. A place to realize that "hey, I'm not the only person at this juncture of life who is wondering what the future holds and how shall I approach it." Honestly, it has done me a world of good to watch the project management aspects of all of this - if everything worked out perfectly, wouldn't life be so easy? Instead, we all have obstacles/life in general jump up and it's a credit to everyone here and elsewhere who says "ok, not what I thought I would do so revamp".

I've been in a "process" so long that I'm sure many people have grown weary of me and yet, wow, hard as it has been, i do see things coming more clearly into focus and i really realize that i frankly enjoy just the process of living. It's when I have had to adapt my way of "being" to other's expectations or way of thinking that my life has been upheavaled (which isn't a verb but if it were it should be spelled "uphEVILED".)

So to all those "thinkers out loud", sexistly-speaking, it is more a female thing - we problem solve that way/we aren't asking for anyone's approval or advise necessarily - we're hearing ourselves think and in doing so, we're finding our solutions, thank you.

And with that said, in my usual "thinking out loud" processing, I head into the morning and progression on my little hobbit adventuring...................... from here to there and back again..........as many times as i durn well please........................
tricia aka mz froggez
 
Old 12-11-2009, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,608,206 times
Reputation: 1230
Default triciajeanne.......

Very well said
 
Old 12-11-2009, 10:06 PM
 
Location: Alaska
384 posts, read 877,502 times
Reputation: 186
Avalon08 - so GOOD to see you back - I hope things are going a bit better for you now. It is interesting to hear your changes too from the last time you were posting here.

It is amazing that both Wisteria and Nancy have made the leap and are in Santa Cruz together! It looks absolutely idylic to me - what more could one want? I just culled some of their posts for someone I know here who would like to move to that area - she would be a perfect fit.
 
Old 12-12-2009, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Reston
13 posts, read 17,041 times
Reputation: 36
Default Am so GLAD I found this thread

After a long long marriage my husband and I are separating. We currently live in Reston, VA, but he will be returning to California after our townhouse sells. But, I think I'd be more comfortable remaining in Reston and taking some time to think, work part-time, travel to Europe (easier from here than California) and make a well thought out decision regarding where I want to permanently settle. And, I think I'd make a better decision after I've been on my own for awhile.

I am a California native, and love the state...I want to permanently reside in California, and also be close enough to my only son so that when I'm really older, and may need care, it will be easier on all of us. (He lives in San Jose/Los Gatos area.)

Since I retired last year (due to health reasons that are now all over, although I am also eligible for SS and Medicare) I feel I've been waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting to regain my strength, waiting to sell the house, waiting to decide whether to stay together or not. I feel this has been a wasted year, except for getting to read all I want and finally regaining some strength and energy.

We've gotten the house in order, fixed up, and will be selling it this winter (I hope...we had it on the market this summer and it got lots of attention but didn't sell).

Should I buy or rent? Stay here in Reston and work part-time for a year or two? Take my time about choosing where to live or just move back to California? I have checked out some San Jose neighborhoods and neighboring cities. I love the beach and always wanted to permanently reside there. I've been to Sana Cruz, but don't know enough about it yet. The apartments there, on the net, look good. Petaluma seems nice, too. Or some of the ciites on the south of San Francisco Bay.

What do people think of the Santa Cruz area, or Monterey. What about Solvang and Buellton (which are inland), or other mid-coast towns? What about Napa Valley? Right now I drive, but I do have some ongoing health concerns (arthritis pain, need to take coumiden, etc.) so I want to be near good medical services.

My feelings are mixed in regard to my husband; when he's in a good mood he's great, but when he's not or when he's depressed (which he denies he ever is) then he is quite verbally and emotionally abusive. This has gotten out-of-hand as he's gotten older, but he feels people are an inconvenience and he just wants to do "what he wants, when he wants and how he wants" (his words)...and if he ends up being like his father...well, 'nuff said.

Once I'm away from him, I won't return. But I do have to get used to being single and sometimes I'm excited about that and sometimes I wonder how I'll do. Has anyone else had a retirement separation? What did you do?

Thanks......
 
Old 12-12-2009, 06:27 PM
 
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,608,206 times
Reputation: 1230
Talking Francella..........

WELCOME to the thread

We all have a lot in common ~ single women retiring alone to a new location. A few have already made the big move, but most of us are in the planning stage, waiting for the right time whether it be due to the economy or for personal reasons. We share our stories and gain strength and support from the others
 
Old 12-12-2009, 08:06 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,583 posts, read 39,952,759 times
Reputation: 23711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Francella View Post
.. I think I'd make a better decision after I've been on my own for awhile.
Take your time, recollect your thoughts when you can be away from the situation long enough to start feeling your own identity again - takes longer for some. You and your kids / best friends will notice when you get to being 'your-ole-self'.
Quote:
I am a California native, and love the state...I want to permanently reside in California, and also be close .. (He lives in San Jose/Los Gatos area.)
I suggest renting and being less than 2 hrs away for adequate separation from kids, but close enough to visit. I would stay in the region you have the most friends and familiarity and desire to live for awhile (or someplace you always wanted to try )

Quote:
We've gotten the house in order, fixed up, and will be selling it this winter (I hope.
..Several of us in that boat, just hang on, but don't pass up a good offer and work hard to make it visible to buyers. Change agents if you feel you are getting anything but the best.


Quote:
My feelings are mixed in regard to my husband; when he's in a good mood he's great, but when he's not or when he's depressed...
Once I'm away from him, I won't return. But I do have to get used to being single and sometimes I'm excited about that and sometimes I wonder how I'll do.
...

sounds like you might be living with a bipolar. Certainly no crime, many of our business and national leaders were bipolar, including some of our best presidents. Great potential and unfortunately great pain. (I was caregiver for bipolar father for 30+yrs), There are usually some great support groups for this illness and those who have lived with one, This might help you shed some dirty laundry and speed your healing.

Just take your time and consider yourself fortunate to have the freedom to choose and choose wisely. (taking LOTS of time). Unfortunately those with this illness or similar behavior tendencies often are accentuated with age and significant life changes (retirement, death of parents, kids, best friend...). Not an ez adventure, just keep your distance and emotional health. (don't succumb to our 'human' tendency of 'strike-back' or 'get-even'). You're playing with a partner that has an 'internal' stacked deck. It is hard for them to stay medicated, as they feel fine, then stop medicating and in about 3 months the crisis is deep and tough to recover without significant time ...again... and again........and again

just my $.02
  • take it easy, keep active, avoid being 'too busy'
  • stay put, or wherever you will be comfortable with minimal stress and have adequate distance from spouse
  • rent for flexibility
  • get a couple part-time jobs to meet others and experience new things
  • do something once a week you have been putting off (library, concert, swimming, beach, mtns,
  • consider joining some clubs in your level of interest
  • There are lots of travel opportunities, do you have any place in mind?
  • I would not get a pet till you settle down, tho they are very helpful. Offer to care for someone else's pet, or work at vet or animal shelter
  • keep in touch with your old friends and kids
  • eat well and WALK, bike or swim DAILY

I don't make relationship advice, as I'm not too successful there, and everyone needs to fit their style. I definately am not interested in 'high maint' partners. I like to roll with the punches, and life is full of those, no sense jumping into the 'fighting-ring' everytime you walk in the door of your 'retreat'. (that is more common that we like to admit)

Enjoy the seasons (of weather and life)
Check back in often
Our best wishes to you in this journey
 
Old 12-13-2009, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Francella View Post
After a long long marriage my husband and I are separating. We currently live in Reston, VA, but he will be returning to California after our townhouse sells. But, I think I'd be more comfortable remaining in Reston and taking some time to think, work part-time, travel to Europe (easier from here than California) and make a well thought out decision regarding where I want to permanently settle. And, I think I'd make a better decision after I've been on my own for awhile.

I am a California native, and love the state...I want to permanently reside in California, and also be close enough to my only son so that when I'm really older, and may need care, it will be easier on all of us. (He lives in San Jose/Los Gatos area.)

Since I retired last year (due to health reasons that are now all over, although I am also eligible for SS and Medicare) I feel I've been waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting to regain my strength, waiting to sell the house, waiting to decide whether to stay together or not. I feel this has been a wasted year, except for getting to read all I want and finally regaining some strength and energy.

We've gotten the house in order, fixed up, and will be selling it this winter (I hope...we had it on the market this summer and it got lots of attention but didn't sell).

Should I buy or rent? Stay here in Reston and work part-time for a year or two? Take my time about choosing where to live or just move back to California? I have checked out some San Jose neighborhoods and neighboring cities. I love the beach and always wanted to permanently reside there. I've been to Sana Cruz, but don't know enough about it yet. The apartments there, on the net, look good. Petaluma seems nice, too. Or some of the ciites on the south of San Francisco Bay.

What do people think of the Santa Cruz area, or Monterey. What about Solvang and Buellton (which are inland), or other mid-coast towns? What about Napa Valley? Right now I drive, but I do have some ongoing health concerns (arthritis pain, need to take coumiden, etc.) so I want to be near good medical services.

My feelings are mixed in regard to my husband; when he's in a good mood he's great, but when he's not or when he's depressed (which he denies he ever is) then he is quite verbally and emotionally abusive. This has gotten out-of-hand as he's gotten older, but he feels people are an inconvenience and he just wants to do "what he wants, when he wants and how he wants" (his words)...and if he ends up being like his father...well, 'nuff said.

Once I'm away from him, I won't return. But I do have to get used to being single and sometimes I'm excited about that and sometimes I wonder how I'll do. Has anyone else had a retirement separation? What did you do?

Thanks......
Francella, soooo many similarities with me I feel like I'm reading a note from a kindred spirit. It sounds like you have the financial means (unlike me, sigh) to make any change you want at this point in time. Although others may say take your time and wait (I respect that), sometimes to me it seems better to jump off a cliff with a decision that will quickly move you beyond the stagnation you are experiencing. It's hard at our age to stay stagnated without definite movement, even if it winds up in the wrong direction....we don't have forever and for those with financial resources what is there really to lose? If you were to say "now is my time, I'm outta here" and agressively market your house taking less if necessary this can give a great renewal of energy and spirit. If your son is relatively settled and you ahve a good relationshp with him I would think moving near him would be good. It might make more sense for you to rent rather than own so you can pick up and move again if you want or need. I am struggling with this sell/rent or buy thing constantly and while I struggle I'm not getting any younger! Seize the day.
 
Old 12-13-2009, 02:06 PM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,085,352 times
Reputation: 924
Welcome Francella! Great advice SteathRabbit! Being alone is much better than living with chaos and abuse. Love my quiet place. If my kids lived in a place I loved that is where I'd move. I'd rent because it gives you time and freedom to explore your new place. When I own a house I put my time and money into creating my nest-when I rent I fix it up to make it comfortable and go out and meet new people and create my community. Especially when you move to a new place. I moved across the country while going through a divorce after a long marriage and it was the best thing I did. At times I found it I was very lonely but it was a different loneliness than being with someone and alone. If I didn't have to work I'd volunteer and take classes at the community college to meet people.
 
Old 12-13-2009, 04:26 PM
 
Location: zippidy doo dah
895 posts, read 1,331,326 times
Reputation: 1928
Francella, you have most assuredly come to the right place - there is so much wisdom here that if we could just bottle it, shoot, we'd solve all the world's problems. Best part of it is that there is incredible humility here, honesty, flexibility and patience. I haven't been on here that long but have felt so many connections with people. As an "aim aim aim" person instead of "shoot and count the bodies afterwards", I surely agree with everyone that says "take your time /it's not a race." Sing some independence day songs (not necessarily the star spangled banner but there are some great freedom songs out there from some fiesty women singers) and recognize that the devil you know is usually FAR WORSE than anything that is to come....celebrate - dream dreams - read this thread daily
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