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Old 04-25-2010, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Arizona
419 posts, read 658,724 times
Reputation: 862

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrschilicook View Post
Hello all. I haven't posted here in quite a while, but have kept up with most of the posts.

My husband and I moved here in the country near Branson MO three years ago this month. Two years ago next month he died. Since that time, I have tossed around the "where to go" thing yet again. He and I tossed that question around for years...tried Las Vegas, then this area. I felt like I had to toss it around again for me....just me.

In January I had a moment of clarity. The question was moot. Did I need to move to be happy? Did I hate winter enough to go south? Would I find happiness someplace else? The answer to all of those questions was "maybe"..or maybe not.

I have finally found peace with being alone. Although I do have a black lab so technically I'm not "alone". I am not lonely. I have made friends thru joining a womens club (I'm typically not a club joiner), by taking my dog to the park, by going to dog training, and by opening myself up to new experiences that I would have NEVER done when my husband was part of life.

I am not sure that I'll stay here in this house in the country for the long haul, but any move will be for reasons of freedom from upkeep. I'll stay close enough to keep the friends I've made and not have to start over once again.
If I had it to do over, I would have stayed in my home state...just a smaller home with less expense. I haven't quit dreaming, I have just moved on from the dream to reality....and making that life happen. Travel, friends, etc.

So to all of you who are still dreaming, go for it. Then take it and run with it, and live it. You never know what twists of life will change your direction.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. What an inspiration you are to all of us who doubt our strengths. So many of us fear the unknown, especially as we get older. You have friends now that you would have never met if you had stayed in your home state. I have come to believe there will always be people there for you in a time of need. It may be unfamiliar faces, but they will be there. That is, if you reach out. You did the reaching and they were there.

About 8 years ago, I met an elderly woman (she was 87) at my hairdressers shop in Peoria, AZ. She and her husband had moved to Sun City, AZ from Illinois after his retirement. It was his dream to play golf every day. Unfortunately, he passed away after only living there for 2 years. Her family urged her to come back home, but she refused. She was happy living amongst her friends she had met. No family, but she was O.K. with that. She was truly happy and not worried about tomorrow. She said, "tomorrow will take care of itself".

It's truly amazing of the multidude of inspiring stories out there if you take time to listen. I spent many months in 2009 reading all of the posts on this thread going back to 2007. All of you ladies are truly inspiring. Through your posts, I gained the strength to relocate to a new state alone. I will always be grateful to all of you. A special thanks to Wisteria for starting this thread.

I have posted bits & pieces of my relocation story on other retirement threads but didn't want to be redundant by posting here. I wish all of you the very best, whether you stay close to home or venture out into the unknown. At the very least, it is quite a journey.

 
Old 04-25-2010, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,411 posts, read 5,936,697 times
Reputation: 7141
I am soooo glad to hear I'm not the only one who's not easy to live with. (Or, maybe you all just said you don't want to live with anyone, but I took it the wrong way, LOL!) Yes, I can completely relate to having a cluttered mess of a house, but being anal about something stupid like the tissue box has to match the decor. As far as romantic relationships go, I think with me, it goes beyond just wanting to be alone. I like the "concept" of being a couple, but unfortunately, no man has ever lived up to my expectations. After the initial rose-colored glasses attraction period, I find out they're human, fallible and otherwise may have some flaw, and then I get sick of them. I probably need therapy (LOL), but at this point, I'm happy being alone so I could care less...then again, I do sometimes envy those folks who have a partner (that they're happy with) for life. I don't know how they do it.

But I'm not really "alone" -- I have my two little dogs!
 
Old 04-26-2010, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Winter Park FL
205 posts, read 360,317 times
Reputation: 378
[quote=triciajeanne;13830859]oh karcon, it is so cool to "find your niche/your place".

Right now, it is the oddest thing - knowing that i am at the epilog of something old & known/the prelude of something not yet defined, a part of me envies those that have "arrived" already. But I like your "stay forever? not sure" There's been a lot of talk on here about the constant nature of change so it's good to consider that each thing we do is not necessarily the final decision. As I said, it is my "place" for now. I've committed to at least three years. After that I really will be a full-fledged "senior" and ready to start the last third of my life. There are always many stories of people reinventing themselves when they hit 65. I want to be one of those people and find my real passion.

I know for many that there is a real need in many ways to do what has to be done now with the hope that that IS the decision, the place. Initially, I felt I absolutely HAD to arrive at my destination - I have been dislocated for so long that all I could dream of was not packing up again and making decisions and pressure-driven moves/continued upheaval. I wanted a HOME, a hearth. I needed that. In most ways, I still do. Like you, what I wanted most was a HOME, a hearth. I too needed that. Which is what led me to finding my home, to have a home, a place that was really mine. I completely understand your saying "been dislocated for so long that all I could dream of was not packing up again and making decisions and pressure-driven moves/continued upheaval."

I'd love to post somewhere the Rules for Being a Human Being. Maybe on my home page - I'll see if that works. Plus I have to find them in my stack of papers and maybe I will /maybe I won't - I am fairly sure they are tucked away in my "travel stuff" for constant re-reading when things get tough. Please post or share your "Rules for Being a Human Being." I would love to read them either here or on your home page. Or just e-mail me. Sounds just like what I need.

for now, karcon, congrats on your contentment. to each of the wanderers and seekers, the stories of "i've found it" are inspiring. My next planned trip is to NJ to the family reunion. Am thinking of driving and taking a detour to the Outer Banks, NC, then maybe just take the auto train home. I've learned how much I just decompress and relax while riding the train. You must keep me (us) posted on your journey and being both a wanderer and seeker. I know the saying says it's the journey, not the destination, but I truly hope we all find our soft place to land. We all get to the point in life where the destination is the whole point of the journey.
 
Old 04-26-2010, 03:05 PM
 
Location: not where you are
8,143 posts, read 7,654,313 times
Reputation: 6931
[quote=karcon;13909455]
Quote:
Originally Posted by triciajeanne View Post
oh karcon,
. My next planned trip is to NJ to the family reunion. Am thinking of driving and taking a detour to the Outer Banks, NC, then maybe just take the auto train home. I've learned how much I just decompress and relax while riding the train. You must keep me (us) posted on your journey and being both a wanderer and seeker. I know the saying says it's the journey, not the destination, but I truly hope we all find our soft place to land. We all get to the point in life where the destination is the whole point of the journey.
WOW! That's sounds like so much fun, I've been thinking of doing something similar to that. I can't decide whether to head to NY first then Fl via Amtrak or the reverse. I have graduation to attend in NY and friends to visit in Tampa. I also want to visit different cities and tryout a few of their campsites along the way.

Like some people, I've also often think of relacating. I was looking at a site that featured walkable cities. I do know I want a warmer climate than where I am now, but I'm hesitant about moving, as this is where my daughter lives. I just can't stand the feeling of isolation during the cold season, since I don't drive. So much about the decision to move has been weighing heavily on my mind. Moving is such a hassle. Maybe I'll just pick up and stay in Florida for the winters and return to NC in the spring. I thought about trying out a few cities two to three weeks at a time by staying at camping resorts, but I guess when it comes down to it, the fear of nightfall alone in these places sort of makes me a little fearful.

So much to think about. Ritirement most certainly doesn't have to be as boring as some think, when you are still journeying through such mazes.
 
Old 04-26-2010, 09:09 PM
 
434 posts, read 992,910 times
Reputation: 389
I hear you, TRosa. I haven't driven in many years because a car isn't necessary where I live and I don't want to buy another one. I need a warmer and drier climate, so although moving will be a big hassle, I'm determined to do it before next winter.

I like your idea of going to different cities and staying in a campground, yet I also know how you feel about being there alone at night. Good luck to you.
 
Old 04-27-2010, 05:33 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,558,822 times
Reputation: 6928
[quote=TRosa;13913515]
Quote:
Originally Posted by karcon View Post

WOW! That's sounds like so much fun, I've been thinking of doing something similar to that. I can't decide whether to head to NY first then Fl via Amtrak or the reverse. I have graduation to attend in NY and friends to visit in Tampa. I also want to visit different cities and tryout a few of their campsites along the way.

Like some people, I've also often think of relacating. I was looking at a site that featured walkable cities. I do know I want a warmer climate than where I am now, but I'm hesitant about moving, as this is where my daughter lives. I just can't stand the feeling of isolation during the cold season, since I don't drive. So much about the decision to move has been weighing heavily on my mind. Moving is such a hassle. Maybe I'll just pick up and stay in Florida for the winters and return to NC in the spring. I thought about trying out a few cities two to three weeks at a time by staying at camping resorts, but I guess when it comes down to it, the fear of nightfall alone in these places sort of makes me a little fearful.

So much to think about. Ritirement most certainly doesn't have to be as boring as some think, when you are still journeying through such mazes.
If you do not drive and you like walkable cities, then campgrounds are not a place to stay. I would explore the best areas of cities that have great public transit in a walkable neighborhood and those are not most campgrounds.

There is so much information on the web about good walkable areas and the information for public transit is easy to get. You can plan your trip right down to the local bus and commuter rail route.

Usually downtown areas provide great public transit and a way to get to other neighborhoods. However, there are many other areas that are not downtown that will provide walkable amenities with good public transit.

People explore Europe by means of public transit. We can do it here; maybe not everywhere but there are places. Certainly, you would be wise and easy to explore New York by public transit--you be crazy to drive in that city, if you do not know it. The same can be said for San Francisco and Chicago.

If big cities are not your style then you will find college towns have excellent public transit because of the students and the encouragement of "green" mobility in liberal communities. You will also find excellent walkable neighborhoods.

You do not necessarily have to see all there is to see in an area. You can just pick one small walkable neighborhood that attracts you and relax and take in the local attractions that are walkable and in easy reach by short bus or commuter train trip. You can even visit many small towns and take a greyhound bus and live a few days on main street and enjoy the simplicity of life.

Livecontent
 
Old 04-27-2010, 08:01 PM
 
Location: not where you are
8,143 posts, read 7,654,313 times
Reputation: 6931
"If you do not drive and you like walkable cities, then campgrounds are not a place to stay. I would explore the best areas of cities that have great public transit in a walkable neighborhood and those are not most campgrounds."


Thank you for the input. I have looked into the walkability factor when it comes to choosing areas and campground locations. I have the site for the best walkable cities, bookmarked. Accessable transit and walkability are some of my top priorities. Only reason I'm choosing campgrounds is because I recently discovered a love for camping and the cities I plan to explore are very walkable; even if I have to take a cab from the campground to the center of town, from doing research, it won't be too much of problem. My main concern is camping alone, that's something I've never done before.

I've looked into many camping resorts already, but I may never actually get up the nerve to do the solo thing. Considering my health and whatever else might pop up, more than likely, I'll just rent a room each year somewhere in Florida. I actully like living in NC, and especially my camping group, but, my arthritis doesn't care for Nov - March so much.

BTW, I'm originally from NY, and am familiar with their transit system, even if I lived mostly in Westchester Co. I've never driven in NY, but when I've lived in NJ and Fl, I did drive for many years. Gave up driving for medical reasons.
 
Old 04-27-2010, 10:57 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,558,822 times
Reputation: 6928
Quote:
Originally Posted by TRosa View Post
"If you do not drive and you like walkable cities, then campgrounds are not a place to stay. I would explore the best areas of cities that have great public transit in a walkable neighborhood and those are not most campgrounds."


Thank you for the input. I have looked into the walkability factor when it comes to choosing areas and campground locations. I have the site for the best walkable cities, bookmarked. Accessable transit and walkability are some of my top priorities. Only reason I'm choosing campgrounds is because I recently discovered a love for camping and the cities I plan to explore are very walkable; even if I have to take a cab from the campground to the center of town, from doing research, it won't be too much of problem. My main concern is camping alone, that's something I've never done before.

I've looked into many camping resorts already, but I may never actually get up the nerve to do the solo thing. Considering my health and whatever else might pop up, more than likely, I'll just rent a room each year somewhere in Florida. I actully like living in NC, and especially my camping group, but, my arthritis doesn't care for Nov - March so much.

BTW, I'm originally from NY, and am familiar with their transit system, even if I lived mostly in Westchester Co. I've never driven in NY, but when I've lived in NJ and Fl, I did drive for many years. Gave up driving for medical reasons.
I am originally from New York, born in NYC, raised near Buffalo; went to college throughout the state; and I worked/lived in Manhattan. NYC is very walkable but too intense for me. I live near Denver and this area has many good walkable neighborhoods and growing good public transit.

I also have severe arthritis--so bad that it is difficult, sometimes, for me to drive and to walk, a distance, I use a walker/rollator. My car is 16 years old and about 72,000 miles and I bought it new. I drive, now, about 2500 miles a year. I do not drive on highways and I really do not enjoy driving--I now drive only for necessities.

In addition to arthritis, I have other maladies that are getting worse. Unfortunately, even my walkable neighborhood is becoming difficult for me; where I once walked to the supermarket at 1/3 mile--I now drive and can sometimes walk with my rollator. It is getting me depressed because I have always loved to walk and to ride a bicycle. I will continue to resist the use of a scooter and a wheelchair, as long as possible. I refuse to use the scooters in the stores. I find that the rollator/walker is good because it at least give some exercise.

No matter what my health issues, I will always believe in a good walkable neighborhood with good public transit. The Denver area is moving more and more into those types of neighborhoods and has a great future.

Livecontent
 
Old 04-29-2010, 01:56 PM
 
13,335 posts, read 25,596,053 times
Reputation: 20581
I think LiveContent's wisdoms about neighborhoods and physical changes are wise to listen to, and learn.
I think suburbs are increasingly full of aging people with no back-up plan. It's one reason why very old people drive their cars through plate glass windows- they're driving long past the point where they can do so safely because of where they live.
I don't know what an answer is for those people (and there are lots of 'em- baby boom parents and boomers coming- the majority of the U.S population now lives in suburbs). I know that I want to keep thinking and planning for changes, be they gradual or sudden.
 
Old 04-29-2010, 04:31 PM
 
Location: not where you are
8,143 posts, read 7,654,313 times
Reputation: 6931
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I think LiveContent's wisdoms about neighborhoods and physical changes are wise to listen to, and learn.
I think suburbs are increasingly full of aging people with no back-up plan. It's one reason why very old people drive their cars through plate glass windows- they're driving long past the point where they can do so safely because of where they live.
I don't know what an answer is for those people (and there are lots of 'em- baby boom parents and boomers coming- the majority of the U.S population now lives in suburbs). I know that I want to keep thinking and planning for changes, be they gradual or sudden.
I agree, one should always have a backup plan when possible.
And I concur about some people driving beyond their abilities. I gave it up without being told to as I felt with my medical issues, I would be a liability to myself and others if I continued to drive. But, I have been witness to a few people being, gently, nudged into giving up their car keys and rightfully so. My daughter's grandmother has no business being behind the wheel either. This isn't true of many, but there are some that really do need to know when to foldem.

Believe me the loss of freedom is a big trade off when giving up driving, that's why I always try to make sure there is some sort of public transit within reach. Though there are times when even walking that short distance can be a challenge on a really bad day. One of the reasons I've revamped my health routines.

Speaking of walking, Easter weekend, I wanted to kill my camping/hiking buddies. We were supposed to do a short hike, like 3-4 miles, with breaks turned out to be more like 6-7. Because I'm stubborn, I pushed through, not that I had a whole lot of choice after a certain point. I must say it was one of the worse days of my year, thus far, of which i'll not ever repeat again. The following week I was in bed for at least five days straight. I told the group, unless it's on circle track, I'm not hiking again. I'm sure their saying she's crying wolf, because I said the same thing about camping at least the first three times. I really was a sad sight to see on this hike, everyone was so nice to me it was getting nauseating; I felt so old. This was the first time I brought up the back of the line. Might have had something to do with my my foot injuries.
btw, when I say a shore hike, I mean maybe a third or forth of what the enthusiast in the group usually do. With their 10-20 mile crazy selves.

Anyway to Livecontent, I really do understand your feelings about getting depressed because, sometimes my ailments inhibit my ability to function fully. Like I won't take up kayaking with the group because, sometimes my body completely shuts down for a while and I'm not able to move a muscle. Happed on a few of of my camping trips. one in particular that stands out. The group was going for a late night stroll on the beach and they came to get me from my tent. As I started to get up, I found it impossible. I told them I would join them in a bit. I never made it The pain from me trying to move was so bad, I was in tears. Most things I do, take a lot of prep and later a lot of recoup time. The funny thing is most people when they see me, they would never guess I have any serious medical conditions, least not till maybe I've sat in one position too long, carried on a conversation when I'm tired and a mild seizure sets in and can't remember names of persons, places, things, blah, blah,. It sucks when your having a conversation and people look at you as if you've lost you're frekkin mind. Oh wait, their kind of right. Never mind.

I'll admit there have been times when I wanted to give up out of feeling like I've lost control over my life and my independance, but then I keep moving forward and taking advantage of the good days. None of my sisters had a chance to see beyond 49, so, I'm going to see how much longer these bones will hold me up.

Last edited by TRosa; 04-29-2010 at 04:40 PM..
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