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Old 05-17-2010, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,917,111 times
Reputation: 3843

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No, I don't have my own place to live nor do I have enough money to get one. The kids would pay for a place for me but it's a matter of existing or having some kind of life. Fl has proven to supply better opportunities for the later. They seem to think their unemployment situation is bad there but in a small town in upstate NY you need to check the obituaries to find an open job, and even then you'd better hope you're related to the hiring manager.

I haven't been back to Ca for a generation and hear that it's gotten bad which is hard to believe. My options are limited by my circumstance. I now have to come to grips with the real possibility that I will need to get rid of a lifetimes worth of really nice things and family heirlooms that give me comfort. I was advised that they are not welcome at my sons as his wife insists that tobacco residue (on me too) will kill the new baby. Fl with my friend looks like the best option such as it is and whatever I can afford to take with me. At least I know I can have some fun there and that's important.

 
Old 05-17-2010, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,243,653 times
Reputation: 2646
Here's a thought -- have you and loveautumn talked? Maybe there is a way to work it out so there could be a good compromise or houseshare, or something. I realize there's no real autumn in Florida, but it sounds like you've, SGoldie, like Florida and you're from New York State. Perhaps the two of you could call each other and see if there's any way to compromise and help each other....just a thought....

You know, I understand when you say "poor choice of husband/partner...." because I've been there, done that. I imagine that topic would be a whole other thread, but with aging women, many of us have lost a lot through divorce, in particular. I was on that receiving end once and took on about $20,000 in debt (not mine -- I'M the frugal one!!). But he was so crazy that the judge actually told me to just bite the bullet and eat it -- that he was too explosive and it was better to just cut my losses. So, there I was, single mom to a small child, all that in debt, had to move to another state, no job, just a mess. Believe it or not, I was so desperate, that I actually TOOK one of those scammy loan checks you get in the mail where you have to pay back like 25-35% in interest! I was that desperate! AND I paid it all back! And I never declared bankruptcy! But let me tell you, that was about 15 years worth of real heartache and agony! It literally ruined me. But....when there's a psychopath involved....well, you just don't see it coming right away -- which is why I stay far, far away from the one I happen to know about! Let them continue to take advantage of, lie to, and destroy others around them; I already have their number and I'm not calling it!!

I don't know how many women on this thread were taken down a few financial notches from divorce or crazy men (sorry, Livecontent, you're not included in this.....it's just that there are so many women on this thread). It's the women I know who have suffered the consequences of a "poor choice" than the other way around. And women are the ones who usually have the young children with them....it's a tough road to travel.

Anyway, that was my aside rant, but I know how horrible it is to have to start over again. I was there...and I'm still working my way back up....but I at least feel more secure now (crossing fingers). Women with children, in particular, generally feel much more responsible and will give up more just to take care of their kids. And, unfortunately, it often knocks them down quite a few notches financially. Sometimes we can be too trusting!
 
Old 05-17-2010, 02:07 PM
 
Location: not where you are
8,141 posts, read 7,649,927 times
Reputation: 6931
Whoa! Am I chop meat liver here. I'm formerly from NY too, may be heading to Florida, been through the ringer finanacially, had to rebuild my life a couple of times. I had an especially difficult time, financially, after a divorce. At the seperation hearing, when the judge asked if I had any demands, I said just get me out. It was an abusive situation, very complicated to go into. But They didn't play in domestic violence cases, back then, in NJ, at least not in my town. I'm broker than most, I just know how to stetch a dollar till it screams for mercy. If I want something, I do without something else and save what little I can. I dress nicely, because I know how to shop secondhand values and new item super duper markdowns. Friends told me to stop telling where I got my clothing, but I was proud of my huge deals. But then they started shopping at those places too.

Anyway, if you ladies head to Fl and I should end up there, don't hesitate to keep me in mind as someone to chat up.
 
Old 05-18-2010, 04:54 AM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,917,111 times
Reputation: 3843
Wow, Wisteria. Did I write that post about psycho xhusbands whose debt you were forced to assume in divorce court or did you? Fortunately my mother was there to take us in and the kids were close to graduation at that point, not that it didn't have lasting effects. It's amazing that so many of us have dealt with the same things.
 
Old 05-18-2010, 11:19 AM
 
4,575 posts, read 7,066,289 times
Reputation: 4227
when there's a psychopath involved...oh yeah, been there and managed to escape.

As far as Florida, I don't care for the place at all, so it's not even on my retirement radar.
 
Old 05-18-2010, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,243,653 times
Reputation: 2646
I hear you all!! Crazy men (and women) can do a number on a person!!

Hey, I just got my FIRST STAR!!! I'm so excited!! It's only been FOUR years!! (They changed the way we get them after I had joined....) I wish there was a little star icon!

Thanks to everyone who has repped me in the past! Finally, I have a gold star -- I feel like a first grader with her first "A!"

Okay, off to lunch! See you later!
 
Old 05-18-2010, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,955 posts, read 7,398,977 times
Reputation: 16293
Come join the party!
http://www.city-data.com/forum/commu...irst-star.html
The first star is the best
 
Old 05-18-2010, 03:18 PM
 
Location: not where you are
8,141 posts, read 7,649,927 times
Reputation: 6931
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisteria View Post
I hear you all!! Crazy men (and women) can do a number on a person!!

Hey, I just got my FIRST STAR!!! I'm so excited!! It's only been FOUR years!! (They changed the way we get them after I had joined....) I wish there was a little star icon!

Thanks to everyone who has repped me in the past! Finally, I have a gold star -- I feel like a first grader with her first "A!"

Okay, off to lunch! See you later!
Congrats! And well deserved.
 
Old 05-18-2010, 03:30 PM
 
Location: not where you are
8,141 posts, read 7,649,927 times
Reputation: 6931
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveautumn View Post
when there's a psychopath involved...oh yeah, been there and managed to escape.

As far as Florida, I don't care for the place at all, so it's not even on my retirement radar.
I kinda understand, I have a love hate relationship with the place myself. It's the weather, beaches and friends that keep me going back. I'm not going to delve into what I dislike about Fl, I don't want to cause an uproar, but, my northeast friends warned me that I wouldn't like it. Tampa sure helped me understand what they were talking about.

BTW! I have to say, there are as many psyco abusive women out there as men. I believe I experienced more nightmares at the hand of someone's ex-wife than I did at my ex-husband's. As long as we recognize the danger and take responsibility for the path ahead, we'll be ok for the most part. We're all allowed to make mistakes, it's when we keep making those same mistakes that we have no one to blame but ourselves. If you are with someone that isn't good for you and you choose to stay, that is on the person that chooses to stay. We can all come up with a zillion excuses not to leave an unhealthy situation. Of course I'm not refering to someone that literally is being held captive and doesn't have access to alternative choices to get away from a psycho. But we all know people that make excuse after excuse for sticking out bad situations.

Last edited by TRosa; 05-18-2010 at 03:47 PM..
 
Old 05-18-2010, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,955 posts, read 7,398,977 times
Reputation: 16293
Default Just sayin~~

Just a comment on giving reps: You'd have to post a cure for cancer on this thread & the Shoestring thread to get a rep. What's that about? There have been lots of great posts on both threads.

We can all show more appreciation
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