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Has anyone read any of the May Sarton "Journals" or her "Journal of a Solitude"? I just finished her 'Journal at 80' She was a woman who made a family of friends and recorded their importance in her life in her non-fiction writing...very interesting personality and observations. You might enjoy her writing...
My heart ached for you as I read what you wrote about your relationship with your daughter. I'm no stranger to family intereference of that sort, being that I was a very young mother and shared custody with my dauther's paternal family. The damage of what that did, still haunts the relationship with my daughter. They actually told my daughter I didn't want nor did I love her. I didn't find out they were telling her such things till she was an adult. It's a long story how I got involved with such sick people, but I'll save ya all from the details of that time in my life.
On another note, I adore the ladies here; and am so thankful I came upon this site and especially this group of individuals. So many kindered spirits in one place. . Thank you Wisteria.
I love what newenglandgirl said about understanding the limits of friendship and tolerance. Of course within reason I, for one, won't put up with toxic people. Been there done that. I too know that close friendships can't be the end all to all things, but, it sure is one of the greatest things to have if you are lucky enough to have one or more.
Love listening to you ladies purge, but thinking at some point we might need a more private location to do such. I keep forgetting just how public this forum is.
It is so reassuring to know that there are other mothers going through the same dilemmas. I have been so torn in wanting to be close to my daughter and especially my little grandson . I guess it all stems from when I had my daughter my mother waited till she was born and then flew in from Scotland stayed for awhile and then flew back. O f course being self centred I thought well she is a widow now why dosent she just move to California and help me out what was I thinking now being older and wiser I now realize she had her own life and rightly so.
Life was so much easier years ago when we married within our local commnities. My daughter has grown up knowing well my ex husbands side of the family and my family only superficially and I understand that 5000 plus miles is a wide gulf. I choose divorce after almost 25 years of marriage when my daughter was 15 and although she said it was for the best I am sure there is anger there. Despite moving back to UK to be there for my mum I have paid her car insurance, broadband etc and given her acess to rwo credit cards, bought a second hand car and signed over my own SUV.--the credit cards were for emergencies as I know she was struggling but apart from Kaiser(medical) and essentials for my grandson ther were so many things I dont consider emergencies-so I cut her off---havent heard from her since.
Sorry for the long moan but I feel there are other mothers out there who know what this feels like. So I know my place is out there somewhere complete with country setting an acre or so(love my music and dont want to worry about neighbors)must have the wood stove and of course most important a dog or two. Many thanks for listening
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I have been trying to pack for my trip and it's becoming a hassle. I know I don't need as much as I'm packing, so now the elimanation process, do I really need aqua sandles, YES! they match three outfits. Ah! but I could just as easily wear the black or white sandles with. If only I hadn't gained that 15 lbs, I could take that black dress instead of those other three.
Remember, I'm going away for at least three weeks.
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
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flyingscot47: Sorry for the long moan but I feel there are other mothers out there who know what this feels like.
Why is having a daughter seemingly difficult at times? I adore my daughter, however…..once she went to college she cut me off – for an entire year!! I was mortified!! I couldn't understand it – just the two of us for so long, and suddenly I was alone and she wouldn't maintain contact. It was the worst year of my life!
Fast forward one year, and now she's back! In fact, she was just down last weekend helping me in the house! Had I known she would've been back, I wouldn't have broken down so! I started imagining her getting married, having kids, me not even knowing. It was really horrible.
Now that she's twenty, she's suddenly maturing – and nicely so! We have adult conversations, have fun together and she's now a young woman. But that year was truly unbelievable to me. I thought I had lost her forever.
My only guess was that she was individuating during that year away – that she had to put so much distance between us because she needed to be independent from me – but I don't really know why. All I know is that I am so grateful she is back!
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Originally Posted by Wisteria
I wonder if a son is as difficult for a mother??
yup, one (#1) is still communicating, one (#2) is ""individuating"" and has been for the last 6 yrs... BUT oh how he is missed, even tho an instigator of tremendous anger, grief, hassle when he WAS home.
The issue is that boys often leave for good, and only come home to their MIL (if at all).
Boys are painful too, having never experienced 'brothers' in life as a kid.
Boys come with a different kinda pain . Now daughters and fathers.... another story as well ... then there are boys and fathers (too much testosterone in one house is not a good thing!! and can become deadly )
Why is having a daughter seemingly difficult at times? I adore my daughter, however…..once she went to college she cut me off – for an entire year!! I was mortified!! I couldn't understand it – just the two of us for so long, and suddenly I was alone and she wouldn't maintain contact. It was the worst year of my life!
Fast forward one year, and now she's back! In fact, she was just down last weekend helping me in the house! Had I known she would've been back, I wouldn't have broken down so! I started imagining her getting married, having kids, me not even knowing. It was really horrible.
Now that she's twenty, she's suddenly maturing – and nicely so! We have adult conversations, have fun together and she's now a young woman. But that year was truly unbelievable to me. I thought I had lost her forever.
My only guess was that she was individuating during that year away – that she had to put so much distance between us because she needed to be independent from me – but I don't really know why. All I know is that I am so grateful she is back!
I wonder if a son is as difficult for a mother??
Daughters need to pull away from their mothers if they are to actually grow up and live their own lives. If the relationship is healthy, then once the break is made & she knows who she is, then she can come back but with a new relationship to her mother. One that is on an equal footing as grown women instead of the old relationship of child to mother. I think the mother needs the break just as much so the 18-20 year habits of mothering. The child is forced to stop and she sees her child in the grownup space and can treat her as an equal.
Don't you remember having to pull away from your mother to exert and find your own self? I do and I remember the sea change in our relationship afterwards.
Boys - I think you just hope they don't kill or maim themselves until they survive their teen years and gain some modicum of maturity.
Every time I think I have narrowed an area down I see somewhere else mentioned and curiosity has me checking it out. I was impressed by the lovely photos of Nancy and Wisterias Mobile Home Park near the ocean in Santa Cruz. I have seen a mobile home in a park called Deanza on Delaware Ave in Santa Cruz. The realtor did get back to me promptly when i asked about the space rent--hopefully what she told me is a typographical error but she said the rent was $3,300.00 a month but was negotiable? Do Nancy or Wisteria have any info about this park. Many thanks in advance .
Daughters need to pull away from their mothers if they are to actually grow up and live their own lives. If the relationship is healthy, then once the break is made & she knows who she is, then she can come back but with a new relationship to her mother. One that is on an equal footing as grown women instead of the old relationship of child to mother. I think the mother needs the break just as much so the 18-20 year habits of mothering. The child is forced to stop and she sees her child in the grownup space and can treat her as an equal.
Don't you remember having to pull away from your mother to exert and find your own self? I do and I remember the sea change in our relationship afterwards.
Every time I think I have narrowed an area down I see somewhere else mentioned and curiosity has me checking it out. I was impressed by the lovely photos of Nancy and Wisterias Mobile Home Park near the ocean in Santa Cruz. I have seen a mobile home in a park called Deanza on Delaware Ave in Santa Cruz. The realtor did get back to me promptly when i asked about the space rent--hopefully what she told me is a typographical error but she said the rent was $3,300.00 a month but was negotiable? Do Nancy or Wisteria have any info about this park. Many thanks in advance .
That must be the annual space rent. No one can afford that on a monthly basis.
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. Thank you Wisteria. 
I, for one, won't put up with toxic people. Been there done that. I too know that close friendships can't be the end all to all things, but, it sure is one of the greatest things to have if you are lucky enough to have one or more. 
Hi Triciajeanne
what was I thinking now being older and wiser I now realize she had her own life and rightly so.
I choose divorce after almost 25 years of marriage when my daughter was 15 and although she said it was for the best I am sure there is anger there. Despite moving back to UK to be there for my mum I have paid her car insurance, broadband etc and given her acess to rwo credit cards, bought a second hand car and signed over my own SUV.--the credit cards were for emergencies as I know she was struggling but apart from Kaiser(medical) and essentials for my grandson ther were so many things I dont consider emergencies-so I cut her off---havent heard from her since.
, even tho an instigator of tremendous anger, grief, hassle when he WAS home.
. Now daughters and fathers.... another story as well 
and can become deadly 
)
Intrigued by Santa Cruz
