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Old 05-12-2012, 12:06 AM
 
967 posts, read 919,699 times
Reputation: 1890

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Just saw this thread again......I try to keep up, but don't have a lot to say! I'm in Az now. It will be 2yrs at end of May since I moved here from midwest. I've had so many doubts. Love the weather and my health is somewhat better here, but I am still going downhill. I had the idea I'd move to an arrid climate and recover my energy and most of my health....just not happening. I'd made all these plans as far as being active, going places, entering art shows, doing theatre etc.My fibromyalgia still keeps me semi-confined. But on the rare occasion we have rain or really cold temps I'm quickly reminded of the agony I was in before I moved here, and that promptly puts an end to all thoughts of moving "back home". I miss old friends, I desperately miss my grandchild, and I miss the familiarity of the area I'd lived in for so long. All things to consider before you make "the big move". I'm afraid that within the next couple years I will have to move again to some sort of retirement community if I am lucky enough to find one I can afford. I am a very friendly person, easy to talk to, and figured I'd have no troublemaking friends. Well, no matter how often I've invited folks over or to go places, seldom hear from anyone else making plans. I am a single woman and have no family near by....everyone else I've met, even if living alone, seems to have some kind of family ties or they are married, thus have a much busier lifestle and not as much freedom to make plans.I go back and forth as to whether I was wrong to move. I guess you gather as much information as you can at the time and make the best decision based on it. If I had stayed there and not made the move I'd probably be berating myself for that! There are no perfect solutions, of course. I am so lonely. That's why I think a retirement community with folks in a similar situation might help, with transportation provided to events so I won't have to drive, as that has become increasingly difficult for me, even here in sunny Az. I think I wrote one time after moving that you can't plan on things such as health remaining the same......definitely true in my case. I guess this move has been both very good for me, and very hard. I honestly don't know where I'll end up. Trying to move across country, with no one to help you, to a totally unfamiliar place (aside from "scouting trips") has been, in my experience, very difficult. Remember that absolutely everything will be new, from utility companies and ways they're figured, to government regulations and help or lack of help available (think senior centers, tax breaks, any aid), to all healthcare providers and facilities, to grocery stores and other shopping, entertainment, church, civic or private organizations....the list goes on. Plus trying to cope with the physical difficulties when moving alone. After my divorce 9 yrs ago my entire life changed.....not by my choice. At one point in the year following it I said"enough! I don't want to have to learn one more new thing!" I know change is an inevitable part of life....but familiarity doesn't always "breed contempt"...it also provides ease in life. I know I would be in much more physical pain had I stayed where I was...and there was a certain amt of emotional pain, too.....but sometimes I really, really wish I'd stayed there. As I said earlier, there's very good....and very hard. But maybe that's just the way it is no matter where you're living?

 
Old 05-12-2012, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 426,829 times
Reputation: 704
Default Moving or staying

Hi artangel, I was moved by your post. It seems that nothing is easy in life. The decision to move or not to move seems to plague us all.

Now that I am "truly" a single woman (my DH passed away 4-1-12), I really seem to fit into the category of this post. Prior to his passing, I had lots and lots of time to reflect on what I would do if I were alone. I had all sorts of grand ideas, places I could move to for reasons I could "justify". Now that the time has come for me to face all these ideas, I am inclined to stay put.

They say after a major life incident, you shouldn't make any changes for at least a year. To be honest with you, I....for now.....am quite content to stay put. This may change in the future. But the biggest reason I want to stay put is to be able to visit my husband's grave.

I was fortunate enough to be able to bury his cremated remains at the Chattanooga National Cemetery, which is about 80 miles from our home. It is a beautiful, serene place, and my remains can be buried with him in the same plot. That's what I want!

I am still working and in reasonably good health; that, of course, is subject to change in the future. I have wonderful, caring neighbors, a new church family, and a great work family. All those people would be hard to give up.

I wish you the best in feeling content where you are. I really don't know what advice to give you, wish I was there to give you a hug!! I am still struggling myself. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
 
Old 05-12-2012, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,396,297 times
Reputation: 16288
tngirl205 - Glad you checked in - I've been a little worried about you. Hope you are coping with your loss - your whole world changed - it takes time to adjust.

Good idea to stay put - for now or forever. If you're anything like many of the rest of us you may change your mind many times, afterall, it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind, right?

Take care of yourself.

artangel - I hope things get better for you also - I have no advice to give but I wish you the best.
 
Old 05-12-2012, 12:27 PM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 865,025 times
Reputation: 2367
Quote:
Originally Posted by artangel View Post
Just saw this thread again......I try to keep up, but don't have a lot to say! I'm in Az now. It will be 2yrs at end of May since I moved here from midwest. I've had so many doubts. Love the weather and my health is somewhat better here, but I am still going downhill. I had the idea I'd move to an arrid climate and recover my energy and most of my health....just not happening. I'd made all these plans as far as being active, going places, entering art shows, doing theatre etc.My fibromyalgia still keeps me semi-confined. But on the rare occasion we have rain or really cold temps I'm quickly reminded of the agony I was in before I moved here, and that promptly puts an end to all thoughts of moving "back home". I miss old friends, I desperately miss my grandchild, and I miss the familiarity of the area I'd lived in for so long. All things to consider before you make "the big move". I'm afraid that within the next couple years I will have to move again to some sort of retirement community if I am lucky enough to find one I can afford. I am a very friendly person, easy to talk to, and figured I'd have no troublemaking friends. Well, no matter how often I've invited folks over or to go places, seldom hear from anyone else making plans. I am a single woman and have no family near by....everyone else I've met, even if living alone, seems to have some kind of family ties or they are married, thus have a much busier lifestle and not as much freedom to make plans.I go back and forth as to whether I was wrong to move. I guess you gather as much information as you can at the time and make the best decision based on it. If I had stayed there and not made the move I'd probably be berating myself for that! There are no perfect solutions, of course. I am so lonely. That's why I think a retirement community with folks in a similar situation might help, with transportation provided to events so I won't have to drive, as that has become increasingly difficult for me, even here in sunny Az. I think I wrote one time after moving that you can't plan on things such as health remaining the same......definitely true in my case. I guess this move has been both very good for me, and very hard. I honestly don't know where I'll end up. Trying to move across country, with no one to help you, to a totally unfamiliar place (aside from "scouting trips") has been, in my experience, very difficult. Remember that absolutely everything will be new, from utility companies and ways they're figured, to government regulations and help or lack of help available (think senior centers, tax breaks, any aid), to all healthcare providers and facilities, to grocery stores and other shopping, entertainment, church, civic or private organizations....the list goes on. Plus trying to cope with the physical difficulties when moving alone. After my divorce 9 yrs ago my entire life changed.....not by my choice. At one point in the year following it I said"enough! I don't want to have to learn one more new thing!" I know change is an inevitable part of life....but familiarity doesn't always "breed contempt"...it also provides ease in life. I know I would be in much more physical pain had I stayed where I was...and there was a certain amt of emotional pain, too.....but sometimes I really, really wish I'd stayed there. As I said earlier, there's very good....and very hard. But maybe that's just the way it is no matter where you're living?


i don't usually write on this thread, although i am single-widowed , but have a significant other as a part of my life.
i can understand your situation, as i moved, as a compromise decision, to my current location six years ago, for reasons that i've discussed previously on this forum. i had loved where i was living previously, and had my husband lived, would probably have stayed there permanently. this is the first town/neighborhood i've moved into as a single woman and i do think that moving into a new location where you know few or no people is more difficult than moving to a similar place as a part of a couple.
it has taken me 6 years to feel that i have a niche here and to feel even quasi at home here. i still miss the town where i had been living and feel that i always will, but have come to feel that my present location is a more practical, convenient choice for me and has other advantages over some other possibilities.
i do not have health issues which complicate the situation so that has probably made the adjustment somewhat easier. however it has been a long road, much more difficult than i thought it would be when i moved here. i guess the only thing i can say to you is to give it more time, continue to extend yourself to other people, and to realize that sometimes friendships can be found in the unlikeliest of people and places. if you can, leave room in your life for surprise- the good kind. it takes energy and patience, i know, but in my case, moving again, because of the expense alone, is not a realistic option.
i have come to feel that i will never totally embrace where i am as i did the place i left, but it still works for me on many levels; also,after six years, there are things i'd miss if i moved again. perhaps i have changed my expectations and therefore, am more comfortable here. i hope you're able to find a way to make it work for you, but my guess is that it may take more time.

catsy girl

Last edited by catsy girl; 05-12-2012 at 12:31 PM.. Reason: word changes
 
Old 05-12-2012, 07:21 PM
 
27 posts, read 67,697 times
Reputation: 98
Artangel, just read your post and I can relate to many things. It's just been a few months since I moved cross-country and amid stressful situations and lots of problem-solving, complicated by some pain and health issues. First -- you should applaud yourself for having courage, it's NOT easy to make a move like this later in life if you're on your own, and a lot of people just don't get that. Also, I'm realizing that things don't have to be perfect to still be good and progressive. Some things are great in my new location, some are challenges, I'm still making lots of adjustments. But I know I needed to make a change and at least try living in a new part of the world and experiencing new things.

But another thing I wanted to speak to, is that if you're having issues with pain and just not feeling well, give yourself some space for healing and maybe make more time to focus on how you can feel better, whether it's through alternative remedies and practitioners, making dietary changes (giving up grains helps a lot of people), or even therapy to help with adjustments. A lot of people don't know about my condition and how much it can drain my energy, and I've come to realize that sometimes you just need to give yourself some space till you feel better. I'm beginning to understand more about chronic pain conditions (which I was in denial about for a while) and I've read that pain can use up a lot of serotonin and you may be more depressed than you think. If you're not feeling well it can color things negatively and you may not realize that you're in a much better place than you think you are and that new opportunities are right around the corner.

So maybe take some time for healing that you need, and don't let pain issues (which may resolve soon) drain the joy from your life or make you doubt yourself unnecessarily so that you don't see the good in your life.
 
Old 05-16-2012, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Winter Park FL
205 posts, read 360,091 times
Reputation: 378
Have been catching up on posts and many have touched me with their emotions and insight. Retiring, moving, starting anew seems to have its stages. What started out as wanting one thing seems to end up wanting another. I have been in my town home for almost three years now and love it. I just am not content with where. I sometimes wished I had moved out of state - even out of the area - for a whole new start. I have to keep asking myself what is really important to me? what do I really want? First, I have to tell myself not to get attached to a house! First I need to get back into what I really enjoy and meeting people with like interests - photography. My kids live out of state on opposite sides of the country - literally one coast and the other. I can't move to where they are because who knows what their plans will be or change. But I really do want to find my place. Meeting new people and starting over is hard so I have to go where my soul feels at home. Not happy, not unhappy; just not feeling content. That can't be filled by anyone else but me. Agree with tngrl205: "It seems that nothing is easy in life. The decision to move or not to move seems to plague us all."
 
Old 05-16-2012, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,396,297 times
Reputation: 16288
I so agree with you, Karcon. I think about why it was so easy for me to move out of state the first time and why it seems so overwhelming now. Last time I just put one foot in front of the other and didn't second guess anything - but - I had a job I as going to, a place that I visited numerous times for work, people I knew (although at a work level - which was different).

Looking back it was so much more difficult - I had both my old and new jobs I was trying to deal with, sell a house, buy a house, a lot of travel with my job - but for whatever reason it just didn't seem so daunting.

I wasn't the least bit nervous about it - this time I am. I like change - thrive on change so this should be exciting. I really wish I had someone moving with me.

I'll be interested in where you end up. I don't have the time now, but when I finally get settled I'm going to take some classes in photography -maybe join a club.

"Not happy, not unhappy; just not feeling content. That can't be filled by anyone else but me" I really understand this. Then I remember others, such as Tngirl that are dealing with real issues that this all seems trivial.
 
Old 05-16-2012, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Great to hear from you again, Karcon. Have you been doing any photography at all? I'd love to see one of your photos if you want to post.

What area are you interested in moving to?


Quote:
Originally Posted by karcon View Post
Have been catching up on posts and many have touched me with their emotions and insight. Retiring, moving, starting anew seems to have its stages. What started out as wanting one thing seems to end up wanting another. I have been in my town home for almost three years now and love it. I just am not content with where. I sometimes wished I had moved out of state - even out of the area - for a whole new start. I have to keep asking myself what is really important to me? what do I really want? First, I have to tell myself not to get attached to a house! First I need to get back into what I really enjoy and meeting people with like interests - photography. My kids live out of state on opposite sides of the country - literally one coast and the other. I can't move to where they are because who knows what their plans will be or change. But I really do want to find my place. Meeting new people and starting over is hard so I have to go where my soul feels at home. Not happy, not unhappy; just not feeling content. That can't be filled by anyone else but me. Agree with tngrl205: "It seems that nothing is easy in life. The decision to move or not to move seems to plague us all."
 
Old 05-16-2012, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post
I so agree with you, Karcon. I think about why it was so easy for me to move out of state the first time and why it seems so overwhelming now. Last time I just put one foot in front of the other and didn't second guess anything - but - I had a job I as going to, a place that I visited numerous times for work, people I knew (although at a work level - which was different).

Looking back it was so much more difficult - I had both my old and new jobs I was trying to deal with, sell a house, buy a house, a lot of travel with my job - but for whatever reason it just didn't seem so daunting.

I wasn't the least bit nervous about it - this time I am. I like change - thrive on change so this should be exciting. I really wish I had someone moving with me.

I'll be interested in where you end up. I don't have the time now, but when I finally get settled I'm going to take some classes in photography -maybe join a club.

"Not happy, not unhappy; just not feeling content. That can't be filled by anyone else but me" I really understand this. Then I remember others, such as Tngirl that are dealing with real issues that this all seems trivial.
Is the RE market picking up at all where you are and is your house on the market? Here, things are looking up a bit in terms of selling. Maybe there will be a housing rally at least long enough for retired folks to bail out.
 
Old 05-16-2012, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 426,829 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post
I so agree with you, Karcon. I think about why it was so easy for me to move out of state the first time and why it seems so overwhelming now. Last time I just put one foot in front of the other and didn't second guess anything - but - I had a job I as going to, a place that I visited numerous times for work, people I knew (although at a work level - which was different).

Looking back it was so much more difficult - I had both my old and new jobs I was trying to deal with, sell a house, buy a house, a lot of travel with my job - but for whatever reason it just didn't seem so daunting.

I wasn't the least bit nervous about it - this time I am. I like change - thrive on change so this should be exciting. I really wish I had someone moving with me.

I'll be interested in where you end up. I don't have the time now, but when I finally get settled I'm going to take some classes in photography -maybe join a club.

"Not happy, not unhappy; just not feeling content. That can't be filled by anyone else but me" I really understand this. Then I remember others, such as Tngirl that are dealing with real issues that this all seems trivial.

Umbria, I don't think these issues are trivial at all. I also really understand that "contentment can't be filled by anyone else but me." It's so hard to wrap my head around now, but that fits me to a tee....I now have to find my own contentment in life....alone. It is a daily journey for me, but it also was before my husband passed away. My "motto" has always been to take one day at a time, I did that while he was struggling to breathe every day, and now I find myself struggling with building a new life for myself.

Nothing is trivial when we have to make our way in this world. There are so many different scenarios for people to face. I guess I'm trying to put something into words that I cannot find. We all have a burden to bear of one sort or another, each being real to each person. The love and support I find here is worth so much, knowing the struggles I face are felt by others. Even though you may not be dealing with the loss of a spouse, we are dealing with challenges and struggles of our own.

I think I'll quit now since I don't feel I'm making any sense; maybe one day I will be able to make myself a little clearer. Just know, each and every one of you, that I thank you for your friendship and compassion. I hope you feel the same way about me.
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