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Old 05-17-2012, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,024,159 times
Reputation: 15649

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marigo14 View Post
During the past year, I prepared for a while, did a lot of research, but then I finally made a move way out of my comfort zone! It was difficult, had to do it all alone, stress worsened some physical problems, etc. But just wanted to share with others here that it was really worth it.

I wasn't completely sure if it was absolutely the right thing to do, just had a "green light" feeling and some things came together for me. What kept me going was the thought that things could be much better for me and that I didn't have to settle for conditions that weren't helping me move forward in life. There was no point where I was certain about anything, I just found something deep inside that kept me moving forward to make the changes.

The thing I didn't fully realize, that I do now, is that sometimes these things are just a lot harder than they were when we were younger, simply because we don't have scads of energy and may be physically more frail or need more time to recover. And that's OK, it doesn't mean we're not as strong as we were, indeed I think many of us probably know we have much more inner strength and smarts than when we were younger!

You have to ask if you're limiting yourself because it's so easy to internalize how our society values "older women." It helps to find models, read bios or find out about how other women at your age are reinventing themselves and finding ways to thrive. I really believe that these older years can be the best time, even though we have to come to terms with frailties.

The last place I lived in was kind of depressing, crummy, severe weather, it was making me feel much older than I wanted to be. Moved into a lighter, happier place, new people and things to try, I feel a sense of renewal now. So my belief is, sometimes you can't transcend the place you live in, and it really is beneficial to commit to a physical move and take a chance on something different.
Great post. Can you share specifics of what you actually did, moving from where to where?

 
Old 05-18-2012, 08:48 PM
 
27 posts, read 34,969 times
Reputation: 64
Default My First post to this thread...

I have greatly enjoyed reading this thread, and found some strength in it. My husband died unexpectedly in January 2012. My mom had a stroke a short time later and moved in with me. Even my dog died.

My adult daughters and a fiance have also moved in and are contributing rent so that we can stay in our suburban Chicago home until we figure out where to go or what to do. There is some stress in the home as everyone tries to adjust to the new living conditions.

I am 57 years old, and a displaced housewife. The cost of living and property taxes here are more than I can handle.

My sister will be visiting from Hawaii, and we are going to drive out to Tennessee and the Carolinas to look for possible retirement locations.

I feel broken, crushed, destroyed by the loss of the man I've loved for 41 years. It was a huge learning curve for me to figure out how to pay bills, and all that other mundane stuff.

I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the candor and sharing that I have found here. It gives me the notion that there just may be hope that I will figure out my new place in the world.
 
Old 05-19-2012, 05:52 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,024,159 times
Reputation: 15649
Welcome to our thread, started by Wisteria. As you can see, it's a very long thread. Even though I've been with it from way back, I reread many of the old posts just for a sense of connection with other women around my age. The premise of Wisteria's thread is that women being alone and facing the future alone, and wanting or having to move from a familiar place, can be daunting, especially if on limited resources, and that we can be a support to one another.

I was thinking the other day how great it would be to get Oprah to gather us all together in one location and do a special on us (). Older women, alone or not, are one invisible force that could rise to the top as a group if anyone paid us any attention!

I am so sorry for your losses. You will rebuild, one step at a time (Beethoven said: "little by little, new life"). You will sort your way out and onward. Stay in touch with us on this thread and feel free to share feelings. The ladies here are wonderful!

Quote:
Originally Posted by demicent View Post
I have greatly enjoyed reading this thread, and found some strength in it. My husband died unexpectedly in January 2012. My mom had a stroke a short time later and moved in with me. Even my dog died.

My adult daughters and a fiance have also moved in and are contributing rent so that we can stay in our suburban Chicago home until we figure out where to go or what to do. There is some stress in the home as everyone tries to adjust to the new living conditions.

I am 57 years old, and a displaced housewife. The cost of living and property taxes here are more than I can handle.

My sister will be visiting from Hawaii, and we are going to drive out to Tennessee and the Carolinas to look for possible retirement locations.

I feel broken, crushed, destroyed by the loss of the man I've loved for 41 years. It was a huge learning curve for me to figure out how to pay bills, and all that other mundane stuff.

I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the candor and sharing that I have found here. It gives me the notion that there just may be hope that I will figure out my new place in the world.
 
Old 05-19-2012, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 427,907 times
Reputation: 704
Default Life's unexpected changes

Quote:
Originally Posted by demicent View Post
I have greatly enjoyed reading this thread, and found some strength in it. My husband died unexpectedly in January 2012. My mom had a stroke a short time later and moved in with me. Even my dog died.

My adult daughters and a fiance have also moved in and are contributing rent so that we can stay in our suburban Chicago home until we figure out where to go or what to do. There is some stress in the home as everyone tries to adjust to the new living conditions.

I am 57 years old, and a displaced housewife. The cost of living and property taxes here are more than I can handle.

My sister will be visiting from Hawaii, and we are going to drive out to Tennessee and the Carolinas to look for possible retirement locations.

I feel broken, crushed, destroyed by the loss of the man I've loved for 41 years. It was a huge learning curve for me to figure out how to pay bills, and all that other mundane stuff.

I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the candor and sharing that I have found here. It gives me the notion that there just may be hope that I will figure out my new place in the world.
Hello demicent, and welcome to this thread. There are a great group of women who share their stories and life experiences, and it has given me a lot to think about over the years.

My condolences for losing your husband, I can so relate as I lost my husband of 32 years on April 1, 2012. I work part-time, and was his full-time caregiver; he was disabled and pretty much confined to the bed (COPD and severe emphysema, 10% lung function). He had gone downhill for such a long time and I prayed for him not to suffer anymore. I thought I had prepared myself for the inevitable. I found strength, comfort and new ideas on this thread. Yet, when the time came, I too found myself broken, crushed and destroyed. I like your choice of words; I would like to add "lost." I went from a full-time caregiver and doer of all.....to not needed anymore. He relied on me for everything....I gladly gave....and now that need is not there anymore.

I'm still trying to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Now that I have time to travel, go out to eat, vacation....I have no one to do it with. My best advice or suggestion is to take one day at a time. You don't have to decide anything right away. I have read where, after a loss or significant life change, you should not make any major decisions for at least a year. Give yourself time. Grieve at your own pace.

I live in middle Tennessee, about 90 miles SE of Nashville. This has been our home for 6 years. I have the most wonderful neighbors. I have my work family. And I have started going to a small country church that has welcomed me with opened arms. I am quite content to stay here; my husband is buried at the Chattanooga National Veteran's Cemetery, in fact, I just went there today to see his completed headstone. Chattanooga is a wonderful city with lots to see and do; I would suggest checking it out if you are coming to TN. Chattanooga is only 75 miles from my house, and it's a beautiful drive.

I hope you stick around and check in with us from time to time to let us know how you are doing. If I can answer any questions about TN, just ask. It's a beautiful state. Taxes and cost of living are low. The only thing I don't like is the hot and humid summers.

Best of luck to you in the future. Remember, one day at a time.
 
Old 05-20-2012, 10:58 AM
 
5,405 posts, read 6,561,294 times
Reputation: 10488
Ladies I have read your posts through this thread and wish you all the best.

My story: I divorced after a long marriage, moved with my job from Atlanta (hated living there) to Orlando (many positives living here), and have pushed through with everything I could to help my two children heal and get on in life, which they now have. This is never where I expected to be in life, but here I am at 60. Basically alone in a familiar city planning for the rest of my life.

So what is next? With the housing market I expect to stay here for the near term doing whatever I can to find a sense of home and community here. It is my intention to return home where my roots remain. Sooner rather than later.

So that is the summary. Wish you all well in your search for the right path. I guess in reading this thread and thinking through the year, I have turned from looking to a new city/state to returning to where I grew up, know the land and people, and have family remaining - even if I don't see them often. heart leads to home.
 
Old 05-20-2012, 11:25 AM
 
Location: not where you are
8,149 posts, read 7,666,307 times
Reputation: 6939
Marigo14, demicent, theoldnorthstate,

I and others appreciate your words, thank you for sharing your stories and welcome to where you firnd a place to voice and gather, hopefully information that will be of help to you on your journey into the future.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Winter Park FL
205 posts, read 360,620 times
Reputation: 378
Umbria, NewEnglandGirl, Tngrl205 - You all have such insight and understanding - the reason why this thread is so great. We can leave for a while but come right back and have that "morning cup of coffee" with old friends - at least that's how it feels.

The older I get the more I feel that life is about community. And, in this day and age, we seem to depend more and more on our virtual community - but it is still a community!

I don't think we've had the real estate rally here. But I've just had my downstairs basically redone. Back in January I discovered the dishwasher had an undetected slow leak for some time and by the time it was discovered the damage was done to the floors and kitchen cabinet under the sink. I had all the LR/DR laminate wood floors replaced as well as the kitchen cabinets (and covered by insurance). Since all new cabinets were being put in and I had to buy a new dishwasher, I also had new counters and sink put in. This should only add value when it is time to sell. Waiting to see what next year brings after the election - really think people are in a wait-and-see pattern regardless of what happens.

I'll close with tngrl's words: "Just know, each and every one of you, that I thank you for your friendship and compassion. I hope you feel the same way about me." (and tngrl, we do).
 
Old 05-21-2012, 06:27 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,024,159 times
Reputation: 15649
I still wish we could get together as a group. Someone needs to sponsor our convention...
 
Old 05-21-2012, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,956 posts, read 7,411,410 times
Reputation: 16299
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I still wish we could get together as a group. Someone needs to sponsor our convention...
We are ALL packing - when should we plan to arrive????????

Paramedics! Quick - she just fainted

That would be fun and we've only been talking about it for - years.

Karcon - isn't it fun to get new stuff for your house? Maybe you'll want to stay there now? Nice that tthe insurance company paid for it - hmmmm - makes me think.

Have a good one!!
 
Old 05-21-2012, 07:43 AM
 
67 posts, read 111,336 times
Reputation: 54
Retiring alone is not easy. As you age you need support system from your spouse, friends or family. But, what if you are all alone. What if you have to seek medical care, who is going to drive you to see a doctor. If you live in rural areas, simple tasks are not so simple. If you live in a city, you have more resources to help you out. If you can't drive, you can call taxi. You can even have your grocery delivered.

If you live in a country, no more resources like that. If they have, it's really expensive. My wife's mother used to live in the rural country and it was difficult to get around as everything was so far away. This year, she moved closer to us, and she uses public transit to get around. Its easier living. Not so good idea to retire alone in rural country.
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