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Old 08-13-2012, 10:46 AM
 
4,571 posts, read 7,055,913 times
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I've come to the conclusion that, generally speaking, we live in a not so friendly country...most people are either scared to death of others (understandably so in the world we live in today) or just don't want to be bothered Most people are tied to their families and friends they have known all their lives and that's all they can seem to handle. And the parts of the country where people are traditionally "friendly" they seem to be overly friendly (nosey), which can be even worse. It is a challenge for women who are retiring alone and contemplating moving to a new area....but reading these threads, it is encouraging that we are out there trying and sharing our experiences.!

 
Old 08-13-2012, 10:55 AM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,084,686 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
CAREFUL what you SAY on this forum... I was SKIMMING your response and am now suffering from Whip-lash when I saw the pregnant comment on the Women Retiring ALONE ...! (in conjunction with your previous 'Shirley Valentine on Steriods' Status) . STUFF happens... Whew, I gotta get more sleep...

I don't want to be finding you over on THIS thread...
Post retirement: Parenting all over again
LOL. It was the pregnant in conjuction with talking about having a relationship--I must need more sleep too because my brain stopped right there and I had to read it again.

Great post Karcon! I love your attitude that life is an adventure and how you keep an open mind and reconsider change if things aren't working out. Come back and visit anytime!
 
Old 08-13-2012, 11:35 AM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,084,686 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveautumn View Post
I've come to the conclusion that, generally speaking, we live in a not so friendly country...most people are either scared to death of others (understandably so in the world we live in today) or just don't want to be bothered Most people are tied to their families and friends they have known all their lives and that's all they can seem to handle. And the parts of the country where people are traditionally "friendly" they seem to be overly friendly (nosey), which can be even worse. It is a challenge for women who are retiring alone and contemplating moving to a new area....but reading these threads, it is encouraging that we are out there trying and sharing our experiences.!
I agree. We live in a stressed out society and need to create our own niche. It does take a lot of time and energy. Sometimes I think I'd be better off as a hermit because people can be so difficult and I'm good with being alone but then I get tired of it--I'm alone all day at a computer and go home alone to my cat. So I look for friends to do things with that I don't like doing alone--hiking--go to the gym--cultural events--camping--game/potlucks. Because people are busy I find it better to have a few friends but that's where it gets tricky. One friend decided she didn't like my other friend the first time they met (S is rather critical and M talked about her difficult life so S thought she was a negative person.) Now if I want to stay friends I have to find separate time for both. Be fine if I didn't work full-time. Sometimes I can get them to the same thing and they get along fine but typically they won't do it. I wish they'd get over it. They're both nice polite people. I also have friends that are a couple and the guy is annoying and getting more annoying as he ages. None of my women friends want to be around him. I only stay friends because I like his partner so much--she's great. He needs to be the center of attention. It's like a game of chess when I have potlucks/games night at my house. Then you have the people I meet when I'm doing group activities who talk about having no friends here. If I liked them we exchange numbers. Recently I invited one woman to a potluck/game night and she didn't bother responding one way or the other. Those are the ones I don't feel sorry for. I did recently meet a woman who joined our potluck/game night group and my friends liked her. We're hiking Thursday night after work. With the college starting next week I'll be too busy to make any more friends for now. Don't they know they need to run classes constantly? ;-) School gives me what I need socially AND we talk about interesting things. .

Gotta run...they just announced free ice cream and free gear in the parking lot. I work at a good place!

Last edited by Dancingearth; 08-13-2012 at 12:46 PM..
 
Old 08-13-2012, 11:53 AM
 
1,219 posts, read 1,026,635 times
Reputation: 1997
Oh geez! I'm a laughing so hard in the parking lot (waiting for delivery )-- people must think i have finally lost it! StealthRabbit, what a breath of fresh air you are!

karcon, so many here can empathise! I would like to take your last two sentences and put them on a permant quotation plaque. A reminder for all of us to shift out of neutral and into drive!
 
Old 08-13-2012, 11:57 AM
 
1,219 posts, read 1,026,635 times
Reputation: 1997
Again with a droid! And i used to be so good at grammar and spelling....oh well.
 
Old 08-13-2012, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA
121 posts, read 253,641 times
Reputation: 386
Post Making friends in a new place

As a single retired woman, I'm finding it difficult to forge new friendships in a new town. People are friendly here, many older then I and many moved here from other locales. Most of the people I've met are married. Some are on their second, third or fourth marriage. I've attended several social functions and had fun listening to others stories. Here's the rub: when I start to get to know people better they distance me. It seems they want to keep relationships superficial. One woman was real friendly to me at first, but her constant bragging about all the cool material stuff she bought on line and her negative gossip about others really turned me off. I distanced her and now I have the honor of being the brunt of her gossip. Another woman I met at church has nothing in common with me but we get along great because of her honesty and insight. She calls them like she sees them. We hike together a couple of times a week. I'm trying to expand my circle of friends. I attend a lot of community events and meet a lot of people. Problem is, I'm single and they're not. Most like to befriend couples like themselves because they have more in common and a single woman might be seen as an interloper. My hiking friend is a widow and a bit of an outcast herself. She does have a hobby which keeps her busy with events involving her art. Socially, it's tough being a woman alone. When I was working, I had my career which consumed me. All my social functions were work related. I did not have close frienships with my co-workers because I was much older then the young men and women I worked with but we all got along well because we had work in common. Now that I've got the time to forge new friendships, I don't know how. The song "getting to know you, getting to know all about you" comes to mind. My plan is to get involved in some sort of hobby or activity so I can share some common ground. I'm not to keen on clubs because of the cliques that often rear their ugly heads. I'm leaning toward taking some kind of art class. My hiking friend is also encouraging me to get involved in a creative endeavor which involves others. It seems to be working for her.
 
Old 08-13-2012, 04:09 PM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,084,686 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairwinds View Post
As a single retired woman, I'm finding it difficult to forge new friendships in a new town. People are friendly here, many older then I and many moved here from other locales. Most of the people I've met are married. Some are on their second, third or fourth marriage. I've attended several social functions and had fun listening to others stories. Here's the rub: when I start to get to know people better they distance me. It seems they want to keep relationships superficial. One woman was real friendly to me at first, but her constant bragging about all the cool material stuff she bought on line and her negative gossip about others really turned me off. I distanced her and now I have the honor of being the brunt of her gossip. Another woman I met at church has nothing in common with me but we get along great because of her honesty and insight. She calls them like she sees them. We hike together a couple of times a week. I'm trying to expand my circle of friends. I attend a lot of community events and meet a lot of people. Problem is, I'm single and they're not. Most like to befriend couples like themselves because they have more in common and a single woman might be seen as an interloper. My hiking friend is a widow and a bit of an outcast herself. She does have a hobby which keeps her busy with events involving her art. Socially, it's tough being a woman alone. When I was working, I had my career which consumed me. All my social functions were work related. I did not have close frienships with my co-workers because I was much older then the young men and women I worked with but we all got along well because we had work in common. Now that I've got the time to forge new friendships, I don't know how. The song "getting to know you, getting to know all about you" comes to mind. My plan is to get involved in some sort of hobby or activity so I can share some common ground. I'm not to keen on clubs because of the cliques that often rear their ugly heads. I'm leaning toward taking some kind of art class. My hiking friend is also encouraging me to get involved in a creative endeavor which involves others. It seems to be working for her.
I find the same thing about most couples. Typically people like to hang out with other people like themselves. Having a friend to hike with twice a week is great! One reason I like having several friends is they each fill a different need. A friend to go to the gym with, a friend to camp with, etc.

Taking an art class works great for getting to know people. You can get to know them slowly and in class. It happens more naturally that way. It amazes me what people find to gossip about when they know nothing about you. Pretend you're a character in her story--it has nothing to do with the real you. I read The Four Agreements once and I still remember "Take nothing personally." Not always easy. Take a class on something you've always wanted to learn and let us know how it goes.
 
Old 08-13-2012, 07:36 PM
 
1,219 posts, read 1,026,635 times
Reputation: 1997
My father died at age 55 when my mother was only 53 yrs. old. Work kept her busy the first decade or so; she traveled a bit...when she retired she lost contact with most of her "work friends". So she did something that surprised all her kids: she started volunteering! She was a docent at the library; an usher at the community center's plays & musicals, etc. From that she met a few more people, started going on strolls, (I called it a hike once and she corrected me, lol); she amazed us by her willingness to get involved.

I wouldn't say she was a social butterfly by any stretch, and it's not as though she was friends with everyone in those groups...but the point is, she put herself out there. I think those of you who are taking a class here and there have got the right idea. For myself - I hope to help out in a foster program for homeless dogs, and find time to give back to hospitalized veterans.
 
Old 08-14-2012, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Winter Park FL
205 posts, read 359,899 times
Reputation: 378
Wish there was a "like" button on each post - I would like them all!
 
Old 08-16-2012, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,607,366 times
Reputation: 1230
Quote:
Originally Posted by karcon View Post
Seems so many of us are still unsettled and uncertain. This is why I love this thread. Some of us have met, most of us haven't but we all have a sense of kinship and understanding. My life's road map isn't straight and flat; it's full of twists and turns, ups and downs, peaks and valleys. Sometimes I can see forever, but most of the time I have no idea what's around the next bend in the road. Destination - unknown. I can be happy riding with the wind in my hair, favorite music on in the background, looking at life as an adventure. Or I can be like my grandfather was after he retired (and had traveled the world): sit in the chair by the window, watching the world pass me by and be miserable. Think I'll take the joy ride!

Regarding Karcon's words .... I can only say: "ME TOO" !!

I'm more unsettled and uncertain than ever! I really NEED to downsize and relocate to a more social environment. An older, single woman, living alone out in the country is not good situation !! This summer, I've been visiting a gentleman friend who lives 500-miles away, working on a LDR and it is very challenging. But, I will return home soon and face my future ~~ what to do and where to relocate? Probably alone !!
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