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Old 01-25-2013, 06:21 PM
 
72 posts, read 169,851 times
Reputation: 39

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Quote:
Originally Posted by karcon View Post
Have certainly thought about that, but also have a son who lives in California (San Francisco/Oakland). As my daughter is a flight attendant she put in (and got) a transfer of home base from Newark to San Francisco. I don't want to put my life on hold to be live it at their whim. I have spent nearly my entire adult life doing that. I want a life of my own to live that is inclusive of what I want and being close to and there for my kids - but I don't want to sacrifice me in the process. I think we as women and mothers always put the needs of others before our own and then feel guilty when we want to do something for ourselves. And then there is the side of the coin where our kids (no matter the age) come to just expect us to be there and feel really annoyed when we say no I can't do that. Always that balancing act. I will soon have no ties to the east coast so the choice is going to be mine. Still think about selling the house and putting stuff in storage and go visit someplace for several months at a time. I'm still a work in progress.
Love this post. Mirror mirror..except I live in Puerto Rico, funny how culture does not really change daily life.

 
Old 01-25-2013, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,608,978 times
Reputation: 1230
Default You are so wise !

Quote:
Originally Posted by karcon View Post
Have certainly thought about that, but also have a son who lives in California (San Francisco/Oakland). As my daughter is a flight attendant she put in (and got) a transfer of home base from Newark to San Francisco. I don't want to put my life on hold to be live it at their whim. I have spent nearly my entire adult life doing that. I want a life of my own to live that is inclusive of what I want and being close to and there for my kids - but I don't want to sacrifice me in the process. I think we as women and mothers always put the needs of others before our own and then feel guilty when we want to do something for ourselves. And then there is the side of the coin where our kids (no matter the age) come to just expect us to be there and feel really annoyed when we say no I can't do that. Always that balancing act. I will soon have no ties to the east coast so the choice is going to be mine. Still think about selling the house and putting stuff in storage and go visit someplace for several months at a time. I'm still a work in progress.
I just returned from a brief visit to Florida ~ Miami, Sebastian and Vero Beach ~ to visit friends and experience the "feel" of Florida again. I was impressed with the Vero Beach area but need to return for a longer period of time.

Karcon, you have said it all in a nutshell... it's a balancing act to do what is in our own best interest and satisfy our children

As I'll be 75 years old in July, this might be my last move and I want to get it right.
 
Old 01-26-2013, 10:01 AM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,085,842 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by xz2y View Post
It's interesting that some of the "older white women" ignore you when you start a casual conversation. Maybe they see you as "competition" in some strange way. I'm not sure who they are competing with or why, but just a thought.

I have a good friend (another white woman) who I have been friends with for over a decade, and she is becoming more "competitive" with time. I see it in topics we discuss, such as travel (past trips or fantasy trips), where there is a sense of "one upmanship" -- trying to top everything with a better experience, a better "find" or better deal. It's strange that this demeanor has increased with ageing. Who knows what the basis might be. Anyway, thanks again for sharing your experiences and I'm glad you have found a beautiful place.

(PS. I live in an area with a large numbers of Asians, and I have found them very polite and courteous, but not warm and chatty. I think it's cultural. The Hispanic folks I have interacted with are much warmer and friendlier, which I also think is cultural.)
Retirement remains to be seen--that will happen when I lose my job and then I'm not sure I can afford to stay here although I'll give it a good try--mostly because of the weather and geography. Your theory about the women sounds more reasonable than someone else's theory that the women think I'm gay. That person was in ABQ and had all kinds of misconceptions about the people who live in Santa Fe. Their cultural/class background is my theory.

I have observed older women being much more aggressive--I read it's the hormonal changes. We lose the chemical that makes us want to nurture and get more assertive about getting our needs met. I can't remember the name of the author but she's well known--writes about menopause. It was interesting--sort of like switching places with men. Often a problem in marriages because men get less assertive as they age and want to be nurtured and women want to go explore the world and not nurture. Her theory was that was why older men go for younger women and that older women should be with younger men. Made sense to me. At Sam's Club I watched as an older white woman got out of her car and started yelling at a young Hispanic woman because she parked the wrong way at the gas pump and was hanging out there for awhile talking on her cell phone. Lots of screaming and nasty personal things said (?? over that??) If it had been men I would have worried about guns getting pulled out. The attendant stayed in the booth. Who needs TV--just watch what's going on around you.
 
Old 01-26-2013, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,395,135 times
Reputation: 16288
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingearth View Post
I have observed older women being much more aggressive--I read it's the hormonal changes. We lose the chemical that makes us want to nurture and get more assertive about getting our needs met. I can't remember the name of the author but she's well known--writes about menopause. It was interesting--sort of like switching places with men. Often a problem in marriages because men get less assertive as they age and want to be nurtured and women want to go explore the world and not nurture. Her theory was that was why older men go for younger women and that older women should be with younger men. Made sense to me. At Sam's Club I watched as an older white woman got out of her car and started yelling at a young Hispanic woman because she parked the wrong way at the gas pump and was hanging out there for awhile talking on her cell phone. Lots of screaming and nasty personal things said (?? over that??) If it had been men I would have worried about guns getting pulled out. The attendant stayed in the booth. Who needs TV--just watch what's going on around you.
I live in a neighborhood full of them - older mean tempered women. Perhaps this is why so many are divorced later in life - I always think - egads - who'd want to live with you. This is probably the #1 reason a 55+ comminity wouldn't work for me - I'd get too tempted to give them a verbal profile about themselves. Miserable.

The younger women are much friendlier and I prefer their company.

Karcon - can you tell me what it is about where you live that you don't like? Now and then I get tempted to look at FL, even though I feel this wouldn't be a good fit.

Enjoy Australia!! How exciting will that be plus a new baby girl!! I have many friends in the same boat in regards to their kids. They do expect the mom to always be there, but are rarely available when the mom's need something. Busy lives.

Hang in there ladies.
 
Old 01-31-2013, 11:28 AM
 
4 posts, read 8,105 times
Reputation: 10
I myself live in Windermere Fl not to far from Winter Park about 35 mins away I like it there but I also don't feel it's a place to for retirement nice little shops and park but it would not be for me. I think I am going to look in Cary N.C. Great hospitals and not to far from the beaches and mts. going looking this spring .
 
Old 01-31-2013, 01:44 PM
 
4,574 posts, read 7,062,229 times
Reputation: 4222
Cary NC is very suburban, lots of families and young kids. Lots of folks from the NE seem to gravitate there. From the Raleigh area it is at least a two hour drive to the Carolina beaches and the mountains, so they are not really that close, but certainly a day drive or overnight stay. But good medical care and COL. You do pay state income taxes though, unlike FL. I'd love to hear your feedback when you get back from your trip there.
 
Old 01-31-2013, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,982,141 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by BAILYBOO View Post
I myself live in Windermere Fl not to far from Winter Park about 35 mins away I like it there but I also don't feel it's a place to for retirement nice little shops and park but it would not be for me. I think I am going to look in Cary N.C. Great hospitals and not to far from the beaches and mts. going looking this spring .
One of my sons lived in Cary for several years and worked in Chapel Hill. I explored the area extensively thinking of a move south. Cary is quite suburban and well taken care of, with nice malls and a fantastic large Asian supermarket with fresh produce. A realtor took me everywhere. Fortunately, on my second trip I went in late June or early July, and found the heat and humidity so oppressive I could barely walk his dog up the street and back. Very early morning on his screened porch was nice, but by 10 a.m. I had to take refuge in a.c., and I hate a.c., but there is no other way to survive if you cannot stand that level of heat and humidity.

Next to Cary is a newer suburban community called Apex, which has a cute friendly downtown area. Also the suburban town Fuquay-Varina—both a fast growing area, very quick drive into Raleigh. I was sorry I did not explore Raleigh; parts are undesirable but other parts quite nice, with affordable homes in some fine established neighborhoods. If I were younger and in the workforce I would strongly consider living there (in an a.c. house or condo of course). Chapel Hill (in-town) is more posh.
 
Old 01-31-2013, 11:21 PM
 
Location: zippidy doo dah
895 posts, read 1,332,005 times
Reputation: 1928
News Flash!

after years of research, renting, testing waters, running spread sheets.........I'm on
the brink of committing (or being committed????) to the selection of PLACE!

Offer and counter-offers back and forth/appears the contract will be written tomorrow............

i cannot believe that i am buying a house again....in a place i've never lived...........
but i feel beyond calm - it just felt "right" - and Phillip Phillips kept coming on the radio singing "I'm Going to make this place your home........." LOL

drum rolls to follow as to where...........................giggle............ ..(there needs to be some suspense)
 
Old 02-01-2013, 01:43 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,395,135 times
Reputation: 16288
Quote:
Originally Posted by mzfroggez View Post
news flash!

After years of research, renting, testing waters, running spread sheets.........i'm on
the brink of committing (or being committed????) to the selection of place!

Offer and counter-offers back and forth/appears the contract will be written tomorrow............

I cannot believe that i am buying a house again....in a place i've never lived...........
But i feel beyond calm - it just felt "right" - and phillip phillips kept coming on the radio singing "i'm going to make this place your home........." lol

drum rolls to follow as to where...........................giggle............ ..(there needs to be some suspense)
where!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Old 02-01-2013, 07:37 AM
 
Location: zippidy doo dah
895 posts, read 1,332,005 times
Reputation: 1928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post
where!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


LOL - it hit me after i wrote it (cuz i've told absolutely NO ONE what I'm doing) that I should never ever reveal a plan until it is a done deal....................not that i think i'm jinxing it but oh oh oh oh oh, it does put the fear in me when i ever say it's a done deal.

soooooooooooo, i have to remain stealth until at least later today/getting some wrinkles ironed out & of course there is the old home inspection that won't take place until March so .......
but i'm almost 100% sure, nearly totally sure that it will work out....

the where...........hmmm, the where...........

hints:
1. you can see mountains in the distance/not so distant distance
2. i can drive back to the coast in 4.5 /5 hours
3. the state is too small to be a country but too large to be an insane asylum......hearkening back to a War of Northern Aggression era joke.................

i think i have at least nailed the geographics.....history buffs call out the answer!

and the house itself is on the national historic registry (if that's what they call it.....however, I am still waiting for someone to identify what year it was built..............they seem to be a bit informal in this part of the country with such things.......but they will cook your hamburgers with E COLI rareness so I somewhat like that informality.............

all in all, this is one strange and winding road to have gotten to where i am but I think I have finally found home , with a balance of convenience and authentic urbanism coupled with privacy and a true sense of safety.

final hint - i can be in atlanta in 2 hours....if all the cars get off the road...............

if it all works out, the hostel for all who wander in search of place , should open sometime this spring
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