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Old 06-12-2013, 10:06 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,217 posts, read 2,034,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
OK -- at some point, if we don't die suddenly, we're going to be in a nursing home. What if sharing housing would prevent that? Would you then be willing to give up your need for your own space NOW -- for a better future?
Why would shared housing eliminate the need for a nursing home? Do you see old women caring for each other somehow? Or do you envision the shared housing turning into a sort of eldercare rooming house with hired staff to care for the entire group?
Personally, I'd rather have my own little house and yard, with compatible neighbors who might some day want to share caregivers.

 
Old 06-13-2013, 05:36 AM
 
1,970 posts, read 2,716,176 times
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Years ago -- 15 years ago? -- long before the 2008 'recession' -- I was talking to my peers at work about house-sharing or apartment-sharing and the advantages of doing so. Every single person (the vast majority women) said that no, they wanted their "own space".

Then the 2008 recession came, and, even though I was retired, a still-working friend of mine, who was working an extra year past her target retirement date just to bring her invested 401K up to $100,000, lost most of that money to the economic turndown.

In 2006, when I retired, I moved to NM, joined a senior citizens center, and over time, met two much older women who had been widowed and affected by the turndown. Each had rented out rooms, in their 4-bedroom houses, simply to be able to keep their houses, and then were pleasantly surprised to find out that they and their roommates had turned into somewhat of a Golden Girls situation. Of course, nothing in real life is like the GG, but these women had become friends and were 'there' for each other.

A couple of years later, I moved into an apartment building which used to be 55+ only. I'm still here, and some of these people, who are significantly older than I am and who have been here seemingly forever, were affected by the turndown too although not greatly. But what I've also learned since I've lived here, and what is most important (to me), is that living alone has affected their health. The women (and men) are single, widowed or divorced; most of them were active as possible when they were in their 60s -- and even 70s -- but they have been lonely living alone, and that one single factor has greatly impacted their health.

One more thing: Those of us who are the 'younger old' help them, when they need help. Take out the trash. Go grocery shopping (usually not a special trip but we do their shopping when we do our shopping). Take their laundry to and from the laundry room. Visit them once in a while. And I've noticed, over the time that I've lived here, that just a little help has given them more years before going into assisted living or moving in with one of their adult children.

Then a couple of days ago I was reading in a magazine for senior citizens (don't know if I'm allowed to mention the name of the organization or the magazine) about three women (who attended the same church but didn't know each other very well at the time) who had moved in together in their 50s and have been together, successfully, for the past 20 years.

So to make a long story even longer -- LOL -- it started me thinking again: So many older people were affected by the turndown in 2008 (probably not most of us on C-D retirement thread because those people are not posting on C-D -- they're still working! because they have to) and many of us are old and getting older (altho' it appears that the majority of us C-D retirement posters are in our 60s) and a good many of us are living alone -- I just wondered -- AGAIN -- if living together wouldn't make our 'golden years' (for those of us who are alone) more financially advantageous and healthier and prolong the years before we need to go into assisted living or a nursing home. And I think it would.

Whew! that was a lot. :-)

So this is what was behind my OP.

I was not greatly affected by the 2008 crash. The way things are right now, I don't think I'll ever need to live with anyone else because of finances. I'm not sure I want to live with another person -- or 3-4 persons. But I'm also not at all sure that my life wouldn't be a little better right now and, primarily, in the future if I lived with 2-4 other people.

But -- also -- while I'm not a pessimist, I think we're heading into another economic turndown worse than 2008, and that there could come a time in the next few years when we won't have a choice -- that we'll have to live together to survive.

I don't know. Just some thoughts.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 05:50 AM
 
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PS:

I also currently know women who own a house. The house is now worth $300,000, rather than the $500,000 it was worth before the 2008 crash. However, they owe only $100,000 left on their mortgage. They hate living in a 2-5 bedroom house alone. Or they hate the upkeep. Or they want to move some place else. Or they want to move into a 55+ community (of some sort).

If they sold their house right now, they'd be $200,000 richer. (And that $200,000 is not just their only money, by the way. If it were their only money, that might be different. And these are all hypothetical figures, by the way.) But their whole lives have just stopped because they won't consider selling their house until it's worth $500,000 again.

They won't rent out rooms because they want their "own space".

And no one can make them see that they need to see the, ahem, 'darn' house and get on with their lives!

I just think that if we stopped focusing on what we want (even if what we 'want' is killing us) and focus on what is better for us, we would have a better and at least somewhat easier old age.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,607,366 times
Reputation: 1230
Default ahem .....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
PS:

I also currently know women who own a house. The house is now worth $300,000, rather than the $500,000 it was worth before the 2008 crash. However, they owe only $100,000 left on their mortgage. They hate living in a 2-5 bedroom house alone. Or they hate the upkeep. Or they want to move some place else. Or they want to move into a 55+ community (of some sort).

If they sold their house right now, they'd be $200,000 richer. (And that $200,000 is not just their only money, by the way. If it were their only money, that might be different. And these are all hypothetical figures, by the way.) But their whole lives have just stopped because they won't consider selling their house until it's worth $500,000 again.

They won't rent out rooms because they want their "own space".

And no one can make them see that they need to see the, ahem, 'darn' house and get on with their lives!

I just think that if we stopped focusing on what we want (even if what we 'want' is killing us) and focus on what is better for us, we would have a better and at least somewhat easier old age.
I see myself in this post
 
Old 06-13-2013, 09:53 AM
 
1,970 posts, read 2,716,176 times
Reputation: 3437
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyIsBabe View Post
I see myself in this post
Hey, I didn't get this 'wise' all on my own -- -- it was A LOT of personal experience! LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL And also watching other people mess up their lives too. And I'm not throwing stones -- we all make mistakes. And that's fine. But to continue to make similar or the same mistakes when we really know better -- well ..... maybe that's not so fine, ya think?
 
Old 06-13-2013, 10:01 AM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,084,686 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
PS:

I also currently know women who own a house. The house is now worth $300,000, rather than the $500,000 it was worth before the 2008 crash. However, they owe only $100,000 left on their mortgage. They hate living in a 2-5 bedroom house alone. Or they hate the upkeep. Or they want to move some place else. Or they want to move into a 55+ community (of some sort).

If they sold their house right now, they'd be $200,000 richer. (And that $200,000 is not just their only money, by the way. If it were their only money, that might be different. And these are all hypothetical figures, by the way.) But their whole lives have just stopped because they won't consider selling their house until it's worth $500,000 again.

They won't rent out rooms because they want their "own space".

And no one can make them see that they need to see the, ahem, 'darn' house and get on with their lives!

I just think that if we stopped focusing on what we want (even if what we 'want' is killing us) and focus on what is better for us, we would have a better and at least somewhat easier old age.
Good posts. If it wasn't so hard to find a compatible person I don't think it would be such a problem sharing a place and like you said could enrich our lives in many ways. I rented a room in a house when I moved back here but it didn't work for various reasons. I went into it thinking it could work long term and would have preferred it to work. I ended up buying a house because I didn't want to have to keep moving my stuff.

I also have a friend in a very similar situation with a house not worth what she paid--she is renting out a room to keep the place and working a couple of jobs without benefits in order to keep it. It reminds me of my great-grandmother's era--a boarding house with temporary roomers. She ends up doing most of the cleaning. She puts up with more than I could. I lost my patience last month because she complains all the time about it and says she has no choice. I told her she does have a choice and she should choose to do something different or accept this as her choice and be happier. She could sell the dang house. She will get some money just not what she hoped if she would. At least she doesn't owe more than it's worth. I've talked to other people who rent rooms out and it seems it's really a boarding house except you don't have to feed them. But you do the cleaning and all the maintenance. UGH. More people means more cleaning and maintenance.

Once one person has settled into a house it's hard to figure out how to find someone who doesn't have so much stuff. Those people seem to be in temporary situations and from my experience and observations that type has no attachment to the house as home. I've tried twice to post a room on craigslist and didn't find anyone I felt would work. One person had huge red flags. The others were very temporary. I don't want to run a boarding house.

I wouldn't mind helping or having help as long as it's 2 way but I've raised three kids and don't want to be cleaning up after someone or having drama because someone is inconsiderate. I think that's the real problem why people don't want to share--finding a compatible person would be tough.

I could live with my friend if she sold her house but there's still the problem of what to do with all the stuff. We both have interests and hobbies that require stuff--camping--pottery--gardening--bike--skis. If I were a person that just sat in front of the TV it would be easier to share a place--they don't require much space. Unless someone comes along that seems to have similar values it's a challenge that makes it easier to live alone and create my social circle elsewhere. I stay open to it though. I'm also good at creating what I need socially. Best thing about getting older--got rid of shyness and now know what works for me when I want to meet people.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 10:15 AM
 
1,970 posts, read 2,716,176 times
Reputation: 3437
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingearth View Post
Good posts. If it wasn't so hard to find a compatible person I don't think it would be such a problem sharing a place and like you said could enrich our lives in many ways. I rented a room in a house when I moved back here but it didn't work for various reasons. I went into it thinking it could work long term and would have preferred it to work. I ended up buying a house because I didn't want to have to keep moving my stuff.

I also have a friend in a very similar situation with a house not worth what she paid--she is renting out a room to keep the place and working a couple of jobs without benefits in order to keep it. It reminds me of my great-grandmother's era--a boarding house with temporary roomers. She ends up doing most of the cleaning. She puts up with more than I could. I lost my patience last month because she complains all the time about it and says she has no choice. I told her she does have a choice and she should choose to do something different or accept this as her choice and be happier. She could sell the dang house. She will get some money just not what she hoped if she would. At least she doesn't owe more than it's worth. I've talked to other people who rent rooms out and it seems it's really a boarding house except you don't have to feed them. But you do the cleaning and all the maintenance. UGH. More people means more cleaning and maintenance.

Once one person has settled into a house it's hard to figure out how to find someone who doesn't have so much stuff. Those people seem to be in temporary situations and from my experience and observations that type has no attachment to the house as home. I've tried twice to post a room on craigslist and didn't find anyone I felt would work. One person had huge red flags. The others were very temporary. I don't want to run a boarding house.

I wouldn't mind helping or having help as long as it's 2 way but I've raised three kids and don't want to be cleaning up after someone or having drama because someone is inconsiderate. I think that's the real problem why people don't want to share--finding a compatible person would be tough.

I could live with my friend if she sold her house but there's still the problem of what to do with all the stuff. We both have interests and hobbies that require stuff--camping--pottery--gardening--bike--skis. If I were a person that just sat in front of the TV it would be easier to share a place--they don't require much space. Unless someone comes along that seems to have similar values it's a challenge that makes it easier to live alone and create my social circle elsewhere. I stay open to it though. I'm also good at creating what I need socially. Best thing about getting older--got rid of shyness and now know what works for me when I want to meet people.
Ok, let me go back. These three women who met at church and were not good friends -- they bought a house together. And I admit, that makes a difference, consciously or unconsciously. They were also still working, and so they had their careers for a long time after they got together.

Also, I would not advise anyone to advertise -- on any social media forum -- or in the local newspaper -- that they have rooms to let. We all know older women. At church. At our senior centers. Where we volunteer. Knitting groups. We could gingerly talk about living together in a general way, just to test the waters. The pastor or rabbi could give a sermon on the benefits of 'doubling up'.

The city of Chicago does this. The city government has an actual government office which pairs people up (not just senior citizens). And I talked with the head of this office (about 2 years ago). She told me that starting one in NM would be great -- but that the liability insurance would be cost prohibitive -- and so if I couldn't get my city on board I would afford to do what Chicago was doing. And she was right -- I couldn't get my city on board.

So I'm not sure what the definitive answer is. What I do know is that in the past 10 months, four tenants in my apartment building have died alone. One of them was dead for two days before he was found. Two of them didn't have adult children. They were very alone (albeit very well off financially) for a long time before they died. That is NO way ANYONE should have to spend their remaining years in a nursing home or have to live and die alone.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 01:45 PM
 
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There was a book published a few years ago titled "Lonliness in America"...it's a huge problem without alot of good solutions unfortunately. But I do believe that there will be a radical social change in our country because of the huge numbers of aging people and just the way society is headed in general. People always say they want to help others (mostly just by giving money to charities, which is OK) but rarely really want to go out of their way to sacrifice their time or upset their own apple carts.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 03:45 PM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,084,686 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loveautumn View Post
There was a book published a few years ago titled "Lonliness in America"...it's a huge problem without alot of good solutions unfortunately. But I do believe that there will be a radical social change in our country because of the huge numbers of aging people and just the way society is headed in general. People always say they want to help others (mostly just by giving money to charities, which is OK) but rarely really want to go out of their way to sacrifice their time or upset their own apple carts.
Yep--I was on an outreach committee at a church a long time ago and found people were more willing to give money over their time. I understand it while working but I don't understand it after retirement. It's a great way to get out and meet people and so needed especially in this economy where people are trying to do two jobs when they are working. Especially teachers. IMO (if physically able) one solution would be to turn off the tv and get out and help someone else. Doesn't necessarily stop loneliness but it helps.
 
Old 06-14-2013, 01:36 AM
 
966 posts, read 918,839 times
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I've posted before in other threads and this one, too, I think.....about howutterly lonely I am, despite trying to do everything in my power to be social. Therein lies the rub, however, as I don't have the ability to get up and get out easily, as my health is compromised. I have tried to organise groups to meet, invited folks over to my house many times, provided meals, tried to host events etc. It is taking so long....much, much longer than I anticipated when moving here alone. One thing that complicates the issue is the distance to activities, as I live "in the boonies" and hate driving, especially in any kind of heavy traffic. I'd gladly pay for gas if I could find a willing companion to attend theatrical events, concerts etc in the closest city.....but, although I've asked many times and even posted in the community forum, I've had no luck. Honestly, I don't think I'm repulsive..... I get along with almost everyone, laugh easily, can converse on many subjects, take showers etc....but sometimes I rather dramatically feel I will die from loneliness! The scene you described in a prior post, of a resident being dead for 2 days before being found, has certainly occupied my thoughts/fears. My sons seldom call me or keep in touch (believe me I try so hard!!!!) so I can go days without seeing or hearing from someone. Yes, I do pick up the phone and call others. It's my doggone health that has limited me so much!!!

And that brings up another point....the question of sharing living space. Yes, I've thought of it. I am on such a fixed income....last year I only had $10,000 to live on after paying for all my health care expenses. I can't work. But half the time I'm unable to sleep. I get up very late, such as 1 pm, after a rough night. I stay up very late. I just don't think I could ever find anyone who could put up with me and my crazy hours. I also am frightened of being abused or taken advantage of, of having possessions or credit identity stolen.....so I usually discard the idea. I guess I keep hoping to be able to downsize drastically to maybe a one bedroom place eventually and manage on what I have. I'd love to be with someone, young or old, male or female who is compatible....but have very little hope of that happening. I did just join a club tonight that meets once a month for games. Unfortunately it's on the same day as my current support group meeting....hate it when that happens! But I'm still trying. Sent an email to someone else asking about a group she meets with....invited someone over for tommorrow....offered to host a games day and provided food 2 weeks ago to cries of "wonderful! Sounds like fun! Count me in!" and only one person showed up on the appointed day. *sigh* I really don't know what to do. I'm actually considering a move back across country again to NW IL, with it's miserable weather that causes me physical pain, because I can get around easily in my "home town", there are many activities, and I have a group of old friends I can count on. Decisions! Decisions! (financially, though, much tougher to survive there)

I've thought of an independent living facility where I'd have a room/rooms for privacy but with common facilities to share/enjoy. But I could never afford that. I never expected to be old (62) and alone, as I planned to stay married to the husband I'd been with since I was 15....but he had other plans, and here I am. What to do???? A younger (45) friend told me they do have referral services to match up roomates. Let's see...what would I ask for...someone quiet who doesn't mind odd hours? Someone physically able or willing to help me pay for work done? I'm intelligent, soft-spoken but funny, love to talk about many things, very neat and orderly unless feeling unwell...then all bets are off. And I must have at least one dog. What do I have to offer someone? I don't know.

Anyway, sorry to write so much. As you can tell, it's something I've been thinking a lot about and struggling with. Wish I had some answers........
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