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Old 06-26-2013, 01:24 AM
 
8 posts, read 11,243 times
Reputation: 26

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Quote:
Originally Posted by demicent View Post
Thanks for the comments. There was a whole lot more pathetic crying and cussing than I included in the original tale. Don't get me wrong, this is really TOUGH! I agree with what's been said, no matter how well you think you plan, things will most assuredly go wrong, and I don't know how I would have gotten through it without family and friends. Two days after I moved in, my sister, her daughter, her two grandkids, my husband's niece and her husband, and my two girls spent the day together in the new place with me and my mom...they filled it with noise and hilarity and made it a home. After they left it was so quiet. Today I put together my bedframe and my headboard and cried the whole time because it was heavy and I smacked it into the walls in a few places (thank goodness they left touch up paint.) I used to have a man to do these things for me. I used to have someone to share the decision making and the heartbreak. I'm on my own now and I'm scared as hell, went from being a much loved well to do suburban housewife to being a little too young to retire, too sick to work, and I am dipping into the savings to live. It's sobering.

I'm trying to find pleasure in the little things. There is a river a couple of blocks behind my house with a trail through the woods, a small sandy beach and the dog loves it. I can only leave my mom alone for a few minutes at a time, she requires 24 hour care from me now. My goal was to get her to SC before she needed hospice care, and we just made it. See the doctor in two days and find out how I can get some help. Wish us luck.
Demicent, I know exactly how you feel, having to put together your own bed frame when you used to have your husband do to it for you. My husband passed when I was 43--we had 3 young kids, 4, 5 and 11. I cried every time I took the rubbish out to the street--he always did that, because he didn't want me doing such a thing. As you say, it's so hard to go from "much loved well to do suburban housewife" to...not. I felt like a rabbit thrown out into the middle of a field, I was so scared. I had to get a job, had to find care for the kids after school, had to take them with me to work when they were ill (thank goodness I had an office away from my boss, with a door and a bathroom down the hall for them)--I was at the other side of 24 hour care from you. I had 3 kids, but you have your mother who needs you all the time. It's exhausting.

I just wanted to say I really heard you, and you're not alone in how you feel (as you already know from the great people writing in these posts!), and you will make it. It will be hard, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and think of those who need you, like your mom. I do wish you all the best luck.

 
Old 06-26-2013, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,355 posts, read 10,343,687 times
Reputation: 28521
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastoahulady View Post
Demicent, I know exactly how you feel, having to put together your own bed frame when you used to have your husband do to it for you. My husband passed when I was 43--we had 3 young kids, 4, 5 and 11. I cried every time I took the rubbish out to the street--he always did that, because he didn't want me doing such a thing. As you say, it's so hard to go from "much loved well to do suburban housewife" to...not. I felt like a rabbit thrown out into the middle of a field, I was so scared. I had to get a job, had to find care for the kids after school, had to take them with me to work when they were ill (thank goodness I had an office away from my boss, with a door and a bathroom down the hall for them)--I was at the other side of 24 hour care from you. I had 3 kids, but you have your mother who needs you all the time. It's exhausting.

I just wanted to say I really heard you, and you're not alone in how you feel (as you already know from the great people writing in these posts!), and you will make it. It will be hard, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and think of those who need you, like your mom. I do wish you all the best luck.
My hat goes off to you, eastoahulady, or at least it would if I were wearing one. You've been through a fire and come out stronger.

You can do it too, Demicent. Like eastoahulady said-one foot in front of the other.
 
Old 06-26-2013, 02:10 PM
 
5,397 posts, read 6,536,800 times
Reputation: 10468
Demicent

Having lived in Greenville, SC; you will do well there. Good luck
 
Old 06-27-2013, 01:45 AM
 
8 posts, read 11,243 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
My hat goes off to you, eastoahulady, or at least it would if I were wearing one. You've been through a fire and come out stronger.

You can do it too, Demicent. Like eastoahulady said-one foot in front of the other.
Thank you, PAhippo, your words mean a lot!

I'm always scouting and planning and trying to figure out the next phase of my/the family's life--at this point, the youngest kids are almost out of high school, so I'm thinking (not that far) ahead to retirement. Like everyone else in this incredibly long and active thread, I'm wondering how to retire alone to a new city or state. For housing and day to day living costs, Hawaii is pretty expensive for retirement, even though I think we have the lowest property taxes in the nation. And most of our kids go away to the mainland for school and stay, so I'm assuming that will happen with all of mine too.

I was thinking that maybe Missouri would be middle of the country (physically and politically), not too bad of a winter, but then I read about those tornados recently, and wow that's scary. Does anyone have any thoughts about or experiences in Missouri?
 
Old 06-27-2013, 10:11 AM
 
1,569 posts, read 3,085,567 times
Reputation: 924
I remember when I first got divorced ('95) being freaked out about pumping my own gas! Never did it before. It gets better.

I am not mechanically minded so I still get frustrated with the mechanical things I have to do but determination to get it done gets me through it. It can take me several tries and lots of time to figure out how to get a curtain rod up so it doesn't fall out of the wall. I have every version of anchors out there. The new thing I'm learning now is how to slope a french drain. Digging I can figure out. ;-) Then it will be how to put the plastic pipes together. If I think too much about it I don't get started so I start at what I know I can do and then figure it out as I go. And I try not to think about how if I were a guy it would take me half the time. I also remember the sense of accomplishment when I get it done. Just don't say anything about the hook to hold back the curtain that is still loose on the wall because I couldn't get it anchored tight. Maybe the next time my son visits.....
 
Old 06-27-2013, 01:36 PM
 
4,574 posts, read 7,060,700 times
Reputation: 4222
Trust me, there are alot of guys that don't know how to fix, hang, repair, etc. anything either.
 
Old 06-27-2013, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,355 posts, read 10,343,687 times
Reputation: 28521
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastoahulady View Post
Thank you, PAhippo, your words mean a lot!

I'm always scouting and planning and trying to figure out the next phase of my/the family's life--at this point, the youngest kids are almost out of high school, so I'm thinking (not that far) ahead to retirement. Like everyone else in this incredibly long and active thread, I'm wondering how to retire alone to a new city or state. For housing and day to day living costs, Hawaii is pretty expensive for retirement, even though I think we have the lowest property taxes in the nation. And most of our kids go away to the mainland for school and stay, so I'm assuming that will happen with all of mine too.

I was thinking that maybe Missouri would be middle of the country (physically and politically), not too bad of a winter, but then I read about those tornados recently, and wow that's scary. Does anyone have any thoughts about or experiences in Missouri?

every state has some kind of weather thing to be dealt with. Tornados, lot of snow, earthquakes, extreme heat.

This forum is a good place to start exploring.
 
Old 06-27-2013, 06:50 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,592 posts, read 39,962,822 times
Reputation: 23725
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastoahulady View Post
....I was thinking that maybe Missouri would be middle of the country (physically and politically), not too bad of a winter,... Does anyone have any thoughts about or experiences in Missouri?
Missouri would be a big adjustment from Oahu. Give that one some though!

There are low cost options in most of the states (including Hawaii).

Just need to figure out what is best for you and your future needs. If you desire your kids to come and visit as adults, Hawaii might be best!

Colorado, NE TN, are desireable 'middle' USA with minimal weather events, yet still with 'seasons'.

Most Hawaii immigrants I know, end up in CA (not cheap either).
 
Old 06-27-2013, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastoahulady View Post
Does anyone have any thoughts about or experiences in Missouri?
I lived there twice, university-related, first time for two years (no kids), second time for seven years (with kids). Lived in central Missouri, a University town (Columbia) and liked it pretty much. It was two hours to Kansas City to the west and two hours to St Louis to the east, both cities with lots to offer. It gets hot as blazes in the summer, like most of the Midwest, and everyone has a.c. The university-related arts and cultural events were great. I would only live in a university-college town in the Midwest, as it's a vast place with cultural/arts events concentrated in certain areas. Plus, you want to live where your politics are in agreement with others, as it's pretty polarized in various areas. Missouri reminded me of France, same kind of topography in places, and it does have some vineyards along the rivers. It is the tornado thing that would keep me from going back, if I wanted to.
 
Old 06-28-2013, 02:27 AM
 
8 posts, read 11,243 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
every state has some kind of weather thing to be dealt with. Tornados, lot of snow, earthquakes, extreme heat.

This forum is a good place to start exploring.
This forum is wonderful. So many thoughtful, experienced people!

And you're right, every state has weather or some form of natural disasters. I just haven't experienced tornados personally.
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