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Old 06-29-2013, 06:07 PM
Location: land of ahhhs
277 posts, read 298,471 times
Reputation: 489


Originally Posted by kissamug View Post
I thought when we retired we would be able to enjoy life and travel. That's what my husband kept telling me. He had it all planned out. I was working a lot of 16 hr. days 7 days a week for the last 20 years to make that happen. When time came for me to retire I found out that he spent 160,000 from home equity loan and cashed in two CD's. we had to sell the house to pay off his debt. I've been trying to divorce him for a couple of years now. Seems you can steal from the person your married to and it's legal.
It might not be a crime (I was told if you lend a car to someone and they don't return it, it's not stealing) BUT you certainly can get relief on civil grounds, including jail time for your DH (disgusting husband).

My last relationship ended badly as well. He tried to sue for divorce on common law grounds after leaving with a brand new vehicle and thousands of dollars of my personal property. Even forged a check on my account! The common law claim was thrown out right away, but I was astonished to hear the judge say, "we still have property settlement issues"!! I figured the ****** belonged in criminal court, but no, there I was negotiating (with attorney's fees of course) to get MY stuff back. Ultimately I was gratified to hear the judge's opinion of him, and he was ordered to return my property, plus a cash penalty. And, get this, if non-compliant, 90 days in jail. Yay! No, I never got it back, and he left the state (no extradition on civil cases and my favorite bounty hunter had just been shot). But Karma will out--he's in jail now, tried to con another con, lol.

Old 06-29-2013, 07:25 PM
8 posts, read 11,246 times
Reputation: 26
Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
Demi: I think you need to start looking for another doctor for your Mom immediately ! What right does any doc have to tell you where to live and treat you so meanly? I am stunned that she would tell you you should have stayed in IL. I hope you cried in her presence and made her feel as guilty as hell. For Pete's sake, you are going through enough without a supposed "professional"( and I use that term hesitantly,) giving you grief. I hope today goes better for you. Barb
I hope you have a choice of doctors in your area, and can interview some more before you take your mother to them. Also, I think you have grounds to report that doc to the medical board. Not that you don't have enough to do, but someone like that needs a really big wake-up call.
Old 06-29-2013, 09:26 PM
10,819 posts, read 8,069,111 times
Reputation: 17034
Originally Posted by demicent View Post
My mom went to her new Dr. on Thursday and the woman repeatedly berated me for leaving Illinois and moving my mother here. I am still in shock over the kind of things she said. She must be living in some kind of wonderful alternate reality bubble where nothing bad ever happens, people have loads of money, lots of family to help, and need not make difficult choices to survive. For the first time in my life I sobbed in public.
I am sooo sorry you were put through this. Trying to report the doctor, although imo justified, might just add to your stress level. Shake that dust from your feet and move on. I'll pray for the doc (so you don't have to) to be forgiven on the grounds that she obviously knew not what she was doing.

Take care of yourself and your mom.
Old 06-29-2013, 09:31 PM
7 posts, read 15,112 times
Reputation: 31
Mastequila: what makes some men think that they are so entitled? I wish I could have him put in jail. The sad thing is that it is still costing me. Just trying get a divorce, lawyers are not cheap. All I have left is a small retirement and social security. I guess he feels entitled to that to!
Old 06-29-2013, 09:35 PM
Location: Lemon Heights, Orange County, CA
805 posts, read 1,316,946 times
Reputation: 1295
Originally Posted by demicent View Post
Thanks for the comments. There was a whole lot more pathetic crying and cussing than I included in the original tale. Don't get me wrong, this is really TOUGH! I agree with what's been said, no matter how well you think you plan, things will most assuredly go wrong, and I don't know how I would have gotten through it without family and friends. Two days after I moved in, my sister, her daughter, her two grandkids, my husband's niece and her husband, and my two girls spent the day together in the new place with me and my mom...they filled it with noise and hilarity and made it a home. After they left it was so quiet. Today I put together my bedframe and my headboard and cried the whole time because it was heavy and I smacked it into the walls in a few places (thank goodness they left touch up paint.) I used to have a man to do these things for me. I used to have someone to share the decision making and the heartbreak. I'm on my own now and I'm scared as hell, went from being a much loved well to do suburban housewife to being a little too young to retire, too sick to work, and I am dipping into the savings to live. It's sobering.

I'm trying to find pleasure in the little things. There is a river a couple of blocks behind my house with a trail through the woods, a small sandy beach and the dog loves it. I can only leave my mom alone for a few minutes at a time, she requires 24 hour care from me now. My goal was to get her to SC before she needed hospice care, and we just made it. See the doctor in two days and find out how I can get some help. Wish us luck.
This is great! I may be right behind you. Good job.
Old 06-30-2013, 08:16 AM
7 posts, read 15,132 times
Reputation: 11
I wanted to see where everyone has selected as their place and how they are doing. I really dont care for Florida, saratoga area as a place for me. I like the mountains and river and lakes but everyone of my friends is pushing for FL plus the grandkids are moving to clearwater. I grew up in California and would not move back if I were given a house, it has lost all it's charm and welcoming spirit. Live in TX and liked it a great deal but few trees and lakes but would go back.

Wisteria what area did you move to?
Old 06-30-2013, 08:53 AM
27 posts, read 34,884 times
Reputation: 64
Thanks for all the kind thoughts. Yes, my first instinct was to get a new Dr. immediately, but through this dr we are in the process of setting up home health care and meals on wheels. I will plan on changing doctors after I have spoken to the social worker they will send through home health care to find out what services are available through the community.
Luckily when I picked up her medical records from the Illinois Dr I scanned them into my computer, so I can reprint them. I bet you anything the new Dr. would have charged me an arm and a leg for copies of the papers I just gave her!

Home health care is not much help at all. You get a nurse who takes vitals a couple of times a week and the good part is she can draw blood to save you a trip in the car, and an aide twice a week to bathe. (Not much use when the person needs changing outfits and bathing 5 times a day.) But maybe the social worker will have some ideas for me. There might be some low cost transportation options in the community to help get my Mom to appointments. She may qualify for nursing home care. The Dr. in Illinois was ready to declare my mom ready for Hospice whenever we were ready, but this one wants to send us out to cardio and kidney dr's and ignored me when I asked about Hospice or nursing home, saying those things were decided through home health social workers. Maybe a geriatric doctor would be a better choice.

Oh! The Meals on Wheels people were wonderful. They will be sending 5 days worth of meals every week at no cost. They are funded by grants. The lady even offered to send free meals to me, which I declined.

I wish I could write more on the original topic about retiring out of state, but so far I have not been able to get out much. But maybe this will be illuminating if you are wondering about continuity of care when you move. In short, there is none. My Illinois Dr. wrote on a prescription pad that she wanted the new Dr. to telephone her and talk while we were at the office but she would not do that.
Old 06-30-2013, 12:21 PM
Location: SW US
2,220 posts, read 2,037,561 times
Reputation: 3829
You may want to post in the Caregivers forum too.
Old 06-30-2013, 01:55 PM
27 posts, read 34,884 times
Reputation: 64
Oh thanks, Windwalker2~ That sounds like a great idea. I'll go over there and do some reading now.
Old 06-30-2013, 08:10 PM
Location: Prescott AZ
6,128 posts, read 9,088,474 times
Reputation: 11545
Demi: You won't get much more in hospice than what you already get. An RN to check on your Mom regularly, monitor meds, BP, etc and an aide for baths two times a week. Equipment is covered if you need a hospital bed. So are depends. Nursing home is not and will be private pay, as is assisted living. You can hire a home health aide but they charge alot for their services. I had care for my Mom for 29 hours a week and the bill was $2300 a month. This was outside Chicago. Maybe SC will be cheaper. There just isn't any long term care for elderly unless you have the insurance. Hope you find a new doc soon. I just would not put up with that one.
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