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Old 11-27-2008, 10:02 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,130 posts, read 9,095,981 times
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Gee whiz, you people sure are nice....thanks so much for the words of encouragement. At least this holiday is almost over, and now I can look forward to Christmas. I do appreciate your words of kindness.....

 
Old 11-28-2008, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,244,061 times
Reputation: 2646
Quote:
PhxBarb : Gee whiz, you people sure are nice....thanks so much for the words of encouragement. At least this holiday is almost over, and now I can look forward to Christmas. I do appreciate your words of kindness.....
Gosh, I hope that wasn't sarcasm..... I, too, know what you mean. I did, actually, have my now college-aged daughter over for Thanksgiving with her boyfriend, and a couple of other people I know. It was stressful from doing the bulk of the cooking alone, but nice to at least have people there. For many years before my daughter (I had her in my 40s), I spent holidays alone, or just hanging out with people, but not really celebrating. I moved a lot, and sometimes just didn't know people, never had a tree or decorations, and kind of saw it as just another day (probably helped that I didn't own a television then, too, and didn't have to be bombarded by those awful holiday commercials!).

In my family, which is all back east, except me, I really miss my dad -- but he has Alzheimer's and the few times he remembers things, well, then he's forgotten it the next minute. It is so sad.

And, being the eldest of four sisters, I have found that there is a huge generational difference, so the other three are very close to each other because they're closer in age and interests, and I was considered the black sheep. I'm also not materialistic, nor a suburban person, so I found it hard to fit in, and I was also not accepted by them as a regular person, just as a sister -- but the "weird sister." And I lived on a much lower salary, didn't have a husband, and could not afford to buy more expensive presents for their large families, when there was only me, or later, just me and my daughter. It became so overwhelmingly depressing for me to be around them and to actually hear them (although I think they figured I couldn't hear them) say disparaging and nasty things about me and how I wasn't spending enough money on them, that I just finally quit having holidays with them. I figure it's only one day, anyway, and the media has inflicted so much guilt on individuals and families to have the Hollywood/advertising version of a holiday, that I have been able to cope better now. I hate November through New Year's because of it. It is too bad that advertisers have been allowed to create a false scenario of what holidays are.

For me and my daughter, I have made Thanksgiving into a nice, but big meal, and low-key. For Christmas, it's the same thing. I remember a friend of mine in NYC once told me that although she was an orphan, that she never felt that affected by Christmas because she's Jewish. So, her time is spent just visiting friends, not having a tree, and not getting caught up in the emotional drama of it. I have tried to do the same with my daughter, knowing that she is an only child, her father is not part of her life, and my family back east doesn't really know her and don't stay in touch. So, Christmas has not been this huge overwhelming event. It's quieter, and we play Christmas music, have the tree, don't demand expensive gifts, have a nice meal, make the cookies, and it's pleasant.

When I was very young, we had a huge extended family, and we would go to my grandparent's farm, and there would be at least 30 people there. It was a very festive time. When my grandparents died early on, suddenly it was all gone. Phsst. Just like that. I vowed that I would not do that to my child. So, now, to her, she loves holidays because it's not only a time of good food, and with her boyfriend, who is from China, she is able to introduce him to our customs, and she can create her own traditions. But she doesn't have ugly family encounters, doesn't have to feel as if people are gathered pro and con, or that certain gift expectations must be met. Now, it is a calm, quiet time to relax, enjoy some time off, and just enjoy each other.

I am so sorry, Nancy, to hear about that wicked investment problem! How horrible! There are so many times when I wished I had been taught about and knew more about financial things before now. I just never learned about it, and when many of us were younger, women weren't expected to know about finances. So, I just don't have enough years to financially catch up. I am, at least, trying to impart the little I know to my daughter. Fortunately, she is majoring in Business, so she may learn something from her classes and people around her -- unlike me who did not learn until too late.

Gosh, these holidays sure do bring out the sadness....sorry, folks.

I hope you are all at least enjoying some time off (if you're still working, like I am), or at least catching a few good sales.

I will check back later. I have been very busy at work lately, and have not been on as much. Have a good weekend, and chin up! (Note to myself: see, you're not alone...just too many miles apart...)

Happy holiday weekend!
 
Old 11-28-2008, 05:53 PM
 
Location: home...finally, home .
8,236 posts, read 18,527,559 times
Reputation: 17765
Create your own family

I have heard of this, mn2co & it sounds wonderful. This was my first Thanksgiving all alone & that was because at the last minute, my daughter decided to stay with friends so there I was with a turkey and all for just me and Gracie the Cat and the HOUSE marathon to keep me occupied. I was never so glad for a day to be over .
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People may not recall what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel .
 
Old 11-28-2008, 06:00 PM
 
Location: home...finally, home .
8,236 posts, read 18,527,559 times
Reputation: 17765
wisteria thanks for your kind words as always.
I love reading your posts. They allow people to really get to know you. You are a wonderful story-teller.
When I was not watching the House marathon, I read an extremely heart-breaking mother/daughter book called Come - Back. It was written by a mom in California who had all but lost her daughter to drugs and all and the arduous but finally victorious road to recovery and healing. That was my Thanksgiving.
__________________
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People may not recall what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel .
 
Old 11-28-2008, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,955 posts, read 7,400,186 times
Reputation: 16293
Quote:
Originally Posted by nancy thereader View Post
Create your own family

I have heard of this, mn2co & it sounds wonderful. This was my first Thanksgiving all alone & that was because at the last minute, my daughter decided to stay with friends so there I was with a turkey and all for just me and Gracie the Cat and the HOUSE marathon to keep me occupied. I was never so glad for a day to be over .
I'm sure it was a hugh disapointment that your daughter "ditched" you at the last minute - time for you to move (well, at least when it is more feasible) and start that new chapter!! Don't you just love these companion animals that are always there for you? Always always....can't imagine living without them - I have a cat Gracie also and 2 bow-wows (Scout - female; Sami). You and Gracie can feast on turkey for a long time!!

And Wisteria - long time no....talk (???) I wondered what happened to you. Glad to hear your daughter came home for Thanksgiving. Your family dynamics sounds very similar to mine. I don't have the sisters - just 1 brother. There was a time we were close - I could always depend on him and then he got married and our relationship has been on a steady decline ever since. His wife doesn't like to share with anyone. Really immature - I could go on and on but I'll save you all from all the uglies.

My favorite holiday is approaching - Christmas - yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My tree is up - the mantle is done. Today I lit up 2 evergreens in front and the upper deck has the wreath and lites. I just love everything about this season. I went through the "Oh woe is me" for about 3 years - then I decided enough of that nonsense, I am going to enjoy every minute of this - so - now I do

Now - Anomoly - where is she???????????? ANOMOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am curious how she liked Las Cruces? Does anyone know?

Last edited by Umbria; 11-28-2008 at 07:10 PM.. Reason: typo
 
Old 11-29-2008, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Sarasota Florida
1,236 posts, read 3,610,415 times
Reputation: 1230
Talking Happy Holidays? NOT ALWAYS !

Gee.... I wish I had a $$ for every holiday spent alone or working!


My parents never celebrated any religious holidays so I grew up without those traditions. As an adult I didn't make a "big deal" out of holidays, either and I always worked on Thanksgiving and Christmas, as the police department was always open. (Many, many years ago, the local Holiday Inn restaurant donated yummy turkey lunches to all the staff at the station and that was my holiday meal when I was working!)

Somehow, it's a relief when the holidays are over!
 
Old 11-29-2008, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,955 posts, read 7,400,186 times
Reputation: 16293
That's very sad, Coney. I have so many great memories - most are from age 12 on up. My mom didn't have alot of money when we were younger but she tried to make up for it later on. I get my enthusiam from her which makes me think about how I would feel if she hadn't ever "modeled" that behavoir. For now I choose to enjoy the lites. the music, the special TV programs, the special events throughout the city - everything. After the holidays there just isn't much excitement until spring. So enjoy!! It's never too late!!
 
Old 11-30-2008, 03:43 PM
 
Location: home...finally, home .
8,236 posts, read 18,527,559 times
Reputation: 17765
Somehow, it's a relief when the holidays are over!

I totally agree. I guess there are just so many expectations & the day always seems like a come down somehow. I never had a really large family & now there is virtually no one left at all. (sorry. I really don't mean to be boo-hooing...)
__________________
******************


People may not recall what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel .

Last edited by nancy thereader; 12-04-2008 at 05:09 PM..
 
Old 11-30-2008, 04:38 PM
 
2,627 posts, read 4,957,348 times
Reputation: 2225
Default Holidays.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by nancy thereader View Post
Somehow, it's a relief when the holidays are over!

I totally agree. I gues there is just so much expectations & it always seems like a come down somehow. I never had a really large family & now there is virtually no one left at all. (sorry. I really don't mean to be boo-hooing...)
I feel the same way. My sister lives in California and I am in Florida. And, Boo Hoo!! I got sick on Monday.....and was still sick on Thanksgiving. I didn't even get to go to a Thanksgiving party. I am still very thankful for all the good things in my life, including CD and the folks who make it so special! Happy Holidays to all!
 
Old 11-30-2008, 06:11 PM
 
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,057,804 times
Reputation: 2141
I guess I've gotten used to spending most of the holidays at home alone. It used to bother me when I was young but it really doesn't anymore. I could travel to visit with various family members - I would always be welcome and most of my family manages to be civil and fun and not do guilt tripping nonsense. I guess my mother's manners-teaching sunk in. But I really hate traveling during the holidays. It is a lot worse than the rest of the year. When alone for a holiday, I don't think of it as a holiday - just another day off.

I went to a friend's house for Thanksgiving this year. It was really nice. I'm going to my mother's for Xmas this year, but only because we are having a big family reunion to celebrate my mother turning 90.
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