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Old 05-27-2015, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
Reputation: 15649

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Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
I don't think I could take intense heat. I have to be near water & Florida might be too hot. Just don't know. Arizona does not interest me. Am researching other states. The Carolina's interest me but seriously, with my health problems I have to be close to family so they can get to me, just in case.
Why move away if family is where you are now? Seems like many seniors move away at retirement and wind up moving back near family in the elder years. Seems like a roundabout.

 
Old 05-27-2015, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,669 posts, read 3,245,044 times
Reputation: 11951
I never felt that I could count on family to help me if something happened to me. Some things have happened to me but I had to get through it by myself and more recently, a friend came around to help when I had a knee replacement. I learned to be pretty independent. As far as my kids go? They are way too wrapped up in their dramas to think of being there for me. I have made the decision that I'll make it somehow as I am sure I'm not the only one with this problem. I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew and I have asked my nephew if he could help me as far as health proxy and final plans. Keep it simple. Small insurance policy to cover the expense, he gets what is left if anything. I always kind of kidded that if it were up to my kids, they would put me out at the curb.
I'm sorry to say a certain amount of bitterness is there.
 
Old 05-27-2015, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,974 posts, read 3,458,710 times
Reputation: 10494
Don't be sorry, there are a few of us that are not in touch with their kids. Personally I'm leaving whatever to a nephew and niece.

As for moving, if I did it would be because of the cold. Last winter was pretty mild & my sister did all the driving/shopping after my back operation. This winter I will be in my own apartment & shopping might be tricky. Nearest town with stores is 11 miles.

As for the pain, I do heat & cold, pain pills, tylenol & gabapenten for the nerve pain. I've reduced them to twice a day, down from three, but still need them twice a day.
 
Old 05-28-2015, 05:37 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
Don't be sorry, there are a few of us that are not in touch with their kids. Personally I'm leaving whatever to a nephew and niece.

As for moving, if I did it would be because of the cold. Last winter was pretty mild & my sister did all the driving/shopping after my back operation. This winter I will be in my own apartment & shopping might be tricky. Nearest town with stores is 11 miles.

As for the pain, I do heat & cold, pain pills, tylenol & gabapenten for the nerve pain. I've reduced them to twice a day, down from three, but still need them twice a day.
I guess the problem with moving away from the cold is that you'd have to move to the SW to escape it, and even there it can get cold. I was surprised to learn it can get cold in Florida in the winter, and the South really got hit with snow and ice this past winter (unusual there, though on a scale no big deal to us). So moving for weather is tricky, now that climate change is upon us, and there are areas (such as Texas as I write this) that have their huge problems.

If you stayed where you are near family, there are supermarkets that will deliver your order, and orderieng other goods online is easy. I resisted the latter at first, but I can no longer go running around between malls for a nightgown or socks. IOW, you don't have to go out if you don't need to. If you're near a senior center, you can stay indoors there for many activities.

If you like any members of your family, it's good to stay close. JMO.
 
Old 05-28-2015, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,974 posts, read 3,458,710 times
Reputation: 10494
Being 11 miles from a town with stores (we do have a mini-mart if a person was desperate) there would not be a grocery store that delivers. You know how it goes when you live in a tiny town or the country. I did start buying on-line what I could but cannot do the stocking up I've done most years. But, no, I can't beat what I have now.
 
Old 05-28-2015, 04:42 PM
 
130 posts, read 263,703 times
Reputation: 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal2NC View Post
I never felt that I could count on family to help me if something happened to me. Some things have happened to me but I had to get through it by myself and more recently, a friend came around to help when I had a knee replacement. I learned to be pretty independent. As far as my kids go? They are way too wrapped up in their dramas to think of being there for me. I have made the decision that I'll make it somehow as I am sure I'm not the only one with this problem. I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew and I have asked my nephew if he could help me as far as health proxy and final plans. Keep it simple. Small insurance policy to cover the expense, he gets what is left if anything. I always kind of kidded that if it were up to my kids, they would put me out at the curb.
I'm sorry to say a certain amount of bitterness is there.
You are not alone. I'm quoting part of a post I made in this thread, which is relevant:

- - - - - -
I think part of the reason why people are paralyzed by indecision is the fear of the unfamiliar. The other reason is the fear of being alone (more on that later). You'll never really "know" a place until you live there for a few years. And there's no such thing as forever. We like our comfort zones and find all sorts of excuses not to change and expect the same things that we've been accustomed to in our old place. I know that from experience. You need to be flexible and realistic, and weigh your compromises. Don't look for perfection if funding your paradise is an issue, which is usually the case. Making a decision will be easy if money were not a factor, right? So, I think we ought to come down to earth.

Banish the thought and fear of dying alone (or just the idea of dying), because wherever you are, you will die alone, unless you control the movements of your friends and family and can demand their presence on your last breath. And death, like taxes :-), is inevitable. What you need to focus on is what will give you contentment and joy while you're alive without the frequent need of a constant companion. If you have hobbies or other interests besides seeking the company of friends and family (who will not always be there when you need them), being alone is not a punishment as long as there are opportunities around you for social interaction when, repeat WHEN, you want it. Just don't make that "when" too frequent, or you'll be back in square one, which means you are hopeless.

- - - -

I belong to a close-knit family, i.e. we get together on holidays and other occasions, email or text each other when there's something to say or share, and when we're together, we enjoy each other's company and we have animated discussions on all sorts of topics. We laugh and do activities together. We argue. But we don't give each other a blow-by-blow account of our lives (except for some family members who are Facebook lunatics who post everything that I don't care to read).

My only daughter (married and a business owner) is busy with her own life and we have never been that kind of mother-daughter who talk every day or share confidences. I have given up scolding her for not answering my phone call or text or email, so when I do do them, it is not with the expectation of a response. She surprises me in that she would call or email unexpectedly and share news as though there was nothing amiss. In the past, we'd have long intervals when we didn't communicate after I've scolded her and I'd chew over it for weeks on end, consuming my waking hours. I have always thought it was my fault, that I wasn't a good-enough parent (I raised her as a single mom, after my divorce, when she was 9). So I've quit judging her and doubting my ability as a parent (compared to others who seem to be very close to their children and talk with them frequently on the phone). I'm happier and, surprisingly, we have a better relationship.

I have a Will and a Durable Power of Attorney. I have enough insurance to bury myself twice and I don't care for bells and whistles when I die, wherever and whenever that is.

It helps if you're comfortable with solitude and you have the option to communicate with family members or non-family members and get feedback, when you want to. The "when" is important. It also helps when you have other interests that you pursue happily.

As for the fear of dying alone, consider this. My best friend's husband died while they slept together. She got up the next day to make the usual breakfast, called out to her husband that breakfast was ready, not realizing her husband had died. Did he die alone? Of course, he did, or he would have had a chance to wake up his sleeping wife to announce that he was dying.

My eldest sister's husband died in their bedroom after both returned from a fun-filled New Year's Eve ball, while my sister was in the living room watching late-night TV. Even a doctor in the house (my sister) couldn't know he was to die then. He died alone, despite being "not alone."

My own mother died living "alone" halfway around the world with a caretaker and househelp. All her 8 children live abroad. We didn't get there until the second day after she fell into a coma. She, too, died alone. This was the dawn of my awakening when it became clear to me that I (you) will die alone wherever you are, so the place where you live or plan to live doesn't matter.

To me, death is deliverance, just don't accelerate it, because there's still a lot to experience and it won't happen if you're dead and your brain has short-circuited. What happens when your brain short-circuits? Bright lights, then darkness. So find what will give you joy with what you have and with your personal circumstances in mind. Stop wishing for what you can't have. I have found my olive branch, and all along it was within my power.
 
Old 05-28-2015, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,669 posts, read 3,245,044 times
Reputation: 11951
Quote:
Originally Posted by hazfora View Post
You are not alone. I'm quoting part of a post I made in this thread, which is relevant:


"As for the fear of dying alone, consider this. My best friend's husband died while they slept together. She got up the next day to make the usual breakfast, called out to her husband that breakfast was ready, not realizing her husband had died. Did he die alone? Of course, he did, or he would have had a chance to wake up his sleeping wife to announce that he was dying.

My eldest sister's husband died in their bedroom after both returned from a fun-filled New Year's Eve ball, while my sister was in the living room watching late-night TV. Even a doctor in the house (my sister) couldn't know he was to die then. He died alone, despite being "not alone.

My own mother died living "alone" halfway around the world with a caretaker and househelp. All her 8 children live abroad. We didn't get there until the second day after she fell into a coma. She, too, died alone. This was the dawn of my awakening when it became clear to me that I (you) will die alone wherever you are, so the place where you live or plan to live doesn't matter.


To me, death is deliverance, just don't accelerate it, because there's still a lot to experience and it won't happen if you're dead and your brain has short-circuited. What happens when your brain short-circuits? Bright lights, then darkness. So find what will give you joy with what you have and with your personal circumstances in mind. Stop wishing for what you can't have. I have found my olive branch, and all along it was within my power.
"

A lot of your post was heavy on "dying alone." I don't think that was an issue for me in my post. I may have mentioned it, but I am not worried about it, scared of it, etc. I know when we die, we die alone. I have a few family members and friends who have done just that. So I don't quite understand why your post is so concentrated on that unless perhaps it is more of a problem for you than you realize. I am not afraid of death. The only thing I ask is please don't let me suffer for a long time. Like my sister is doing right now. I know the reality of it and how it could possibly play out for me.
I have no fear of uprooting myself from here to move to NC in a couple of months. I look forward to visiting the mountains which I love. Discovering Winston Salem itself. Going to the museums. And an occasional drive to the ocean. I have resigned myself (calmly) that debt will always be with me. I had wanted to be rid of it or at least most of it but it isn't going to happen like that. So instead of getting worried and afraid, I've decided it is part of life, a lot of people live with it, and I can manage just fine as I am now. No, no fancy trips to Europe or other exotic destinations, but I know I can be very happy with my new life in a new location with so much to explore and learn. As for friends, I have never had trouble making them. I just need to use better judgment as to how involved I allow them into my life. I enjoy my solitude. I like to read. I like to think. I enjoy my cat. Life is good.
 
Old 05-28-2015, 06:30 PM
 
130 posts, read 263,703 times
Reputation: 234
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal2NC View Post
"[/b]

A lot of your post was heavy on "dying alone." I don't think that was an issue for me in my post. I may have mentioned it, but I am not worried about it, scared of it, etc. I know when we die, we die alone. I have a few family members and friends who have done just that. So I don't quite understand why your post is so concentrated on that unless perhaps it is more of a problem for you than you realize. I am not afraid of death. The only thing I ask is please don't let me suffer for a long time. Like my sister is doing right now. I know the reality of it and how it could possibly play out for me.
I have no fear of uprooting myself from here to move to NC in a couple of months. I look forward to visiting the mountains which I love. Discovering Winston Salem itself. Going to the museums. And an occasional drive to the ocean. I have resigned myself (calmly) that debt will always be with me. I had wanted to be rid of it or at least most of it but it isn't going to happen like that. So instead of getting worried and afraid, I've decided it is part of life, a lot of people live with it, and I can manage just fine as I am now. No, no fancy trips to Europe or other exotic destinations, but I know I can be very happy with my new life in a new location with so much to explore and learn. As for friends, I have never had trouble making them. I just need to use better judgment as to how involved I allow them into my life. I enjoy my solitude. I like to read. I like to think. I enjoy my cat. Life is good.

Sorry, my response was really not to address your specific post entirely, but to address other posts about the agony of not being able to make a decision as to where to relocate. I detect a pattern. You actually have the right attitude and we are on the same wavelength. I've read many posts dealing with indecision precisely because change is hard and we want our comfort zones. The perfect place can't happen when we have other factors to consider realistically. It's the uprooting from familiar surroundings or being near family and friends or being alone or dying alone that drive people to indecision. While that can be scary and a real reason, I believe we will forever be indecisive until we accept the compromises we must make and take the plunge. We do need to be comfortable with being alone once you take the plunge, but there are remedies for that.

So enjoy your new place. Life is short.
 
Old 05-28-2015, 08:24 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,218 posts, read 2,035,670 times
Reputation: 3824
Fear of getting dementia and not having a good support system around contributes to my concerns about moving far away alone. Dying would be easy, but years of dementia, not so easy.
 
Old 05-29-2015, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Cochise County, AZ
1,318 posts, read 834,822 times
Reputation: 2869
Wow I've finally made it through all of the post and must say it took a long time. It was nice to see that so many of you made it to your relocation destination.

I've narrowed my search to 2 areas of Arizona. I want to have my car totally paid off before I relocate. So now I'm rather impatiently waiting when I'd much rather be in Arizona looking around

My son is in the Marines and currently stationed in Hawaii (lucky kid!). He joined the Marines when he couldn't find a job after graduating college. My daughter is a teacher and very busy with a local Jaycees. There are no grandchildren, and it appears that it would be years, if ever, for grand babies!

I will be living on a shoestring budget and will qualify for reduced rents. I have been living with a family member but it is not a good situation.

I splurged a tiny bit today and bought a GPS with lifetime maps and traffic updates. I'm sure it will help tremendously when I do finally get to spread my wings. Thanks to those posters who mentioned GPS cause I probably would not have thought of getting one without those posts.
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