Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (chores, ignorant)

[Wisteria]

MN2CO: I'm also part Norwegian (part British). Boy could I get you with Norwegian jokes!! Ive rambled too long here - good luck with whatever you decide to do.. I am going to check out Las Cruces before I commit to a home in CO.

Here's a book you may have seen -- I sent it to my dad one year when I was living in Seattle! He had a good laugh out of that!

Yeah, check out Las Cruces. I'd love to have a "tribe" of women in Las Cruces to hang out with. And I know what you mean about that Midwestern "haze," as I went through that in Buffalo -- no sun!! I love the sun now that I know what it is!!

And my realtor told me to wait until Spring to sell my house -- I'm beginning to get the feeling there are a lot of realtors advising people to wait until Spring, and then suddenly the markets will be swamped by people like us anxious to get out of where we are!! We all need to win that lottery!!

[Umbria]

Originally Posted by Wisteria

Here's a book you may have seen -- I sent it to my dad one year when I was living in Seattle! He had a good laugh out of that!

Yeah, check out Las Cruces. I'd love to have a "tribe" of women in Las Cruces to hang out with. And I know what you mean about that Midwestern "haze," as I went through that in Buffalo -- no sun!! I love the sun now that I know what it is!!

And my realtor told me to wait until Spring to sell my house -- I'm beginning to get the feeling there are a lot of realtors advising people to wait until Spring, and then suddenly the markets will be swamped by people like us anxious to get out of where we are!! We all need to win that lottery!!

Oh No - They are so grumpy looking - they looks like my Grandmother's sisters - eek!!!

You have lived in many many places. I use to visit Seattle for business purposes - loved it but need sun. This is going to be a long-long winter. I may need to take a trip to CO/NM just to get away. Retirement took some getting use to, I kept feeling guilty like I was playing hookey (not that I EVER did that), but it really is nice.

[primrosepath]

Hi Everyone,
I hope I am posting this right. I am so happy I found this forum. I have been reading city-data for a long time but have never come across this thread. So many nights I have lain in bed with a knot of fear in my stomach wondering where I could get advice. There is nothing like a group of women coming together for support. After being divorced in '82 and then in a long term relationship where 2 years ago I was tossed out to make room for my fiance's returning drug problem son, I find myself retired, alone and single and scared to death. I have 3 children that live in northern NJ and I would like to be relatively near them but also recognize the reality that I have to make a life for myself. I have asked myself where I want to go and don't have any answers. The support of you ladies in perusing through your situations have helped me so much. I feel like I have finally made single friends. I have found it very difficult because I am always surrounded by couples and feel that I never quite "fit in".
I am living in a small condo in NJ and ask myself all the time where I can go where it isn't too expensive and there are a lot of "positive people". I love art and have recently been taking watercolor lessons. I have 2 small dogs that are my day to day companions and best friends. I love hearing all your stories and how strong we women can be.
Thank you all.

[Ucandoit]

wow look at this, over 400 replies, there are alot of us women out here that do not know what to do with the rest of our lives. In a way it is a comfort to me that there are others out there like me. I replied to this thread when it started and I have come back to CD to find all these replies from single women everywhere. I am curious now where everyone ended up going and if they like it there. I just don't have the kind of time to look at everyones post, wish I did.
I relocated and TN, and unfortunately as much as I looked into real estate beforehand I realize that I still cannot afford this area. How sad, but my retirement is not going to be much. This was something that both I and my husband had worked out, and we worked for. After divorcing, things worked out for him, but not for me unfortunately as far as money goes......So, I am divorced, no kids, with no where to go, esp with a limited income. I just want what I will be getting or have now to last until I cannot walk or enjoy life anymore to its fullest. Until then I also don't want to have to scrimp and save! Does that make sense? lol.
Here I am feeling alone, and not finding that inexpensive little place I can call home.
Sadly enough the inexpensive places I have found also offer nothing as far as cultural, or abundances of activities for me......such as bookstores, coffeeshops, a rather nice downtown and such. In order to have one, you can't have the other! Either you are stifled environmentally or financially.....What do I want to pick? Do I want the "things to do" category? and may not particularly be able to afford it, and feel like my money won't last? or do I pick a category or an area that isn't ideally my cup of tea where my money will not be a problem. Seems like those are the only two choices for me now.. I know weather plays a huge factor in our future plus now, and if the weather is nice you pay highly for it, and if the weather isn't nice you pay highly for it in your old age. Where do we go from here?
these are my thoughts and I am sticking to um.....lol.

I just realized that with over 400 replies that we have enough of us to start our own little town~

[Umbria]

Welcome Ucandoit (great screen name - good start!!!) and primerosepath. This really has been a helpful and encouraging thread. The more, the merrier!!!! So many women with so many of the same issues, fears, goals and needs. A common point is the need and desire for a comminity of like minded singles. Everyone needs that support group - life throws many challenges at each of us and with support, the challemges don't leave us feeling quite so flattened. Take the time to read all the entries. People have chosen different locations, some are still in the research phase. So many have artisitic skills so if that is what you are looking for, you will defintely find ladies the same interests. NM seems to be a common spot of interest - low cost of living, great weather. I am looking at CO or just maybe NM. I have to visit NM first. WELCOME and keep your chin up!!

[Wisteria]

Welcome, Primrosepath and UcanDoit! Glad you could join us.

I think that with this wide variety of women, we are in various stages of figuring out where to go and how to do it.

Anomoly (oh, where ARE you Anomoly???), created a list of some of us and what we are looking for and in various areas. http://www.city-data.com/forum/retir...ml#post3385857 On this post (#175), she lists some of us and our interests and ideas. We should really get more info together with these great new women!

Primrosepath, I understand the feeling of leaving family behind, and also being in a community with mostly couples. Being an older single woman is different. I am from New York State, originally, and I now live out west. It is different, but here it seems to be more open to single women...hard to explain it.

Having a fresh start can be very invigorating! Although I enjoy where I am now, I know that, realistically, I must move to "afford" retirement....so, I am gearing up to the adventure of seeing new sights, meeting new people, and just relaxing! I am also an artist, although mostly I have been teaching art the past 13 years -- now, I want to actually create art! It has been my observation that women who are not married or in a long-term relationship, seem to have dug in and found their creative juices, their intellect is "on," and are more willing to be flexible. Honestly, I know some women close to me who are very unhappily married -- yet, the thought of starting over is so terrifying, and the thought of being "alone," so scary, that they stay in these lifeless marriages. I have found that the most interesting women I know are those who have had large pockets of being alone and have found their own roots of independence and self-content.

I have also noticed that unhappily married women seem so bitter and depressed, that it's hard to engage them in new activities or to get them to get out of their heads. It's interesting, actually, because the fantasy is that the married couple is the happiest, and, yet, I know so many who are married and very unhappy, but too set in their ways, or too afraid to start over, or don't think they can do it, that the single women I know are so much more vibrant. It's a part of that marriage stereotype.

UCandoit: Seems like those are the only two choices for me now.. I know weather plays a huge factor in our future plus now, and if the weather is nice you pay highly for it, and if the weather isn't nice you pay highly for it in your old age. Where do we go from here?
these are my thoughts and I am sticking to um.....lol.

I just realized that with over 400 replies that we have enough of us to start our own little town~

I truly understand the limited income. I've been on a short supply of money for ages. Of course, that has helped me to learn other ways to enjoy life -- which, in the end, aside from paying for daily expenses, affords me joy in little pleasures and the many free activities that are everywhere.

I also know that at this age I must compromise because of income.....so, that is why I am looking at New Mexico. I know that there are ups and downs anyplace --- that is a given. So, I am trying to find a place that is "affordable," has good weather, nice hiking areas, and the basic necessities.

I am surprised that TN ended up being less affordable, as I had also heard it is less expensive. I agree that finding a place with all those little amenities that are so pleasurable, such as bookstores, cafes, nice downtown, often come at a price. However, most places have things that people may have to hunt down more, but are there.

I was just reading about an urban "intentional community" in Chicago, and I still think that if we had a nice group of women living near each other, we could create our own network of support and community.

I have lived in many places, and each place offers something different -- therefore, I am taking the attitude that wherever I am, I will find something of interest....even if I have to create it!

The first time I moved to California (in the 1980s), I was not married and did not have a child. I started a group called "The EastCoast Connection." I advertised and others who were from the eastcoast answered, and we got together for parties where we could just be "eastcoasty!" It was a lot of fun, great laughs, and good food!

Here, I offered my art class through Parks and Recreation -- "Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain," -- and it has been one of the most popular classes. This allowed me to meet people and to also provide a service for something that I enjoyed. Although now, I must admit, I want to quit teaching and just do art for myself.

I also had a small spiritual/metaphysical group that met for a couple of years at my house. It was free and advertised in the local paper. I met a lot of people that way. Granted, I'm in an area with a lot of resources, but it is still hard to meet people when you are single, or new to the area, or have other responsibilities that take up your time. So, although this place has a lot of what you have described as desirable, it was still hard to meet new people.

I think with such an interesting group of women that we could start our own little neighborhood! UCanDoIt -- let's do it!!

[nancy thereader]

I certainly agree, wisteria. Crazytown. I can just see it now....cozy cottages , winding paths , a "town-center" just for us. Mountains & hiking paths in the distance.

I am just so ready to make a new start.

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by primrosepath

Hi Everyone,
I hope I am posting this right. I am so happy I found this forum. I have been reading city-data for a long time but have never come across this thread. So many nights I have lain in bed with a knot of fear in my stomach wondering where I could get advice. There is nothing like a group of women coming together for support. After being divorced in '82 and then in a long term relationship where 2 years ago I was tossed out to make room for my fiance's returning drug problem son, I find myself retired, alone and single and scared to death. I have 3 children that live in northern NJ and I would like to be relatively near them but also recognize the reality that I have to make a life for myself. I have asked myself where I want to go and don't have any answers. The support of you ladies in perusing through your situations have helped me so much. I feel like I have finally made single friends. I have found it very difficult because I am always surrounded by couples and feel that I never quite "fit in".

Welcome primrosepath! I know how you feel. Last night I had that knot of fear thinking what would I do if I couldn't work anymore--don't have a clue how I will be able to retire. Santa Fe isn't the cheapest place but I do love it. The SF Singles group supposedly has 1,000 people in it! And they are very active. Also tons of free or cheap things to do here so I'm hoping to find a way to make retiring here work when it comes time. I can't imagine living in a place only because it is cheap and then have no theater, bookstores, etc. I need to find the right housemate or get good enough at pottery to increase my income that way or maybe move somewhere cheaper in NM but still has the activities I enjoy. I've also been missing my kids and grandkids in eastern PA--my granddaughter had her 4th birthday party today. My daughter sent me an e-mail today with a link to a museum in Philly with a quilt exhibit and asked if I wanted to go Yes. I think about moving back there but realistically they are busy and I need to have my own life and I can't think of anything I'd do there when I wasn't spending time with them. I lived there 30 years and didn't like it and my job is here. Like Wisteria, I think I can make anywhere I live work but some places would take a whole lot more energy. I never felt like I fit in in PA.

I read that women are the biggest group in poverty largely because of divorce. We don't earn the same $. I try and take one day at a time and hope this house is a good investment for the future.

Tonight I'm exhausted--yesterday and today I have been double digging the yard to make a garden and wishing I had a companion to help with all the work of owning a house. But then again, when I was married, he didn't help much and when he did he resented it. I read that men are happier being married and women are happier being single. There were things I liked about being married just as there are things I like about being single. Overall, I think I'm happier being single even if sometimes I would like to share my life with the right man. The older I get, the less likely it seems I'll find that especially with so many great women out there! 8 men, 50 women at the singles gathering Friday night.

On an up note, a neighbor stopped by last night and introduced herself. She's also single and artistic. We're going to exchange numbers and be a support for each other. I'm starting to feel like I am on my way to making new friends. Hmmm...Wisteria...I just had an idea from your post...maybe start a house work share group. I've heard of single women doing that in Iowa. It would be more fun working together.

AND...I'm so excited...my yard was flat barren dirt a month ago but I put up my hummingbird feeder, birdbath, and bird feeder anyway and I keep working on planting perennials and herbs and today I saw my first hummingbird! He must agree that it's starting to look like a garden. He was only 6' from me. Made my day.

Anomoly...where are you? Do you hear us sending you good wishes wherever you are?

[primrosepath]

Thanks for the encouragement and support Wisteria and Dancingearth. I am so glad I found this forum. I think we can all help each other through some scary times.

[Wisteria]

DancingEarth:Hmmm...Wisteria...I just had an idea from your post...maybe start a house work share group. I've heard of single women doing that in Iowa. It would be more fun working together.

Tell me more about the house work share group. I've not heard that term before.... Is this sharing house work, or some other kind of work?? (I can always use someone to do my house work! )

Have you heard of anything happening like that in Santa Fe? Or is Santa Fe a bit too "exclusive" or "wealthy" for that? I'm not sure if the allure of wealth keeps people out of Santa Fe who don't have the wealth, or if it's something else. I'd be interested in Santa Fe if there were more affordable options around. I like that Santa Fe has a Trader Joe's, though! I wish Las Cruces had one -- I keep writing Trader Joe's and I guess they are swamped with suggestions for locations!

I've got my living room painted and bathroom painted now --- getting ready to put the house on the market in the spring -- wish me good luck on that! Still have to paint the kitchen and outside porch. I'm looking forward to retiring! You may have noticed that I started a thread about what it is really like to retire, and I guess it really is good! Sometimes I think I'm just fantasizing about that time off and no schedules and things of that sort -- but from the responses I've gotten, it looks pretty good!! (I noticed some of you here also responded -- thank you!!) It makes me feel much better about putting the house on the market. I'll miss this little space and the land, but on the other hand, it will be nice to have some unscheduled time, a chance to unwind, and finally relax! At least New Mexico has lots of sunshine, and that is a big plus!