Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (55, weather)
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I bought my dining table and chairs separately. Only 2 chairs. Very intentional. Once I close the door behind me, I don't want to deal with lots of human stuff.
Totally agree with the others who want their own space. I can't even entertain friends in my house graciously even though I have 2 spare bedrooms. A few years ago I offered to entertain in my house good friends from NM and they came for 5 days and I was a wreck. I served frozen pizza, made them sleep in separate bedrooms, and snuck out in the early am's to walk alone. I had to take a valium to sleep at night. They are wonderful people and I am ashamed of myself, but it just makes me too nervous to have people in my house. Even workmen. I dread them coming and can't wait for them to leave.
OMG, I so understand. I need some things done in my apt. But I know it will be a week of comings and goings of workmen. I keep putting it off.
I've lived alone since I was 23 except for a couple of brief periods of transition times. When I lived with people, I felt like I was camping, and it wasn't that the people were so flawed, it's just that I am completely accustomed to living alone.
I'm on my own and very happy in Knoxville, TN. I was born and raised in Los Angeles and spent my working life in Washington, D.C. and some in south Georgia.
Knoxville has great people, agreeable climate, beautiful mountain setting and the University of Tennessee. I'm active in several volunteer groups and I'm thinking about getting a masters degree. UT has special fees for those 65+ -- $7 a credit hour and a maximum of $75 a semester and you can work toward a graduate degree. I've loved the courses I've taken. No pressure, no worry about utility in earning a living, just learning to learn. Wonderful.
I would recommend looking at towns around large universities or state colleges. They'll be more diverse and they seem to have more older single women. Medical services are usually excellent and there's more going on.
Asheville, N.C. might be a good fit for you. Athens, GA, is nice, too.
An added benefit of a college town is that there are probably college-aged males living nearby who can be bribed with food to do things like haul trash, help with heavy lifting, etc. It's amazing what you can get for a meatloaf!
I love Knoxville the people are super friendly in TN. I will be down in Knoxville when the KY Wildcats play the Vols in Neyland Stadium this fall. Good luck and have a blessed day- RL
^^^^^^^^^ That makes three of us: Minervah, Sunigal99, and I. Three of us who are too used to living alone to want to share our space except on a short term basis. I am fine with a house guest for four or five days, or with being a guest in someone else's house for a similar time period, but long-term, no.
It's funny how different things were when we were younger. I lived in college dorms and had room mates. In graduate school I shared an apartment for a while with three other students. We were flexible enough to make it work and we accepted the situation because that's just how things were - financial necessity and all. Now at age 70 it's just not the same.
Make that four of us! I was married for over 30 years so, of course, had to share a home. I've been living alone so long now I don't WANT to live with anyone else. The best room mate I ever had was my cousin. We were room mates for almost seven years after my divorce but we got along so well, respected one another's privacy, etc. and it worked out great. Especially financially. After seven years though I decided I really needed to be out on my own again and have been ever since...10 years. I live close enough to my mom that I'm always available for her but not live WITH her.
Make that four of us! I was married for over 30 years so, of course, had to share a home. I've been living alone so long now I don't WANT to live with anyone else. The best room mate I ever had was my cousin. We were room mates for almost seven years after my divorce but we got along so well, respected one another's privacy, etc. and it worked out great. Especially financially. After seven years though I decided I really needed to be out on my own again and have been ever since...10 years. I live close enough to my mom that I'm always available for her but not live WITH her.
You appear to have an ideal set up AZDesertBrat. Would love to have a small house with a little casita or apt attached. Very hard to find in planned community areas. Only the very expensive luxury homes can you sometimes find such an arrangement. I believe your in Arizona. I used to live there. Are you in an outlying area without a lot of zoning restrictions?
I've lived with women several periods in my life, but am alone now. I currently live in the VERY expensive D.C. area and have no intention of retiring here (even though the area has a lot of things to do). I plan on selling my condo for a nice profit (hopefully), then retiring to the midwest which is much more affordable (not Chicago). I'm in a very good position to retire within 8 to 10 years if everything goes well.
You appear to have an ideal set up AZDesertBrat. Would love to have a small house with a little casita or apt attached. Very hard to find in planned community areas. Only the very expensive luxury homes can you sometimes find such an arrangement. I believe your in Arizona. I used to live there. Are you in an outlying area without a lot of zoning restrictions?
No, not in an outlying area. I live almost smack dab in the middle of town and we have plenty of zoning restrictions. My neighborhood is one of the very old ones though and, in fact, I grew up in this neighborhood. There are several others around me who have made apartments out of garages, etc. which is what my mom did. My little house was a one car garage/workshop/carport at one time. I have a nice little yard, lots of trees and greenery and it's very private and quiet. I like the cheap rent and being close enough to Mom that I can be there in a minute for her. I can see this happening more and more.
Wow!! 680 pages! I remember when this thread was started. I post now and then a few times a year, and love reading what other people have planned and/or are already doing. I have at least 15 years ahead of me before I can retire...20 years if I actually take care of myself. It scares me to think that I will be working into my early 70s, but I know I'm not alone. I still have plans to retire somewhere in the mid-atlantic and have not ruled out the Knoxville area, the triangle area of NC, & parts of VA, Ga, & AL. I do not want a severe winter, but I do want four seasons or at least a long autumn. I have lived completely on my own now for the past 8 years and do not see myself sharing living quarters ever again. But I do hope wherever I settle down that I will have enough space to entertain out of town guests. I love having people visit and stay over, but even more I love the solitude of me, my dogs, and a good book.
Purchase a home together with someone else not a spouse? Never. Not even with a relative. The risks are too high. Especially in a remote place like off the coast of Maine!
It gets terribly "close" day in day out living with a housemate. All well if your mutual stars are perfectly aligned, but even then. You have a falling out over something major or trivial and it escalates from unpleasantness to worse, and then you're in a legal and logistical mess.
And one housemate looking after another's parent? Sounds sweet at first, but then think about the day in day out and the lack of support from the outside. A huge responsibility that could become a stressful burden (I could write a book about this, as my own divorce from hubby of 40 yrs was due in significant part to the high level stress of dealing with my elderly mother. We are now happily back together and the burdens of "others" are a thing of the past, TG.)
Not to be a downer about this, just my opinion from personal experience and observation of others.
OTOH, I would entertain the thought of house sharing, but I would find out everything about the legal aspects first. There are "rights" in many states that make it nearly impossible to get rid of a housemate who becomes unwanted at any point. Safer to find two apts or condos next to each other.
You bring up good points and I probably couldn't do it for those reasons. My friend and her friend have traveled together and have known each other for a long time. They are both single, never married and both live in small towns. My friend lived with her dad and helped care for him until he passed away about five years ago. She is a nurse so helping out with the mom is fine with her. But that isn't a certainty. Mom might just go to an assisted care home she has her eye on. It's where her friends live and she believes she would be happy there. They would set up all the legal business necessary to keep harmony.
I couldn't do it but one thing I could do is something two sisters I know did about twenty years ago. Rather than share a house they bought a duplex. That way they could live together without actually living together. I guess it all depends upon the individuals. I actually do know of a few cases in which this kind of living situation has worked out well.
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