Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (orphan, gifts)

[Tesaje]

How very awful! I'm so sorry you got caught up with a crook. Last year at my retirement class, I think I got the best advice - do my own financial planning and don't give my money or investments to anyone else. I hope there is some way you can at least get some of it back. That is really awful news.

[ConeyIsBabe]

I can empathize with you on your loss; having taken a large hit from the stock market in early 2000 - but that was due to my own ignorance and mishandling. However, I was able to use the loss to my advantage, reducing a captial gain during the year I sold my home and then sold the stocks. I hope you are able to recoup your loss !

[Umbria]

Here's to all the great people that contribute to this thread

Hope you all have a great turkey day!!

[46Barb]

MN2CO, Happy Thanksgiving to you and also everyone here.

[ConeyIsBabe]

Sometimes holidays are depressing for single people with few social contacts. Hoping everyone gets through this holiday season with some good times and a positive outlook for the future

[Umbria]

Coney - I hope everyone understands how the norm is not so much the norm anymore. As we all grow older, and that includes many people with big families, the hugh family Thanksgiving scenario just isn't the case anymore. I go to a friends for Thanksgiving every year - she has five kids - all adults now - it is total chaos - fighting, blah blah bah
At the end of the day, she goes to bed and I go home to wonderful peace. Hope your day is a happy one. (How's that for a Hallmark moment? )

[nancy thereader]

(How's that for a Hallmark moment? )

Sounds blissful.........

[AZgarden]

As an only child with only my daughter here in this area, (and she has no husband or kids,) it can be very lonely, when you try to get rid of that picture in your mind of the big happy family sitting around the table having dinner. I truly wish they would get rid of that scene on TV. I can't help it that my parents didn't have more kids; that my daughter isn't married; that I am divorced; and that I don't make close friends that easily. It has made me almost hate holidays. We do travel back to Chicago for Christmas and there are more family there, but its only once a year, and there are so many other holidays that are hard to endure. I just wonder what all you other ladies do. Has everyone been successful finding things to keep busy with even though you don't have family around? I certainly can't be the only one. I fantazise about inviting a bunch of strangers over. It kinda scares me though, with the world being what it is today. I guess I am too much motivated by fear and not so willing to take a risk. For a couple years, we volunteered for the Salvation Army dinner in downtown, but I got tired of that, and again wanted my own dinner table and family. If it were'nt such lousy weather in Chicago, I might just move back there, just because of holidays!!!

[Umbria]

PhxBarb - I do understand what you are saying. Be glad you have your daughter. My only family for along time included my mom, stepfather, brother and his wife from he--. Well my mom passed away, my step father had a new wife almost the next day, my brother and the wife - well, let's say I'm happier alone. I had those same lonely feelings when I'd see the big famiy gathered around the table and wish I'd had accepted one of those proposals . So you are not alone. I think the idea of creating your own family is an excellent idea. This is one of the reasons I can't wait to move to my retirement spot. I plan to create the family I didn't have. People are so spread out here and everyone has their family so I have gotten use to the holidays either alone or with other friends (like my above post - which just proves, the image we see of that big "happy" family is not really as it seems). I have gotten use to it and I hope you will as well. I encourage you to invite that group of people over. I know people in AZ that spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter with their AZ families and they love it. Their other families are either busy (in-laws) or spread out all over the US, so again, our images are somewhat distorted. There are alot of us out there - now to find them in our immediate locations...........hmmmmmm. I plan to end up in Colorado - AZ is close - you can be part of my new family - I think I'm normal and definitely not dangerous. Don't move just for that. The holidays will soon be over - as the Aussies say "No worries.."

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by PhxBarb

As an only child with only my daughter here in this area, (and she has no husband or kids,) it can be very lonely, when you try to get rid of that picture in your mind of the big happy family sitting around the table having dinner. I truly wish they would get rid of that scene on TV. I can't help it that my parents didn't have more kids; that my daughter isn't married; that I am divorced; and that I don't make close friends that easily. It has made me almost hate holidays. We do travel back to Chicago for Christmas and there are more family there, but its only once a year, and there are so many other holidays that are hard to endure. I just wonder what all you other ladies do. Has everyone been successful finding things to keep busy with even though you don't have family around? I certainly can't be the only one. I fantazise about inviting a bunch of strangers over. It kinda scares me though, with the world being what it is today. I guess I am too much motivated by fear and not so willing to take a risk. For a couple years, we volunteered for the Salvation Army dinner in downtown, but I got tired of that, and again wanted my own dinner table and family. If it were'nt such lousy weather in Chicago, I might just move back there, just because of holidays!!!

Hi PhxBarb,
All of my family live in PA and WA so I've spent many holidays alone. It can be difficult and I've handled it different ways. At Christmas time I try to find at least one special event to go to. When I force myself to do things alone I find I am more aware of others and my surroundings and more open to talking to strangers. I have these odd bits of memories from doing that--going to a puppet show and enjoying the laughter of the children. I go with curiosity and the intent of being open to finding joy and pleasure in small things. Another time I went to a play and while waiting for it to begin talked to the woman sitting next to me. She moved here from CA and when I asked her if she felt she was accepted here by the locals because she spoke Spanish she told me as soon as she spoke they knew she wasn't from here. I must have been feeling unaccepted and lonely at the time (I no longer remember why I asked.) I find tidbits people share interesting. One Christmas Eve I remember the beauty of a full moon and a sky full of stars on the walk on Canyon Road and stopping at a fire to sing Christmas carols.

I'm not sure what you mean by strangers but I don't like to invite people to my home until I have spent some time with them (work, classes, volunteering) or done a few things with them. If those are your strangers--do it. Naturally you don’t want to invite people on the street but it is a fun fantasy to think about the stories they might share.

When I'm feeling lonely I remember that in order to have a friend I need to start by being a friend. Show interest and ask questions, invite someone to do something. There are many lonely people. If we wait for someone else to make the first move, we might wait a long time.

My one new friend I’ve made since moving back last January was because she came knocking on my door about a rezoning meeting in the area and was persistent inviting me to do things. I've been so busy working on my house that I haven’t taken the time to call the people I’ve exchanged numbers with in the classes I’ve taken (a great way to make new friends) but there have been times I wish I'd taken time to call and do something with them when I want someone to call spontaneously and my neighbor friend is busy. Now that my house is finally feeling more together, I'm going to call them and invite them to do something. One of my favorites in Santa Fe is the Christmas Eve Canyon Road Farolito walk. My friend and I are going to invite family and old and possibly new friends to my house to go on the walk and then come back here for hot cider and food. Other good Christmas activities to share are baking cookies or going to cut a tree down. Churches are a good place to look for group activities—Christmas caroling can be fun. I'm now agnostic but have enjoyed experiencing how different religions celebrate Christmas eve.

Some good books to have on hand when you need comfort: Any book by Sark and one of my favorites—The Woman’s Comfort Book. They’ve helped me through some tough times that and the knowledge that all things pass and change. May this be the holiday season you find joy and peace. We're all in this together. I'd love to hear your adventure this holiday.