Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (drugs, moving)

[Wisteria]

Nancy_thereader: It's a sticky? I didn't know that. Hear that, wisteria ??? Your fabulous thread will live on forever!!!!!

Wow, we're famous!! Hahaha. It's good -- it shows there's a demand for women like us ("hellloooo" builders.....).

It's good. Well I'm off to buy paint to start spiffing up things around here.

Good news is my new boss is warming up to me. He actually hugged me yesterday when I anticipated something he wanted....that's good -- means he's less stressed and realizing I'm okay! (This is huggy California, so it's not that weird around here! )

I will check back later. Congrats to all of us -- a sticky!! I wonder if we get stickers, too??

[rmebrt]

OK, somebody please explain the "sticky" to me (guess on the Golden Girls Commune, I will NOT be the IT director, eh?). Hang in there, Wisteria, we all seem to covet your lovely part of the country, so somehow, sometime, some of us are coming your way. Lori, if it weren't for the winters, I'd move back to Wisconsin in a heartbeat...I like Madison, I love Milwaukee and Door County is one of the best places-anywhere. MN2CO, you should definitely visit while you still live "in the 'hood." I have decided to scope out my own neighborhood, and am going to start taking one weekend a month to see potential retirement sites in AZ, since I'm stuck here anyway given current conditions - Cottonwood, Patagonia, Tubac...all places I've heard of but not visited - interesting how we are never tourists in our own states, isn't it? In the interest of cheering some of you up, it is sunny and 80 today and the birds are singing outside my open windows (I know, I know - I won't be feeling this way in 3 months - but I'm sure enjoying it now!). Best to all - things aren't good in the news but we are survivors!

[karcon]

I've been off the grid for a while and came back to find the thread has really picked up. Wisteria, I completely understand the feeling of finally getting to making a decision only to become unsure again. It's the process we take to get to "our" place. You'll make it! I have been all over the map (literally) in trying to decide where I am going to relocate. The west coast and NM were top on my list. But reality has set in (ie the economy) and realize it would be totally impractical/unaffordable to relocate on the other side of the country. I think I have narrowed it down though and am seriously looking at Sarasota, FL. I do have friends in the area, I still get the benefit of a no-income tax state, I wouldn't have to register my car in a new state, moving costs would be affordable (I still plan to get rid of most things but some am definitely keeping), and it has cultural aspects I look for - lots to do. I will be moving in June so am now deciding should I try to buy a small place or rent yet again. That decision will come in time. My major life trauma at the moment is that my son and his girlfriend are leaving on Saturday to move/travel to Mexico and points (yet unknown) beyond for an undertermined length of time. When their travels are done they will probably relocate to Northern CA (where Eric's girlfriend is from). They are 35/40 so they aren't children. But for the first time in my life I will be living where I have no family or ties of any kind. My daughter lives in NYC, my mother passed away last year, and my friends/support have either moved away or passed away. This thread helps keep me centered, knowing there are other women of a certain age with the same feelings, concerns, fears - I am not alone. I think the scary thing is that when you are responsible for others making the tough decisions is easy - you just do what needs to be done. But when you just have to worry about you - well, that's the hard part. First time in my life I've only had me to think of. Now what??!!

[Wisteria]

I totally understand! My daughter's only 19, but I sooooo miss her -- she was a great companion and a good daughter. But with a boyfriend now, in college and making her own way, I don't see her often....

I have had three close friends die in the past year and a half! I mean friends of decades -- close friends! In their 60s! It creeps me out.

I'm reconsidering California because my daughter is here and she loves California -- she wants to settle here -- maybe she can -- she's still young enough to save for a place and all. I'm still drawn to New Mexico, but for some reason it seems I might have a "better" (the word being relative) social life in California.

I don't have relatives nearby, either, but in my hometown in which I have only lived in for about 30 years (only half my life -- the other half out west), all my friends either left or died, and my two sisters left are far apart in age and interests from me. So, it doesn't make logical sense to return there -- plus, did I mention the SNOW! (Buffalo!)

It's really hard being older and single. I never thought I was the maternal type, but once I had my daughter at 42, and too old to have more kids, I now wish I'd had a large family -- but having had so many childhood responsibilities, I didn't feel the urge to have a child until the clock was already chiming!

I'm not sure what the answer is, or if there is an answer. Maybe it's nature's way to prepare us for the inevitable end -- take away what we cherish, so we no longer feel the need to stay....I don't know.....

Yes, my part of the country is nice. The weather is much better than most areas of the nation, and, of course, there are many micro-climates and terrains here, so there is a never-ending supply of places to see without getting bored. But I still want to be around other people. Living here in retirement and still working full-time is not too appealing to me. I'm looking forward to at least a few years of retirement to just relax for a change. I'm just tired. That means, though, that I have to leave this area. I've had nice experiences here, and was privileged to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. That is a gift. And now as I age even more, it's time to settle into a more affordable place, and discover what is there.

The whole country seems to have fragmented, and so many families are apart and separated, children move from place to place, friends die off, things are just not the same. Maybe some of it is that when we were younger many of our mothers did not work, and there was some sense of an anchor. Now, most families need two incomes to survive. People are just worn out, overworked, over-scheduled, and are just trying to survive. Who knew it would come to this?

That's why a support group of women is so important. I hope that some of us will end up near each other. And if someone moves first, give us some tips about what you are discovering and experiencing -- or warnings that it's not a place to be, or encouragement because it is.

I guess with the rain here, and the dark skies, I'm feeling a bit down and gloomy, too. Sorry folks. We need to stick together. Thanks everyone!

[ConeyIsBabe]

I guess I'm the oldest participant in the group, so here's my experience regarding relocation and making new friends - something to seriously consider as y'all age !

LOCATION - LOCATION - LOCATION

Since I live in a rural area, it takes so much effort for me to get going in the morning, to start my day, to defrost my car (if it's frozen), to drive 8 miles into town for the gym, window shopping at thrift shops, lunch out, ETC. I never was a "high-energy" person, but now....... I have to motivate myself to turn off the 'puter and get going!

When I lived in Florida, my home was located a couple of blocks from "downtown" and all I had to do was walk outside my door...... walk to work, walk to the stores, restaurants, walk to visit friends, etc. I sure do miss that!

That's why IMHO it's so important to relocate to an area where all the social opportunities are nearby, as close as possible, along with other necessary facilities, of course. This is probably the most important element for us to consider, as we grow older

[Wisteria]

ConeyIsBabe: LOCATION - LOCATION - LOCATION
Since I live in a rural area, it takes so much effort for me to get going in the morning, to start my day, to defrost my car (if it's frozen), to drive 8 miles into town for the gym, window shopping at thrift shops, lunch out, ETC. I never was a "high-energy" person, but now....... I have to motivate myself to turn off the 'puter and get going!

When I lived in Florida, my home was located a couple of blocks from "downtown" and all I had to do was walk outside my door...... walk to work, walk to the stores, restaurants, walk to visit friends, etc. I sure do miss that!

That's why IMHO it's so important to relocate to an area where all the social opportunities are nearby, as close as possible, along with other necessary facilities, of course. This is probably the most important element for us to consider, as we grow older.

But....the catch is....for those of us who do not have lots of equity, or other investments, where is that place that is affordable and offers all of that? That is what I am struggling with.

That's why I'm looking at relatively inexpensive places, and trying to tie in together a college/university, walking areas, stores, etc., in addition to an open-minded community. It sounds like you had a great deal there in FL. I've found Oregon to be a bit stand-offish, and I think I would find it difficult there, too. Do you think you will go back to Florida?

But it is NOT easy in this country or in this economy. Now, twenty, thirty years ago, yes, one could much more easily do that. Today it seems overwhelming. That is where I become blocked.

We need some moving "buddies." If we could just agree on one place. Maybe a group "tour" of places. For all we know, two, three or four of us, would just say, "Hey, THIS will work!"

[ConeyIsBabe]

When I think back on all the good times I had in Florida, mostly my sailing years, I realize ........ we can never go back !! It just isn't the same anymore in Miami, and that is why I left!!

However, yes , I would consider moving back to certain parts of Florida - perhaps either coast, maybe central, or even north FL. It's always an option

Aside from LOCATION being the most important factor, RESEARCH is probably the next important thing to do before making a move. However, even with all the research in the world, you have to actually LIVE in the area (RENT) to evaluate it before thinking of making it permanent. All of this takes $$$ and lots of energy. - Been There & Done That !

It's 10 am already, I'm still sitting at the 'puter, it's raining outside & I'm gonna force myself to get going

[karcon]

I have so many relocation packages, from Washington/Oregon, NM, Austin TX (don't contact Austin - you will be inundated with emails/snail mail from every realtor in the area saying "I hear you're thinking about moving to the area" - thinking should be a clue that I'm just looking, duh), Flagstaff. Plus all of my bookmarks on my computer. All trying to find the perfect place. It just doesn't exist. Sometimes I wish I could just enter in the search "where should I live?" and magically the computer will give me all the answers (Dorothy clicking her heels together 3 times???). Other times I just think of buying a Road Treker and travelling the country. Do you know how expensive they are??!!!But I want roots, I want a place to call home AND I want to travel.

I think when our "purposes" for being disappear (spouse/SO's, kids, jobs, friends, etc.) we become like a sail boat without wind - we just drift, letting the currents (fate) make our decisions for us, we become complacent, and boringly content (or contendedly boring?). We aren't happy, but we aren't unhappy. I envision "The Scream" of quiet desperation. Coney, I relate to making yourself get up and get out.

But I know how I feel when I have motivated myself, gotten in the car and taken a road trip. I feel A L I V E! I think we can all relate to how it feels when we've made and acted on a decision.

I think this forum can help to give each of us who needs a little kick in the rear, a cheerleading squad to help motivate and move us along. I too am looking for good, women friends - the kind we probably all had year's ago before life moved us along to where we are now. So we are cyber friends. I like to think we've all rented a beach house for a weekend - the old weathered kind, not a new condo (but that would do to!), sitting on the deck, watching the ocean (sunrise/sunset), drinking our favorite beverage and just laughing!!!!!!!

[nancy thereader]

my home was located a couple of blocks from "downtown" and all I had to do was walk outside my door...... walk to work, walk to the stores, restaurants, walk to visit friends, etc. I sure do miss that!

This is something that is important to me, also. coney. So is warm weather & having friends close (walking distance would be great).
I also, wisteria, have virtually no family left & I am pretty open as to where I would like to move. Probably, we should all make a list and mention what are MUSTS and what are NO WAYS. Then, we could all get together and see what we have in common.

It seems, though, that we are pretty much alike when it comes to preferences. At least none of us have suggested that we might move to the Alaskan tundras. The money angle is , of course, important and the terrible economy makes it even worse. But, for everyone. Not just us. I just do not believe that any of us wants to wait until the economy becomes vibrant again because that could be ten years.
karcon. I have plenty of relocation packages also, I even sent for phone books from places where I was sure I would be moving. I would imagine that I'm on a list: this woman is a NUT !

[Avalon08]

Nancy, I must say, every time "The Reader" is mentioned, I think of you!

Anyway, on a completely bummer note, my son gave me some horrendous news yesterday -- he's hooked on heroin. I am so devastated....I knew he was kind of aimless at nearly 30, but had NO idea he was doing anything more serious than pot. I feel as grief-stricken as I would if someone had died. Can't stop crying. Can't distract myself with things like the Oscars, the Bachelor Tells All, or whatever....I keep coming back to the harsh reality of my son. I am trying to get him help but he has no medical insurance....so he's trying for Medicaid. I won't get off-topic with any more details, but I just wanted to share my grief with my buddies here...there are very few friends that I can talk to about this otherwise.

I guess it's good that I didn't move to Calif.; I wouldn't have been here when he needed me the most.