Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (75+, long-term)

[susancruzs]

Beautiful pictures, Wisteria! Awesome and I can see why you would want to stay right where you are! Affording places once one retires is a sad state of affairs these days.

I took on a mortgage when I moved from NE Illinois to Wisconsin but I had to do it as Waukegan was just too scarey. Tough for me right now as I'm 60 and on a pension, which I appreciate but only 60% of my former pay. By the time I take out a mortgage, insurance, car, utilities, etc. not much left.

I'm happy I made the move, being able to walk to the lake any time of day or night, rarely a loud car, no boom boxes, feeling safer in my surroundings is well worth it. I'm also amazed at how patient people are, how the young people are polite (generally) and I guess being in a town of 12,500 instead of 90,000 is the difference.

[nancy thereader]

think it's important that women work together, especially as we get older. This is a good starting point, and you just never know -- we may be a model for future generations!

When I tell people about this ( women , anyway) , they are very intrigued. We might just start a new way of living......Men just say, "But what will you DO there ? " (without US lol)?

[mollyblythe]

Originally Posted by nancy thereader

When I tell people about this ( women , anyway) , they are very intrigued. We might just start a new way of living......

There would probably be lots more women who would venture to chance a move to a place that has called to them if they knew there would be a warm, welcoming and supportive community with some similar life experiences and interests to share when they get there. For many, it would make the thought of such a life change more practical, possible and fun. It's a little daunting to think of moving to a new place solo.

Even for the most outgoing and social, it takes awhile to meet desireable acquaintances open to friendship and then to establish the quality of relationships we may be leaving behind. This concept of a shared and sharing community would certainly bridge some of the gap of such an adventurous transition.

One of the top things I would miss with a move would be my friends. I have longed to retire to the coast, probably in Oregon. My best friend will retire later but loves the idea of living there also. Now all but one of our little group of friends talks of "our compound" on the Oregon coast when we get together (kind of a West Coast, poorer version of the Kennedys ). With family obligations, it's not likely all of us will actually make the move but talking about this sure livens up dinner conversation and gets the creativity going!

What will each of you miss most if you move?

[mollyblythe]

Originally Posted by susancruzs

Beautiful pictures, Wisteria! Awesome and I can see why you would want to stay right where you are!

I very much agree! Such a beautiful, peaceful and spiritually nurturing looking place, Wisteria. Wish you could keep your Lompico home and still have your New Mexico place. Now that would be the best of both worlds! Life is definitely a big ol' trade-off sometimes. But you'll be moving from one beautiful place to another. If only everybody could have that opportunity in life. Hope you'll be equally blessed in New Mexico. Sounds like you ladies headed that direction are definitely building some interest!

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by mollyblythe

There would probably be lots more women who would venture to chance a move to a place that has called to them if they knew there would be a warm, welcoming and supportive community with some similar life experiences and interests to share when they get there. For many, it would make the thought of such a life change more practical, possible and fun. It's a little daunting to think of moving to a new place solo.

Even for the most outgoing and social, it takes awhile to meet desireable acquaintances open to friendship and then to establish the quality of relationships we may be leaving behind. This concept of a shared and sharing community would certainly bridge some of the gap of such an adventurous transition.

One of the top things I would miss with a move would be my friends. I have longed to retire to the coast, probably in Oregon. My best friend will retire later but loves the idea of living there also. Now all but one of our little group of friends talks of "our compound" on the Oregon coast when we get together (kind of a West Coast, poorer version of the Kennedys ). With family obligations, it's not likely all of us will actually make the move but talking about this sure livens up dinner conversation and gets the creativity going!

What will each of you miss most if you move?

It is daunting and not just for women. I have a male friend who dreams of moving to the west and so far has stayed in the east for 40+ years even though I tell him he at least knows me and I'd be happy to do things with him.

I've moved twice now without knowing anyone. The first time I moved from PA to NM in 95 when my youngest was 12 for a job offer while going thru a divorce after a 21 yr marriage. I missed my family. Eventually I had to travel a couple of times a year for business and I had to ask the family of my son's friend if he could stay there. That was tough. But everything was so new and different and I was still pretty numb from the divorce that I don't remember missing much else. I never felt like I belonged in PA. I fell in love with New Mexico and had a wonderful time exploring all kinds of new things--learned to two step, started taking college classes, did fur trade re-enactments and learned how much I like history among other things. I just remembered--I missed knowing where things were--I couldn't find a grocery store! No familiar names and nothing looked like a grocery store--it was very strange. I also missed my hairdresser and my dentist.

The second time was easier except I missed my job, well at least the paycheck! Moved to WA to live closer to my daughter and I couldn't find a job. I ended up in Olympia an hour from where she was living. I missed knowing how to get somewhere. I'd study a map and pick something to visit so I would get to know the roads. I remember getting lost and stopping at a gas station and asking where Tumwater was and they laughed and said "you're in Tumwater." I also missed my home in NM and after a couple of years I missed the sun. On the other hand, Olympia felt so like home--must have been all the water and evergreens just like Michigan where I grew up. I made so many friends there--never had so many friends but it took awhile. I remember asking someone how long it took him to make a friend, and he said "he still hadn't." We've been friends ever since. Went to college and got my BA, joined AmeriCorps VISTA and was a volunteer coordinator for Habitat for Humanity. My daughter and I danced in the Procession of the Species and made cat costumes. Then she moved to PA. And I just moved back to NM.

Guess that makes it three although I still know some people here but not really good friends like I had in WA. So I miss my friends. Really miss them. But from experience I know that will change and in the meantime, I'm making lots of ceramics. Tomorrow I am going to the first meeting to volunteer to help set up a Spanish Renaissance Fair at the living history museum here. I do things I enjoy and if I make new friends, that's a bonus but I always have fun.

There are times when I envy people who stay put, especially financially. But would I trade all the things I've experienced? No way--I've grown tremendously from facing challenges.

[nancy thereader]

Guess that makes it three although I still know some people here but not really good friends like I had in WA. So I miss my friends. Really miss them. But from experience I know that will change and in the meantime, I'm making lots of ceramics. Tomorrow I am going to the first meeting to volunteer to help set up a Spanish Renaissance Fair at the living history museum here. I do things I enjoy and if I make new friends, that's a bonus but I always have fun.


That sounds like fun and it also seem as if you take the initiative to get yourself engaged in local activities . I am such a loner at heart that I would need to push myself to get involved. I guess that is why moving to a community sort of appeals to me.... I would be forced to get out there. And, I would love to hear more about The Spanish Renaissance Fair !

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by nancy thereader

Guess that makes it three although I still know some people here but not really good friends like I had in WA. So I miss my friends. Really miss them. But from experience I know that will change and in the meantime, I'm making lots of ceramics. Tomorrow I am going to the first meeting to volunteer to help set up a Spanish Renaissance Fair at the living history museum here. I do things I enjoy and if I make new friends, that's a bonus but I always have fun.


That sounds like fun and it also seem as if you take the initiative to get yourself engaged in local activities . I am such a loner at heart that I would need to push myself to get involved. I guess that is why moving to a community sort of appeals to me.... I would be forced to get out there. And, I would love to hear more about The Spanish Renaissance Fair !

The funny thing is I am also a loner at heart. I'm a social loner, I'm a outgoing reserved person. Full of dualities. I realize today I have been missing solitude and I got in a funk--wrote about it in Artist Towns.

I loved the meeting today for the fair. It is an event coordinated with Open Hands so it benefits the poor. The women organizing it were fabulous--two energetic enthusiastic costume designers and others. It was fun watching that love for life. I'm excited about it. It is September 20-21. El Rancho de las Golondrinas - a Spanish Colonial Living History Museum in Santa Fe We need volunteers...hint...hint...

[nancy thereader]

thanks for that link. I did click on it and it does sound very interesting and New Mexicany, too.

[desert_spirit]

That's why I like the idea of a co-housing or other close-knit community -- to have your own private space but connections with people. I've also had roommates and sometimes it has worked out just fine and felt better than living alone and other times it's been difficult. And it's impossible to know before you're actually living together!

It would be fun to have an artist community. I don't like to drive long distances anymore either... I'm thinking of visiting Santa Fe sometime soon. Maybe we could go down to TorC...

[desert_spirit]

I've moved several times to new places... moved from NYC where I grew up to Santa Fe in 1990. Not only a big move, but I'd never driven a car without a driving teacher before landing in Albuquerque! Learned to drive in 1989 at age 41! But the move to NM was to go to acupuncture school. It was a small school, and intense program so it wasn't so difficult socially. Took months of driving around with a map of Santa Fe on my lap before I knew my way around, though.

Then I moved to rural Iowa in 1997 to take a job. THAT was culture shock! But it was such a small town -- 2,000 -- that people were very friendly and a friend in NM told me about an artist friend of hers, Jane, who lived somewhere in Iowa. My first month there I drove to the nearest college town and went to an art show and who was there but Jane! We became good friends.

Then I moved to Phoenix where I didn't know anyone. I spent most of my energy starting a private practice and hating Phoenix. Then I moved to Tucson where my father lives. I met people right away in Tucson where I worked. Not close friends but we did things together. Then I got another job at a holistic treatment center and made better friends there.

When that job ended I went to China to teach English. I spent three years there, in 3 different cities. The English teachers hung out together but we didn't always have much in common so it was sometimes pretty lonely.

I'm also a mix of solitary and social. I'm not particularly outgoing, but I'm good at networking and getting to know where I might meet compatible people. I've learned that I'm very resourceful and people keep telling me how brave though I don't feel it!

I haven't read through all the posts here, but the talk of meeting got me thinking that maybe we should try to put together a small conference for women interested in community. There is an organization that puts on an annual conference about elder-co-housing community development. Maybe we could do something similar on a smaller scale or contact them about having a sub-group within their conference.

I just think that there are women all over the country who are thinking about this. A conference could provide a structure, information and even skills training. I'd be up for exploring this idea -- is anyone else interested?