Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (supplements, supplement)

[TRosa]

Originally Posted by ConeyIsBabe

THANKS for that detailed explanation of where you relocated to. I tried to REP you but the system wouldn't let me do it again ~~

Personally, I'd love to buy into your Mobile Estates Park (that's what they call the trailer parks now LOL )! Unfortunately the economy has me stuck in southern Oregon after I paid way too much for my country property so I'm making the best of it. Oregon summers are beautiful but come winter I'll be California Dreamin' .

I swear, if you all end up out there in Cali, end of next year, I might have to move west where all the free spirited gals are. I sure wish some of you were going to be living near the Sarasota area of Florida.

[SPECEDTEACH422]

My kids are all back in NJ and can only come down once a year during vacation. I am trying to make some contacts here in the community as a singles group is forming. But I heard this is the 5th time they have tried to get it off the ground. I find the hardest time is the weekends. I don't really like going too far alone so I wind up going to the Publix or walking around Walmart. I do volunteer four hours a week so I do get out to do that but otherwise there does not seem to be alot to do. Thank goodness I found this thread.

[Umbria]

Have you tried meetup.com? I've heard a lot of good things about this site. Many different groups, depending on your interests, This includes singles - they arrange trips. lunches, dinners, etc... It's not a dating type of deal, but that is possible as you get to know people.

I took a trip to Fl several years ago since I was interested in retiring there. I was looking at the Naples area and stayed at Anna Maria Island (gorgeous place). I met a woman there that was living in Sun City (I think that's it) and she was encouraging me to check that area out. She was a very unique woman - warm, sweet. She had recently lost her husband but managed to form her group of friends while he was still alive. She said something that I thought was rather odd: "You know, it can be really hard to meet new people, especially for single women".

I'd never had trouble making new friends and thought this was an odd statement - well, she was right. I was just beginning the retired chapter of my life and was so busy when I was working with lots of buddies - then. I had no idea how much things were about to change - people started to move away and many of us that were friends through work realized we didn't have much in common once we were no longer working. Very strange.

So what's my point? Since finding this thread, I have found that there are more people in this same situation than I ever imagined. It would be nice if we were all in one spot, but that obviously won't happen. We have talked of different "factions": east coast, west coast, in between, south. I just hope people don't give up and stop trying. That may be the problem with your singles group. I also believe this whole economy mess had affected many of us more than we thought.

So, welcome again and I wish you the best. Hate to see anyone so lonely - it really is bad for one's health.

[TRosa]

Specedteach,

Where in NJ did you live before moving to Florida? Is NJ where you taught speced classes? My sister was a special ed teacher in NYC. I had convinced her to move to NJ (for housing cost) and she commuted, daily, back to the city to teach in Manhattan.

Do you ever go to Madeira Beach? That's the one that my friends and I went to most often when I lived in Tampa.

PS and like Umbria meantioned, the meetup groups have all kind of events that go on in the area. I used attend some of the movie outings, theater events, plus they have book groups womens groups too. Some things I couldn't attend, because I don't drive, but they had many afternoon things that were accessable by bus. I didn't find the people as friendly in the area in general, but I did cultivate some friendships with some people in the Bay area, which afforded me some great memories. My friend, that I call my little sister, still lives in Tampa, she and I have been a pain to each other for over 20 years. My friend, also, used to live in NJ some 15 or so years ago.

[TRosa]

Going back to Cali

Not sure who you are., But I like using Cali just fine. Venice is in Italy too, it's in Cali, it's in FL. So your point would be?

[artangel]

Hello, Everyone! I've been trying to keep up with reading all the posts, but haven't had a chance to write since "the big move" a little over 2 months ago. Wish I could say that's because I've been so happy and involved with my new friends, but just ain't so...... Like KKate I had originally hoped to find an over 55 development....but couldn't find one that I both liked and could afford----at least not in such a short time. I wish I had, though, as it has been pretty difficult to make friends here in this multi-age, huge housing development.I've been able to meet afew women, very nice ones, but none living closer than 25 to 50 minutes driving time away from me.( Although I haven't really had enough time to devote to that since moving). I am really pretty lonely, but one thing after the other has demanded my attention.....like stubborn utility companies, non-existent bills (never rec'd them, anyway, but taken to collection because of them!),trying to learn to drive in a "big city" enviornment at times, and on and on. No, I'm not sorry I moved. I still love it here. But it sure has been trying!!!!!

My biggest problem lately has been trying to find health insurance, as I can't go on claiming my home state as IL. as I thought I could. (thought 6mo in Az., 6 mo. in IL. okay, but was told "no" by state health insurance personel). That's been an enormous headache. It's been scary because I truly do not want to have to move back full time to IL. and would actually prefer to live in Az year-round. I'm still not sure what will happen. My meds alone cost 750 mo. plus need regular blood tests etc.( I have lots of pre-existing conditions and am 59--too young for Medicare, not quite poor enough for medi-cade...fortunate, in a way.......)

But you know, that's not really why I started to post tonight. I have to admit I've been caught up watching tv a lot in the evenings---even cheesy reality shows.........like "The Bachelorette". (sp?) Is there anyone else on here who will actually admit to watching it? (I start to feel like they're my kids, these crazy young people) Tonight was the final episode and it was when the young woman (Allie) said that the one guy always made her "feel safe" that I burst into tears and didn't stop till after the show. Has anyone else wanted that feeling? I know I do. I thought I was safe with my ex, but it turns out I was wrong, to my utter shock. I come from an abusive home and never truly felt safe as a child. And now??? Now I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself because I STILL don't feel safe (because in reality I am not) and am still longing for that and trying to make myself into a "tough old broad" who doesn't need that!!! Just adds more confusion to an already muddled life!

I moan that all I want is a chance to live here in the Az. sunshine where I feel so much better physically, with no desire to hurt anyone, nor any to be hurt again. But so unrealistic---right? As if we can in any way actually control whether we are hurt by someone or something outside ourselves. Yes, we can control our response....but to tell the truth, I'm getting so weary of putting on a happy face or a brave face and plodding on.....but what other choice is there? I just want an interlude of peace. Just a month or two of uneventful settling-in time. Oh, well. Guess I'd better stop complaining and "get on with it". But last night I told a friend I am tempted at times to give up. To throw in the towel, try to sell this place and everything in it, and slink back to IL. just so I can at least get medicine etc without constant worry.
Give up struggling to spread my wings, to find a better and healthier place for myself-----just give up.

Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like no matter how hard you try you just aren't ever gonna make it happen? Well.......I haven't exhausted all possibilities yet. I have more avenues to look into. I've hid under the covers for a few days---time now to start trying again! And once in a great while I may allow myself to think wistfully of feeling "safe" because someone loves me and "has my back". Just as long as I don't actually expect that wish to come true.............

Thanks for allowing me to sound off. I'm glad i found this place of respite, of encouragement, and of understanding.........of "sisterhood" at it's best! Thank you all.

[flyingscot47]

So, I guess the word to the wise is to take caution, figure out what kind of budget you will have, what is it that you actually want in a place, and if you have more money, then, obviously, you have more choices. I spent too much of my life taking care of other people, that I did not take care of myself...sad, but true. Caretakers like me, learn late in life -- too late -- that you have to think of yourself, too. I did not do that, and, consequently, I am pretty poor. But....I can put myself on those low-income lists (which are very competitive as a Baby Boomer), and see what happens. In the meantime, I have a nice location, I've been busy fixing up the place (it's almost there), and have met a few people in the park. But, then again, I am still working full-time, so I haven't had the opportunities to actually get involved in a lot of things outside of work.

I hope this explanation helps some of those seeking a new place in retirement! [/quote]
Hi Wisteria,
I enjoyed so much of your thoughts in this post. I had been agonizing whether to move closer to family or get more bang for my buck in another state. My little grandson will be 3 this Dec and I have missed so much of his little life--house hunting when you are thousands of miles away is frustrating so I am thinking of moving closer to them. I have seen a mobile home in a 55+ park and the nice thing is they do not have a weight restriction on dogs--just no aggresive breeds or dogs that bark excessively. Having done all my math this option is cheaper than renting and I can always sell it and recoup something if circumstances change. I will have a base back in the United States--(all my household goods are in storage in Sacramento) I still love the foothills Placerville, Pollock Pines but they are 1hrs drive each way and I really want to be in his life more than just weekends---they grow up so fast and once in school things can change. I enjoyed the photos of your mobile home. The one i am interested in also has a woodstove which I love so we will see

[Wisteria]

flyingscot47: I enjoyed so much of your thoughts in this post. I had been agonizing whether to move closer to family or get more bang for my buck in another state. My little grandson will be 3 this Dec and I have missed so much of his little life--house hunting when you are thousands of miles away is frustrating so I am thinking of moving closer to them. I have seen a mobile home in a 55+ park and the nice thing is they do not have a weight restriction on dogs--just no aggresive breeds or dogs that bark excessively. Having done all my math this option is cheaper than renting and I can always sell it and recoup something if circumstances change. I will have a base back in the United States--(all my household goods are in storage in Sacramento) I still love the foothills Placerville, Pollock Pines but they are 1hrs drive each way and I really want to be in his life more than just weekends---they grow up so fast and once in school things can change. I enjoyed the photos of your mobile home. The one i am interested in also has a woodstove which I love so we will see.

I'm glad that helped to clarify things for people. Not having a weight restriction on dogs is great! What a find! Yes, I find that my place here is also cheaper than renting -- and I've been able to play around with lots of color on my walls in my new place!

And, you're right, you can always sell! If nothing else, you'll break even and be just where you were anyway....nothing gained, nothing lost!

I think that as single women retiring alone, it is difficult in many ways. But one must also realize that some of our long-time friends were developed over a period of years, if not decades, so we should be a bit patient in meeting new people now. I realize we're getting older and we want to fast-forward all the "getting to know you" stuff now, but it still takes time. I have met a woman in the park that I have hung out with a few times now -- and I'm still working. She is very low-key, friendly, accommodating, and fun. She's up for anything, but she has some physical limitations. However, she has a cheery disposition, and that is very nice to be around.

When I get my house finished I will start at least one new group in the park, maybe two. Maybe even a monthly potluck -- I'm not sure. When I retire (I may be forced into a layoff next year....the economy just does not look like it will recover for sometime), then I will have more opportunities to actually create things, and to get involved in more groups or volunteering.

I have a nice fireplace in my home (you mentioned the wood stove), but I like the fact that I won't have to use the fireplace as my sole source of heat like I did in the mountains! I plan to just get some of those fire logs that you light in the bag and let it just burn and not have to worry about the heat part. It will be nice to not have to haul two cords of wood each winter!!

Each person is different, and we all go at our own pace. Hearing stories of how some of you have retired and how different it has been without a partner, makes me want to start forming friendships with retired women NOW! Before I retire! That is something I needed to hear. It takes time to sort through personalities and to see who would be a good friend, so I will be working on that. I do try to go to any event that is held in the park, just to meet people, whether it's just to say "Hi" when I see them, or to potentially become friends. I figure that it is always a good policy to be a good neighbor, no matter where one lives.

Good luck, FlyingScot47! Keep us posted on your progress and decisions. And if you do end up in Sacramento, please let me know, and we can figure out a way to visit!

[flyingscot47]

Good luck, FlyingScot47! Keep us posted on your progress and decisions. And if you do end up in Sacramento, please let me know, and we can figure out a way to visit! [/quote]

Hi Wisteria,
No arm twisting needed to visit the Monterey Bay area When my daughter was young we spent many happy times at the Monterey Bay Aquarium and the surrounding areas. When I have visited a friend who lives in Prunedale a favorite side trip is Moss Landing.I have even considered living on a boat at the marina there== but would have to seriously downsize --wish I had done it years ago--I think I would be a hazard to pasing boats as looking to the future I dont think decks are designed for rolling walking frames
I feel Sacramento is the easiest option right now but who knows what the future holds. As Buzz Lightyear said "to infinity and beyond"

[newenglandgirl]

Originally Posted by Umbria

Have you tried meetup.com? I've heard a lot of good things about this site. Many different groups, depending on your interests, This includes singles - they arrange trips. lunches, dinners, etc... It's not a dating type of deal, but that is possible as you get to know people.

I took a trip to Fl several years ago since I was interested in retiring there. I was looking at the Naples area and stayed at Anna Maria Island (gorgeous place). I met a woman there that was living in Sun City (I think that's it) and she was encouraging me to check that area out. She was a very unique woman - warm, sweet. She had recently lost her husband but managed to form her group of friends while he was still alive. She said something that I thought was rather odd: "You know, it can be really hard to meet new people, especially for single women".

I'd never had trouble making new friends and thought this was an odd statement - well, she was right. I was just beginning the retired chapter of my life and was so busy when I was working with lots of buddies - then. I had no idea how much things were about to change - people started to move away and many of us that were friends through work realized we didn't have much in common once we were no longer working. Very strange.

So what's my point? Since finding this thread, I have found that there are more people in this same situation than I ever imagined. It would be nice if we were all in one spot, but that obviously won't happen. We have talked of different "factions": east coast, west coast, in between, south. I just hope people don't give up and stop trying. That may be the problem with your singles group. I also believe this whole economy mess had affected many of us more than we thought.

So, welcome again and I wish you the best. Hate to see anyone so lonely - it really is bad for one's health.

Loneliness in retirement years is not something often addressed. It can be just as bad for a coupled individual as for a single, as often in older years spouses are distanced from each other in so many ways. I feel the loneliness factor a lot, even with friends, cuz friends' situations are constantly changing and those I've felt were "very best friends" of mine have morphed to "friends." My retired friends are in a much better income category than I am, so they are traveling widely and able to do expensive day trips. With me, they usually go on simple things like to museums or a concert. I've been realizing more and more that I need to reach out and make more friends, but as a shy artsy/writer type with a disabling condition that has me slow at walking, it's hard to know where to look (esp if you don't go to a church or a club). So friendship is on my mind a lot these days....