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Old 12-04-2012, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,165 posts, read 8,689,130 times
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OK, a very naïve working mom, married, 2 young children (6 and 2). This was around 20 years ago. We lived in a family type neighborhood.

Background: I had very social parents who got along with everyone and had tons of friends. My sibs are also like this - tons and tons and tons of friends. I had to work all the time.

Since I worked all the time, I feel I kept my kids from normal activities in the neighborhood. I jump at the chance to attend a play group for my youngest about once a week, two hours a day. It was hard for me to leave work but I did it and I loved having that time with my son. (I had a grandma for hire type who worked for me for 20 years and took care of my kids - I owned a company at that time and had 34 employees).

Months go by. One day, I suggest getting all the families together for a cookout on the weekend. Total silence. But, I offered my home and they all came. We ended up all becoming friends and doing stuff out of that group - example - a men's card group got started one night a week.

Moral of the story: Never be afraid to offer. I look back now and realize that I did it not so much (courageously) but I was so naïve. But, it all worked out, still live in the same neighborhood and my son actually still knows many from that original play group (which went on to become bigger and bigger as the years went on)!
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Old 12-04-2012, 07:59 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,901,398 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MainerWannabe View Post
Funny thing for me is, I think I would have a hard time making "new" friends not because I would be a recluse, but because I think I just would not fit in what most people would think a retired person would be.
I am not religious, never have been, don't come from a family that is either, so going to church and making friends there is completely out of the question! I'm single, so making friends with a couple, and doing "couple" things would be a tad uncomfortable. Dislike golf with a passion and most sports. Just not interested. Instead I like to travel, see new places, don't mind at all being around people that swear a lot (although I don't do it much, just because I never had the habit). I think it will all come down to finding the "right" community for me. Which since I have lived in gigantic cities all my life, and I am tired of it, searching for a small town that I would be able to fit in and feel welcomed is the biggest challenge for me at this stage.
Personally I think you might find that in smaller towns people seem to not be as guarded about strangers.You could easily find say a coffee shop in morning or even after lunch where many retired seem to go to make small talk. You'll alos like meet many peope that got here before work also;so its not just retired.You might find as a friend did that the harest part is makig yourself engrage in talk with strangers from habits learned.Good Luck
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Old 12-04-2012, 09:00 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
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To the OP: Since guzzling beer and tequila is on your top ten friendship requirement list, why not just go down to the local bar and call it a day?
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Old 12-04-2012, 09:26 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
To the OP: Since guzzling beer and tequila is on your top ten friendship requirement list, why not just go down to the local bar and call it a day?
I had to go back and read the early part of this very old thread (started in 2006) to see what you were talking about, but I did find an early post by the OP (not the original post itself) in which he talked about a certain group of people in his area being into wine, which wouldn't work for friendship because he was more into beer and tequila, although he didn't say anything about "guzzling". I did find that strange, because people can develop friendships quite apart from the favored beverage. Why, indeed, do we need to share a favored beverage with friends? What has that got to do with anything?

Here's an unrelated thought of mine: Why don't you shock the hell out of all of us and start posting in black? What's with the lavender?
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Old 12-04-2012, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Arizona
419 posts, read 657,764 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
To the OP: Since guzzling beer and tequila is on your top ten friendship requirement list, why not just go down to the local bar and call it a day?
I am afraid your suggestion is falling on deaf ears since the OP has not posted here in a very long time. I hope he is well and has found the friendships that he is seeking.
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Old 12-04-2012, 09:34 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
I had to go back and read the early part of this very old thread (started in 2006) to see what you were talking about, but I did find an early post by the OP (not the original post itself) in which he talked about a certain group of people in his area being into wine, which wouldn't work for friendship because he was more into beer and tequila, although he didn't say anything about "guzzling". I did find that strange, because people can develop friendships quite apart from the favored beverage. Why, indeed, do we need to share a favored beverage with friends? What has that got to do with anything?

Here's an unrelated thought of mine: Why don't you shock the hell out of all of us and start posting in black? What's with the lavender?
No thanks, but thanks for the suggestion.
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Old 12-05-2012, 12:39 AM
 
10,812 posts, read 8,056,502 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
To the OP: Since guzzling beer and tequila is on your top ten friendship requirement list, why not just go down to the local bar and call it a day?
Well. This. I'd give a lot for such a bar. Love, love tequila, beer not so much. What's up with the judging thing?
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Old 12-05-2012, 03:35 AM
 
13,314 posts, read 25,550,246 times
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I think we make closer and more friends much younger in life- often when not in couples, for one thing, and when we're in a state in life where we are growing and changing in each other's company. For me, this time wasn't college- I went to college for two years and bailed out, hated it. For me it was a job I got at age 20-25 (my 12 co-workers were mostly a few to several years older) and for some reason, friendships moved and changed among the group without any BS or gossip (at least, not that I knew of). One woman is still one of the dearest people ever to me- we have breakfast once every couple of months and she says it's the best conversation she has. Another person from that time is still in touch from overseas, and I've seen him once in 20 years.
I have barely ever been in a couple, and don't know how making new friends works- if they must be couple friends, or if oppostite-sex friends are considered not really kosher for one member of the couple, etc.

There are always group things for people, as mentioned in so many other posts. I worry about being a lonely old person, as I have always been lonely no matter what my age. The lonliness moves and changes but doesn't go away. I think it is maybe some sense of community I miss? but never had anyway.

It might be distinctly American, as we grew up with the advent of super highways, work being separated from home, often by a lot, people being mobile for education and career. But everyone in his/her own car... In my town of 20 years, I see so many people who have kids in the schools and/or are from the town, and even a few of them that I know from my job say that it's hard to find/be friends once the kids are gone.

A Nigerian co-worker of mine mentioned that she doesn't understand why so many Americans are depressed, that where she comes from there are always people around, family, community, extended family. I think I'd feel so crowded. Once you open Pandora's box...
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Old 12-05-2012, 06:10 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
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Here's an idea for older retired men to make new friends.

Curmudgeon, are you reading this?

‘Curmudgeons’ seek company, conversation in Easthampton | GazetteNet.com
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Old 12-05-2012, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I think we make closer and more friends much younger in life- often when not in couples, for one thing, and when we're in a state in life where we are growing and changing in each other's company. For me, this time wasn't college- I went to college for two years and bailed out, hated it. For me it was a job I got at age 20-25 (my 12 co-workers were mostly a few to several years older) and for some reason, friendships moved and changed among the group without any BS or gossip (at least, not that I knew of). One woman is still one of the dearest people ever to me- we have breakfast once every couple of months and she says it's the best conversation she has. Another person from that time is still in touch from overseas, and I've seen him once in 20 years.
I think you are onto something there. When I think of the close friends I have now, they are mostly friends I made in graduate school. Colleagues I'm still in touch with - made when younger. Cousins that I feel close to - relationships date from childhood.

I'm not saying, and I don't think you're saying either, that people can't make good, very close friends later in life. But my experiences parallel yours.
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