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Old 04-12-2011, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,635 posts, read 15,782,591 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ipoetry View Post
We have smoking friends. We sit outside. Personally, you sound like what I refer to as a 'velcro' couple. It's hard enough for two people to connect and form a friendship but you're asking for four people to come together and connect in a friendship. Good luck and get a library card because you're going to be lonely for awhile.
"Velcro couple" - neat phrase .

My husband and I are like that. And when we go our different ways - we usually like to be alone (e.g., I like to go shopping alone - my husband likes to go to the gym alone). I played league tennis with women for years. Then I had to stop (too many injuries). Then I started playing golf with women (once a week with the women - once a week with my husband). But - as I got older - it got harder to play twice a week. So now I mostly play with my husband. Robyn
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Old 04-12-2011, 03:44 PM
 
2,932 posts, read 1,821,296 times
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ipoetry, I have trouble understanding the bond of 'smoking friends'. Why does the act of smoking provide sufficient interest in another person or in another couple?

I especially ask because a friend of mine has a cigar smoking buddy - they have a ritual where they will smoke a cigar together on an outdoor deck of their house. It's a big ritual which I do not understand. Why does smoking together enhance the act of smoking, other the obvious conversation that ensues while smoking?

But actually what I really need clarification on is in your particular case, why the act of smoking provides sufficient interest in another random couple or in another random person that it would bring people together as opposed to the million of other interests that people could share?

Just because any two random people smoke, it doesn't seem that they would automatically enjoy each other's mind and share common interests.
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Old 04-12-2011, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,635 posts, read 15,782,591 times
Reputation: 6644
Quote:
Originally Posted by susanra View Post
ipoetry, I have trouble understanding the bond of 'smoking friends'. Why does the act of smoking provide sufficient interest in another person or in another couple?

I especially ask because a friend of mine has a cigar smoking buddy - they have a ritual where they will smoke a cigar together on an outdoor deck of their house. It's a big ritual which I do not understand. Why does smoking together enhance the act of smoking, other the obvious conversation that ensues while smoking?

But actually what I really need clarification on is in your particular case, why the act of smoking provides sufficient interest in another random couple or in another random person that it would bring people together as opposed to the million of other interests that people could share?

Just because any two random people smoke, it doesn't seem that they would automatically enjoy each other's mind and share common interests.
I don't think ipoetry said that. But I can tell you what happens when you smoke (like I do). We smokers are so ostracized these days that the mere act of smoking frequently puts you in the same physical place as a stranger. Whether it's an outside table at a restaurant - bar - or golf club. Or outside a restaurant on the street. And it provides an opportunity to break the ice and talk. I haven't met any friends that way - but I've met a lot of interesting people from all over the world. A ton of golfers. And a lot of chefs - including some world class ones (met them outside their restaurants having a cigarette).

FWIW - over the years I've met a lot of on-line friends on investment, food and travel chat boards. I've met many of these people in real life when I wound up in their parts of the world (in many places in the US - France - Germany - Canada - the UK - Japan). Some of these relationships are long-lasting (I've had one with a portfolio manager in the mid-west for about 20 years now). Some last for a few emails and a day or a meal together (although that can be great - particularly in an exotic place like Osaka). One thing that's nice about meeting people this way is you know from chat boards that you have something in common before you get together. I can have nothing in common with someone except a love of great food - but that can make for a fun short term relationship. Note that these people are all over the place in terms of ages - nationalities - religions - etc. - and I have learned a lot from them about the places they live. Some chat boards (or parts of chat boards) even have regular or irregular get togethers (like if 6 frequent flyers from Flyertalk know they're going to be in Tokyo at the same time - they'll try to get together for dinner). Robyn
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Old 04-12-2011, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,635 posts, read 15,782,591 times
Reputation: 6644
BTW - the "cigar smoking" ritual is another animal IMO. Mostly a male bonding thing (especially because cigars are usually more forbidden than cigarettes - and people who don't smoke cigarettes will smoke an occasional cigar). A cigar and a couple of drinks are almost an essential part of a round of golf during a golf vacation at my golf club for a guy who's traveling with a bunch of guys (I play at the TPC Sawgrass - the club that has the hole with the island green and The Players Championship early next month - biggest purse in golf). Whether they're guys from New Jersey or guys from Ireland (not so much for the guys from Japan and Korea and China - they tend to come with their wives - it's a very long trip and their wives usually play golf too).

And there are places that don't allow smoking at all most of the time that will host a big deal cigar smoking event (like the Cornell Club in New York City did a few years back - even though the event seemed to vioate every smoking law on the books in NYC). Robyn
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:50 PM
 
Location: On Our Boat
6,492 posts, read 14,915,703 times
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Sometimes, I just don't get it!! Why can't a married couple, older or younger, have the kind of friends they want without being criticized? We've been asked "why not single friends?", "why not smokers" and "why do you have to have friends that are like you?". We simply say "no" to single friends, "absolutely not" to smokers and "because that's what we want" to finding friends that like what we do! We love doing almost everything together and that does stun some people when they hear that. I will say, "that boat doesn't go on the water without my wife with me 'cause she enjoys it just as much as I do" and "we just like shopping together"......statements like that.
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Old 04-12-2011, 09:26 PM
 
Location: Arizona
419 posts, read 597,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Sometimes, I just don't get it!! Why can't a married couple, older or younger, have the kind of friends they want without being criticized? We've been asked "why not single friends?", "why not smokers" and "why do you have to have friends that are like you?". We simply say "no" to single friends, "absolutely not" to smokers and "because that's what we want" to finding friends that like what we do! We love doing almost everything together and that does stun some people when they hear that. I will say, "that boat doesn't go on the water without my wife with me 'cause she enjoys it just as much as I do" and "we just like shopping together"......statements like that.
Yes, you are in desperate need of a job, but you will not accept anything that will interfere with the time you need to spend with your wife. So, you are looking for the perfect job as well as the perfect friends that will fit in with your perfect lifestyle. Good luck to you!
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:21 AM
 
Location: On Our Boat
6,492 posts, read 14,915,703 times
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First of all, yes I'd like to have a job, but I'm not "desperate" for one! My wife and I love being with each other.......so what the He** is wrong with that?? If a couple likes to do a number of things apart, that's THEIR choice, but it sure doesn't have to be our choice!! We don't have the perfect lifestyle, but we are chosey about who we make friends with.......that is entirely up to us, right? I can't do anything about men's wives that don't like fishing or target shooting, like my wife does! We've heard the statements "she's at home where she belongs" (when it comes to fishing) and "my wife doesn't like shooting". All I can say is "oh well" or "to bad". Actually, this Thread's replies are beginning to look more like the replies that the kids give to each other on the Relationship Forum and that's NOT what I was looking for!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SCBaker View Post
Yes, you are in desperate need of a job, but you will not accept anything that will interfere with the time you need to spend with your wife. So, you are looking for the perfect job as well as the perfect friends that will fit in with your perfect lifestyle. Good luck to you!
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:45 AM
 
5,537 posts, read 11,994,377 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
I don't think ipoetry said that. But I can tell you what happens when you smoke (like I do). We smokers are so ostracized these days that the mere act of smoking frequently puts you in the same physical place as a stranger.
Although I am an ex-smoker (not a militant one) I met some of the most interesting and fun friends when I smoked. Whether they were strangers outside restaurants, or confined to a specific room, I found smokers are the friendliest people. I still stop sometimes when someone is having a smoke and breathe deeply some second-hand smoke.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,635 posts, read 15,782,591 times
Reputation: 6644
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Sometimes, I just don't get it!! Why can't a married couple, older or younger, have the kind of friends they want without being criticized? We've been asked "why not single friends?", "why not smokers" and "why do you have to have friends that are like you?". We simply say "no" to single friends, "absolutely not" to smokers and "because that's what we want" to finding friends that like what we do! We love doing almost everything together and that does stun some people when they hear that. I will say, "that boat doesn't go on the water without my wife with me 'cause she enjoys it just as much as I do" and "we just like shopping together"......statements like that.
FWIW - if I remember correctly - you also don't like people who don't drink - or people who drink too much . Maybe you're looking for something that doesn't exist. Robyn
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:25 PM
 
5,537 posts, read 11,994,377 times
Reputation: 8467
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Sometimes, I just don't get it!! Why can't a married couple, older or younger, have the kind of friends they want without being criticized? We've been asked "why not single friends?", "why not smokers" and "why do you have to have friends that are like you?". We simply say "no" to single friends, "absolutely not" to smokers and "because that's what we want" to finding friends that like what we do! We love doing almost everything together and that does stun some people when they hear that. I will say, "that boat doesn't go on the water without my wife with me 'cause she enjoys it just as much as I do" and "we just like shopping together"......statements like that.
Since you seem to be so specific on what you are looking for in friendship, i.e. "because that's what we want" and you two are best friends with each other and inseparable, I would think you are very happy and don't need other friendships.

We RV and have met some fantastic, wonderful people. There is a group of us that get together each year and hit the road. Do we all have the same interests? No. Do some drink and/or smoke? Yes. Do I like sushi and they hate it? Yes. I could go on and on. The point is we are all different in our lifestyles and habits but being different is what makes it so interesting and teaches us tolerance of others.
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