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Old 04-14-2011, 05:11 PM
 
5,549 posts, read 12,039,814 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MainerWannabe View Post
I think it will all come down to finding the "right" community for me. Which since I have lived in gigantic cities all my life, and I am tired of it, searching for a small town that I would be able to fit in and feel welcomed is the biggest challenge for me at this stage.
We moved to a small town of 1,000 (from big city area) and don't do organized religion, golf, etc. Started volunteering (Fire Dept., Habitat for Humanity, Patriot Guards, therapy dog, etc.) and through those groups have met some nice people. We live 10 miles outside of the town and have been blessed with great neighbors.
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Old 04-14-2011, 05:15 PM
 
6,819 posts, read 10,243,088 times
Reputation: 11464
Quote:
Originally Posted by MainerWannabe View Post
You both seem like the kind of people I would like to hang out with
Sorry, but they don't want to hang out with you. You fall into one of their many verboten categories: you're single, thereby disqualifying you as friend material for them.
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Old 04-14-2011, 05:20 PM
 
6,819 posts, read 10,243,088 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Sometimes, I just don't get it!! Why can't a married couple, older or younger, have the kind of friends they want without being criticized? We've been asked "why not single friends?", "why not smokers" and "why do you have to have friends that are like you?". We simply say "no" to single friends, "absolutely not" to smokers and "because that's what we want" to finding friends that like what we do! We love doing almost everything together and that does stun some people when they hear that. I will say, "that boat doesn't go on the water without my wife with me 'cause she enjoys it just as much as I do" and "we just like shopping together"......statements like that.
You're not being criticized for wanting what you want. You're being criticized for posting a message on the Internet complaining that you can't make new friends after you've eliminated virtually everybody on the planet who isn't exactly like you and your wife in every way.
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Old 04-14-2011, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles, but looking for my niche in ME, or OR
326 posts, read 342,024 times
Reputation: 297
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
Sorry, but they don't want to hang out with you. You fall into one of their many verboten categories: you're single, thereby disqualifying you as friend material for them.
This IS the internet, it doesn't hurt being pleasant to people. Something you could perhaps use a little of. And had you read it closely, I was not answering directly to the OP, but to someone else.

Last edited by MainerWannabe; 04-14-2011 at 05:34 PM..
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Old 04-14-2011, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,635 posts, read 15,853,290 times
Reputation: 6644
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
You're not being criticized for wanting what you want. You're being criticized for posting a message on the Internet complaining that you can't make new friends after you've eliminated virtually everybody on the planet who isn't exactly like you and your wife in every way.
Just FWIW - LoveBoating lives in my metro area - so I am familiar with his complaints. First off - this is a pretty religious area in general. Lots of Southern Baptists. If you're not a Southern Baptist - or can't tolerate a Southern Baptist lifestyle - you narrow your choices a lot right off the bat. A fair number of Protestants I know here became Southern Baptists to "fit in". I'm Jewish - and have no intention of doing that . But my husband was raised Episcopal - and - judging from what I see in his family in various parts of the county - Protestants frequently move from one denomination to another to "fit in" in various geographical areas. My husband's Catholic in-laws have even moved to various Protestant sects to "fit in".

We have a lot of people in this metro area who smoke. And people who drink - and are not so fastidious about drinking. As a retired lawyer who's a golfer - I am in the not so fastidious category .

Trailering a boat here is something that younger lower income people generally do. If you're older and/or have more money - well you don't do it. You either keep your boat in the water or at a dry storage place. It's kind of hard to make friends launching your boat at a public boat ramp.

Just FWIW - my husband and I have gotten together FTF with a couple of local people we've met on line. Married couples. Some singles (young enough to be our kids). But we'd probably flunk most of LoveBoating's tests. I smoke. We both drink - martinis . We have zero interest in boating. Etc. Etc. If everyone I met were exactly like me - I think I'd get bored . Robyn
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Old 04-14-2011, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
13,919 posts, read 15,467,243 times
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Default Singles as friends of married couples

Of course the OP and his wife have every right to be as picky as they want in their choice of friends. But I think those who have been critical are not questioning the right so much as looking at the situation and saying, "What a shame". What a shame that the OP and his wife have chosen to cut themselves off from the possibilities of friendships with such large groups of people seemingly by categorical exclusions.

Let's take single people as an example because it's something I have experience with. When I was single I had friends, both single and married, who remained friends with me and my wife after my own marriage. When we split up ten years later, some of the married friendships survived the divorce (my divorce) and some did not. This is only normal. Sometimes things work better as couples. So I am once again single, and once again I have both single and married friends, some of very long standing. At bottom, it's a rigid and sad demarkation point on the part of the OP because wonderful and compatible people come both single and married. Platonic friendships can be very deep and meaningful.
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Old 04-14-2011, 09:26 PM
 
Location: Arizona
419 posts, read 599,996 times
Reputation: 862
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
Sorry, but they don't want to hang out with you. You fall into one of their many verboten categories: you're single, thereby disqualifying you as friend material for them.
I moved alone to NE Tennessee. I was in town to close escrow on my condo in November, 2009. After the closing, I went to my condo to set up my kitchen and wait for some furniture to be delivered. My neighbor two doors down came over to welcome me to the neighborhood and brought me a piece of coconut cream pie. We are about the same age and she is happily married, while I am single. I moved here permanently in December 2009 and she has turned out to be the best friend I have ever had. I also have a wonderful housekeeper. She is 78 years old and resembles a "white tornado". She is a like a mother hen to me. She lives in Hiltons, Va with her husband who is first cousin to June Carter Cash. Not only is she my housekeeper, but has become a very dear friend.

Several years ago I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. I was getting along fairly well, but the condition worsened and I was also diagnosed with stenosis after moving here. I finally had spinal fusion surgery and a procedure to lessen the effects of the stenosis in September, 2010. My new friend has been with me every step of the way during my recovery. I am still healing, but doing so much better. In fact, my friend and I have been able to resume some of the activities that we like to do together. She still never fails to call me at least twice a day or lend a helping hand if it is needed. I give thanks daily for her friendship and the feelings are mutual. Thank god, she didn't reject me because she is married and I am single.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
Just FWIW - LoveBoating lives in my metro area - so I am familiar with his complaints. First off - this is a pretty religious area in general. Lots of Southern Baptists. If you're not a Southern Baptist - or can't tolerate a Southern Baptist lifestyle - you narrow your choices a lot right off the bat. A fair number of Protestants I know here became Southern Baptists to "fit in". I'm Jewish - and have no intention of doing that . But my husband was raised Episcopal - and - judging from what I see in his family in various parts of the county - Protestants frequently move from one denomination to another to "fit in" in various geographical areas. My husband's Catholic in-laws have even moved to various Protestant sects to "fit in".
I live in a very religious area, probably much more so than Jacksonville. Lot's of Southern Baptists. However, I have never felt pressured to go to anyone's church. Nor, have I been rejected by anyone because I do not share their religious beliefs. It's more of a live and let live atmosphere around here. We have 3 Episopal churches in town, one being open & affirming and very liberal. There is a Unitarian Universal church about 10 miles away, which is very liberal. All of the mainstream religions are represented here, including a LDS church & 3 Synagogues with the Tri-cities area. I for one would never consider joining a church just to fit in. In addition, I just heard on our local news that the senior center had 1,000 new members sign up last year which were mostly transplants from somewhere else. I do not need to fit into the entire community or have a 100 close friends. Three, four or five close friends would do it for me. They are out there, but it may take some time to find them. Of course, if you have a tendacy to reject most people, it may make it more difficult if not impossible to find friends.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:23 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,721 posts, read 22,192,974 times
Reputation: 5969
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
We moved to a small town of 1,000 (from big city area) and don't do organized religion, golf, etc. Started volunteering (Fire Dept., Habitat for Humanity, Patriot Guards, therapy dog, etc.) and through those groups have met some nice people. We live 10 miles outside of the town and have been blessed with great neighbors.
Me too, though I live in a large metro area I do volunteer police work and have made most of my new friends through this process. It has actually worked out quite well, as I've also somewhat begun to make "friends with their friends".
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:55 PM
 
Location: Funky Town
15,926 posts, read 6,726,693 times
Reputation: 58525
Quote:
Originally Posted by MainerWannabe View Post
This IS the internet, it doesn't hurt being pleasant to people. Something you could perhaps use a little of. And had you read it closely, I was not answering directly to the OP, but to someone else.


It's nice to be nice!
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
13,919 posts, read 15,467,243 times
Reputation: 31500
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetie Pie View Post

It's nice to be nice!
It's also nice to be insightful and incisive (thus shedding light on something) even if it doesn't end up being flattering.
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