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People as you describe are out there. Get more involved with a church, specifically a small group and you will find them.
My husband and I were just invited to a "United Marriage Encounter" and the couples there ranged from being married 11 years to over 60 years. All nice people.
Were not "inseparable".......we simply love doing most things (99%) together! At one job my wife use to have, the Accounting Manager (who was married, but in a rocky marriage) asked her if she wanted to go to Happy Hour with some co-workers on a Friday after work. She knew that he wasn't the least interested in her, but did tell him that she wanted to call me and have me meet her at the restaurant........he said "no, this is just for the Department". She told him "sorry, I don't go anywhere to drink without my husband!". He never asked her again, which was fine with both of us.
What I'm still trying to understand is: why is it NOT ok for people not to want to associate with smoker......that is the implication I'm getting from your statement below. My wife has some ASTHMA and doesn't like being around cigarette smoke and that's fine with me. So, exactly what part of "asthma problem/breathing doesn't get along with cigarette smoking" do people not understand!!?? As far as the word "tolerance" goes, we shouldn't have to tolerate anything we don't want to!!
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Originally Posted by Ellwood
Since you seem to be so specific on what you are looking for in friendship, i.e. "because that's what we want" and you two are best friends with each other and inseparable, I would think you are very happy and don't need other friendships.
We RV and have met some fantastic, wonderful people. There is a group of us that get together each year and hit the road. Do we all have the same interests? No. Do some drink and/or smoke? Yes. Do I like sushi and they hate it? Yes. I could go on and on. The point is we are all different in our lifestyles and habits but being different is what makes it so interesting and teaches us tolerance of others.
We went to a Bible Study of folks in our age bracket and somewhat older and found most of them to be pretty boring. Some of them have RV's and get together that way........we don't have an RV, we have a power boat! We found out that they had no interest in boating. We like to have a few "cold ones" at times and when we told a few of them that we like to tie up the boat and have a few "cold ones", they said "oh no, we don't drink at all!" Church folks, even in our age bracket, have a much different lifestyle than we do......from what we can tell thru conversations.
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Originally Posted by Bette
People as you describe are out there. Get more involved with a church, specifically a small group and you will find them.
My husband and I were just invited to a "United Marriage Encounter" and the couples there ranged from being married 11 years to over 60 years. All nice people.
Your requirements of qualities in friends seems very reasonable; I think that the real problem is that older people are either not really interested in making new friends or they're so desperate for companionship that they'll take anyone. You and your wife are in neither category. My advice is to not worry about it. If you make friends fine; if not, no big deal. Consider too that when a couple meets another couple, it requires that two individuals like two other individuals. The odds of that are far worse than one on one.
There are millions of people who are married, don't smoke, and are moderate drinkers. You're not looking for anything so unusual.
So, exactly what part of "asthma problem/breathing doesn't get along with cigarette smoking" do people not understand!!?? As far as the word "tolerance" goes, we shouldn't have to tolerate anything we don't want to!!
If someone smokes and are considerate, they will go off by themselves to indulge and not smoke near a person that has asthma. You are also correct that you "shouldn't have to tolerate anything we don't want to!!!" although I'm sure there have been people that have tolerated you without complaint, afterall no one is perfect.
My spouse and I are best friends and together most of the time, although we both have separate hobbies and friends. I have taken motorcycle trips for 10 days with friends and she visited a friend of hers. Although she also rides, she doesn't always want to go with us and would rather do her own thing.
Your requirements of qualities in friends seems very reasonable; I think that the real problem is that older people are either not really interested in making new friends or they're so desperate for companionship that they'll take anyone. You and your wife are in neither category. My advice is to not worry about it. If you make friends fine; if not, no big deal. Consider too that when a couple meets another couple, it requires that two individuals like two other individuals. The odds of that are far worse than one on one.
There are millions of people who are married, don't smoke, and are moderate drinkers. You're not looking for anything so unusual.
As far as the smoking goes, wife does have a friend that smokes, but when she smokes, she goes out on the patio at our apt or her home......my wife can tolerate that. She has known this lady since high school and was her Maid of Honor at our wedding. She generally only has one cigarette when her/her husband visit us or we visit them. And, I'm sure there are people who "tolerate" me, but I'm also pretty sure they say something about me when I'm not around! Like I have already said, not everyone likes my outgoing/sometimes sarcastic humor........but, my wife sure does!
Bascially the only times we are apart is when she is at and I'm at home and during two surgeries (one each) that we had that required a few days in the hospital. The only hobbies that are different is that I enjoy playing Poker (fake money) online and she enjoys playing Pinochle online and writing. Other than that, we enjoy the same things! That is what basically brought us together in the first place, we are both "clingy" and it has worked for us!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood
If someone smokes and are considerate, they will go off by themselves to indulge and not smoke near a person that has asthma. You are also correct that you "shouldn't have to tolerate anything we don't want to!!!" although I'm sure there have been people that have tolerated you without complaint, afterall no one is perfect.
My spouse and I are best friends and together most of the time, although we both have separate hobbies and friends. I have taken motorcycle trips for 10 days with friends and she visited a friend of hers. Although she also rides, she doesn't always want to go with us and would rather do her own thing.
Location: Los Angeles, but looking for my niche in ME, or OR
326 posts, read 433,622 times
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Funny thing for me is, I think I would have a hard time making "new" friends not because I would be a recluse, but because I think I just would not fit in what most people would think a retired person would be.
I am not religious, never have been, don't come from a family that is either, so going to church and making friends there is completely out of the question! I'm single, so making friends with a couple, and doing "couple" things would be a tad uncomfortable. Dislike golf with a passion and most sports. Just not interested. Instead I like to travel, see new places, don't mind at all being around people that swear a lot (although I don't do it much, just because I never had the habit). I think it will all come down to finding the "right" community for me. Which since I have lived in gigantic cities all my life, and I am tired of it, searching for a small town that I would be able to fit in and feel welcomed is the biggest challenge for me at this stage.
we enjoy the same things! That is what basically brought us together in the first place, we are both "clingy" and it has worked for us!
My husband and I do most things together also. We never could understand why some friends of our like to do a "woman's float trip". I would rather have my husband join us. I went a couple of times on these trips to get to know some of the women more and just felt like half of me was missing all weekend.
We also don't do the church thing, play golf or like spectator sports. Most of the people where we live currently are into two, if not all three of these things.
We are also hoping to find a smaller town (we are currently in a big city) where we could fit in and meet others who like some of the things we do.
Location: Los Angeles, but looking for my niche in ME, or OR
326 posts, read 433,622 times
Reputation: 297
Quote:
Originally Posted by Corporate Orphan
My husband and I do most things together also. We never could understand why some friends of our like to do a "woman's float trip". I would rather have my husband join us. I went a couple of times on these trips to get to know some of the women more and just felt like half of me was missing all weekend.
We also don't do the church thing, play golf or like spectator sports. Most of the people where we live currently are into two, if not all three of these things.
We are also hoping to find a smaller town (we are currently in a big city) where we could fit in and meet others who like some of the things we do.
It sounds like you both have a very healthy marriage and enjoy each others' company. What a blessing! If you don't mind me asking... What is a "woman's float trip"? You both seem like the kind of people I would like to hang out with Moving to a small city will be a challenge though.
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Moving to a small city will be a challenge though.
