Taking Away The Car Keys (move, yelling, states, relatives)

[Caladium]

For those of us who are retired and know the day is coming when we won't be able to drive: What steps are you taking to make sure your transportation needs are covered if the day comes when you can no longer drive? Does your plan include public transportation, getting rides from friends, taking the taxi, or maybe hiring a college kid to be a driver? Have you had any discussions about eventually taking away the car keys with your family? How would you like them to handle the situation if it should ever happen?

For those of us who are retired and have elderly friends/relatives who cannot drive: Do you find yourself driving them places more than you thought? How is that going? Do they call you first before scheduling doctor's appointments, etc. to make sure it works with your schedule? Do they pay your gas money? Do you share this responsibility with several other people, or is it all falling on you?

For those of us who are retired and don't drive anymore: Do you still have your car? Why or why not? How long will you keep it?

For those who have had to take the car keys away from a parent: what approach did you take, and if you had to do it again what would you do differently?

[Boompa]

Originally Posted by Caladium

For those who have had to take the car keys away from a parent: what approach did you take, and if you had to do it again what would you do differently?

For those of us who are retired and know the day is coming when we won't be able to drive: What steps are you taking to make sure your transportation needs are covered if the day comes when you can no longer drive? Does your plan include public transportation, getting rides from friends, taking the taxi, or maybe hiring a college kid to be a driver? Have you had any discussions about eventually taking away the car keys with your family? How would you like them to handle the situation if it should ever happen?

For those of us who are retired and have elderly friends/relatives who cannot drive: Do you find yourself driving them places more than you thought? How is that going? Do they call you first before scheduling doctor's appointments, etc. to make sure it works with your schedule? Do they pay your gas money? Do you share this responsibility with several other people, or is it all falling on you?

For those of us who are retired and don't drive anymore: Do you still have your car? Why or why not? How long will you keep it?

Thank you for asking important questions that I have been wrestling with. My mother never did drive a car so someone always haad to take her shopping. Now the wife and I are staring at the fact that we can't do the work neccessary to keep a house and will need to settle somewhere we can live without driving. The closest I have had to ideal was San Francisco but rents there are way too high. This isn't an immediate need but it is one we need to address.

[phonelady61]

Speaking of this the other day in the parking lot of our local wal mart i saw a daughter be rating her mother for driving really badly and screamed at her mother to give her , her car keys that very minute and the mother was crying and I thought well that was not done very well . I almost called the police on this woman but my husband said that was family business and i should mind my own . I just felt so bad for this woman . a couple of weeks ago while at the hair salon a woman came in telling her mother to sit down please while she got her hair done and the older woman she was in her 70s easily , started yelling at her daughter to stop taking her gd keys away from her and she was a selfish little B*tch for doing that rigth there in the hair salon . The daughter was just shaking her head and just kept telling her to be quiet please . iN that sittuation I felt sorry for the daughter . I can see this is a very hard spot to be put in from both these sittuations .

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by Boompa

Thank you for asking important questions that I have been wrestling with. My mother never did drive a car so someone always haad to take her shopping. Now the wife and I are staring at the fact that we can't do the work neccessary to keep a house and will need to settle somewhere we can live without driving. The closest I have had to ideal was San Francisco but rents there are way too high. This isn't an immediate need but it is one we need to address.

After Tuborg's comments yesterday I was going to suggest Reston, VA. But it's pricey too. So is NYC. It does seem like those cities that have lots of public transportation and a practical variety of stores within walking distance are also the pricey cities. Pittsburgh comes to mind but they seem to be cutting way back on public transportation services these days (and in a lot of the neighborhoods the stores within walking distance aren't helpful.) Gift shops and candles stores are fun, but often what you really need is a drug store and a grocery and a hardware store and a laundromat.

[jghorton]

'Taking a parent's car keys' is a touchy situation and should not be done arbitrarily. If a parent is still regularly driving and a danger on the road, you will do better to get someone else involved. If they are simply hanging-onto the old car, which sits unused in the driveway/garage, a better approach is to disable the vehicle. Don't underestimate the importance of maintaining a sense/feeling of independence to the quality and length of a person's life.

[Caladium]

Plus, here's another twist to consider. If you take away someone's car keys, you're not only hurting their feelings, you're now responsible for seeing to it that he/she can get places. Usually this situation happens around the time the kids are getting older themselves and starting to tire more easily; do you really want to be a constant chauffeur? What if you wish (or need) to move to another city?

[PNW-type-gal]

My father and I went round and round about it - finally I had to use my legal power of attorney and sell the car out from under him. Could he have bought another car and kept going? Yes, but the act of selling it told him how serious I was and he chose to stop driving. This was after we'd moved him to an assisted living, so he had access to some transportation, and he had many friends who would come get him and drive him to other functions.

If he had purchased another car, I'd have gone to the DMV directly, without a qualm. Over the course of a year, every corner of the car had been dented by contact with something. As a friend who deals with guardianships and estates says "Two things are suspicious - a car that is heavily dented AND a car that is driven frequently and yet has NO scratches or dings. Check the "perfect" car for signs of body work and a repaint job." One of her clients was taking his car in almost monthly to hide all of his little "accidents."

At the same time I was dealing with my father's driving (and living) problems, my son was turning 16 and desperate for his first license and the chance for freedom, so I was acutely aware of what my father was losing. But I was also aware that if he had an accident, and someone was hurt, I'd be semi-responsible for it because I knew how bad things had gotten and done nothing.

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by PNW-type-gal

But I was also aware that if he had an accident, and someone was hurt, I'd be semi-responsible for it because I knew how bad things had gotten and done nothing.

Aye, there's the rub. If you turn a blind eye and your parent gets hurt... or hits someone else.... will you be able to forgive yourself?

[Curmudgeon]

I think this subject has been pretty thoroughly discussed already.

Very old folks on the roads--OK, or a serious danger?

[Caladium]

You're right--thanks for steering us back to what I meant to accomplish with this thread, which was to focus more on how-to tips for the best ways to handle a tricky situation like this. Also, how to plan your own retirement with this possibility in mind.