Post retirement: Parenting all over again (55, grandparents, move, daycare)

[newenglandgirl]

I wonder about grandparents, after retirement, taking on raising grandkids...either from necessity or voluntarily because the parents of the kid(s) have to work...especially when the kids are infants or quite young. Anyone have any experiences to share that tell it like it really is (beyond the joy, etc)...

[gomexico]

This has been happening for generations. It's nothing new.

[anifani821]

Here in the South, anyway - this has been a very common practice for 2 centuries. The grandparents will assist with or provide all of the "daycare" of children while parents are at work. They often help with after school care, as well (til mom or dad get off work and come pick up the kiddoes). Of course, many grandparents are working, too, and can't provide full time care . . . but those who can, often do.

One factor that has affected this arrangement is -- adult children are not always staying close by the areas where they were raised. In that case, of course, help from grandparents is not feasible.

I have also known of several situations where grandparents helped financially on a monthly basis with underwriting childcare costs, as well.

So in this part of the country, such an arrangement is not a new phenomenon at all.

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by anifani821

Here in the South, anyway - this has been a very common practice for 2 centuries.

In my family, too. For two different periods my mother was mostly raised by her grandparents. During the Depression, her parents (my grandparents) had to move around the country to find work, but they wanted the kids to stay in the same town, so my mom and her brother stayed with their grandparents (my great grandparents). Then during WWII my grandfather fought in the war and my grandmother became ill and had to stay in some sort of hospital in Arizona, so again my mom lived with her grandparents.

[newenglandgirl]

Originally Posted by gomexico

This has been happening for generations. It's nothing new.

Of course I know it's nothing new. I was asking for personal experiences.

[brava4]

My 82 yr old mother has been caring for 2 great grand children 4 days a week for almost a year. Although, she loves them and wants them to have positive influences... she has had it and as she said... been there, done this with 6 of her own children. I feel for her.

[Ulysses61]

I can't imagine spending my retirement years raising grandchildren. Maybe it's the norm in the South, but I've never of this as a common practice in Southern California, where I live. Don't have kids if you can't arrange or afford Day care. I would perish before dumping my kids on elderly parents to raise them when I'm at work. Sheesh!

[newenglandgirl]

Originally Posted by brava4

My 82 yr old mother has been caring for 2 great grand children 4 days a week for almost a year. Although, she loves them and wants them to have positive influences... she has had it and as she said... been there, done this with 6 of her own children. I feel for her.

Wow.

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by newenglandgirl

Of course I know it's nothing new. I was asking for personal experiences.

Why? Are you contemplating it?

We did it for about a year - a (step)daughter and granddaughter - and would not repeat the "experience." Both the "hostel" and The Bank of Mom and Dad are closed. End of story!

[Avalon08]

My friend's 30-something son and his GF had a baby. The son already lived with my friend, so the GF moves in and they have the baby. Lo and behold, the kid's about 2 and the parents break up. My friend is beside herself, because the mother doesn't have a stable place to live and is dragging the kid all over the place. My friend tries to give the little girl as stable a home life as possible, when she is staying at their house, but it is difficult and has caused her much worry and stress. I have seen that more and more often, in these days where having a baby without the proper home life and support stucture, much less a stable two-parent household, seems to be the norm. I hope that does not happen to me, as I have enough physical ailments that it's difficult to even take care of my dogs, much less a grandchild.