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It's one thing to take in an elderly relative who is basically healthy but just old. It's another when they are bed ridden, dealing with the latter stages of dementia, etc. How many of us have the financial ability to quit a job to care for someone else. How many of have the physical strength to lift someone who is dead weight.
Unfortunately it was usually a woman who was expected to quit a job and be a 24 hour caregiver. In today's world a woman taking herself out of the work force is a woman headed to poverty herself as she ages.
That's fine while granny is still ambulatory, what happens when she needs attendance? Will you quit your job to care for her? My Sister took my mother in to carre for her. Then my sister had a stroke and was in worse shape than my mother. They were on the other side of the country and I already have a disabled son to care for. Perhaps in your world family can take care of them but I would have been caring for three.
What I wrote was in no way meant as an indictment against people who CANNOT help family, either b/c they are already giving all they can to other family members, or they are not in good health themselves.
I would have been prepared to take care of my grandmother in whatever way that meant. However, it would have been a FAMILY decision, as this was my father's mother, and my father would have helped me figure out how to make it all work financially. My grandmother was getting a very small pension; she had land that could have been sold (and was, after her death).
My point was simply that families used to look to each other, as a group, to solve caretaking issues with their parents and grandparents.
Your situation sounds like exactly the reason that the state originally made it possible to receive assistance.
However, how many of us know of families where the assets were THERE . . . the family just made sure they were disbursed, transferred, whatever . . . so that the family member was able to qualify for Medicaid. Why is it right for the state to be paying for someone's care when the family siphoned off that person's assets so they would profit while the state went in the hole?
"The explosion in utilization and costs that took place after FHA financial assistance for nursing home construction was made available in 1959 and again after Medicare and Medicaid were enacted in 1965 is obvious. Also note that the percentage of the cost borne by the federal government increased far more than that borne by state and local government."
Home Care drops in popularity (1950–1959) probably because of how affordable nursing homes were then 1950-1959
It really doesn't matter what the cost is. Someone is going to be responsible for picking up the tab.
I thought the premise of the thread was . . . sometimes, family members can be forced to pay for the caretaking needs of family members . . . and is that "fair."
Who should bear financial responsibility for the care of aged parents - the government (ie taxpayers) or their children? I dunno. Biscuitpop and I opted to carry the water ourselves for my parents, and to let the government kick in (VA Aid & Attendance) for his mom, widow of a WWII veteran.
It's a complex issue, imo, no easy answers.
The 'nephew' story is unclear, the article was poorly written.
I was just wondering if you could give me an idea how I go about getting the paperwork needed to file for VA Aid & Attendance for my parents. Thank you for your help!
There have been threads on this before, but I can't remember if here in the Retirement Forum or perhaps in Great Debates, and I am too lazy to look for them right now. What I do remember from those threads is that in some states adult children can be held financially responsible for their aging and destitute parents and in other states they cannot. I remember posting how unfair I thought it was to be obligated to give financial support to people just because they are our biological parents. Suppose the parents were abusive - just horrible parents. And further suppose they drank and/or gambled away their own retirement money. Now the children are supposed to make good? No way - what a gross miscarriage of justice!
Well, my friend, you picked the wrong state to retire in. The Family Code of California does, in fact, provided that adult children have a fiduciary responsibility for their aging parents. However, if your parents were to live in another state that does not have that provision in law you would be off the hook.
[quote=anifani821;26568538
I thought the premise of the thread was . . . sometimes, family members can be forced to pay for the caretaking needs of family members . . . and is that "fair."[/QUOTE]
Yes, plus a sense of what family members may have to cough up.
If children are going to pay for their parent's long-term care, we seriously need to reform the cost of long-term care.
My Dad spent many months in a long-term care facility. Even though I later discovered the place was so understaffed that my Dad spent one night crying in agony for pain medication that he was supposed to get on demand (he was in Hospice at the time), they charged over $6,000 a month. Medicare covered the first 100 days. He hadn't bought long-term care insurance because he simply couldn't afford it, since he lived solely on Social Security.
Of course, if my Dad had been on Medicaid (in other words, if he didn't have the house), he would have been able to stay in the facility, with the bill being sent to the taxpayers. The very fact that so many nursing home residents DO get Medicaid is one of the reasons the costs got so inflated.
So the answer is not government coverage, but nor is it simply robbing from future generations to pay super-inflated prices. Besides, if you aren't already retired, you probably can't afford to pay $6,000 a month for every month each of your parents need long-term care. Hell, with the way our economy is heading, you probably won't be able to afford to pay for your own care.
Don't most responsible people at least OFFER to help their elderly parents?
It hasn't been but a matter of years ago that we didnt' even have Medicaid to pick up the tab for Grandma.
I grew up in the South where until the 70s, you never heard of someone NOT taking in their elderly parents or aunt/uncle. It just didn't happen. Someone in the family worked it out - somehow- to take care of the relatives. Often, a group of children pitched in to do it. Sometimes, a couple would move into the family home and help with their parents.
Of course, families are more spread out now than they used to be and I can certainly say that out of my hubby and my combined five children, I would not even WANT any of them having a thing to do with my care or control over my assets except for one. They would pull the plug or starve me to death if my care cost them anything - or they thought my early demise meant their getting their hands on some $$$$.
When I was 23, I offered for my grandmother to come live with me and would have dearly loved it had she agreed. I had leased a house from a friend and would have enjoyed having her with me. I am convinced had she agreed, she would have lived many more years. As it was, she died less than 2 years later.
Why is it that we don't think we should be responsible for taking care of our elderly parents and even our aunts and uncles or grandparents? At least offer them shelter? Help figure out the finances - combine assets so that we can get them the help they need?
Why should the state be responsible for someone's family?
What a beautiful post. That's essentially the way we look at it, too. We've always been a family that had our older members living with family one way or the other until the end. We were "lucky" I guess in that we didn't have to deal with years of a serious disability. I can also understand the people who pointed out the problems with long term disabilities, and I can see needing a facility of some sort towards the end if lifting becomes required, or with a few other specific disabilities. And I can also understand family members who refuse to move in with children because they treasure their independence. Still... in my family we tend to at least make an offer to help.
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