Are you close to your adult son(s)? (long-term, marriage, states)

[jb1974]

When one reaches the age of retirement, it seems that most children are at an age where they have, or are forming, their own nuclear family.

Have any of you remained close with your adult sons? Everything I seem to read states that once a son marries, he leaves his family of origin and becomes more heavily involved with his wife's extended family often becoming somewhat distant with his own extended family (siblings, parents).

I am just curious what all of you have exerienced in this regard and how any of this has affected your retirement plans (retirement location, expectations of time spent with family/grandchildren etc).

[Wwanderer]

I am, but then he's not married yet. He has a fairly long-term girlfriend, so we'll see what happens if and when they ever settle down. But I've always been close to him--we had a tough time with him when he was a teen, but the closeness came back, don't think it's going away.

[TuborgP]

Yes with both who have families of their own.

[Escort Rider]

As an adult son, I was not particularly close to either parent. My mother was very controlling and I have an independent nature, so closeness in that case was totally out of the question. However, we were not estranged either.

[RiverBird]

Never get between a son and his wife, words to the wise. When adult sons marry, the in-laws gain a son and the parents do not necessarily gain a daughter.

[k9coach]

"A son is a son 'til he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for life." I find it does end up this way more often than not. I wonder if it is mostly to do with the fact that women have primarily been in charge of the family's schedule, and the wife / mother would be more likely to pencil in time for her own parents.

The single most important thing parents of sons can do to maintain a close relationship once he's married: be completely non-judgmental toward the daughter in law. Even more than kissing her butt or being super generous and nice to her, being non-judgmental is key.

[Ollie1946]

I would say "close" but we have never been nosy with our children. Raised them for independence which they are in spades. All 3 in their 30s. They "worship" their mother. I'm still the go to guy when the time arises. Fortunately, that is rare and so far nothing critical. I will leave their mother in good hands if I go first.

[seeriously]

I have one son, an only child, he's 37. We raised him to put his family (meaning his wife and children) first. We knew we'd have to take a back seat and we do so willingly. This said, we usually enjoy an hour long phone call once a week, we get texts and emails regularly, and Christmas Eve was magical, we spent it at his house along with his wife's parents and Christmas Day we were invited to our daughter-in-law's sister's house. We all get along, we make no demands, and yes, I'd say we're close. His wife and I are email confidants, I'm quite comfortable with things the way they are. The antithesis of this would be an adult needy son and who the heck wants that?

[Squirl]

I was close with my son until about the 2nd year of his marriage; his wife worked very hard to drive a wedge and pull him into her family while drawing him away from me. It has effected our retirement plans. We used to believe we should stay in our area to be near the grandkid but have come to realize we see her so rarely it doesn't matter. So we feel we have the liberty to retire wherever suits us and we don't plan on staying in the area.

[Paka]

We are blessed by being closer now to our adult son than ever...but it was a rough road to get there.

You are right...it takes work, but SOOOOO worth it!