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I witnessed a strange thing when my grandmother was a widow and getting old.
One of my aunts ( my mother's sister) would pick my mother up and she would drive my grandmother to doctor's appointments grocery shopping etc.
My aunt never complained .
However my grandmother constantly would proclaim which child out of the 9 kids was the best.
It was the one living 2 states away who was unable to do anything to help.
This is not the first case I have heard of where the elderly person praises the one who does the least.
Why is that?
It sure is insulting to the one who is there for here nearly daily.
Solution....Spend it on yourself when alive and divvie it up to your favorite people before you go to the promised land....Don't turn your Brady bunch into the Hatfields and McCoys..
I have one sister I no longer speak to. She never was very nice but she moved in with my mother and my mother had to wait on her hand and foot. My mother would call me and ask how she could get my sister out. Other relatives told me the same thing--how to get my sister out of my mother's house because she just wanted to be waited on and was no help.
But my sister told everyone she was taking care of my mother. My sister was like a princess and always had to have someone waiting on her and doing things for her.
I had been the one living near by who helped to care for my dad and as soon as he was gone, in moves sister. She tried to brainwash my mother into things like getting rid of all her furniture so that sister could move HER furniture in. Then my mother got sick and was in the hospital and sister took over the house and my mother died and sister changed the locks and decided to stay in the house! But--it was an over 55 community and so eventually she got kicked out after a prolonged fight with the management.
Then she tried to take over my mother's other house in Florida but luckily there is one other sister who finally joined in and decided that this was going too far. "Evil" sister did go down there with a van and take everything she wanted but that was okay with me. I didn't want much except for a few sentimental things.
I can agree that it is very painful to have a sibling act like this. To pretend that they are helping when they are not. To take credit for what you have done. To try to turn a parent against you and to try to trick them into changing their will (this did not happen--my mother was smart and she told me previously that the will was divided equally so I never worried that my sister could get it changed).
There are lots of instances where one sibling, usually the one who lives close by (my case) does the caring and then a greedy vampire sibling moves in for the grab. I see it quite a bit and I do feel sympathy for those who do help and then have to deal with a greedy sibling who either wants all the material goods or all the credit. Things like this happen so often that it's almost classic.
I witnessed a strange thing when my grandmother was a widow and getting old.
One of my aunts ( my mother's sister) would pick my mother up and she would drive my grandmother to doctor's appointments grocery shopping etc.
My aunt never complained .
However my grandmother constantly would proclaim which child out of the 9 kids was the best.
It was the one living 2 states away who was unable to do anything to help.
This is not the first case I have heard of where the elderly person praises the one who does the least.
Why is that?
It sure is insulting to the one who is there for here nearly daily.
I have a friend who is age 71 and cares for her 95 year old mother daily. They live across the street from each other. My friend barely has a life of her own. She takes her mother grocery shopping and to doctors appointments, everything. This has gone on for years but when the out of state daughter shows up about twice a year she's treated like a goddess and they all go out to eat--all but my friend who is excluded! They'll even have a family party--to which my friend is not invited or she hears about it at the last minute. Sometimes it's just the family dynamics. Apparently growing up one was the favorite and the other one can bend over backwards and do it all but will never be much appreciated. You take care of your parents because you care. It's just that you don't deserve a smack in the face for doing it.
Vital Statistics agencies and police rarely want to get involved in what they see as an "internal family issue'.
The horror stories are everywhere. By the time you can prove anything the money is long gone, and the legal structure is slower than the fruadster can move.
But yes, it's elder abuse and quite possibly fraud. Good luck.
Status:
"Octopi tastes like snake"
(set 29 days ago)
Location: in the miseries
3,575 posts, read 4,492,064 times
Reputation: 4411
I know of someone who owned an apartmnt house. She was elderly and two of
her daughters lived - no rent - in the apartments. One daughter died, and the
other continued to live rent free. Mother developed altzeimers; other siblings
helped out tremendously. Daughter who lived there inherited everything.
Daughter who lived there felt she was owed everything. She wasn't.
My aunt and uncle were wonderful people who raised 7 kids. Aunt was a stay at home "June Cleever" type, Uncle and engineer with great job...made lots more money than we ever saw growing up and were "rich people" to us.
Aunt died, uncle developed alzhemiers. Had to be cared for, and all 7 kids agreed "dad would want to remain in the home he knew and loved" so the youngest daughter gave up her job to stay with dad. Soon, it just became easier for her and her husband to move into the "homestead" as uncle needed round the clock care and they had 3 boys of their own...no commute time necessary. All the other kids grateful, happy to have her do this, no problems as they forged their own careers to allow my youngest niece to carry the load. All this time, she received NO compensation for this service to her daddy, except being allowed to live in the house with her family, and it was a spacious home having raised 7 kids there.
Uncle dies....now the fighting begins. 5 of the 6 others want their "share" of the house...and will allow her to "buy them out". the 6th on agreed that they should split the estate equally EXCEPT for the house which should belong to Beth, because she and her family have lived there for 8 YRS caring for uncle non-stop. Needless to say, majority ruled, and now few of them speak to each other.
Sad part is, my aunt and uncle always prided themselves on the fact they raised such a close knit family and just "knew" that they would remain close long after their passing.
Bottom line is ENSURE what you want to happen is all documented and ready to be taken care of by a disinterested 3rd party...it might be the difference between keeping your family in tact and having them fight to the death picking your bones after you are gone....
The REALLY sad part was the other's did not NEED the money from the sales of the house (trust me, there was PLENTY of stocks, bonds and savings) AND had all been able to go on and build great careers while their younger sister sacrificed everything to stay home and take care of uncle...and they, of all the kids, were the LEAST well off financially. Struggling to make ends meet while the others were doing VERY well and the additional $$ from the sales of the house (or even the entire inheratance) made NO change to their lifestyle. Just more in the bank.....
Many close knit families fall apart as soon as the parents die.
Sometimes, even when money isn't involved.
It is sad !
Keeping them brothers is something my wife and I have always worked on. They are both executors for our will and wanted to work together. One is the primary executor.
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