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When you retire, a lot of your friends, do too. It makes sense
that people you knew in the workplace seem to disappear.
But how about your friends who are your age and retire at
the same time?
Friends of ours never seem to leave the house, now! Except
to go to the bank or grocery shopping.
Even spouses change!
Because, if they don't do it together, they don't do it. This goes back to my old complaint about retired married couples being joined at the hip. The wife won't do anything unless the husband is dragged along. These same people did things apart with friends of the same sex when they were working but when they retire, it's like you have to take the whole package if you want to do something with one of them.
Because, if they don't do it together, they don't do it. This goes back to my old complaint about retired married couples being joined at the hip. The wife won't do anything unless the husband is dragged along. These same people did things apart with friends of the same sex when they were working but when they retire, it's like you have to take the whole package if you want to do something with one of them.
My DX (to whom I was married for decades) with whom I'm again living is a loner from way back. He still works (has freelance clients) and is happy as a pig in mud doing that, walking the dogs, gardening, etc. He and I will go out together occasionally but one good thing about our 5-year split is that we have learned, after decades of family care, to give each other a LOT more space now. Living in-town, I can go out in the evening without dragging him along reluctantly. I go on day trips with my friends. One place we both love to go together is Maine, taking off for there without any preplanning, on a whim, for a few days in spring, summer and fall. We have our own hobbies and pastimes at home. I cooked for a big family for many many years; now he does nearly all of it including the shopping. We have learned that if we want to stay together for the rest of our lives, we have to NOT be joined at the hip, but to honor each other's need for doing our own thing. Letting go.
We actually might move closer to a family member of mine.... and her kids and future grandkids - also to a place where I have friends I've known for over 20 years..
I also have "virtual" friends in that same area - and hope to connect F2F with them.
As for doing nothing? I can absolutely get into that. At least for a year after retirement.... however, I think I will be too busy ; )
We are retired for several years now. I kept in touch briefly with former coworkers whom I truly liked and respected, but it became too hard after a while to do this. One coworker retired, and I was not told. I was shocked, but felt that she and others had moved on, so to speak, and so should I.
DH and I have traveled a bit, and we finally moved closer to our adult children. We miss our old friends, but we are trying to make new friends here, as well as have a closer relationship with our grands.
The time to travel and try new things is the time right after retirement. I recommend doing so. As time goes on, you just get older, and maybe aren't as motivated to do more things.
I don't recommend sleeping late in retirement, either. Get yourself out of bed at 7 or 7:30. Get on with living!
I was friendly with coworkers before retiring, but had only a few so-called close friends at work. And of those few, after they retired they relocated out of state.
After retiring I would meet up with some of my former coworkers for lunch, but after a few minutes conversation of 'what's new?', and 'what have you been doing?', the worker-bees began talking about work, of which I had no interest.
Now that I'm retired I'm building new friendships with other retirees and we have much more in common.
My wife and I relocated 5-6 times (more then 500 miles each time) over 30 years so we "had" to make new friends and we did. Most new friends came from things we shared like work or golf. Once this common interest was over, the friendships waned.
Even if you stay in the same area but do not share common interests (like work), friendships will change. Some new ones might even be more interesting.
My best friend moved South. We still talk twice a week and I see her a few times a year.
But time marches on and things change. Hate change and progress!
I contact many more people than I used to by phone and e-mail. Some people I used to know don't seen to be interested in rekindeling old friendships but most do.
Some people I know love to get periodic calls. Like every few months.
Not that I don't see people in person but the old friend thing makes life more fun and interesting. Just yesterday I called a fraternity brother I had not talked to in 40 years. We spoke for about a half an hour and we agreed to keep in touch more often.
I am trying to talk DW into moving away from where we have lived since being married. I happen to be a third generation of this city and, outside of getting undergrad and grad degrees, I have lived here the big majority of my life. I moved back here twice because of family and jobs. Now that my family is all passed away and I have retired from job, I want to move to someplace else ( AZ) , closer to wife's family and mine. Have daughter in PA but don't want to move to the cold in PA. I also want to buy somewhere else before real estate goes higher. The only thing I would miss would be friends and church ; however, those will change as well. BTW, we are both in low 60's so young enough to make a new life somewhere else. Comments?
Rogarven, go for it! We are in early 60's. We moved from the Northeast down to NC in 2010 when he retired. We lived in the NE all of our lives and our family is mostly there. He had a distant cousin in NC but other than that we didn't know a soul. We dreamed of moving South for years, so we took 3 trips down over the course of about 9 months, just to see if that was what we really wanted. It was, so we did it. It was the best thing we ever did for ourselves, and it was time. The kids are grown and on their own so this is our time now... we are so glad that we did it. We moved around a little in our new state, as we got to know the different areas. After 2 years we found where we wanted to be and here we stayed- happy that we did it. Regrets? Nope!
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