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Old 04-08-2013, 10:18 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 989,259 times
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I just found my high school class ring. Its very small. I have one small grand daughter. I have three grand daughters and two grand sons. I messaged my small grand daughter's mother (my daughter) to ask if she thought GD would like to have the ring as she is the only one it would fit. Its of no great value. She is starting high school and I thought she might like it.

My older neighbor/friend says that I have to give each grandchild an equal gift. I'm okay not doing this, but it brings up another issue.

My mother inlaw's class ring was with mine. One of my two daughters must have had it at some time, probably as a teen, and left it in my home. It was on the tip of my tongue (lol finger) to say, "I have your grandmother's ring, too. Do you want it?".

If either of my daughters lived near enough, or were interested in visiting me, I wouldn't have a problem. I'd just find out who their grand mother had given it to, give it back to that daughter, and tell them both that the other daughter gets first pick on the next thing I find. I think I would enjoy going through pictures and possessions with my girls and dividing them up. I don't see that happening.

The problem is that they have no interest in visiting me. We are civil, but there is no comfortable relationship. I don't think they are in touch with each other. (I am ashamed to write this.)

I have someone who will be in charge of clearing up my estate when I die. There will be no cash or furniture to speak of beyond what this person will receive for the job. I don't think either daughter would be interested in traveling here to close up my apartment. I have a box fixed for each of my daughters and I've tried to give them things that I thought might be important to them as I found them. I was able to help them out when they were starting out, so I don't mind not having money to leave. They have both done well and I am proud of them.

But what about the one of a kind objects like their grandmother's ring?

As I write this, I realize that the problem is more related to the larger issue of the disconnect in my family than to a few old peices of jewelry. I am afraid that whatever I decide, it will result in more hard feelings.

I've come to terms with our situation, at least in my everday life. I don't dwell on something I can't change. Maybe I will label a third box "random stuff" and let the chips fall where they may.

LOL problem solved. Do any of you have similar dilemmas?
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Old 04-08-2013, 10:46 AM
 
28,240 posts, read 39,895,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom View Post
As I write this, I realize that the problem is more related to the larger issue of the disconnect in my family than to a few old peices of jewelry. I am afraid that whatever I decide, it will result in more hard feelings.

I've come to terms with our situation, at least in my everday life. I don't dwell on something I can't change. Maybe I will label a third box "random stuff" and let the chips fall where they may.

LOL problem solved. Do any of you have similar dilemmas?
From the comments in your post I'd say it's a little late to be worried about it. Seems like the rift is already there.
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Old 04-08-2013, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Wherever I happen to be at the moment
1,229 posts, read 1,138,364 times
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There is no "should, must or have to" about any of it. Do and plan what you're comfortable with. If anyone objects after distribution is made, you won't be aroud to deal with it.
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Old 04-09-2013, 10:26 AM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,838 posts, read 18,855,957 times
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My mother, in her will, asked that we draw numbers and then go "round robin" with the things we wanted.
Whoever drew #1 went first, #2 went second, etc. It worked great, fair and square. With your family, they could take what they wanted or leave it and YOU don't even have to decide.
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Old 04-10-2013, 06:02 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
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Not to detract from the OP, I have a similar issue about a ring. When my mother died a few years ago, the sister who lived closest went in and took any few pieces of jewelry that she thought was worth anything. Another sister, who always felt closest to our mother, confiscated our mother's wedding ring without telling us at the time (we found out later). As for anything "valuable," I believed I got (and wanted) nothing. When cleaning out my mother's house fell largely to me, I took away a "junk jewelry box" and in it found several pieces my sisters had overlooked. "Cinderella" here found our grandmother's diamond wedding ring and several small rings with real gems in among the junk dress jewelry. I never told my sisters I have these items. (True confessions on CD.)

My grown daughter could care less about jewelry, and I know she would probably "lose" these rings in her travels. I have a DIL who has infant daughters, to whom I'd like to give these items. The problem is that if my sisters find out that I even had these items (by seeing my granddaughters wearing them some day) they will hit the roof. Not that these rings are worth that much - the wedding ring is from WWI era and is modest. It's that my sisters, always the ones with the best motives, will think I "stole" these items from our mother;s house. I do not want these items found in my house after my death, nor do I want to create hard feelings by putting them in my will.

Any ideas about what I should do, because I don't want these items lost out of the family but my only daughter is not a good candidate to receive and cherish these things.

(OP, perhaps answers to my scenario will also help you!)

Last edited by RiverBird; 04-10-2013 at 06:41 AM..
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Old 04-10-2013, 07:11 AM
 
5,822 posts, read 13,317,177 times
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My wife has quite a bit of valuable jewelry and has either labeled the pieces i.e. grandmother's watch, or told our daughter the origin of the pieces. Although I know death can bring out greed, we doubt and hope that that won't be an issue. As one of the OP mentioned we have told them upon our death they are to pick something they want, one at a time, and whatever is left, to call in estate/auction people and sell the rest in bulk.

We figure we will be gone so "it is what it is."

You can do a codicil to your will and mention specific things to go to specific people or just label them and let them figure it out. Shouldn't be a worry to you at THAT time.
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
My wife has quite a bit of valuable jewelry and has either labeled the pieces i.e. grandmother's watch, or told our daughter the origin of the pieces. Although I know death can bring out greed, we doubt and hope that that won't be an issue. As one of the OP mentioned we have told them upon our death they are to pick something they want, one at a time, and whatever is left, to call in estate/auction people and sell the rest in bulk.

We figure we will be gone so "it is what it is."

You can do a codicil to your will and mention specific things to go to specific people or just label them and let them figure it out. Shouldn't be a worry to you at THAT time.

I'm just thinking why not just give stuff to certain people while we're still alive? I am not wearing any jewelry these days, so why let it languish in some safety place? I'm dying (no pun intended) to get rid of stuff and have these types of things settled once and for all. It's not huge in the scheme of things, just another detail to think through.
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Old 04-10-2013, 04:20 PM
 
497 posts, read 521,514 times
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Death is like divorce....comes down to money and "stuff"....spend your money on yourself and figure out that they don't care about the "stuff" and give it to someone...not necessarily a relative who does. Mothers rings, grandmother's rings...fathers watches...kids and I mean 50 year old kids don't care about all that. I have friends who have labeled boxes for each kid and what does the kid do? Takes the box, briefly looks through it and places it in a dumpster. Don't agonize...that ring must mean something to you. We all assume that what has meaning to us has meaning to our children and unfortunately, it just "ain't so".
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Old 04-11-2013, 10:35 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 989,259 times
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Interesting responses! Thank you all.

I have made an effort to make clearing up my estate as simple as possible because it was so difficult for me when my husband died. I'm not so much concerned about who gets what as I am about the whole process going smoothly, and being as little trouble to anyone as possible.

As to the "rift", I hope it will one day be repaired, and I don't want to add to the issue with thoughtless behavior. This is the reason I am obsessing over the ring.

I expect I will continue to overthink the issue. I'm not agonizing. I tend to ruminate until I come to a conclusion that satisfies me. I appreciate your input.

I agree that I won't care a bit when I'm gone.
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Old 04-11-2013, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,093 posts, read 72,507,006 times
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If just this one ring is an issue then give it away to neither daughter and don't say anything.
If neither has asked about it after all these years then it's not important to them either.

This way there is no "rift" although you stated they don't talk to each other now.
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