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People who do not have kids have no idea what it takes to be a parent, sorry to say. They know what they expected from their own parents, if their own parents were fully equipped functioning adults and many are not. Every parent has his or her shortcomings. I believe in self-made and self-driven dreams, even if those dreams fall short in adulthood. I agree with you, a parent's job is not to create a dream life; I've three nieces who had that more or less, and though they have good careers, they are not the happiest adults on the block, and they're often rude to their parents. No guarantees of anything at all, lol.
No guarantees, indeed! I guess it comes down to none of us are perfect? I know I am not.
No guarantees, indeed! I guess it comes down to none of us are perfect? I know I am not.
You see young people who were brought up on the wrong side of the tracks, or with negligent parents rich or poor, or with some handicap to getting ahead...and yet, despite the odds, they do okay for themselves. It's self-determination.
I have a friend who's a therapist for adolescents. She serves kids of upper-middle and upper class parents. Being highly professional, she never divulges names (she lives in another part of the country, too) but she does tell me stories about the dysfunction of these kids at home and at school. The lucky kids have parents who can afford her service, and she's helping quite a bit. Other kids who never had good parenting, including myself, somehow made our own way. I enrolled myself in college at 17 and paid all my tuition and fees by working hospital jobs. Parents were not there for me. I might have had a great career if they had been supportive, but maybe not. I don't feel my parents had the capacity to take on a supportive role, they just didn't have the smarts or emotional intelligence.
RiverBird, I agree with you.. I have often thought I know kids that were abused and yet they never turned their back on the family, and yet others dont have any real reason and they turn like bears.. Like you said even the way we were raised would be REAL child abuse to our children that think we were so mean! Yet, I never turned on my parents. I loved them. I miss them. They were not perfect either.
If we can figure out what causes this maybe we can fix it? Or am I fooling myself?
RiverBird, I agree with you.. I have often thought I know kids that were abused and yet they never turned their back on the family, and yet others dont have any real reason and they turn like bears.. Like you said even the way we were raised would be REAL child abuse to our children that think we were so mean! Yet, I never turned on my parents. I loved them. I miss them. They were not perfect either.
If we can figure out what causes this maybe we can fix it? Or am I fooling myself?
I know you're addressing RB, but I'd like to chime in. I couldn't have had better parents growing up and yes, I got my butt beat and my face slapped many a times, but not what I would consider child abuse as people do today. Out of seven of us, five are/were good people with love and devotion to our parents until the day they died. I have two brothers, one estranged himself from my parents for no good reason and the other is a narcissistic jerk that never did honor them. I believe that sometimes there is no way to fix a person that feels they were entitled to more than what the others were given. That's an emotional problem on the kids part in the fact that they lack the ability to put themselves in the parent's shoes.
My Mom didn't deserve all the heartache these two jerks gave her and my Dad. Sometimes, regardless of how well you're raised, there's something missing in the wiring of the brain or something that causes ungrateful kids. I don't think those people can be fixed because they're too wrapped up in themselves.
I think if parents did do wrong things, then they can be fixed depending on the situation.
I know you're addressing RB, but I'd like to chime in. I couldn't have had better parents growing up and yes, I got my butt beat and my face slapped many a times, but not what I would consider child abuse as people do today. Out of seven of us, five are/were good people with love and devotion to our parents until the day they died. I have two brothers, one estranged himself from my parents for no good reason and the other is a narcissistic jerk that never did honor them. I believe that sometimes there is no way to fix a person that feels they were entitled to more than what the others were given. That's an emotional problem on the kids part in the fact that they lack the ability to put themselves in the parent's shoes.
My Mom didn't deserve all the heartache these two jerks gave her and my Dad. Sometimes, regardless of how well you're raised, there's something missing in the wiring of the brain or something that causes ungrateful kids. I don't think those people can be fixed because they're too wrapped up in themselves.
I think if parents did do wrong things, then they can be fixed depending on the situation.
cam, you talk to me anytime.. anytime.
I do think something is missing in their wiring in the fact they are so critical, if that's the word. Like we're saying our parents werent perfect but we didnt leave them, and we know we arent perfect, but we are still worth loving, arent we? I guess not since our children wont talk to us.
I dont have any answers. That's why I'm here. I'm listening and searching and hoping something will click
That's not what I was saying MaryBeth2. But some parental actions or behavior do turn out not to be the best. Same with children. Some parents have more emotional intelligence than others, as do children.
cam, you talk to me anytime.. anytime.
I do think something is missing in their wiring in the fact they are so critical, if that's the word. Like we're saying our parents werent perfect but we didnt leave them, and we know we arent perfect, but we are still worth loving, arent we? I guess not since our children wont talk to us.
I dont have any answers. That's why I'm here. I'm listening and searching and hoping something will click
Thank you and I appreciate your kind offer. I'm not estranged yet from my ungrateful son, but it's coming soon because I don't deserve not to be honored or helped around this house. I was foolish enough to put his name on MY house that he throws up at me that it's his house, yet he does nothing to maintain it. I found out that I can have a forced sale and he'll have two choices to either buy me out or go along with the sale.
I've let people walk all over me all of my life and I've finally grown a backbone and choose to let go of those that have taken advantage of me and he's one of them. It's time for him to grow up at age 33. I'm just so done..... That's what brought me here months ago.
I'm not there yet, but as you said, we're not perfect, none of us. I'm just done with his promises to help and he says I want him to be someone he's not. I just want him to buck up and be a man, but he chooses not to, so I'll choose to get out because I honestly can't take it anymore.
I've has his back all of his life and he's never once had mine. It'll be my choice to estrange myself from him.
That's not what I was saying MaryBeth2. But some parental actions or behavior do turn out not to be the best. Same with children. Some parents have more emotional intelligence than others, as do children.
Oh, I'm sorry, I miss understood you.
You are saying even with the best intentions, things can be wrong? Or am I still confused? lol
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I know I am not. 
